Lighter Than Life
by crokettsgirl
Summary: Co-written with Fictionaire. Tony is acting strange, the team doesn't know why and it gets worse. How will they find out the answer and what will happen when they do?
1. Chapter 1

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER ONE

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N This is both Craig and my first co-written story. All mistakes made are ours.....Enjoy, review and be kind, thanks.

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Tony walked back from the alleyway with his weapon loosely in his grip by his side. He couldn't believe that he'd lost Lewis, their suspect. He was sure that he'd run down that particular alleyway but there was no sign of him.

"I lost him," Tony called back as he continued to look around. "Did you see which way he went Ziva?" He asked hopefully.

Ziva shook her head. She had thought that he had gone that way too. A car sped past them.

"That was him," Tony yelled as he ran to the car and threw the keys to his partner. The suspect's car was speeding out of sight by the time they got the car going and Ziva's driving could easily chase the other car down.

Ziva darted in and out of traffic with her usual precision and skill. She stole a quick glance over at Tony, expecting to hear a snide comment about her dangerous driving. He just sat there in an unusual relaxed silence. "Nothing to say?" She asked him curiously.

"Why are you holding back?" Tony broke his silence. "You're driving too slow! The suspect is getting away," he exclaimed, excitement laced his voice.

"I am going at a good speed," Ziva retorted. She marveled at how they were now acting opposite. She was curious about why the sudden change, it wasn't unusual for Tony to complain about her driving. It was unusual however for him to say it wasn't fast enough. "If you do not stop complaining, I shall make you get out and walk," Ziva warned her passenger.

"Just step on it," Tony slightly yelled.

Ziva shook her head. She was sure that Tony was about to jump out and start running after the suspect's car.

"Step on that gas!" Tony growled the order.

Ziva increased the car's speed to what she even considered treacherous. She turned the wheel hard.

"Car!" Tony cried anxiously. "Car, look out!"

"Shut up, I can see the road perfectly," Ziva said, "And would you not look like you are having so much, fun?" She asked Tony, her voice tight, bemused with her partner. She struggled to maintain control over the car as it turned the corner. The wheels screeched. They were making good ground with Ziva's increased speed.

Tony loved the chase, the hunt of their prey, the adrenaline high that always kicked in at this point. He suddenly felt like he had kicked into the highest gear possible. The chase and getting their suspect was something he thought Ziva also shared in. He didn't know why he had to push her more.

"But there's so much to like, we're in a high speed chase. Woo!" He shouted, shaking off his thoughts an allowed the predator instinct to kick in further. He couldn't wait. It was time for the kill, or capture, he corrected himself. "Over there, stop the car, stop the car… Stop the car!" Tony ordered, anxiously.

"I see him, Tony," Ziva replied impatiently while she slammed on the breaks.

Tony jumped out of the car just as it stopped. He loved the more physical chase of their suspects and began to run after the man. It seemed like the suspect was about to disappear into the crowd of shoppers until Tony felt an urge of more adrenaline pump through his veins.

"Make a hole… Make a hole," he shouted at the shoppers. Of course they didn't know what the term 'make a hole' actually meant. "It means get the hell out of the way," he shouted to them. The suspect ran as fast as he could but there was no way he was able to outrun the agent. One thing was going through Tony's mind and that was his college football days. The amount of times running up and down the field had paid off. He was in his thirties and in the best shape of his life.

Tony grabbed hold of the suspect. He literally slung the man in a powerful tackle. The strength of it dropped both to the ground with brutal force. They rolled until Tony had the suspect on his stomach which allowed the agent on the man's back.

"Don't move," Tony ordered. He buried his knee deep with vigor in between the man's shoulder blades so he couldn't move and Tony handcuffed him. Lewis lifted his head up to say something. Tony only pushed his head harder into the ground and then ruffled the suspect's hair. "Didn't I just tell you not to move?" He asked.

Ziva caught up with them, finally. She was mildly surprised to find Tony had the suspect handcuffed and very much subdued. "You alright?" She asked Tony.

"I'm good," Tony answered with great satisfaction. "What took you so long?" He asked her.

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Let's take him in," Ziva told him. She didn't want Tony to celebrate his little triumph.

Tony roughly pulled Lewis Warren to his feet and walked him to the car.

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The suspect had been processed and put into interrogation. Gibbs would be up when he felt Warren had waited long enough.

"Well hello, McGee," Tony said as he placed his cup of coffee on the table. He reached into his desk and pulled out a small bottle of hazelnut powdered creamer. He gave an appreciative smell before he stirred some into the coffee cup.

"Another cup of coffee?" Ziva asked McGee when she walked into the bullpen.

"Yeah," McGee gave a confused answer.

"Damn fine coffee," Tony smirked to himself.

"He is getting as bad as Gibbs with that coffee," Ziva commented. "No wonder why he was able to chase down Warren," she said to McGee. "He is on a caffeine high," she said.

Tony put the cup down. "Mmm, good," He said. "You know I can hear you two," Tony told them, "And it was an adrenaline high, thank you very much."

McGee looked at Ziva. They knew Tony had excellent hearing but didn't think what they had said was loud enough for their friend to hear.

"You got to admit it though, Tony," McGee tried to explain what the two had said, "You're getting more like Gibbs everyday,"

"I am not," Tony laughed it off with a wave of his hand.

"You are," Ziva chimed in. "Lately you have been drinking a lot of coffee," she frowned, "So yes, you are getting more like Gibbs everyday," her expression didn't change.

Tony stood up and laughed even louder in amusement. "You really think so," Tony let the chair roll back.

"Gear up," he did his best Gibbs voice impersonation, "Let's roll. Get me another damn coffee," he glared at Ziva and McGee. "So how's that?" He could never get the glare down right.

"No, you look more constipated than intense," Ziva observed.

"What are you two sitting here for?" He said in his Gibbs voice once again, which made them look up. "Ow," Tony automatically flinched when a familiar hand hit him in the back of the head. "Shutting up, Boss," Tony said.

"I need you to pull up Lewis Warren's University, service records and background check," Gibbs ordered, "well get to it," he said tersely, to Tony, "McGee!"

"Pull up phone records, on it, boss."

"David!" Gibbs stated gruffly.

"Bank accounts activity, on it, Gibbs." Ziva started typing faster.

Tony slowed his work while he watched and listened to the other orders the Lead agent gave out.

"And DiNozzo, impersonate me again and I'll send you to latrine duty," he seriously growled at his senior field agent,

"Gotcha Boss," Tony told him and then started to type faster. He hated when Gibbs came up and surprised the team. He really did need that cow bell around his neck that he and Abby had laughed about. Tony snickered while the image came into his mind.

"Care to share what's so funny, DiNozzo?" Gibbs glared across from his own desk.

"Ah……nothing as important as getting this background check." Tony gave the answer he knew the older man wanted.

"Good, I want it in an hour." Gibbs ordered, hiding his smile.


	2. Chapter 2

_**LIGHTER THAN LIFE Chapter TWO**_

Tony flexed his fingers as they put Lewis Warren into the interrogation room and waited in the observation room for Gibbs to interrogate. Ziva looked at Tony as Gibbs entered the interrogation room.

"I wonder how long it'll take Gibbs to make Mister Warren crack," Tony smiled down at her. "You want to make a little wager?"

"You really should go down to decaf Tony," Ziva joked.

"Nah," Tony said. "It's just been a great day. A chase, a car chase… Are you going to tell me your adrenaline level isn't just a little higher?" He asked.

"A little higher, yes," Ziva answered. "But not through the roof," she replied wondering if he'd get her message.

"That's because you didn't chase down a suspect… Where were you anyway?" Tony asked blankly. "I thought you were meant to be fast," he commented and quickly hid the smile.

Gibbs sat down opposite Lewis Warren. They stayed silent. Warren didn't want to say anything and wondered how long it would take the former marine to start with his questions.

Gibbs was building the tension in the air, making the atmosphere seem thick. Warren tapped the table with his fingers nervously. He wasn't sure if he was suppose to talk first or wait to be asked a question, though he figured once more he'd let the agent set up the stage for the interrogation. His mind drifted in thought. Things seemed so certain a week ago… He was happy, his life was planned and now it was all shot to hell.

Gibbs placed a folder down on the table in front of him. He opened it up revealing the photograph of a young redheaded sailor who looked excited about being on home soil.

"She looks happy doesn't she?" Gibbs asked him. "She had been at sea for seven months and was excited about being home to visit family," he explained, his voice calm.

"Michelle White was really happy to be home," Warren replied a little unevenly as he looked at the photograph. "I love her," he said.

"Of course you do," Gibbs said without changing his expression. "She was young, good looking, probably hard to hang onto a woman like that," he slid another photo of her across the table. "This is her a week later," Gibbs said, watching for any clue in Warren's reaction.

Warren looked down at the photograph. It was completely opposite to the first. This was of a lifeless body with a bruised throat. "I don't know what you want me to say," Warren stuttered, nervously.

"How about giving me a reason why you killed an obviously happy beautiful woman," Gibbs replied quietly. "I want to know why she came from here to here," he pointed to the first photograph and then to the second.

"What makes you think I know anything?" Warren asked.

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"Here it comes, he's baiting him and gonna reel his sorry ass in." Tony gave a quiet excited commentary just like an announcer, never taking his eyes from the glass. He made show of reeling in a fish, "God I love this part." He smiled ruthlessly.

Ziva just shook her head, although she had to admit to herself she also love this part of their boss's interrogations. She wouldn't tell Tony that, he was already showing his over zealousness and she didn't want to make it worse.

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Gibbs leaned back in his chair, setting the suspect up further. He continued, in a low voice, baiting the trap "Forensics is a good thing. You can get a fingerprint off almost anything. A bit of your spit could be traced back to you. Fibers from a belt can be traced back to you," Gibbs pulled out an evidence bag and put it on the table to prove his point and rattle the man further.

"Some fibers came from a belt that was used to strangle Michelle White and guess what. They match to a belt we found at your house." Gibbs raised his voice for the first time, "In. Your. House." He pointedly dragged out.

"But that's not all," Gibbs said as he pulled out a third photo. This was one of our medical examiner's photographs that were taken in autopsy. Gibbs eyebrow raise with what he said next, "She doesn't look so good here," Gibbs persisted. He made sure Warren took a good look.

"You see that Y-incision? That begins every autopsy… You know what happens then?" Gibbs asked him.

"No," Warren asked, tears were starting to well up in his eyes. The photos and what Gibbs continued to explain haunted the man.

"They take out each organ and weigh them, they take everything out to examine from inside as well as the outside," Gibbs said, to make sure he painted the gruesome picture, "It definitely is a quick change from a couple of weeks ago doesn't it?" He asked, coldly.

"Alright!" Warren cried out. "I loved her. Michelle was supposed to be mine," he said in between sniffs. "We went for a walk in the park to talk things out… She was breaking up with me and there was no way around it. I took off my belt and strangled her with it," Warren said. He could still hear her cries as he maintained the pressure. She wanted him to stop but he wouldn't. "Who would've known that she would really put up a fight," Warren continued.

FLASHBACK

_Warren and Michelle went for a nice walk in the park. They needed to talk about things. "Being on ship for seven months can make a woman lonely" she'd tried to make him see how she felt. She craved companionship, something that she felt she couldn't get from him._

"_Who is he?" Warren asked, his jealous temper rising._

"_That's not important… It's over between us," Michelle explained gently to him. "That's the way it must be," she added._

_Michelle didn't notice Warren held back and removed his belt. Before she could turn around, he looped the belt over her head and across the throat. "Tell me his name and I won't kill you," he hissed into her ear._

_Michelle struggled and struggled while she tried to scream. "David…" She called out._

"_That guy you been talking about," the belt tightened as he struggled to keep his hold._

"_Thought you were going to let go," she gasped._

"_I lied," Warren said. "Just like you lied when you said you loved me," he said louder._

_End of flashback_

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"If Michelle didn't fight, I'd have gotten away with it," Warren's attention was brought back to the present situation.

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Tony snapped his fingers in the observation room. "Crime of passion… It figures," he said to Ziva. A third person entered the dark room.

"Thank you McGee," Ziva said as she took one of her coffees.

"Thanks Probester," Tony said as he took a mouthful from his. "You forgot something," he said.

"What?" McGee asked.

"There's no hazelnut." Tony said. "Nooo, hazelnut,"

"You asked me to get you coffee, Tony," McGee answered, "never said anything about hazelnut,"

Tony rolled his eyes and sighed. "Next time I'll spell everything out for you," the sarcasm wasn't lost on McGee or Ziva.

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Gibbs stood to his feet and turned his attention to Lewis Warren whose shoulders were now heaving as he cried silently.

"You know what they do in prison to men who cry don't you?" Gibbs asked as he reverted back to a quieter tone, "they're the ones who get beaten everyday. Your life is going to be made a living hell, especially since you killed a woman." He added for affect.

"She was in the navy," Warren's eyes widened. "She could take care of herself."

"That won't matter behind bars," Gibbs replied coldly. "Just remember that you'll be behind bars for years. And, just remember what you had and then you'll know what you threw away."

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"Not exactly a record time confession, Boss," Tony said as he jogged up to beside Gibbs.

Gibbs looked at his senior field agent and grabbed his coffee and tossed it in the nearest bin. "Cut down on the coffee, Tony." Gibbs curtly told the younger man.

"Hey, I haven't been drinking more coffee than usual," Tony tried to weasel around what his boss had just said.

"Then what's got you so hyped up?" Gibbs asked.

Tony sighed heavily. "Life's just been going great," He smiled, "perhaps you need more coffee Boss,"

"Sounds like someone has a new girlfriend, no?" Ziva asked as they entered the bullpen.

"Hmm," Tony responded cryptically.

"That is it," Ziva smiled, sure she found out her partner's secret.

Tony excused himself from the bullpen, much to the curiosity of McGee and Ziva.

"Maybe you're right Ziva," McGee smiled back her.

A little while later after Tony had Warren processed, Abby appeared along side of him. They walked down the quiet hall. Abby pushed Tony and he smiled at her.

"Yeeessss, Abs?" Tony stopped and turned to the forensic scientist.

Abby smiled back and gave her friend her best puppy dog eyes. "Tony, it's been a rough few days and this case is locked up. I know it's a Wednesday, but can we go to that club you took me to a few weeks ago?"

Tony gave her a soft grin. "Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. Just you and I,"he mused over the idea a little more, "yeah, let's go. I have to do my report and then I'm yours. Pick you up around seven and that way I can change, we could eat before we go?"

Abby bounced up and down like a rubber ball. "Yaaay, sounds perfect and just you and me. I love you and me nights out, not that I don't like going out with the nuns to bowl or Tim or someone……."

Tony cut her off. "Ok, Abs, get the picture. Now let me finish my report you bouncy ball, you." He patted her on the head as if bouncing a ball and received a smile. He stopped letting her go to the lab and him to the bullpen to do his report and then go home and get ready.


	3. Chapter 3

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER THREE

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N Craig (Fictionaire) and I want to thank you for your all your reviews/ story alerts/ and favorites. Hope you keep enjoying.

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Tony picked up a couple of beers as he made his way through the busy Mandalorian Bar. The music bounced off the walls, people chattered and laughed loudly above the noise. He could barely hear his hard soled shoes hitting the wooden floorboards, no less hear any conversation that wasn't yelled, even with his good hearing. He sat down at a table in the corner, it was a habit he had from years of being a cop and now an agent. From his view point he could see anyone from any part of the room. And tonight he wanted to find a pretty and willing lady to keep him company. He finally had a night off after the long few days of a hard case. The case was just closed, the reports they printed out only had to be signed off by Gibbs.

He also wanted a warm body in his cold bed which he knew would make him feel so much better. He felt like a tiger on the prowl, and smiled at the thought. Maybe he could grab a girl, but he had made plans with Abby, so it was up in the air. Once in a while, if either of them found someone, they'd let the other know. This was something they had agreed on a while back, when they were out together.

"Hey," he yelled to the unmistakable shape of a particular Goth girl, he knew she hadn't heard him. It wasn't unusual for Abby to want to come to the Mandalorian ever since he had introduced it to her. They had always spent time together going clubbing or watching movies at her place or his. He'd worked for the agency a total of a little over four years, the first six months Abby wasn't sure how to take him. After that, they'd become fast friends. And now that the Mandalorian had opened a small dance club they'd either bump into one another, or planned to go and meet up together, like tonight. They had decided to just meet instead of Tony picking Abby up. She got tired of waiting for him and went home get ready. Tony grabbed his two beers and followed her to the dance club area.

Tony held the two bottles in one hand and grabbed Abby's arm to get her attention. She jumped defensively; not knowing until she turned around whose hand had grabbed her.

"Tonyyyyy!" She yelled over the music in excitement.

"Hey Abs. Get you a drink? " He held up his two beers and pointed to the bar in order to make sure she understood what he had said.

Abby gave him a huge hug, "Sure. Why didn't you call me if you got out earlier? I would have been here."

"Don't know, figured you wouldn't be too far behind." He shrugged and gave her one of his many DiNozzo smiles.

Abby smiled brightly back at him. She loved his smiles and was happy to be here with him. They always had so much fun together.

"Sure, thanks. I need to dance some of this tension off. Let me catch a few songs and I'll be back for that drink. Unless, you wanna dance?" She smiled in anticipation.

Tony finished his one beer with a long swig before he answered. "Maybe later, I wanna check out the merchandise first, juuuusssttt in case." He gave a hardy laugh knowing she wouldn't be offended. She gave him a knowing look and nodded.

"Ok mister, I get it, but I'm dancing, the music is so great how can you not…..well in your case I understand, I mean not that you don't like dancing cause I've seen you and danced with you to know. You dance real good so join me when you're ready if I'm not back here first. And, by the way, you look totally hot. Not that you don't always look hot unless you're injured or sick……" She went on shouting into his ear.

Tony gave a slight bow and then shook his head. He couldn't take the noise along with her rambled yell into his ear, "Abs! I understand, it's all good." He yelled back, a smile still etched on his face.

"Oh well, o.k. I'll be back shortly. You'll watch me dance at least." She flirted innocently like they always did.

"Of course I will, how could I not watch that body of yours dance. I love to watch." He leered and wiggled his brow at her. She gave him a good natured punch that made them both laugh.

"Tony DiNozzo, you are such a flirt." She told him with a coy smile.

"But you love me anyway."

"Yes I do. Now I'm dancing and will be back for that drink I'll need it…..A Red Bull if they have it if not…….."

Tony cut her off, "I know your preferences. I'll get you something right up your alley." He winked and then watched her walk away swaying her hips just for him.

Tony watched Abby enjoy herself. Her body moved around until she found a partner who could keep up with her. Abby's body bounced to the heavy metal music blaring through the speakers. She was only one of a handful of people who could just jump on the dance floor right away before a drink or anything else. Tony knew she needed it to blow off excess energy that was always surging through her body. He smiled as he finished his second beer and caught her eye. He smiled as he walked around the club and enjoyed the other beautiful bodies of the females that were dancing.

The man that Abby had been dancing with began dancing again with her once the music restarted. Tony shrugged his shoulders and walked back and sat at the bar. Abby seemed happy enough and he figured she'd come get her drink and then they'd dance together or go upstairs to the quieter bar. Unless she found someone or he did. The understanding they had came in handy once in a while, though they usually stayed with each other when going out. Tonight was one of those nights where neither were sure, but if the opportunity came around they'd give the signal.

Some time later, Abby came jogging over to the bar with the same guy following her.

"Come on," the man said as he walked behind her. Tony heard only parts of the conversation over the loud music and kept an ear out to make sure everything was alright. The whole team at NCIS wanted to protect Abby. After all, if something happened to her, Gibbs would go psycho. Plus Tony and she were so close he made sure he always looked out for her and she did the same for him.

"No," Abby said flatly, obviously trying to get rid of the guy.

"I know you want some. Why else would you dance with me? Especially in the way you were" The man asked. "You're such a little tease," he told her before he grabbed her arm to swing her around.

"All I did was dance," Tony noted that her voice was a little uneven. She was scared, he could hear it.

Tony stood from his stool and slung his arm around Abby's shoulder and offered her the drink he had promised.

"Well, hello there pretty lady," Tony said in a John Wayne voice. "Hey, I hope you're not thinking of harassing my girl here," his voice was back to normal.

"Your girl?" The man asked. "You know your girl was all." The man was cut off.

Tony straightened his stance and made his body come to full height. "I wouldn't finish that sentence if I was you," Tony warned with a glare that would make Gibbs proud.

The bartender on duty knew Tony and came up to their side of the bar.

"Tony! I don't need a problem here." The bartender winked knowing with that said Tony wouldn't fight the man but would use a different approach.

"Al, would I do that to you?" Tony grinned.

"Better not." Al laughed and then walked to fill orders.

Tony didn't want to use his connection from the agency but now with Al's warning he'd have to. What he was really itching for was a good fight out in the parking lot to relieve some stress. Maybe then see if a lady interested him for the night. That thought quickly went to the back of his mind when he looked at Abby and the jerk bothering her. Damn, he would love to beat this guy to pulp. He sighed and flipped out his badge so that only the guy and Abby could see it.

"This girl's an employee of a federal agency and I'm a federal agent if you can read." Tony said. "You wouldn't want to be taken in for harassment, would you?"

"Tell her not to act all slutty," The man groused.

Tony resisted the urge to punch him were he stood and boy he was still itching to. He only had to see out from the corner of his eye that Al was watching in order to reel in that need. "People like you make me sick," he stated. "Get out of here, before I take you downtown."

The man muttered some curses that made Tony again want to follow him out and get that good work out. He shook his head to clear it and then turned back to Abby once the man left the bar.

"Thanks Tony," Abby said. "I was just having a fun time," she explained him.

"I know. I was watching you." He smiled before he decided to cut the tension they both felt from the altercation.

Tony continued. "No problems, little lady," he playfully knocked her jaw as he continued impersonating John Wayne. "You want that drink I offered you?" He nodded to where she had put it down, "I ordered you one when I saw you walk up and another for my self," he said in a normal voice. He handed Abby her drink and took his.

Tony's empty arm wrapped around the pretty Goth. She was still a bit shaky from the event that just happened. He remembered Michael, the stalker boyfriend, which had only happened a little over a week ago. He then led Abby to his favorite part of the place, the upstairs Jazz and Blues bar. The upstairs was sound proof so the heavy music wouldn't be heard.

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Tony was glad that he was here to make sure Abby was safe, he mused as he held her hand and led his friend up the stairs. There was a stage at the end with dark blue curtains. A beautiful woman that wore a T length dress with a low cut front sang into an old fashion microphone, adding to the ambience of the music.

Tony led Abby to a booth and gestured her to slide in first. He then sat down next to her an allowed his arm to drape arm her shoulder when he felt her cuddle into him. He smiled, it wasn't anything new. When they stayed at either of their places to watch movies, he had often laid his head on her lap, enjoying her stroking his hair. And then there were times she laid on his lap as he did the same for her. And on other occasions both would lean into one another, Abby's head resting on his shoulder. He always enjoyed that and knew she did too.

"Thanks, I feel nice and safe." Abby smiled up at him. She then decided to break the tension and get out of her mood "I love it up here. And the least I can do is have a drink with my knight in shining armor," Abby joked

They clinked their glasses together. "If I'm your knight, you're my damsel in distress, just like in the movies," Tony laughed.

"I like that," Abby said as she took a long sip. "Tony, I love it up here. But what I'd really like……well, could you take me dancing? I mean the type of dancing we did when you took me out for my birthday. You know we can dance great together and, your lead is so smooth. No one would believe how well you dance. But what I love is how you can direct me with a gentle movement of one of your hands to let me know which way we're going or what you'll be doing to me….I just loved dressing up and dancing at that classy place and with you I feel like a…… well it's like I said, you are a knight and I'm your damsel, or maybe it would be more like a prince and a princess, did I get that right? But I just loved it so much, please Tony?" She whined insistently.

Abby looked up at him with such an adorable pleading look, how could he say no to her. He loved to dress up and dance to an orchestra. Abby was the only one at NCIS that knew how well he could dance. Dancing was a must in his family's circle of the rich social scene. He had to take lessons at an early age and never regretted it, he enjoyed that type of dancing. It was so much like the old black and white films he loved to watch.

"Sure Abs, only if you wear the outfit I got you for that evening." Tony loved the outfit which made Abby look so stunning. He remembered the teasing she did about him telling her how to wear her hair and what jewelry to would look right. He had really enjoyed himself and was glad she had too.

"Oh I love that outfit, you have such great taste. Yes of course I'll wear it, now when are you taking me?" She asked with glee.

"Saturday night, I'll make reservations for dinner and then we'll dance the night away." He laughed at her excitement and the idea that he also looked forward to their newly made plans.

"Great!" She exclaimed happily as they listened to the Jazz and Blues floating across the room. She and Tony both loved this type of music. He had realized it at Kate's funeral. They then had looked all around for a good Jazz and Blues bar.

Tony still needed to get out some energy so he led Abby out onto the dance floor, knowing she'd keep up with him. He knew he wouldn't be taking anyone home tonight but that was alright, he was in good company.

Eventually they returned down stairs where he could really get the pent up energy out with the floor shaking heavy metal music. They bounced around the floor for longer than either knew, only the sweat and their aching bodies let them know it was time to go home.


	4. Chapter 4

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER FOUR

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N Thanks again for the review/story alerts/ favorite, we appreciate it so much. The next two chapters we are going to put up together, it was written as one chapter but to long so was split up. We ask for you patience, it takes time to fit the pieces to a puzzle together. These next chapters are part of a sub plot or back round, between Abby and Tony that ties into Tony's strange behavior. Again, this will tie into Tony's behavior. And thank you for your patience as you see how these next chapters do and go onto Tony spiraling further into what is happening with him. Thank you Sue and Craig.

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Tony looked at himself again in the full length mirror. He smoothed down his designer black suit he had decided to wear in order to match Abby's black dress. He couldn't wait for the evening; he knew they'd have a great time. He always did when he was with his close friend; it never took much to make that pretty girl happy. He smiled at the thought. Satisfied with his appearance, he splashed on some of his expensive cologne and then went to the kitchen, gulped down the rest of his coffee and turned off the half full pot. He then grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

Tony stepped out of his car, moved over to the other side that had been opened for Abby by the valet. He extended his arm allowing the young woman to wrap her arm through his. He turned to the valet and handed him his keys along with a few bills.

"Not one scratch on this baby." He smiled at the young man who nodded happy at the bills he was given.

Tony took a moment to admire Abby. Her spaghetti strapped black dress showed off the curves of her body and flowed out from the hips to just below her knees. The slit in the dress ran perfectly up her right leg. The light black silk stockings shaped her legs perfectly an allowed the black heels with straps at the ankles to complete the image. He had bought the outfit and accessories for her birthday. He smiled to himself when he remembered how excited and amazed she had been by all the gifts and how long she thanked him afterwards.

When he had gotten to her apartment he found that she didn't wear her usual make up, instead she wore it light, with her blood red lipstick, and he was pleased. He had so much energy the night before he found himself walking around the stores. That's when he saw the perfect gifts. He decided to get her just the right necklace and earrings to go with the dress, another gift that excited her. She wore her hair pinned up with a few errand strands that hung down and framed her face. She had asked him how to wear it, trusting his knowledge of how to look and was thrill with the results.

Again he smiled as he remembered her twirling for him like a model when he had gotten to her apartment, letting the skirt fan out in the spin. He came back to the present and smiled admiringly at the beauty that stood before him.

"What?" She asked him not understanding his sudden musing until she caught his eyes traveling up her body to catch her eyes. "Tony!"

"Can't help admiring a beautiful woman." He truthfully told her, his smile still in place.

His words made her blush and a smile crept onto her face. "Why thank you kind sir."

"You are welcome, but I speak the truth, oh lovely lady." He teased, using the same upper crust accent she had, "Shall we?"

"Yes." She beamed.

The huge glass doors with gold handles were opened for them. Tony escorted her in. The place looked the same as it did the last time they were there. A stage was placed up front with an orchestra, a large wooden dance floor in front of it. Royal blue carpet held the tables on three side of the room. The tables were lined with expensive white tablecloths, china, crystal and silverware and a small candle lamp in the middle.

They were shown to their table, a chair pulled out to allow Abby to be seated before the server handed them their menus and wine list.

"Tony, I love this place!" she smiled at him before quietly snickering, "I feel like Cinderella, just like last time. I wish Kate were alive, I'd love to shock her on what a gentleman you are and how nicely you clean up."

Tony smiled, pleased that she was happy and amused with what she had said, "Yeah, sweet Katie never could think I was a gentleman, a pig, maybe, but not a gentleman." They both laughed at the thought. "Now if you feel like Cinderella we have to get you home before you turn into a pumpkin." He winked at her.

"Oh no you don't, mister. We leave when we're ready. I'm not wasting a minute of all this, it's like a dream." Her eyes gazed around at all the beautifully dressed couples and how wonderful the place was, "Quick, pinch me."

"What?" Tony asked confused.

"I want to make sure I'm not dreaming. Pinch me." She shut her eyes readying herself for the pain.

"I'm not pinching you and I promise it's not a dream." He gave her one of his famous smiles.

Abby loved his smiles. She even had some of them numbered. Then she looked at him teasingly. "Ok, so it's real then and you're real too, this isn't a dream, right?"

"Right" He nodded.

"Well then I know I tell you this a lot at the office but that doesn't count not because we aren't at the office and you aren't dressed like you would at the office, not that you'd wear that suit to the office……"

Tony cut her off. "Abs, just say it." He shook his head and chuckled.

"Well, you look amazingly hot tonight and you smell so good. I love when you wear your expensive colognes "

He bowed his head a bit and tipped an imaginary hat. "Why thank you."

Abby laughed as Tony joined in. He ordered an expensive bottle of wine and then dinner. They ate and talked for a while before the music that floated around the room made Abby lock eyes with Tony.

"What?" He laughed, feeling a bit of a buzz as they started their second bottle of wine. Abby made sure she didn't drink as much, so Tony could enjoy the wine. After all, she thought, he was paying for all this and her presents. She knew that everything must have cost him a fortune and was glad he wanted to spend it on her. One of the things Tony was always good at was making sure a woman felt special, and she did.

"You better not get drunk on me. The buzz is cute, but I want to dance. Dance with me, Tony?" She asked with puppy dog eyes.

"Sure." He got up, pulled her chair out and then took her hand. He led her to the dance floor that already had couples on it.

The orchestra started another song. Tony took Abby's hand and reeled her into his body. He then placed his other hand at the small of her back. She remembered his gentle hand movements and did what he wanted. She really felt like a princess as they did a practice run with an easier dance.

After the song stopped he looked down at her happy face. "I love to see you smile and love that you like to dance. I haven't had a partner as good as you in years."

"You mean that?" She expressed in shock.

"Yeah, I do. Ready for a harder dance?"

"Bring it on." She challenged with a grin.

The music started once again. They danced with perfect precision. Neither made a mistake as he guided her around the dance floor, her body melted into his, making them one. He looked at her to see if she were ready and with a nod he gave her more hand gestures on what they were going to do. Gliding across the floor he twirled her around once and pulled her into him, tight, while they continued. He then pushed her out for a double spin before bringing her back to him like a yoyo. To her credit, Abby never missed a signal or beat. They kept their eyes on one another and didn't realize when the other couples cleared the dance floor. The couples stood and watched the talented and yet beautiful couple in their dance. The moves grew harder and Tony was proud at how Abby held her own with grace. The song neared the end and Tony gave Abby a double hand gesture, she smile in agreement. He pushed her out once again, twirling her, pulling her back to him and then dipped her in almost a horizontal hold. This allowed her right leg to bend up at the knee. Her heel held close to her other knee of the leg that was straight with her body, the slit in her dress draping around to her mid thigh, showing it off. Tony only took a second to see how sexy she looked in this position. He held her there for a moment as the last note rang to a finish. When he brought her up they heard clapping.

Abby blushed from the exertion and then more as she realized the other couples were clapping for her and Tony. Tony smiled at her and then their audience. He took her one hand, brought it back a bit and then bowed as she curtsied. After it was over they both laughed and quickly went back to their table.

"Tony that was so great! Oh my God, they were watching us! I mean they were really watching us! They thought we were really good!" She spoke fast with excitement.

"Course they did, look at who was leading you," He teased with a wink, "plus my partner is beautiful and can dance up a storm."

"This was so much fun. I wanna dance some more, can we?" Abby asked like a little child bouncing slightly in her seat.

"Yeah, let's have another drink and I can catch my breath." Tony wiped the sweat from his brow.

He drank more and then they danced several more times before they chose to head home. Abby told him she was going to drive. He argued that he wasn't drunk. Only Abby reminded him he was buzzed and that it would be safer for her to drive.

"Ok, ok, you drive." Tony finally conceded.

"Good, but we are going to your apartment its closer and I'll spend the night, you can drive me home sometime tomorrow, deal?" She had spent the night at his place before and him at hers. Neither saw anything wrong with the arrangement.

"Deal" He nodded as they headed out to the valet to get his car.

*******************************************************

Saturday night and Timothy McGee sat at his typewriter. He was having trouble typing the next chapter for his first upcoming book, Deep Six. He seemed to have trouble typing anything tonight, he thought. He would start a few paragraphs and then start over again. He looked over at the half full trash can that proved his point. The trash can sat by his old desk which held his typewriter and also his writing pipe. He used the pipe only to think while he typed and had put it down over an hour ago since it hadn't helped.

He found it hard to understand why he couldn't write, why his mind kept drifting off to the fact that Tony had taken Abby out to an expensive restaurant. He could picture that the night would not just include drinks, dinner and dressing up, but also dancing, something Tim wasn't good at. He knew Abby's passion for dancing and she had told him that how great Tony was at dancing.

McGee sighed deep as those thoughts continued to disrupt his efforts to concentrate. Tony treated women well and always made them feel special. He'd given Tim many tips which seemed to work; only he didn't want the tips to work for Tony, not tonight, and, especially not with Abby. He wished once again that he had some of what Tony possessed, the charm, looks, clothes and talents. There were, however, some things that Tony had, and that he definitely didn't want. Though Tony could be fun with his childish ways, teasing, movie references and somewhat of an ego, Tim had figured out that this was more of a mask than anything else, and this was one thing he had no desire to have. That part he had no desire to have.

Again, he knew that Abby was the only one that might know more of the real Tony. He didn't know why Tony hid and put up the front like that frat boy image or some of the other masks the senior field agent hid behind. Maybe someday he would, but Abby would never tell him. She might talk a lot, even gossip, but she had a code that made her special, not just to him, but to everybody. Abby was always true to her friends and never would let their entrusted secrets out.

He could imagine the restaurant in his mind, the expensive way Tony and Abby were probably dressed, the dinner, drinks and dancing. He felt his stomach tighten at the thought of the two of them together. The feeling he recognized as jealousy. He didn't understand why he would feel this way. He'd known them a few years now and even when he was dating her, she always put aside time for her friendship with Tony. Back then their closeness hadn't bothered him. Why it bothered him now he didn't know. He'd been trying to write for over two hours but he couldn't get anything out, only the thoughts of the two together took hold of his mind. He almost started to think he'd write Agent Tommy going for the Forensic Scientist, Amy, leaving Officer Lisa out of the picture. Since his book was based on his team he knew that it was only his feelings that were getting in the way of his outline for his book. He then decided to keep the original idea of Agent Tommy and Officer Lisa's hidden passion for each other.

Tim looked at his old typewriter with the empty white paper that had sat in it for at least twenty minutes now. Disgusted, he got up and walked away from it, knowing he'd never be able to write anything tonight. He went into his kitchen and rummaged through his cabinets to find a bottle of Vodka. He didn't usually drink. He just needed to relax and hoped the drink would help. He poured some into a glass, went into the refrigerator, got the orange juice and poured it in. He downed half the drink and sighed at the headache that was forming.

Again he wondered why the two of them going out as they did so many times, bothered him. Tony and Abby were just good friends, they were almost like brother and sister. Maybe his imagination was just getting the better of him? He shook his head and took his drink into the living room and then collapsed on the couch.

He had to stop the thoughts and where they were taking him. Only he couldn't, as ridiculous as the thoughts were, all he could picture were the two having fun and then sleeping together. He remembered what Abby had told him the beginning of the week. He remembered the story of Tony and how he hid the relationship he had a while ago with an NCIS employee. How Abby thought he might be in a relationship with yet another employee which had surprised him before, but no longer did. Tony had a string of girls, afraid of commitment he only latched on for a few dates before he went to the next lady. Again he wondered if this new woman was indeed Abby and, prayed it wasn't. He hoped that he was just being stupid.

Abby and he had dated for a time in the beginning. Abby had talked to him and they had both agreed they'd be better off as friends and they were. The only thing wrong with this was that Tim found himself jealous every time Abby had a new boyfriend. She would still be the same with Tim as well as her other friends, but he couldn't deny the fact he still had feelings for the forensic scientist. She just didn't feel the same. He wondered if she ever would, if she did would they be able to make it work, he questioned himself. Yet he had been dating as well and Abby never showed a hint of jealousy, she only wanted the details and seemed genuinely happy and supportive of him.

Finishing his drink he realized he had wasted the whole night with his jealous imagination. He figured he should try and get some sleep. No, they were only friends and he had to stop these ridiculous thoughts. He didn't know if he could stop them, or if he could, whether they'd stop long enough to let him sleep. One thing he did know was on Monday he'd question Abby about the night. He knew if he questioned Tony he'd only hear teasing words like, Mcjealous and other names he'd rather not hear or be called that would bring attention to the fact that the teasing name would be right. Finally after another hour, sleep claimed him.


	5. Chapter 5

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER FIVE

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

Change in Rating: M - Sexual scene in this chapter, if you don't want to read a sex scene just skip over it. There are things in this chapter other than that. And if you do like sex scene it's the only one in the story so read…..thanks.

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Tony unlocked and opened the door allowing Abby to step through first. He closed and locked it before he reached up to slide her coat off and hang it up. Abby smiled at the gesture. She took off her heels and put them along side Tony's shoes.

"That's so sweet, Tony. You've been such a gentleman all night. I could get so used to this and those heels were killing my feet." She smiled.

Tony smiled teasingly back. "I bet they were. Hey, I can be a gentleman when I want to be, told you that already. I was taught all that stuff as a kid." He shrugged. "I'm gonna heat up a cup of coffee, help yourself to a drink, I think I still have some Red Bull in the fridge from the last time you were over." He took off his jacket and tie, tossed them on to a chair as he motioned her to follow him.

*********************************

They walked through the living room before they came to the hallway. Off to the left of the hallway was an opened spaced kitchen and further down the hallway was a bathroom, a spare bedroom and then the master bedroom.

Abby had always loved Tony's condo. The living room had a comfortable feel to it, leather couch that felt like butter along with a recliner, coffee table, two end tables and all in cherry wood. His entertainment system was always a thrill, a huge flat screen television with a DVD and VCR in the entertainment cabinet, along with a pricey stereo system. There was a book shelve that lined the wall with books of all kinds, from fiction, which were mysteries and action, to classics, history and also many that he read on the criminal justice system. The room shaped into an L joining the one room with a small dining room where a cherry wood table and chairs sat. Off the living room in the other direction was a door which led to a small study that contained his computer along with other things. The hallway and kitchen weren't carpeted like the other rooms. Still, he was neat and everything was top of the line.

**********************************************

Abby laid her purse on the counter before retrieving her drink. Tony had put his coffee into the microwave, only making it lukewarm. She watched him put in sugar and powdered creamer before gulping down the liquid.

Abby laughed. "That will only wake you up, you know. Contrary to belief, coffee will not sober a person up or bring the buzz down, only time works."

Tony smiled over at her. "Ok, I knew that. But that's alright, just had a taste for a cup."

Tony eyed Abby before grabbing the remote from the counter, clicking a few switches until soft music swirled around the rooms from the surround sound speakers. He gave Abby a wink and watched her blush before taking her hand in his and then putting her drink on the counter.

"Shall we?" He asked. His head cocked with a grin etched on his face.

Tony was giving another one of those looks that Abby loved. How could she refuse? She nodded and allowed him to lead her. She noticed Tony hitting the dimmer switch. Boy, she wished she could afford a place like this, she mused. And then she noticed her body against his in the kitchen. The floor was slippery to her stocking feet and she almost fell until Tony's strong arms held her, tightly, against him.

Tony didn't do anything fancy, he just kept their bodies firmly together as they swayed to the music. With each moment that passed he felt the urge he had fought down all night, grow stronger. As the songs changed he felt Abby's head lay against his shoulder and her arms draped around his neck. He also felt her heart rate speed up along with his. Tony then noticed that their breathing had also picked up. He finally allowed himself to let that urge loose, he wanted her and knew she wanted him. He'd been with so many women that he knew the signs. But this was Abby his mind fought and then he just didn't care. He wanted her, plain and simple.

Abby felt his strong arms around the small of her back. His muscular body was riding against hers and his intoxicating cologne wafted past her nose, all this was affecting her. Abby's head lay snug against Tony's shoulder and chest. She felt his heart beating faster, his breath picking up along with her own. She'd always thought he was hot, had always wondered about him sexually, especially when she had spoken to the NCIS employee he had been with. She knew he was good in bed and knew she was as well. Being close friends they would talk about many things and a lot of personal things. One of those conversations had been about sex in which they teased one another and it piqued her curiosity about how it would be with him. But she had never allowed herself to think about them going to bed together, didn't know if he'd want to. They were friends and she didn't want to ruin that. Yet, she'd slept with several men that were still good friends of hers, like Tim. Sure there were some men that couldn't handle being friends after all things were said and done. Could Tony still be her friend if they slept together? It was then she noticed they had stopped dancing and felt his fingers delicately lift her chin so her eyes met his.

*******************************************

Tony gently lifted Abby's face up in order to meet her eyes. He saw the smoldering heat in them and knew she saw the same in his. Softly his lips connected to hers in a tender kiss. He broke their kiss, laying his forehead against hers.

"Abs," he breathed out in a whisper, "I want you."

Abby could still feel the kiss on her lips, his forehead against hers when she felt his heated breath and heard the whispered confession. "Oh God Tony, I want you too."

At her consent, Tony's lips crashed down to meet hers in a long passionate kiss. They didn't' break away until they needed to breathe. His lips and tongue brushed down her neck and shoulder before starting back up.

Abby moaned. Her hands traveled over his body. She needed him, wanted him as her hands searched as far as she could. His hand molded her breast, his thumb stroking her taut nipple. Abby pushed against Tony and resumed their kiss, tasted his mouth as their tongues danced. He was one hell of a kisser quickly crossed through her hazy mind. .

After what seemed like hours, Tony unzipped her dress, used his fingers to drop it along with her slip that pooled on the floor. Her bra went next in one swift movement of his fingers. The bra also dropped, an allowed her breasts to jump forward. He did this all while they continued their heated kiss. He could taste the drink she had, along with peppermint and then something he could only think of as, 'Abby'.

Abby didn't know how Tony had her undressed so fast, no one had ever done that before and yet she stood in only her panties and stockings. She felt him pull a few pins from her hair. She heard him grown into her mouth while his hands gently ran through her silky strands that now rested below her bare shoulders. She took his shirt off to pool with her clothes and then started to undo his belt.

Tony helped Abby with his trousers, leaving him in only his boxers. He scooped her up into his arms and took her into his room. He laid her gently on the bed and then he lit a candle before lying along side of her. God she felt so good. Everything inside him raced. He felt such a strong need to have her that it shook him.

Abby felt like she was on fire. She knew the need was strong in both of them. She could barely think, as she again, drowned in his kisses, in his touch and in her touching him. She felt him push her panties down while deep in their kiss. She wiggled out of them and then her stockings. She in turn pushed his boxers down to his thighs where he finished taking them off.

"mmm, so good." Tony's husky voice sounded in her ear, he nibbled on it and then licked and kissed his way down her body. His hands still teased her nipples as he came back up and let his mouth replace his hands. He then suckled, first on one and then on the other.

What Tony was doing to her sent heated chills down her spine. Abby didn't realize that her body acted on its own, her back arched up to his touch. She didn't know how long she'd last. She felt lost when his mouth left her breast. Tony's mouth and tongue then started a heated trail down her stomach and to her thighs. He found every erogenous spot on her body, paying attention to each one. The ambers of the fire grew. Her fingers carded through his soft hair when his head rose higher up, leaving her feet and lower legs. He came to rest between her legs. His tongued burned each spot before it settled on the sensitive and intimate bud that swelled and became the center of her being.

Tony loved this part, the part of building that fire, making it hotter. His pleasure and desire rose from satisfying the need of his partner. He knew that Abby was ready for more, needed more, it turned him on that he caused her intense desire. He concentrated on what he was doing, loved it as he teased her and then licked that certain spot that would bring her to the edge. Her fingers still carded through his soft hair, it felt so good. She always did this when he laid his head on her lap and they would watch a movie. Or, even at work when she saw how stressed he was and would come down to her lab. A few minutes of her stroking through his hair and he'd feel better. He heard her moans and gasps grow and, knew it was only a matter of seconds before her release.

Abby couldn't take it, the pleasure he was giving her grew and finally the fire he had been building roared into huge hot flames. Her head drifted and spun out of control and closer to the point she desperately needed to get to. Her body exploded and convulsed with such intensity that left her quivering in another world, until arms tugged her shaky body into his warmth and a kiss brought her back. She calmed down after a few minutes. Never had she reached such a fury as she had just now, and she needed more. She wondered for a second why she hadn't done anything for him but touch, stroke his hair and kiss him. His sexual prowess was a lot more than she had originally thought. After what he had just done to her body, it needed more, needed him to make love to her. Abby desired it more than she ever had before, with anyone. He was so hard, so ready, as she touched his manhood and slid her hand up and down the hardness. She heard and felt him moan and groan into her mouth as he lay partially on her.

Tony was on pins and needles. He had to make love to Abby, had to feel the warmth she held. He was desperate, only held back until she touched him and he bucked into her hand.

Abby broke the kiss. Her one arm snaked around Tony, the other still stroked him. "Tony, oh God that was so great. Please, please I have to have you inside me, now." Abby panted her plea.

Tony pulled himself above her and reached over to the nightstand draw. He pulled out a condom. God he hated them, but he couldn't opt to disregard them either. He knew Abby was on birth control and was clean like him. He shook his head, no he'd use it. He quickly rolled it on and then held himself above her. He heard her gasp when he entered her. Tony felt Abby's legs wrap around him. He started out slowly, gently; watching her to make sure she was alright and to see which way gave her the most pleasure. He heard her cry out as he hit the right spot and then started a rhythm that she joined in with. His thrusts came harder and faster and after a while he stopped.

Abby wiggled underneath Tony. She tried to bring him further into her again, but all he did was kiss her and whisper softly into her ear.

"Shhh, I want this to last, I need a minute. You just feel to damn good."

When Tony did start back up again he heard Abby cry out once again. He kept his face near hers, so he could kiss, watch or whisper to her. Tony melted into her hand as she caressed his face. Their eyes met and he swore he saw the depths of her soul. He again whispered hotly against her ear, his cheek touched hers.

"You're so beautiful and you feel so damn good, so hot and wet. I don't want this to end."

What Tony had huskily whispered drove her further in ecstasy. To her it felt as if they were truly one, melted into each other with the strength of a cyclone pulling at them. She couldn't go on, she had to have the rapture and feel it with him.

"Please Tony, I want more of you. I've never wanted something so bad before," She gasped and panted, "Tony, Tony, I feel so connected to you, just please, please." She begged and pulled him with her legs, almost crying.

Tony had been going at a good pace, but he knew he couldn't last either. The words Abby had panted out were exactly the way he was feeling. Drawing in ragged breaths he again thrust into her faster and harder, sweat rolling off of him and on to her. Their sweat mixed together in a puddle on her chest. Both panting and drawing in gasping breaths. They had been making love for a while. He was so close. His body tensed and the flood gates opened, he cried out from the release that overwhelmed him. Tony brought Abby along with him. The feeling was like a huge wave that crashed over them and hit the shore, followed by smaller waves, until it was over. He lay on her for a moment, and then rolled off. Both of them spent from the passion they had felt. He kissed her gently after a few minutes. They both laid there trying to catch their breath and let their hearts beat normally.

**************************************

Abby rolled to Tony and snuggled up into his arms. She blew out a hard sigh. "Wow that was fantastic, like off the meter, fantastic." She stopped, still not back to her normal breathing.

Tony kissed the top of her head. "Yeah" he breathed out sated as he realized he felt the same way.

After awhile of holding Abby and enjoying the way they fit together, as well as the safe and content feeling, he felt Abby stir.

Tony kissed her temple and gave her an affectionate squeeze. "You awake?"

"Yup, and thinking about everything. Tony I knew you were good but your prowess was so much more than I imagined." She cuddled up further into to him while he did the same.

When her words finally struck him, his question ran off his tongue in surprise. "You thought about me and how good I would be?" He asked a bit bemused with the thought.

"Yeah I did, actually. I just never thought you'd want to. I didn't want to ruin the friendship and we do have a very close friendship, one I'd never want to lose, not that we are going to lose it for sleeping together or anything……..Are we?" She looked up at him with the question.

Tony didn't know what to say about any of this. He'd been doing nothing but thinking about it while Abby napped in his arms. Sure he cared for her, very much so. He just didn't know where this left them. He had never been in this situation before and over the years she had come to mean so much to him. He didn't let people in very often, not people he would show his real self to, or confide in, telling things that not too many people knew about him. He had always made sure that people only saw what he wanted them to, smoke and mirrors, the illusion worked well for him. But Abby wasn't just anyone, he felt safe that she'd keep the things he told her and not tell anyone along with keeping up the illusion since she knew why he did it and how important it was to him. He didn't want anything to change that, and now they might. He felt the fear tighten in his gut and yet he yelled at the part of him that only wanted more of Abby. Never had he made love and felt the intense feelings he had. She had said the same thing. He wanted it all, he thought selfishly. But he didn't want to hurt her, never could, even if that meant they'd never make love again, whatever she wanted, he'd do.

Abby knew what her friend was thinking, she read him better than she read Gibbs and they were both hard to read. "Tony, this doesn't have to change anything, could just make things better." She purposely left that door opened.

"What?" He asked, startled out of his thoughts.

"I said this doesn't have to change anything." She reached up and tapped his forehead with her index finger and then hugged him.

"Oh, thought that's what you said. So, we can still be the same friends we were before and you won't say anything that I told you? I mean I know you won't, guess those insecurities are creeping up on me again." Tony questioned, fear of the truth laced in his voice.

"Oh Tony, of course I would never say anything and we are still the best and closest friends, I could never lose you. I know it took a lot for you to trust me with your past and why you do the things you do. Plus, your entertainment system and surround sound is the best to watch great movies together. And your lap is so comfortable and I know you love my lap too and how I can calm you down so quickly in or out of the office when I put my fingers through your hair." She smiled up at him.

"True, you are the only one that can do that to me and yeah, I love lying on your lap. I haven't allowed my self to get this close to someone in so long………" He stopped before he finished and knew that Abby understood exactly where he was going with his admission.

"Tony, we don't have to do this again if you don't want to. However, I have never had a better bed partner and I can't believe what you did to me. Usually I'm the one doing a lot of satisfying and yet I hardly did anything but let you please me. Plus, you are sooooooo good, I knew it but never thought in my wildest dreams you'd be even better." She hugged him and laid her head back down on his warm chest.

"You think I'm that good?" He gave a light smile to her, a mixture of embarrassment and ego.

"You are so complicated. You are better than good, mister. You are excellent, remembered every erogenous zone on my body that we've spoken of and used it against me and you remembered my favorite foreplay and then made sure you expertly took care of that too. But you've always been more about pleasing your partner than yourself, though people would never believe that with how you allow yourself to come off. .You are such a wonderful and sweet lover…..I'm not going to lie to you, we don't lie to each other and promised that a long time ago. I'd love to keep sleeping with you ……that is if you want to." She admitted, no reason to hold back, she thought.

Tony was stunned by what he had just heard from Abby. "You think so." He felt dazed for a minute, "you want to continue to have sex with me? I mean I'm not going to lie, I'd love that. But in what context, I mean Gibbs rule 12 and……..well my commitment fears…….." His voice dropped off…..

"Tony, come on. We don't have to involve rule 12, Tim and I did it and Gibbs knew. But I know your fears and I'm not asking for a commitment from you except in our friendship, I don't want anything to go wrong between us. If you can promise that, I can promise to show **you** a damn good time. I didn't get a chance to yet, that is if you agree." She finished, the whole time watching him think about her words and chewing on his lip. She knew he was nervous and didn't want to pressure him. What happened had been a surprise to them both.

"So you want to stay friends, like we have been, close friends with benefits?" He questioned to make sure he got it right.

"Yup, friends with benefits, nothing more. And if you or I don't want it anymore we stop and nothing changes the friendship. Look, I know you and me can both just stop here and never have sex again, which would be a shame in my opinion since we both have a lot to offer. But our friendship means so much to me and I'd miss you. . I mean we have slept in the same bed many times before, we just never had sex. Or, we could be friends with benefits when neither of us is dating. I mean you have your flings and we still can be together, me too, just if someone serious comes up we stop. But I'd love to explore sex between us more, but it's up to you. Nothing changes if you don't want to or we can have what I talked about and if by a certain age we haven't found our right partners, we could marry. What do you say?" Abby had rolled over, pushed up on her elbow and looked at Tony with wide excited eyes.

Tony thought it was funny. He was going to leave the ball in Abby's court, yet he should have known better the way she knew him. He thought about what she had said. It would be great to keep their friendship and add the sex to it as long as they stayed friends and never lost that. And as far as in the long run, getting married if they didn't find the right partners, he was game; he did want marriage and kids and knew she wanted that too……So with his mind made up he gave Abby a huge smile.

"I think that would be great, all of it. As long as our friendship stays in place and we can have the added sex as a fantastic bonus, unless, of course someone important comes in to either one of our lives. And, if in a few years we don't find the right partner we marry. Deal?" Tony cocked his head on his hand that was raised by his elbow as he looked down at Abby awaiting an answer.

Abby stuck her hand out, "Deal" she grabbed Tony's other hand and they shook on it. "Now I'm tired and so are you, let's get some sleep and play A LOT tomorrow…"

Tony chuckled. "I think I created a sex monster."

They both laughed hard at that and were happy with the agreement. After the laughs died out, Abby snuggled against Tony and, him against her. She was right; he was tired and heard her even breaths, knowing she was asleep. This could work out well, take it as it comes was the last thing he thought before he fell into a relaxed and comfortable sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER SIX

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N Some people didn't understand what I put up on the other chapter, sorry. Anyway, those three last chapters where a sub plot. This is a Tony story and it will now start to build up. Tony will be getting worse and the team will be wondering what's going on. These are set up chapters and build up chapters to finally see what is wrong with Tony and there will be some action once we do find out, in a big way. So the readers who are happy so far, thanks, and readers asking questions please read on as the pieces fall into place like a puzzle. Thanks again for all your Reviews/ Alerts/ Favorites, we really appreciate it. As writers know it's hard work to write your baby...lol....so hope you enjoy. And nice criticism is always welcome. This chapter introduces OC which belongs to us, darn the only one that does and shows Tony and the team. rambling, enjoy..lol. Again thank you. Sue and Craig.

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The day was comfortably warm. A day you didn't need a jacket and a day that wasn't hot, just comfortable, relaxing. The café was down the street from the NCIS building. Green Tree had been family owned for years and a favorite for many people. The owner, George, made sure you could eat outside. He had laid out decorative iron tables and chairs, with umbrellas that stood in the middle incase the customer needed to raise it for protection from the sun. Customers were abundantly scattered in different places, enjoying the day, being outside and enjoying their food.

A tall blond man approached the café. His broad frame wore a button down shirt, jeans, sneakers and sunglasses that shaded his blue eyes. The man was handsome and the women turned to give an appraising look as he passed by. He glanced at the paper in his hand for the name of the place, the name matched and he sat down at a table in front of the café.

"May I get you a drink, sir?" The waitress asked.

"I suppose an ice tea would be nice while I'm waiting on my friend." He smiled brightly at the woman making her blush before she scurried away with his order.

The slight breeze felt nice, it was good to be outside and not closed away in a building. The tall good looking man walked with a care free spirit towards the café. He had light brown hair, well built and dressed in an expensive suit. He pushed his sunglasses further up his face and gazed at the ladies that looked him over. A brilliant smile lit up his handsome features as he glanced back at a few of the women while he kept up his stride. He looked around the outside of the Green Tree and saw the person he was meeting. Strolling up to the table with a huge smile, his friend stood up to greet him.

"DiNozzo." The blond man smiled back and closed the gap between them.

"Cale" Tony greeted with a smile and a welcoming hug.

Releasing the hug, both men looked each other over. Nodding, they both sat down.

"Well as I live and breath, it's my old partner from the Baltimore PD." Tony chuckled.

"You're looking good, Tony. Being an agent agrees with you. But it's good to see you after what, a year?" Cale laughed and then took a sip of his iced tea.

"No, it's been a year in a half, amigo." Tony saw the waitress come over. She handed the men their menus. "I'll have what he's drinking, Teresa."

"Ice tea, Tony? Are you sure?" The black haired waitress with a slight accent asked.

"You know, you're right, coffee with espresso." He winked.

"Two shots in a large cup, like always?" Teresa smiled.

"Yeah, like always. Thank you, beautiful." Tony added. His smile widened.

"I'll tell George you're here."

"You know I'm gonna tell George he shouldn't have his wife wait on tables."

"Can't help it, Tony. Some of the staff called out, I think Spring fever hit them." She laughed, "I'll be right back with your coffee and then you can say hello to George and order."

"You do that, but first let me introduce you to an old friend. Gordon Cale, this lovely lady, Teresa, is the owner of this café along with her husband, George. Teresa this is Gordon Cale my old partner when I was a cop in Baltimore."

"So nice to meet you, Mr. Cale." Teresa smiled at him.

"Please, call me Gordon, especially if you're a friend of Tony's." Gordon smiled back.

"What did they do in Baltimore when two handsome detectives worked? I bet the women fought over who would talk to either of you." She let out a hardly laugh.

"Well, you're right we are good looking," Tony flashed a glance at Gordon, "well, at least I am. And the ladies fought over me since I'm better looking." Tony chuckled.

"You're the same DiNozzo. And, they did fight over **both** of us." Gordon laughed with them.

"I can see that. Let me go get your coffee unless you're ready to order?" She asked.

"I am. I'll have a hamburger and fries." Gordon told her.

"And you, Tony, the usual?"

"Um, a slice of pizza will be good with my coffee." Tony answered her.

Teresa stared at Tony in shock. "Tony, you usually have more than one slice."

"Not that hungry today. I want to see my old friend." Tony explained.

"You can do that and eat your usual, too." Teresa admonished.

"No, the order stands." He laughed.

"Ok, I'll be back with your coffee and put in your orders, oh and tell George. He'd be mad if I didn't. He's really busy though, so he might not get out here for a while." Teresa explained before hurrying off. She came back quickly and brought back Tony's huge mug of coffee before she left hastily to go to another table.

"Man, you never change, do you. Always knew the owners, waitresses, and hookers, just everyone in Baltimore." Cale shook his head at his friend and ex-partner.

Tony let out a sigh, "What did I tell you when we worked together? Always get to know people, it's important. And, it's also good to know people for other reasons, like information," he smiled knowing his ex-partner knew he was right. It had helped them on cases as well as other things, "how many times did I get you and Julie into places that most couldn't get into becausssseeeeeee, why? I knew the owners. And how many cases did knowing certain people come in handy so we could solve them, huh?" Tony knew he had made his point and gave a satisfied smile at being right.

"Point taken and you win, ok?" Gordon laughed.

Tony finished making up his coffee and took a sip. "Yup, you know I love to win! And you know it's nice to stay in touch and talk a few times a month, but seeing you in person is better." Tony told him with a lopsided grin.

"Same here, buddy. Julie was sorry she missed you, but wants to see you before we leave and so do the kids. Like I told you, we leave on Monday." Gordon told Tony as the food was laid on the table and Teresa left not wanting to disturb the two men.

"You surviving the in-laws?" Tony laughed at the grim look on his friend's face.

"Trying to. But it's only right since we moved closer to my parents and see them a lot. Julie, like I've told you, was so glad when I left that force. But I didn't want another partner. You were the only partner I trusted my life with, those others, forget it. Well you worked that and know. Some of them were on the take, or just took the short way around things. You know that we weren't like that. We did what it took and that's why we had the highest close out rates in the department. We always made the other teams jealous. And I told you that Huston has a better force, trust worthy and, my partner like I've said is great, but not like you." Gordon explained while he ate his lunch.

"Well, buddy, there's only one of me and I personally couldn't wait to get out of there. I told you to leave and was glad that you left there. What you just said are all the reasons I didn't want you to stay there and Julie agreed with me. I'm glad it didn't take you long. I feel better with you in Huston." Tony told him as he picked at his pizza.

"Yeah, I couldn't stay and when you left I gave my two weeks. Julie was glad I left, but she still misses you. Tony you were family, still are and though her and the kids like Steve, he's not you. And to answer you about there being only one of you, you're still a cocky conceded bastard." Gordon laughed at Tony.

Tony feigned a hurt look on his face. "Ah, you wound me, but you love me anyway." His face lit up with a joking smile.

"Yeah, God help me I do love ya, man. And you are a great person once you get past some of that wall you put up." Gordon told him and gave a smile back.

Tony figured it was time to change the subject. "Well it's Wednesday and the weekend is in another two days. So, do you want to see if Julie and the kids want to have a picnic and go to the park? That way I don't have to see her parents, though they like me, but this way you can get out of there. Plus it's going to be nice and we can get outside and toss a Frisbee and play around."

"You know that's a great idea, I bet Julie and the kids would love it. And the kids can see their uncle Tony. They miss you and would rather see you in person than talk to you on the phone or open a gift from you. Hey, you still going through women like water or have you finally got the calling to settle down? We could never keep track of all those women." Gordon inquired while eating his fries.

"No, haven't settled down, you know my hours as an agent are a lot more then when I was a cop. And you know my commitment issues too. But, I have had this friend for years, she's a bit different, Goth type girl, yet we have a lot in common and have fun together. Besides you, she's the only other one who knows most of my secrets." Tony confided.

"Wait, you dropped that act and don't deflect her and tell her about the real you?" Cale asked in surprise.

"Yup, and we've been friends for several years and are comfortable with that. We did however decide to make it Friends with Benefits." Tony laughed.

"Friends with benefits, huh, and she's only a friend?" He curiously asked his friend.

"Yeah, I get everything from her, friendship, good times and talks. I care about her and the sex is great!" Tony's face turned into a wicked grin.

"Oh boy, be careful buddy. From what you're saying you might have found a girl that can keep up with you. Besides, friends with benefits turn out only two ways unless you're lucky. You either stop the sex and you ruin the friendship or you fall in love and settle down my friend. Very few get out of that and keep the friendship that they had. Why don't you bring her to the park with us so I can meet this girl? I've seen Goth girls before and so has Julie, she like kids? What does she do?" Gordon asked inquisitively.

"I'll ask her and I'm sure she'll go, we're off this weekend. She's our forensic scientist and the best you'll ever know. And yes, she adores kids." He beamed as he answered.

"You work together? Oh God Tone, that isn't good unless you both fall in love." Gordon voiced his concern.

"It's all good, man. We have a deal and talked the whole thing out, no worries. I do love her and she loves me, but not that way. We care about each other and have since six month after we started working together, don't ask," Tony held up his hand,. "Abby and me became closer when I saved her from one of her crazy boyfriends." Tony smiled and finished his coffee, but not his slice of pizza.

"Oh this gets better and better. I can't wait to meet her and get her alone to talk with her." Cale gave DiNozzo back the evil look.

"Oh no you don't, Cale. You can get to know her, but don't you go questioning her or should I say interrogate her? Though she's used to that, our boss is really great at that one."

"I'm not going to interrogate her, but I **will **talk to her," he winked at Tony, "oh right, the boss with the second B for bastard, who can tear people down with the way he interrogates." They both laughed at that.

Gordon looked at Tony's plate, it was hardly touched." Tony, what's going on? The Tony I know sucks down food several times a day, plus with your low blood sugar, it's not good to skip meals. What's up? You don't need to lose weight and it looks like you have from when I saw you over a year ago. On cases you'd have candy bars and what not in your pockets and the car. What gives?" Gordon asked. Concern laced in his voice.

"Come on, knock it off. I'm just not hungry at the moment, I'll grab something later and I do have chocolate in my desk. Plus I have this thing with the vending machine, just hit it in the right spot and out comes a free chocolate bar." Tony answered in a light voice to cut the tension.

"Alright, for now I'll take that. But you said this Ducky and your co-workers know about your low blood sugar."

"Yes dad, they know." Tony shook his head.

"Well I guess this Goth girl knows, what's her name?"

"Abby" Tony answered.

"Not that Abby, damn, I think I left my detective skills back in Texas." Gordon joked.

"Yeah, I think you did. I was waiting for you to put it together." Tony teased back.

Gordon shook his head. "Well then I really want to meet her. The way you've always spoken of Abby she is different but special."

"That she is." Tony answered as an older balding man stepped up to the table.

"Tony! Teresa said you and your ex-partner from Baltimore were here. I'm glad I got a chance to come over before you left to say hello. It's been very busy. How are you?" George explained and then asked with his Italian accent.

"I'm good, George. And you shouldn't have Teresa waiting on tables." He snickered.

"Hey, that couldn't be helped, she explained that to you." George said and turned to Gordon, "this is your ex-partner?"

"Yeah, that he is. George this is Gordon Cale, Gordon this is Teresa's husband and owner of this lovely place, George Mastaviano."

Gordon and George shook hands, "So nice to meet a friend of Tony's. The whole NCIS crew comes down here and once in a while we are lucky to have Tony bring a date down. He has many lady friends, this one." George chuckled.

"That he does and has since I've known him. You have a great place here and it seems you do well for yourself."

"We do good, yes."

Tony took out his wallet and some bills. "How much do I owe you, George?"

George shook his head. "This one, he never learns. We don't always take his money, just every other time. And this time we don't take your money. I'm just glad to see you and meet your friend."

"You sure, George?" Tony asked.

"You pay for your lunch and it will insult me, my friend. Now I must get back, it's a very busy day. I hope to see you soon, Tony. And Gordon was nice to meet you." George tapped Tony's hand to put his money away while he spoke.

"Ok, at least let me leave Teresa a tip." Tony showed the owner how much he was putting down. This way George would know he wasn't trying to pay for lunch by passing it off as a tip.

"Good, you take care of yourself." George gave Tony a quick hug and walked away.

"Well, you're right, it pays to know people," Gordon clasped Tony on the back, "Hey shouldn't you be heading back to work? It's been over an hour now."

Tony glanced down at his watch. By the time he got back he'd be gone almost an hour and thirty five minutes. The hell with it, let Gibbs yell or whatever, it was to nice out to worry and seeing Gordon felt good. "Lunch is an hour but who cares, I sure the hell don't not when I don't see you very often. I'll work it out with the boss and he hasn't tracked me down on my cell, yet. So, Saturday?" Tony looked at his friend.

"Let me check with Julie and see. I'll call you tomorrow and if it's good we'll set up plans."

"Good, can't wait. It was so great to see you again." Tony gave Gordon a huge hug and then turned to stroll back to the office.

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**BULLPEN**

Tony walked off the elevator with a smile on his face and a large cup of coffee in his hand. He a great time with his friend and it was so good to see Gordon. He knew Gibbs wouldn't be happy with him. He figured he would just yes the man to death as he always did when he got into trouble. He noticed Ziva typing away and McGee looking intensely at his monitor. Gibbs was sitting behind his desk going through some files, coffee sitting on his desk. Tony slid into his chair and put in some powdered creamer along with sugar packets in his coffee. He busied himself at his desk while waiting for Gibbs to say something.

Gibbs looked up at his senior field agent and then down to his watch before turning his attention back on Tony. He watched as Tony finished stirring his coffee and took a large sip before setting it on his desk and began typing something.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs yelled.

"Yes, boss?" Tony made sure to answer the way he always did.

"After all these years, you do know that lunch is only an hour, right?" Gibbs sternly asked.

"Ah, yes boss, I am." Tony gave an innocent look along with a slight smile as their eyes locked.

"By my watch it seems you've taken an hour and forty minutes for lunch! Again, lunch is only an hour, care to tell me why you took so long?" Gibbs growled dangerously.

"Oh, sorry boss. My ex-partner from Baltimore is here for a few days and I lost track of time while we spoke." Tony explained.

"I don't give a damn who is here, you can visit for as long as you want on your OWN TIME! And, if it happens again you don't need to come back to the office!" Gibbs reprimanded his second in command, allowing the whole team and anyone close to hear.

Tony winced at the volume. "Boss, come on, it's not like we have a case and my cell was on if you needed me," Tony saw the laser stare that Gibbs gave him. He realized there was no talking his way around this one. He figured he might as well take his dressing down and give his usual answer to stop his angry boss. He had also noticed his two team mates glancing at him, "Right, I get it, won't happen again, boss." Tony answered and then dropped his gaze.

"Damn right it won't happen again!" Gibbs growled out and then stood up. "I'm going for coffee." He told his team as he headed for the elevator and got in.

Tony sighed; glad that was over with and then started pulling the files closer to him. He picked up the first one and opened it.

Ziva and McGee turned to Tony. Ziva spoke first. "Are you crazy? You should have heard him yelling at us, asking where you were. But he was going to give you another few minutes before he called you. You are lucky that you came back when you did. He was like an animal in a stage."

"Cage Zee-Vah, in a cage. And I'm sorry, but I ate like you wanted me to. And I did loose track of time, it's been a while since I've seen my ex-partner." Tony shook his head and focused on the opened file.

"Tony, next time maybe you should call." McGee suggested

Tony was getting tired of this. He turned and smiled at McGee. "Hell, why didn't I think of that, oh I know, because I am human and lost track of the time, probie!" Tony exploded. He hadn't really wanted to take his anger out on McGee. Gibbs was the one he wanted to explode at but, he wanted to live. So what, he worked more hours than anyone, did more work than they all thought he did and sometimes when they were able to go out for lunch he didn't go or would take a shorter lunch.

"Sorry Tony, I just was trying to help." McGee turned back to his computer.

"Hey Tim, I'm sorry it's all good. The day was so beautiful and the company nice. I just didn't want to come back." Tony's mood changed quickly as he gave an honest answer for a change and a genuine smile.

McGee and Ziva exchanged a look at how fast Tony's mood had changed. "Thanks, I think." McGee answered him, still in shock of not just the mood change but the senior field agent calling him by his first name, he never did that.

"You are alright now, yes?" Ziva asked cautiously.

"Yeah, I'm just peachy, thanks for asking Ziva." Tony gave her one of his mega watt smiles and lazily got back to work.

Ziva's eyebrow rose as she looked at Tim who just shrugged at the response. They both decided to get back to work before Gibbs came back.


	7. Chapter 7

**LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER SEVEN**

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N Again, Craig and I thank you all for the lovely reviews/ alerts/ favs. Now more of the story and more of Tony getting worse and more OOC. Enjoy!

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Stephen wrestled the Frisbee from the German shepherd's mouth. "Come on Nessie, give, give," he said trying to get Nessie to release her grip around the object. "Give, Nessie give," finally the dog let go and began running in the direction he previously threw it. Stephen waited for the dog to come back, but Nessie knew where he was about to throw it.

_Bark! Bark!_ Nessie was ordering him to throw the Frisbee.

"Ha!" Stephen said as he threw the Frisbee in the opposite direction. Nessie wasted no time in running past him, tail wagging and barking excitedly. "Go get it, Nessie. Go on."

Nessie ran out of sight and didn't return. After a couple of minutes of no sign of the dog returning, Stephen decided to go and see what was keeping her from bringing the Frisbee back. Usually he had to play fetch with her for ages before she began to slow down. Nessie was scratching at the ground.

"Forgot about the Frisbee Nessie?" Stephen asked. He always spoke to his animals as if they could speak back. "I swear you have the attention span of my nephew," he added with a laugh.

Stephen's words couldn't tear Nessie away from digging at the ground. "Found someone else's bone?" He asked. "Hey!"

Stephen approached where his dog was digging… His breathing hitched momentarily as he found himself staring at the now exposed face of a middle aged man wearing a white navy uniform.

"My God," Stephen's face turned an awful shade of white. "What have you done Nessie?" He stepped backwards out into the open. "All I asked you to do was fetch the Frisbee… That's all! That's all. Fetch the Frisbee that's all you had to do," he told his dog while he looked at the body, horrified.

"Nessie! Come!" He yelled as he took his cell out of the pocket. "Come! Heel!"

"_911, What is your emergency?_

"I found a dead body, actually my dog found it. It's buried in the park. I haven't touched it," Stephen panicked voice told the person on the other end. "Nessie! Get over here! Oh God, God God," he said stepping further, fear shaking his body.

"_Calm down sir, where are you?"_

"Waterford Park," Stephen answered. "Near the south entrance," he told the person, eyes still glued to the body.

"_Stay there, the police will be there soon."_

Stephen couldn't remember if he'd said goodbye or not. The next thing he knew, he was sitting on the bench with Nessie trying to entice her owner into throwing the Frisbee once again.

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**HQ BULL PEN**

Gibbs came into the bullpen and sat down at his desk. He took a long sip of his coffee using it to cover the fact he was observing his team. McGee was doing something with his computer, Ziva was looking at a cold case file and DiNozzo had just finished his coffee. Gibbs noticed it wasn't his first cup, but his second was reviewing a file. Good, they were all busy, he liked it that way. He also loved the banter. Especially during a case, letting them go on so it would cut the tension. He'd closely monitor the banter to keep them focused. Again, he thought how he loved the teasing, though he'd never admit to the fact.

They'd just been in the office for fifteen minutes when Gibbs phone rang. All three agents heads snapped up to their boss and listened to the one sided conversation. Tony was up and had his gun and badge in place. The other's seeing this did the same. Tony had just reached for his bag when the order was given.

"Gear up." He ordered retrieving his gun and badge. "Ziva call Ducky," He threw keys to McGee, "gas up and get the truck. DiNozzo with me." He started heading for the elevator.

The team ran behind him, Tim took the stairs going down for the truck. Tony caught up while they waited for the elevator doors open. "Where to, boss?"

"Dead body at Waterford Park." He explained and got into the elevator with his team.

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**WATERFORD PARK**

Usually, Gibbs had the team running on his clock. It was always said that there was normal Zulu time and then there was Gibbs time. They ate when he said, went home to sleep when he said.. The team arrived at Waterford Park in the early afternoon. They had eaten lunch on the way to the scene, just in case they couldn't eat later. Gibbs had looked surprised when Tony didn't eat his lunch. When asked he told Gibbs he'd eat it later.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked.

"Sketch and laser… On it Boss," Tony replied as he grabbed his gear and began.

"David!" Gibbs barked again.

"Shooting Gibbs," Ziva grabbed the camera.

"McGee!" He barked once more.

"Bagging and Tagging, Boss," McGee replied.

Gibbs smiled as he shut the truck door. His team definitely was the best and they knew how to do their jobs well, something he was very proud of. Not that he would tell them often. Gibbs looked down at the young man who was still half buried in the dirt.

"Petty Officer First Class," Gibbs said as he motioned for Ziva to take the shot of the insignia attached to the upper arm.

"How was the body found?" Ziva asked as she noted the distance from the main part of the park and where the body was.

"A man was throwing a Frisbee with his dog," Gibbs answered. "He threw the Frisbee in this direction and the dog disturbed the shallow grave," he explained after checking his notes.

"Are we going to question him afterwards?" Ziva asked, surprised that Gibbs hadn't mentioned the man before.

They heard another van pull up to the immediate area, .Ducky and Palmer stepped out and brought their equipment with them.

"No," Gibbs answered. "There's nothing he can tell us," He had been told that the man was suffering from minor shock and wouldn't be too much use to them.

"Body's over here, Duck," Gibbs led him to the petty officer first class' position.

McGee had just picked up something else that looked like it could remotely be connected to a crime scene. There was blood that covered the surface, defiantly worth more than some of the other items he'd bagged. He checked his watch before writing on the tag. McGee noticed Tony as he wandered around as he began to sketch.

"Oh what happened to you my dear boy?" Ducky asked the nonresponsive body that lie before him. Palmer carefully moved the leaves and dirt to uncover the rest of the petty officer. Ducky began the usual process of inserting the liver probe to calculate the time of death according to the temperature. However, due to the condition of the body he figured the body to have been there a few days.

"TOD, Duck?" Gibbs knelt down and asked the medical examiner.

"My dear Jethro, I would say between 48 and 72 hours." Ducky gave the probe to Palmer to clean off and then looked over to Jethro, "Rigomortis has long set." Ducky used his hands as he spoke, "This fellow has leaves that have blown onto his body over the past few days, and they weren't put there when the body was partially buried."

Gibbs nodded, "So whoever hid the body in this shallow grave was doing it quickly." Gibbs stated.

"Yes, I should say so. He never covered the body with leaves and it would seem that our killer quickly dug this very shallow grave only to hide the body so he could escape."

"Can you tell the COD, Duck?" Gibbs questioned.

Ducky gave a heavy sigh, "I won't know for sure until we get the body home. Though it would seem that chances are this man was hit with blunt force to the head." The ME explained, moving the petty officer's head to show the blood that had seeped into the ground, "He did bleed out here."

Gibbs clapped Ducky on the back, stood up and went over to Ziva. "Ziva take photos of the grave and make sure you get the blood soaked ground." He ordered.

"Right, Gibbs."

McGee turned to see Tony walk behind him for about the third time as he circled the area once again. "Hey Ziva," McGee called as he bagged some bloodied leaves and walked over to her. "How's he sketching when he won't stand still?" He pointed out.

Ziva watched Tony go back and forth before he turned left and then right, again.

"Maybe different angles," She suggested, although it didn't sound very convincing. She'd sketched before and had seen her partner do the same. She had never seen Tony move like this. She didn't let on to McGee that she'd been studying Tony's behavior and found it very intriguing.

Ziva had finished taking all the necessary photographs when she noticed that Tony had left the area and was looking at something else entirely. Tony changed pages on the sketchpad.

"You know Jethro, this does remind me…" Ducky began to say as he stood by his friend, about to regale in another one of his stories.

"Later, Duck." Gibbs waved him off and went over to where Tony stood.

Tony's attention was on his sketchpad, he looked up to the tree line and then back to the pad. He was so fixated on what he drew he never heard Gibbs approach.

"Are you done, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as he prepared to give him another task to do, he walked up closer to Tony. Tony acted like he hadn't heard his boss at first as he continued to intensely work at what he sketched.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs Yelled impatiently again. This had gotten everyone's attention. All tried not to draw notice as they craned their necks to see what was going on between the senior field agent and their boss.

"I'm almost done Boss," Tony said as he continued to work away. "These things take time," he looked upwards.

Gibbs became visibly annoyed, "The crime scene's that way," he pointed to the area behind him.

"I know where the crime scene is Boss," Tony replied.

This time Gibbs' gaze followed Tony's. He noticed the tree in the agent's vision and on the sketch pad.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Gibbs shouted as his eyebrows became slightly raised.

"I'm sketching the birds up there," Tony pointed his pencil towards the two birds sitting on the branch chirping away, as if this were a normal thing to do

Gibbs cheeks quivered as he felt like he was about to blow a fuse. "Why, are you sketching birds in a tree DiNozzo? You're supposed to be sketching the crime scene," Gibbs asked in an unbelievably calm manner.

"I know I was supposed to be but the birds are so much nicer," Tony said in such a cheerful voice. The crime scene was just such a downer. He wanted something nice in his sketchpad.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs shouted furiously as he head slapped Tony out of pure impatience.

"Get back to sketching that crime scene!" This time Gibbs didn't bother to hide the anger when he growled.

"Oh, ok Boss," Tony replied.

"Erase that damn tree and do your job," Gibbs gave a gruff snarl and then took a gulp of his coffee before reentering the crime scene.

"On it Boss," Tony answered and then quickly followed his boss while he flipped over the page and back to the one with the crime scene. He sulked and tried to be the good little agent. It didn't take long for him to finish before he went straight back to the sketch he had started earlier of two birds.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs shouted, "Get into the truck now," he swore that sometimes his agents behaved like children, yet, they always got the job done.

"Yes Boss," Tony replied as he went to take his front seat like he normally did.

"You're in the back, DiNozzo," Gibbs ordered before Tony had a chance to do anything else.

Tony didn't like the thought of sitting in the back and getting thrown around. He figured it was some sort of unwarranted punishment. He didn't want to annoy the boss any further so he reluctantly complied.

Ziva glanced at McGee who shrugged and had a confused look on his face as well. This wasn't Tony's normal behavior. McGee and Ziva stepped into the front seats with Gibbs as the rode back to base.


	8. Chapter 8

_**LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER EIGHT **_

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

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They arrived in the bullpen not in their usual order. McGee had taken Gibbs' immediate six while Tony hung back alongside Ziva. This didn't go unnoticed by anyone else. Other agents mutter that McGee had Gibbs six instead of Tony who would normally be right beside the man. Tony animatedly talked to Ziva about Waterford Park. Ziva had had enough and quickened her pace to be alongside Gibbs.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked his first order.

"Yes Boss," he replied with the automated response.

"I want a full background on Petty Officer First Class, David Livingston." Gibbs spoke to his senior field agent without a look in Tony's direction. This was a tactic usually employed so there would be no time wasted. "I want to know everything about David Livingston, from the day he was born until he died…"

Instead of the usual _on it boss,_ a snort came from Tony's direction. Gibbs stopped as Tony looked down and gave a small laugh. He coughed a couple of times to rid the smile from his face before eye contact was made with his boss. "On it, Boss," he eventually replied.

"You think there's something funny about this DiNozzo?!" Gibbs used his seriously-angry tone. The tone was usually reserved for Local LEOs or even Fornell at times, but never had been aimed directly at Tony. "Tell me what you find funny about the death of Petty Officer First Class, David Livingston," he asked with the usual no nonsense voice.

Tony lowered his head again and shook it before raising his eyes. "No, nothing funny, boss. Nothing at all," he denied profusely. Yet his mouth betrayed him and he buckled beneath Gibbs glare. "Livingston. Livingston," Tony shrugged his shoulders.

Had everyone lost their sense of humor? He asked himself. "Come on… Livingston, as in Livingston Seagull. Jonathan Livingston Seagull was a 1973 movie. It was directed by Hall Bartlett and based on a book by Richard Bach. Come on, classic." Tony went into the longwinded movie reference. "One of the stars is Kelly Harmon. It was a movie about a seagull being bored with being part of the pack and-…….."

Gibbs cut him off with a hard head slap. It was out of pure impatience and anger with his senior field agent. "Are you bored with being part of a pack DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked him.

"Not at all Boss," Tony looked at Gibbs with quizzical eyes.

"Then I suggest you check your sense of humor at the door and do your job before I fire your ass," Gibbs raised his voice once again. "I want full background information. I want to know of any reason why he turned up dead. I want to know why he was in that park," The team continued to their desks. "David. I want you to pull up his financial statements, bank account actions and anything he bought. I want his financial actions traced from when he was last home to when he left the ship" Gibbs ordered as he walked through the bullpen. "McGee! I want you to go down to Abs and see if she has anything and then pick up the Autopsy report from Ducky. After you've done that, you come back up here. I want his phone records brought up. See who he's being talking to and if there's a connection anywhere," Gibbs said on the way out. "I'm getting coffee," he said as he turned back to go upstairs to the offices.

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_**NCIS LAB**_

McGee took the evidence straight down to Abby. He couldn't stop the thoughts about Tony's behavior and how odd his co-worker had been lately. Ziva was sure that Tony had found another girl, only McGee had his doubts. They had heard nothing about any of the latest conquests albeit his demeanor was a bit to carefree and happy. Maybe he should talk to Gibbs about Tony's usual behavior, then again he figured the boss probably had noticed and he didn't want to get yelled at.

"All this lovely evidence just for me?" Abby asked in her overly excited tone. "Oh, McGee you shouldn't have," she joked.

McGee smiled as he thought about how Tony's actions were becoming more like Abby's each day.

"No problem," was all he managed to say. His mind went back to the crime scene and on Tony's odd behavior… Not that it ever left.

"What's wrong McGee?" Abby asked as she put the evidence bags on the counter. Those could wait a few minutes while she probed McGee for what was clearly bugging him.

"What makes you think something's wrong, Abs?" McGee asked.

"You're right in front of me and you're a million miles away," Abby said to him. She knew McGee so well and knew how to get him to talk. "If you don't tell me, I won't let you leave until you do," Abby warned in a very serious tone.

"Gibbs would be pretty mad if I don't get back," McGee warned and hoped that would be his ticket out of the Lab.

"Oh but he won't be mad at me," Abby grinned.

McGee shook his head, knowing that she was right. "It's Tony," he sighed. Abby waited impatiently for an elaboration, "the whole thing's crazy," McGee continued, making sure to tread carefully as he spoke. "We were at the crime scene doing our usual stuff and Tony was actually sketching a couple of birds in a tree instead of the crime scene," McGee summarized the events.

"Are you sure?" Abby asked. Of all the things that could have happened at the scene she was in no way prepared for that revelation.

"Gibbs was pretty mad about it," McGee explained. "He was absolutely livid. He made Tony ride in the back of the van after leaving the scene," he said. Tony always rode the front.

"Ooh," Abby was deep in thought for a moment. "That IS bad. Something's been going on with Tony lately."

"It can't be a girl or else we would have heard about it," McGee told her a bit worried. After all, Tony loved to talk about his latest exploits at great length.

"Not necessarily," Abby said as she walked to the computer before turning around once again. "Unless… Unless it's someone that works in NCIS," she concluded. Her mind started to race, she liked to keep folders in her mind like on a computer. She rearranged them until she got to her Tony folder. She looked through it while she listened to McGee.

"Tony wouldn't do that," McGee's face changed expression to a shocked look. "Would he break rule twelve?" He asked.

Finally she found the part she was looking for," He has done it before, McGee," Abby told him. "Before you came to work here, Tony hit it off with the then Director, Tom Morrow's assistant," Abby explained to him and then continued, "so of course he'd keep this one secret," she told McGee.

"Really?" McGee asked. "The Director's Assistant?"

"That's what I just said McGee," Abby was clearly annoyed. "Are you going to repeat everything I say?" McGee shook his head very quickly. "Good," Abby continued on. "When Tom found out about it, he went straight to Gibbs who went straight to Tony and well let's just say everything exPLODED like Vesuvius. Gibbs and Tony refused to talk for a week… A week! You realize how long that is in NCIS time? That's like forever," she said.

"Well it can't be Jenny's assistant," McGee said. "Cynthia's married," Though not too many women were immune Tony's flirtatious attempts. McGee has never heard Tony flirting with a married woman before… Even he had his rules about women.

Abby punched McGee in the arm. "We have to find it out before Gibbs does," Abby stated matter-of-factly. "We have to put a stop to it before HE does," she quickly rambled. "We have a mission McGee. This is a matter of life and death. This stops before boss-man finds out,"

McGee sighed. "Fine," he conceded. "But first, Gibbs wants those looked at. He wants the whole thing on the leaves and rock, especially," McGee stated.

"Right on it," Abby said. "And remember; find out the name of Tony's new fling." Abby yelled out to McGee as he headed out the lab door on his way to the elevator and up to the bullpen. Abby hoped this would throw McGee off the track if he looked around. She knew they'd never think it was her. Yet Tony never acted this way before when he had a girlfriend, she mused about it as she began to her work.

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_**NCIS Bullpen**_

Tony swung his chair around and watched Gibbs double time it up the stairs before turning his attention back to the monitor and began to type away. He placed his fingers around the large and now cold cup of coffee. He then drank some of it before he placed it back on his desk.

Ziva was put on hold as she had called the bank. It was the second time in as many minutes that she was forced to listen to the blasted hold music. She tapped the pencil on the table impatiently as something across the bullpen had caught her eye.

Tony threw a peanut straight in the air, leaned back with his mouth open and waited for the peanut to come down. He chewed with a smile before he swallowed. The two storey roof space meant that he could toss it as high as he could and often wondered how close he could get to hitting the ceiling from where he sat. He threw another peanut up in the air.

"Tony!" Ziva yelled at him.

Tony jumped slightly before he looked across at Ziva. "Ouch," he winced as the peanut hit him on the head. "What's up Zee-Vah?" Tony asked.

Ziva gave him a quizzical look. "What the hell are you doing?" She asked him. "If Gibbs comes back and sees you throwing your nuts up in the air and chomping on them he is going to be pretty plastered," Ziva warned him, and made sure that her voice was only loud enough to carry over to Tony.

"I think you mean pissed, Ziva," Tony lined up another peanut to swallow. "Almost a perfect score," Tony said. He was proud of his efforts.

"Alright… He will be pissed at you if he sees you chomping on your nuts," Ziva said, exasperated. When Tony laughed as he put the peanuts away, she was even more furious at his nonprofessional attitude. But there was something else. She realized she hadn't seen him eat too much over the last few days. For someone who devoured lunch in minutes, not to eat was unusual. "Actually, Tony… I think you should go and get something to eat," Ziva said still eyeing him. "Can you hang on a minute?" Ziva asked into the phone.

Tony pulled out his packet of peanuts and shook it so it rattled loudly. He threw another peanut up to catch and then drank the remainder of his coffee before tossing the empty cup into the trash. "I was eating Zee-Vah," he said as he ate some more peanuts.

Ziva put the phone down. "Something more substantial than peanuts," she told him. "Go to the cafeteria and have a big hamburger or a hotpup," she said.

"Hotdog," Tony said as he stood and placed his hands palms down on his desk to balance himself. "Don't you mean hotdog?"

Tony's leaned on the desk for support. This didn't go unnoticed by Ziva's observant eye. "I know what I meant," she snapped. "And yes, you should eat something… I think your blood sugar is low," she pointed out that he needed to lean on his desk, probably because he had trouble with his balance from the low blood sugar.

"I got it," Tony held a finger up before he slowly pointed it at her. "You care for me… Ziva the assassin has feelings for me," he teased in a sing song manor while he walked over to Ziva's desk and placed his hands down on it. "You really do care," he leaned forward a little.

"Yes, I do care," Ziva replied. She defensively tried to escape his gaze that pried into her. Tony moved his head to try and make eye contact. "You are my partner," she finally looked up. "I think your blood sugar is too low and it is causing you to act off. Look at yourself, you can barely stand straight," she said and hoped he understood what she meant. Ziva knew when blood sugar was low that a person might not understand things they were told. Also, she knew that low blood sugar could look like the person was drunk and eventually, not be able to function and pass out. She was very worried about him.

Tony leaned in further and lifted one hand. He began to run it through her hair, lightly. This action made her feel uncomfortable since they were at work. "I didn't realize how much you cared, Zee-Vah," Tony told her as he continued to stroke her long hair.

"Will you stop that?!" Ziva asked and then warned. She immediately grabbed his wrist and pushed it away from her hair. "Gibbs will be back any minute and if you're not going to eat then you better start doing some work or he will kill you," Ziva said and tried to get him away from her desk so she could get back to work.

"Oh, come on," Tony whispered to her quietly. "You like it," he started to stroke her hair again. It felt smooth and there wasn't a hair out of place. It was nice. It felt right.

Ziva grabbed his wrist again and as tightly as she could. "That is it! You really need to eat something now!" She growled, frustrated with his actions. "You have not been eating a lot lately and if you do not stop touching me I will resort to hurting you," Ziva warned with all seriousness.

"I'm not hungry," Tony responded in a childlike but rebellious tone. "And I know you really don't want me to stop. You're enjoying it," Tony laughed as he pulled his arm from her grasp and then he reached over again and actually ruffled her hair.

Ziva had had enough by this time. She'd warned him plenty of times. Now she was forced to take action. Ziva stood to her feet and grabbed his wrist. She moved fast, put him into a hammerlock. She then pushed his chest into the desk and pulled his arm behind his back before she pressed her elbow, hard, between his shoulder blades "Go get something to eat," Ziva said as she whispered into his ear with a deadly tone. "Then come back here and finish your work before I decide to report you," she hissed. "Well?"

Tony's body relaxed with surrendered. "Alright," he said to her before she let him go and left the bullpen to head for the cafeteria. "I'll be back," he added.

Ten minutes later Tony returned with a large coffee and a hotdog. He sat down, pull open his desk draw and then put in sugar and powdered creamer. He took a bite of his hotdog and then sipped his coffee contently. He looked at the half eaten hotdog and threw it into the trash can by his desk.

"Happy now, Zee-Vah?" He asked with a light hearted smile.

"You should have eaten more and should stop drinking so much coffee. I think you are getting worse than Gibbs, yes?" She eyed him.

Tony shrugged, "I ate something like you asked. Am I really drinking as much as Gibbs? Hmm, I just can't help it. This new powdered creamer I found tastes great. I get it down the street, one jar for here and one for home. You should try it. I guarantee you'll love it." He winked at her.

"I do not think so, Tony. I prefer tea, sometimes coffee. Now get back to work, Gibbs will be down soon." She told him adamantly.

"Yes, he will. Ok, what was I doing again?" He asked thoughtfully.

"Tony, you did not eat enough, you are not thinking clearly. Gibbs told you to do a Background check on David Livingston. Now I must finish my work." She shook her head, there was nothing else she could do at the moment and hoped that her partner would not pass out. She reached for the phone and quickly eyed Tony to make sure he was at work before she dialed.

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_**Jenny Shepard's Office**_

Gibbs entered Jenny's office in a sedate way. He had waited until Cynthia told him he could go into the Director's office. This was something that surprised Jenny more than anything. Jethro usually just seemed to barge in whenever he felt like it. There had to be something wrong for him to act so differently.

Jenny gave him her undivided attention. "What can I do for you Jethro?" she asked.

Gibbs thought for a moment before he answered. This wasn't something that he'd normally talked to the director about. He would usually handle his team the way he saw fit. Tony's erratic behavior was a situation that he thought would be better to involve Jenny. Maybe he could get some information from the NCIS Director. Tony's strange behavior had been going on for about a week now. He'd seen the affect on his senior field agent and the disruption with the rest of the team

"It must be serious," Jenny prodded him to continue.

"Has DiNozzo been doing some extracurricular work for you? An undercover op?" Gibbs knew on occasion that Tony had done some surveillance and undercover work for the hierarchy when needed. Maybe Tony was stressed about something and that's why he'd been so strange in the way he acted.

"I couldn't tell you if he was… But he isn't," Jenny said. Gibbs' gaze met hers to try and see if she was hiding something.

"What is this about Jethro?" She asked with concern. "Is there something I should know?"

Gibbs shifted in the chair. He felt like telling Jenny was a betrayal of his senior field agent, only his behavior had to be brought to the attention of the superior. "I think there's something going on with DiNozzo," Gibbs relayed what he thought.

"And you thought you'd come and accuse me," there was a hint of a smile on her face.

"Not at all Madam Director," Gibbs responded. "I am exploring the avenues and I thought that I'd do the right thing and report that my senior field agent is behaving erratically," he explained to her.

"Shall I suspend him or perhaps force him on leave?" Jenny asked Gibbs.

Gibbs moved his head from one side to the other. "I don't think that'd be a great idea. He's been able to perform his duties," _with some persuasion._

"And you are bringing me this because?" Jenny asked.

Gibbs stood up. "In case anything out of the ordinary happens. This way you'll know that I haven't been holding out any important information. And, you'd also be able to deal with it if the need be," Gibbs told her. He hoped to god that it wouldn't come to that, perhaps this was just a phase Tony was going through.

"What has he done?" Jenny asked for him to elaborate.

"Nothing major," it was a lie. He feared that if he was totally honest with her, that that could spell the end of Tony's career. There's no way in Hell he was going to let that happen. "Just some little things… He's having trouble concentrating since his mind keeps drifting off to God knows where," Gibbs said.

"He could be having personal problems… You know what his personal life is like," Jenny commented before Gibbs left.

"That I do," Gibbs said.

"Thanks for bringing this to my attention and keep me in the loop," Jenny said but received no reply before the door closed behind Gibbs.

The day had been a long one. The team had come up with some of the things that Gibbs wanted but had to wait for others. Gibbs looked at his watch, he knew they had a murder to solve but also knew the team was running ragged. They had case after case lately only having one day of paperwork and cold cases before the Warren case had come in. Now it was the Livingston case, his team needed sleep, needed the weekend off. Though he'd rather work through the weekend himself, he knew that the team had been on call three weekends in a row. He'd have to put this case on hold until Monday. On Monday, hopefully they'd look at it with fresh eyes and find something.

"Pack your things and go home, get some sleep and a good meal. Oh and take the weekend off." He ordered going back to finishing what he was doing.

Three faces looked up in shock expecting to spend the whole night at the office.

"Boss, you sure?" Tony asked cautiously.

"Yes, DiNozzo, I'm sure." Gibbs grunted.

"But this is not like……" Ziva's was cut off before she finished her thought.

"Ziva, all of you, out! I gave an order and I expected you to listen. Monday, 6:30 A.M. and no one be late. Fresh eyes can make this case come together. Now Get!" Gibbs growled and then waved his hand.

McGee didn't say a word not wanting to be yelled at. He packed up along with his team mates. They all headed quickly to the elevator and a well deserved rest.


	9. Chapter 9

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER NINE

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N On chapter eight I thought it would be funny to have Tony refer to the book Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Craig being so into movies and references and just a great guy got the idea to look it up on IMDB and found out there was a movie from the book. I was shocked when Craig told me that it was indeed a movie. Also that Kelly Harmon was in that movie, it surprised us both and we thought it funny to use it. She is Mark Harmon's sister. So just a bit of trivia for you all from the last chapter.

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**FRIDAY NIGHT**

Everyone had left including Gibbs, as per his orders. Tony had gone home but couldn't sleep so he decided to go back to the office and get some paperwork done. Tony sat in the bullpen and was working on the many order forms he had to send out. At least he wouldn't have to do this on Monday. He could start fresh without the order forms hanging over his head. He checked his watch and it was almost eleven pm. That didn't matter, with nobody in the bullpen to annoy meant that he could get stuck into the work that couldn't be completed within the normal timeframe. Tony placed the third form on the desk and squared it perfectly. _I'm getting like Agent Lee and that obsessive chick from JAG_ Tony laughed to himself. _Wonder what she's doing now?_

'_Faith Coleman would be sleeping right now of course, surrounded by her perfectly squared off bedroom furniture. Tony could easily bet that she keeps a jar of perfectly sharpened pencils on the bedside table. He could picture it so vividly. Her uniform is neatly tucked away in the wardrobe with all the rest. The wardrobe's cut off into even sections. Tony removed the sheet away just the way Faith likes it, evenly to reveal her body covered in wrinkle-free silky night attire. Faith moved slightly as Tony ran his hand beneath the attire from her waist to her breast. She moaned again as he leant down to kiss her on the cheeks. Slowly his lips moved towards the mouth and brushed against Faith's lips'_

"Holy shit,"Tony feverishly rubbed his eyes. He must have been asleep to even think those thoughts. "I need Coffee," he said to nobody and stood up to go to the Coffee machine. He brought back a cup and began the usual ritual of mixing in his Sugar and Hazelnut creamer into it before he stirred it.

Tony decided it was a good night to time his work. Perhaps it could increase his efficiency. He clicked the button on the part of his watch to begin the stopwatch which started ticking. He rushed through the forms making sure to sign each one at the bottom. After he'd finished he placed the forms in a neat pack before stopping the watch.

"Yes!" Tony leapt to his feet. "A New Guinness Book Record! Paperwork filled out and done, done, done," he exclaimed as he took the forms. He hit them against his desk so they were neat and orderly. He then put them in the usual spot so they would be ready for collection first thing in the morning.

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Things were going great in Tony's mind. He'd gotten through the requisition forms in virtually record time, also managed to fit in a good run before work. The constant exercising was something he always did to keep fit and fast since his days in school. The running also seemed to help his metabolism rate and to keep his weight down for sure. He remembered how his colleagues had made fun of his weight before and also noted that they hadn't done that recently. Things were definitely going the right way for him.

It was only a few hours ago that he had been at work, again and now was ready to get back to solving the case. Unfortunately there were some necessary things that needed to be done which had no bearing on the case whatsoever.

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_**The Navywink Battleship76 -- TUESDAY**_

Tony and Ziva were to spend some time going through Petty Officer Livingston's bunk area. They had to wait till the small battleship reached port. Ziva climbed aboard as Tony slowly followed behind. The slower pace didn't escape Ziva's attention. Nothing ever seemed to.

"What? No sprinting up?" Ziva asked.

"Can't run twenty-four seven, Ziva," Tony snapped, which made Ziva turn around quickly. "Hey, you weren't running when I was running… So excuse me if I don't go jumping around because you got an energy boost," he said as he approached Ziva who was waiting for him.

"That was uncalled for," Ziva retorted quickly as she stood there. "I made a simple comment. There is no need to get your stealers in a twist," she said flatly.

"Knickers, Ziva," Tony corrected. "If you're going to use Americanisms, at least get them right and stop butchering them," he told her. Ziva was a dangerous woman to cross but at the moment Tony just didn't care about that. She was really getting on his nerves.

"I speak many languages Tony," Ziva cut him off. "So if I get some things wrong, I do not care and neither should you," she said.

"Excuses," Tony walked past her.

"What is wrong with you?" Ziva asked as they showed their badges to the ship's captain and he allowed them through, unheeded after telling them where to find David Livingston's bunk.

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For most of the trip deep within the Navywink, it was with silence. The rest of the time was spent loudly communicating with each other. What started out as a simple disagreement now boiled over into something more.

"For someone who speaks so many languages why can't you grasp the English language?" Tony asked. It seemed quite puzzling to him and frankly her butchering of the language was now filling him with more tension than usual. He wondered if the others were pretty peeved about it as well.

"How about you try and learn Hebrew and speak it perfectly," Ziva didn't divert her attention away from where they were headed.

"Now what possible reason would I have to learn Hebrew?" Tony asked.

"Perhaps to expand your mind," Ziva responded. "Oh, I forgot who I was talking to," she added.

"Really clever Zee-Vah. And if you haven't forgotten I **do **speak two other languages, Spanish and Italian," Tony snapped as they showed their ID to Livingston's bunkmates. They began searching through his bunk area.

"Though you do speak two other languages, English is your first, yes? And it is not mine." She told him determined to make her point.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Tony waved her off and made sure she knew he wasn't conceding to the argument, just letting it go. Livingston's bunk mates didn't need to hear anymore and he just didn't feel well enough to continue and investigate at the same time.

Ziva grimaced at him before she went back to her work. To her mind she had won this round. Plus Tony didn't look well and they were here to do a job, so she dropped it and kept looking around.

There seemed nothing out of the ordinary around. There were the usual letters that were most likely from his family and friends and were neatly bound by brown string. "What do you make of these?" Tony asked. It was a dumb question also, but he certainly didn't think it deserved a dumb answer.

"They are letters, Tony," Ziva answered. She couldn't see what else he could be asking or seeing for that matter. It was impossible to see what were in them without opening them.

"Very clever," Tony said sarcastically. "You see the brown ribbon tied around the letters to keep them in the bundle?" He asked as he pointed the obvious out.

"Yes, Tony," Ziva answered with as much patience as she could muster.

"He was going to keep these letters," Tony explained. "It's an old sentimental favorite amongst family orientated people to tie brown string around the envelopes," he continued to explain. "I…" Tony's voice trailed off.

He bagged the letters and marked them. "What kind of man was Petty Officer David Livingston?" Tony asked the bunkmates that were curiously watching and listening to what was going on. He pulled out a notebook to start jotting down the testimonials.

Each of the people gave almost identical descriptions of the character except for the usual individual variations. That proved that there'd been no corroboration of their statements. They were not hiding anything nor did they have any reason to. The bundled letters spoke the truth, David Livingston was family orientated.

There was something about all this that was beginning to make sense to Tony. It seemed that he was liked on the ship, judging by those in close proximity. Therefore it had to be somebody ashore. His wife or maybe someone else's fiancée or husband. Tony swallowed hard as he stood up. "Petty Officer Livingston's body was found in a shallow grave. You probably have heard that, a… a little ship like this, scuttlebutt runs rampant," he said as he swallowed once again.

"Tony?" Ziva asked as she noticed Tony's complexion turn pale.

Tony waved her away. "Was Petty Officer Livingston overly friendly with anybody?" Tony asked. "You know as in…" He felt his stomach rising and he felt strange. "You know, an unusual," Tony rubbed his brow and noticed the sweat. "What I'm asking is… Where's the head?" Tony asked.

"That way," one of the bunkmates told while he pointed in the small opening near the back of the area.

"Thanks," Tony almost lost it before he had the chance to get to the head.

"Tony?" Ziva asked as she watched him make his way to the head. "Are you alright?" It didn't matter that there were people there to see her concern for the partner.

"Ask the questions," Tony said without turning his back.

Ziva turned back around. "What I think my partner was asking is, was there anyone on board that Petty Officer David Livingston was very friendly with?" She asked the group.

"I don't know what you're implying ma-am," the younger officer said. "But David wasn't involved with anyone that way," he continued. "He talked extensively about his wife and family. To accuse him of being unfaithful is just unimaginable," he added.

"What she meant to ask," Tony leaned against the doorframe as if for support. "Was there anyone in particular on board that he confided in or spent a lot of time talking with?" Tony added.

"Not that I'm aware of," the young officer answered. "But there's a lot of goings on and it's possible that we missed things," he added quietly.

"Thank you for your co-operation," Tony said. He was relieved that they were being helpful to the NCIS agents. That was a rarity. "It's rare to find people so helpful with us," he commented. Ziva gave him a questioning look, asking if he was ok to which he responded with a slight nod.

"David was a good man. He was friendly, kind and willing to lend an ear," Another of the bunkmate answered. "He died too young and we want to know what happened to him," was the final vocalized thought.

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_**NCIS HQ**_

McGee knelt down in the back of the truck as he was restocking the compartments. There was not much they could go over until Ziva and Tony arrived back from their visit on the Navywink. Tony had filled out the forms and the equipment was left near the truck by the delivery personnel. McGee looked quizzically at the minute amount of boxes of gloves that lay before him. Five boxes sounded and looked like a small number. He checked the requisition forms once again, that was the amount ordered.

It took ages to fully stock up the van since most of the compartments were now fully stocked and in some parts were overflowing. It was finally finished and he could get back to work in the squad room.

"You get it all done McGee?" Gibbs asked as McGee entered the bullpen carrying some paperwork. "Is everything alright?" He asked as McGee brought over one requisition form in particular.

"Um, there's been a mistake with the order of gloves," McGee responded as he pointed it out. He knew that Gibbs had trouble reading forms without his glasses.

"I didn't sign these," Gibbs said as he looked them over while keeping the papers at arm's length. "Five boxes of gloves?" Gibbs asked. The order should have read twenty five boxes he surmised. "How's the supply going?" There must have been a reason why Tony put such a small amount.

"We've got two boxes of gloves left. If we don't get too many crime scenes between now and the twentieth next month we might just make it," McGee said cautiously since the twentieth of the following month was the next delivery of stock date. If push came to shove they'd either have to raid another team's stock or maybe buy the stock out of their own pockets. "I thought I had better bring this to your attention," McGee replied.

Gibbs nodded as he looked over the form once again. Tony had simply left out the two before the five. But, also, Tony had let the forms go in before having them checked over by the superior… That was more than a mistake, _which _was a probie's mistake. He'd expected this kind of mistake in someone's first couple of months. Tony had learned how to do this quickly when he first started which had made Gibbs proud. And, Tony had been doing this paperwork for a few years, with no mistakes, especially mistakes like this. This wasn't like Tony to be so sloppy. He took pride in how well he did this paperwork and other types of paperwork.

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Tony sighed as he and Ziva left the elevator with their evidence. "You still look like crap Tony," Ziva observed his tired and pale look.

"Well thank you, Ziva," Tony adjusted his shirt collar by tugging at it a little. "I'm going to the cafeteria. I need coffee. I'll catch up with you," Tony concluded.

"Is that what this is? You are jittery, tired and sickly because you have been without caffeine?" Ziva shook her head. "I will meet you back in the bullpen Gibbs," Ziva smiled at her little joke.

"Very funny," Tony responded without turning around.

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"Where's DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as soon as she walked into the bullpen. His tone meant that he was not in the mood for exchanging pleasantries. In fact, Gibbs sounded very angry.

"He is at the cafeteria, Gibbs," Ziva answered as she placed the bag on the table. "What we have here is the story of David Livingston's life aboard his ship," she told Gibbs. "Everyone spoke highly of him and he was a family man on shore leave," she added. "What we have here is family pictures, letters and also character references."

"I want you to call up Penelope Livingston and request any letters that David had sent her," Gibbs ordered. "Do it tactfully," he warned her before she got to the desk. "McGee… Start reading through some of the letters," he tossed the bundle over to McGee who'd just managed to catch it.

They began doing their jobs as DiNozzo walked in with two large cups. "Hey Boss," Tony said casually as he sat down at his desk. He was too busy rummaging through the draw to notice Gibbs standing right in front of him.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs said in admonishing tone. Tony had finished making his coffee and then started gulping it down. "You filled out these requisitions," it was a statement rather than a question.

Tony eyed them over. "Yeah, these were the reports I filled out the other night," Tony said while nodding. "What's the problem?" He asked, finishing the first cup he had, threw it in the trash and then started on his second cup.

"You dropped the two," Gibbs pointed it out. "We've only got five boxes of those instead of twenty five. Also you're suppose to leave them on my desk so I could check them over and sign them," he said. "Any particular reason why you wanted to bypass procedure?"

"It must have slipped my mind," Tony shrugged his shoulders. He made the mistake and there was nothing that could be done about it now. It was too late. "You want me to make a Delorean Boss?" Tony asked without looking up.

"What? Forget it, I don't want to know," Gibbs responded quickly to stop Tony from elaborating. "Your mistakes with this is something that I'd expect a Probie to make," Gibbs waited for Tony to look up. "Am I going to have to swap you and McGee around by busting your ass down to Probie?" Gibbs asked him.

"I know I screwed up Boss," Tony said calmly. "But mistakes happen."

"Not like this, DiNozzo," Gibbs said. Again Gibbs mused how this was not like DiNozzo to make an error like this and then have such a nonchalant attitude. "Don't think this is over," Gibbs said to his senior field agent. The only reason he wasn't continuing this, was the work that needed to be done. "Read through these," Gibbs took some letters and dumped them on Tony's desk. "I'll speak with you later," he warned.

"Gibbs," Ziva caught Gibbs' attention. "Penelope Livingston has given the go ahead to look through David's letters that were sent," she said. "However, she can't make it out this way to drop the letters off. So I was…" Ziva explained.

"Well go and collect them," Gibbs ordered. "Come straight back," he said. Lately it seemed it was harder to reel his team in. He felt a disturbance in his gut, there was something definitely going on somewhere… But what? He looked over at McGee who seemed to be trying not to blush at some of the letters' content but dutifully read through them. Color was returning to Tony's face but he assumed that was because Ziva had been driving and was probably still recovering. "Nah," Gibbs said quietly. Maybe the mistake was just a careless one and nothing more than what it was. Still, in the years Tony had been doing them, this wasn't like him, he made sure that no mistakes were made, made sure that they were signed properly and then made sure they went out on time. No, Gibbs had to push his senior field agent with a stern talk in his office, let him know how badly he screwed up and that it wouldn't happen again. They couldn't afford that, something worse could go wrong.

Gibbs stood up after allocating the team their duties. "I've got to get some autopsy notes from Ducky," he suddenly said. "DiNozzo, you're with me," He decided needed to address the situation of the forms with Tony. He'd done it in front of the team like he usually did, only with how serious this was, he needed to dig deeper and make sure DiNozzo got the message. This wasn't just about the mistake of the count, but also not having his signature on the forms. This couldn't happen again, his mind kept telling him.

The team was busy with sifting through the letters. Since he just gave the order they wouldn't be due for a break for sometime.

"On your six, Boss," Tony put the coffee down and jogged up to the elevator to catch up with his Boss.

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The doors shut, enclosing them in the metal container. Gibbs pressed the elevator button to go down to autopsy. Three seconds after it roared to action, he pressed the emergency stop button and it was silent. The elevator was transformed into a claustrophobic office.

Gibbs shifted his feet to face Tony. "You want to tell me what's been going on in your head there, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked him quietly. It was a tone that all members knew oh so well. There was a tearing down coming.

"I don't know what you mean, Boss," Tony faced Gibbs.

Gibbs notice that Tony genuinely looked like he didn't know what Gibbs was talking about "For starters you can tell me about how you made a mess of that order," Gibbs questioned.

"That was a mistake, Boss," Tony said somewhat sheepishly. Mistakes happened, it wasn't the first time and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last.

"You don't make those kinds of mistakes, DiNozzo," Gibbs said. Again he thought how sloppy the mistake was. He couldn't allow this to continue and it was disturbing. His senior field agent, who had always dotted the I's and crossed the T's on the forms and had always gotten all the forms signed, screwed up. He needed to know why this happened. Gibbs depended on Tony's knowledge to get this work done. The younger man had always done it quickly and accurately. And, Tony handled other paper work that was important, he couldn't let this slide

Tony looked down at his feet. Gibbs was right. The mistake was so unlike him. "I guess I've just had a few things on my mind lately," Tony defended his actions looking up at his boss. "I'll make sure it won't happen again," Tony again lowered his gaze in a submissive manner. He was partly hoping that would shorten the dressing down.

But Gibbs smelled blood. "Not that this is over. Don't even think it's over, DiNozzo," Gibbs told him sternly. "What about the other mistake? You're bypassing the chain of command. Me!" he raised the voice slightly.

"You were too busy… I thought it'd be better and less time consuming," Tony reasoned and tried to think more for an answer, "it seemed like a good idea at the time," he said. Well it sure sounded like a great idea, in his mind, anyway.

"You. Do. _NOT. _Go around me… You do _NOT_ bypass me under any circumstances!" Gibbs said with cold anger. "I don't care what kind of frame of mind you're in… You fill out the forms… You give them to me… I sign them… I send them. That's the way it goes. It doesn't change to suit you, DiNozzo," Gibbs growled out the orders, loudly at him.

"It won't happen again," Tony responded quickly.

"Damn straight it won't," Gibbs said quickly as if he foresaw that response. "But I'm going to make sure it doesn't. I want to check over those forms next time. I'm not writing you up, THIS time. This time is just a warning," the tone was threatening as well as fuming. The blue eye stared like lasers through the younger man, "And, you will be the one to get more boxes of gloves, not me, not Ziva and not McGee, and you WILL do it by the right procedures. And by the way, I'm forbidding you from calling McGee anything but Tim or McGee," Gibbs told him.

Tony's mouth fell open. "You can't do that," he told him. "You can't forbid me to do that. I can understand everything else and deserve it, but boss…." but of course, he knew otherwise and knew he wouldn't win, so he let it go.

"I am… I will… It's done," Gibbs said adamantly. "Are you going to stand there and tell me that you're going to disobey orders again?"

"Wouldn't dream of it Boss," Tony answered. "But what would -," Tony felt the pain of the head slap. "Hey now, what was that for?" He asked.

"That's what will happen when you forget," Gibbs responded as he pressed the button for the elevator to go. "Next time you screw up like this, I'll have McGee take your job and you will be Probie," Gibbs said seriously. "Do I make myself clear, DiNozzo?" He asked.

"Crystal, Boss," Tony said.

"Join the rest of the team, DiNozzo," Gibbs told him once the elevator doors opened to lead into autopsy.

"Sure Boss," Tony replied as he hit the button to go up.


	10. Chapter 10

_**LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER TEN**_

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

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Tony flipped through another letter. It seemed that Penelope and David Livingston were really into writing letters to each other. He glanced at McGee who was busy with his own pile. What made it worse was that this was only half of them. There were more letters to read. Tony tossed another one aside.

"This is much the same old stuff," Tony said after carefully reading over them. "There's just no variation… Listen to this one. _Dear David… I love the look of your bunkmates and can understand why they might get into mischief. But you really mustn't let people lead you astray like that. TSK TSK. Yeah I understand that you need to let off some steam but don't carry it too far. I hope things are going well with you. _And Yada yada yada," Tony looked over the piece of paper, disgustedly and tossed it into the pile for those certain letters. They had several piles for different types of letters in order to find the right ones that would hopefully give them a lead, "sounds really exciting," he commented and went on to read another one.

Eventually, Ziva returned to the bullpen later in the afternoon with more letters. Now there were additional letters piled onto the desk. Right now, they were all sitting around Tony's desk with the unread letters stacked in the middle. Each time they finished reading one, they'd put it in the right stack. Then they'd each reach into the heap and pulled out, yet another one to read in their continual search.

Tony read over the letter in his hand a couple of more times. "Probie," Tony called to get McGee's attention. "Hey!" Tony yelled when McGee didn't answer. He knew since he didn't see Gibbs behind him, that he wouldn't get hit on the back of the head for his actions. He again studied the letter and with enthusiasm spoke out to McGee. "Oh right… McGee. What ship did Michelle whatshername serve on?" He let out an excited yell. This time he got the younger man's attention.

"Michelle White?" McGee asked.

"Yeah, Michelle White…" Tony asked. "Well?"

McGee looked through the notes from the Lewis Warren/Michelle White case. "What's this about Tony?" McGee asked. It was asked with impatience, since he had to fish the file out from the cabinet. He skimmed over the papers for the right information. "Michelle White served on the…" McGee's voice trailed off. "The NAVYWINK," he said, surprise in his voice.

"There's a connection," Tony exclaimed, holding the letter in one hand and hitting it again his other as he thought,. "Livingston has mentioned a woman named Michelle in a couple of letters," he passed it around to the others so they could read the connection he saw and had mentioned. "I'm going to go. McGee… File," Tony waited with an outstretched hand so he could retrieve the file. "I'll be back ASAP," Tony made a quick dash for the elevator before anybody could say or ask anything else.

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Gibbs walked into the bullpen and noted everyone hanging around the one desk. That made more sense than trying to spread the papers all over the place. There was one visible problem… Someone was missing and that was his senior field agent. The same field agent he'd just been talking to Ducky about. "Where's DiNozzo?!" Gibbs barked and startled the others with his suddenness.

"He's following up on a connection, um, a lead… I think, boss," McGee added the last bit without thinking.

"Ya think?!" Gibbs snapped.

"B-boss," McGee began. There was some inbuilt mechanism that switched on his stuttering problem when Gibbs intimated him. It did seem ridiculous when McGee took a step back and looked at it objectively. "He said he'd return ASAP. Tony did find out that Michelle White and David Livingston served on the NAVYWINK. David Livingston has mentioned her a few times in his letters," McGee explained. "I think Tony's gone to check with Michelle White's family. I believe he wanted to see if there was any mention of David in her letters to Lewis Warren," McGee continued on. "Tony just leapt up and then told us what he was doing before he ran out of here.

"Yes… Tony was out of here like a flash," Ziva echoed what McGee had said. She was somewhat annoyed with Tony. She didn't care for the way he left them to continue to sift through more letters, while he gallivanted off to follow the trail. It was more and more difficult to keep up with the way his thoughts jumped around. One minute he'd be unfocused and the next he'd brilliantly find a clue, yet he'd just run with it. This wasn't like Tony at all and it not only worried her, but annoyed her as well.

"Take a break," Gibbs told them. Their eyes were looking a bit bloodshot from the continual reading. "Take your phones. I'll call you," he sat down at the desk.

Gibbs didn't look up to see the two leave the area; his thoughts were in a different place. This _behavior _that Tony was showing was almost akin to a rebellion. Something was definitely seriously wrong with his senior field agent. He tried to think back over the last couple of weeks to see if he could remember anything he'd done to make Tony so angry. Perhaps he'd mistakenly said the wrong thing. Of all his team, Tony understood Gibbs the most. The angry moods and yelled order along with some insults would genuinely roll off the senior field agents back. He'd just nod with a smile and then cut the tension with a joke or movie reference. Yet there were times when Gibbs would say something without thinking and later realize he'd cut his second deeply with what he'd said. Those times he would think while he worked on his boat and drank shots of bourbon that he should talk to DiNozzo about what he had said. A few times he had spoken to the younger man, but most of the times he hadn't. He remembered one incident when he joked that hiring Tony seemed like a good idea at the time. This gave Tony the impression that Gibbs regretted having him on the team. Tony being insecure underneath all that bravado, acted out for the rest of the day.

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_**AUTOPSY**_

Ziva walked into Autopsy and immediately got Ducky's attention so that she could voice her concerns with the ME. Palmer quickly excused himself when he was asked to leave so that they could talk privately. "What seems to be the problem?" Ducky asked even though he could already guess.

"I want to talk to you about Tony," she said to him. She surmised that this wasn't his first conversation on the topic by his lack of expression. "I am not the only one who has seen you about this?" She asked.

"No, I'm afraid not," Ducky answered.

"He has been acting oddly, even for Tony," Ziva said to him, "at first I thought that maybe he had found a new woman, yet Tony has not mentioned names. I am beginning to think he is maybe sick with low blood sugar. His behavior is somewhat erratic, all over the place and he can not keep his mind on track," she explained her concern.

"I will have a talk with young Anthony when I get the chance," Ducky assured Ziva.

"You can not say anything to the others," Ziva begged Ducky, which she wasn't used to doing. If word got out that she had been talking about Tony this way there could be hell to pay, "please… I know you are obligated to Gibbs, but can you not just give him a physical or a checkup. I am really concerned for him, Ducky," she told him, fret in her voice and in her eyes.

Ducky cursed internally. He valued his word highly and his code of ethics and so did everyone else. This case was one of a few where the ME actually contemplated his code, his word, which made him who he was. Times like this, he just wanted to throw it all out the window. That would be the only way he could tell everybody about what had been said to him. The care of their team mate and the knowledge that had been shared, it was just too sensitive. He sighed and let his conscious take control once again in order for him not to do such a thing. "I'll take your concerns under advisement Ziva and I'll keep an eye on Anthony," he assured her.

Ziva didn't look assured. In fact she felt far from it.. "Normally I would not say anything about Tony, it is just that his behavior is starting to affect his job performance," Ziva explained her reason for coming to the ME with her concerns.

"I understand Ziva," Ducky held up his hand to stop her from worrying. A simple gesture to let her know it was alright to come to him about her concerns for her colleague. "What else have you observed?" He queried.

"Tony seems to be unfocused at times and really can not take things seriously. I know, but it has been worse than usual. That, and again he's been really unfocused and acts like he has a memory problem, but that could be the same as being unfocused, yes?" she explained, and asked only to try and answer herself. "And he has been acting like a… Jill all boxed in," she tried to get the words out.

"Jill all boxed in?" Ducky was used to people correcting Ziva's language mistakes, but this time he couldn't even think of what she was referring to.

Ziva thought for a moment as Ducky raised an eyebrow. "A Jill all boxed in," Ziva restated what she had said. Perhaps she did get it wrong. Too bad Tony wasn't there to correct her on it. "You know… Dada dadada dadadada da," she sung the tune of pop goes the weasel. "POP! AHHH!" She explained dramatically as she mimicked playing with a kid's toy.

"Oh, you mean Jack-in-the-box," Ducky said with a chuckle.

"Yes. He seems to be all over the place and bursting with too much energy," Ziva wasn't sure how to explain it much better than that. She knew it seemed silly talking so seriously about her partner being, carefree. Uncomfortable, Ziva checked her watch. "I am sorry Ducky but I must really get back to work," she said.

"Yes of course, my dear." Ducky replied. "Um, where is Anthony now?"

"Tony went to pick something up for a case," Ziva answered before leaving through the glass doors.

Ducky sat thinking after Ziva left. He'd now had the whole team come to him at different times over this erratic behavior. Everyone had talked to him about Anthony. The only person that hadn't come in yet was Abby and he knew she'd have noticed since the two young people were so close. He did figure on her coming in soon.

The question still remained. What should he do about young Anthony? And Jethro's asking about if Anthony had an injury he should know about and if the boy was on pain pills. That really bothered the older man. He didn't know why Anthony would hide an injury from him or Jethro. So he called the hospital and talked to the only other doctor that Anthony would allow to take care of him besides the ME, Doctor Pitt. Brad had gone through DiNozzo's file through the computer and saw that the young man hadn't been to another hospital. Brad then assured Ducky that he hadn't seen Tony for an injury or prescribed any pain pills for him.

Now, Ducky too, was curious what this behavior was all about. He could cancel the pain pills out for now. Especially after his investigation had found out there had been no prescriptions for pain medication, for the boy. The doctor knew that Anthony always had a bad reaction to any pain medication. Any would cause some of the symptoms that Jethro, Ziva and Tim had mentioned. So if there weren't any pain pills involved, what could it be? Maybe it** was** his low blood sugar. After all, Anthony wasn't one to take very good care of himself. He'd have to watch the young agent and see more of what he had been told. Maybe then he'd pull the man down for a full examination.

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_**Bullpen**_

Gibbs grunted in frustration. Tony's cell kept bouncing him to voice message. _Never be unreachable…_ Tony's behavior was careless and he'd never broken the rules like this. There'd better be s good explanation and not one of those stories he tried to tell in order to weasel out of a situation he'd screwed up. And if there wasn't, Gibbs knew he'd ring his agent's damn neck when he got back.

His cell rung and he saw the name, "DiNozzo" flash on the tiny screen. "You better have a damn good explanation as to why you saw fit to suddenly leave the bullpen without telling me or bringing back up. And something that shouldn't have taken you this long," Gibbs spoke angrily into his cell.

"Oh, hey boss," Tony replied cheerily.

The tone made Gibbs think of how Tony acted when he was on painkillers. Could he be taking painkillers, perhaps even abusing them? Ducky did say he'd look into his concern this morning. He'd have to check with his friend, "Where are you DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked impatiently.

"I'm on my way back Boss," Tony said. "I was just reading over some letters while grabbing a bite to eat. I do have some information," that was followed by silence.

"Care to share, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked.

"The food will be cold before I get back," Tony replied.

Gibbs jumped up from his chair and onto his feet. "DiNozzo!" His voice blew out in an angry tone.

"Boss?" Tony asked, not sure why he was in trouble. Did Gibbs tell him he was in trouble? He couldn't remember and that quickly passed as he dodged a car and smiled at how well he did it. Then he heard Gibbs voice from the speaker in the passenger seat and realized he was still on the cell.

"I'm asking you right now… What are you taking?" Gibbs demanded an answer, "and don't you think about not answering the damn question," there was silence on the other end of the phone. "DiNozzo!" He ordered a response.

"I'm having a hamburger with coffee," Tony answered matter-of-factly. "Do you want to hear what I found out?" He asked.

"No -," Gibbs began to say but was quickly cut off by Tony hanging up the phone on him. Usually Gibbs had that habit, but found himself shocked by Tony's disrespectful behavior.

"Hey," Tony said as he entered the bullpen and did his best to avoid Gibbs' glare with him, "just as I thought," he said walking over to stand in front of Gibbs desk, "both Michelle White and David Livingston wrote to their perspective partners about their relationship on board the Navywink," Tony explained as he placed the letters in front of Gibbs. "Michelle had written to Lewis Warren on a couple of occasions that she was breaking off their engagement as soon as she got to shore," Tony continued, "and now David Livingston is dead. Connected? I think so," Tony concluded, happy with himself. He then started to leave the bullpen, yet again, without saying where he was going.

"Where are you going, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, annoyed. He was still livid about the phone call earlier. When there was some free time after the case or anywhere in between he'd be pulling Tony's ass aside and have a talk with him. Have a real serious talk.

"I'm going to bring Lewis Warren into interrogation," Tony answered with a sigh, "you'd want to question him about this right?"

"Right," Gibbs replied. "You, McGee and Ziva bring Warren to interrogation room one, but do not say anything," Gibbs commanded. It was obvious that Tony would've been able to handle Warren by himself. He knew at the moment that at time Tony was unreliable and all over the place. So, he figured sending Ziva and McGee would get the job done right. Again, Gibbs found it was difficult to keep up with DiNozzo's trail of thought. But the agent did get the connection they needed. No matter how off Tony was he still had, as Abby would say, **mad** investigative skills.

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_**LEWIS WARREN INTERROGATION**_

Lewis Warren sat down nervously in front of Gibbs. Tony had pleaded to take the lead but a glare soon put an end to that. He explained everything from the letters to his boss. Gibbs even had skimmed through a couple of them to get the feel of what they were about.

"We found the body of a dead Petty Officer," Gibbs said after clearing his throat. He showed Lewis a picture. From their previous interrogation, Gibbs knew that photographs would tug at those heart strings. It had worked before and there was no reason why it wouldn't work a second time. Gibbs pushed the picture closer to Warren of David Livingston, "do you know him?" He asked.

"No," Came the flat answer. Warren's eyes betrayed him, showing that he was lying.

"Not personally," Gibbs stated. "You heard a lot about him though, didn't you?" He asked.

"No," Warren's voice was even less convincing.

"Come on," Gibbs said quietly. "Your fiancée takes the time to write you some letters and you don't read them?" Gibbs scoffed. "I thought you said you loved Michelle," he added to deliberately push those buttons.

"Well I did… I do," Warren stammered slightly. The barrier was beginning to crack.

"So are you going to sit there and tell me you have no idea who this man is?" Gibbs asked flatly. He saw no reason to raise the level of his voice or to change the tone. "I didn't become an agent yesterday," he added. "We've already read through a few of Michelle's letters and David Livingston's letters as well. Michelle mentions David and David mentions Michelle. Ring any bells yet?"

"Alright, so Michelle did mention him a few times," Lewis tried to play down the betrayal he felt.

"Let me guess. You felt that she betrayed your vows and she wanted to end it with you. Did Michelle ever say why?" Gibbs almost sounded caring.

"She said she couldn't get from me what she got from this David guy," Lewis said. "Michelle wanted something more and I guess she got it all from David Livingston," he concluded.

"That make you angry?" Gibbs asked.

"She was cheating on me… Engagement is a commitment and I hear that she's found another guy on the ship, it got to me, right in the heart, alright," Lewis answered.

"Oh she wasn't cheating on you," Gibbs corrected him. "Michelle and David were two family orientated people who found comfort with each other. It was a companionship that got them through their homesickness. You know, just picking each other up when they're feeling down," he said.

Warren's eyes told Gibbs exactly what he was thinking. "Yeah, that's right," Gibbs said coldly. "Did you call up David and arrange to talk?" Gibbs continued on without stopping. "Then you met him in the park and hit him over the head with the rock, right? In a jealous rage, isn't that it?" Gibbs asked.

"I didn't kill the guy," Lewis replied quickly.

"You led David into a quiet part of the park, waited till his back was turned and hit him over the head with a rock," Gibbs explained the scenario that had been played out during the recreation. "Then you buried him… You killed him and buried him!" Gibbs' voice was now elevated.

"No!" Lewis argued.

"Then how'd it go?" Gibbs asked. "It was you who was in the park with David Livingston. Did you two fight?" This question was answered with silence. "Is that what happened? You know you're not helping things by continuously lying to me…"Gibbs said.

"We had a fight, yes," Lewis blurted out. "I blamed him for taking Michelle away from me. If he was so damned family orientated then he should've kept himself away from Michelle. We had a struggle. I just wanted to scare him so I grabbed him by the jacket and he fought back," his gaze was lowered and he swallowed. "I tossed him to the ground and that's where he laid. He had blood coming out of the back of his head and I dug the hole and buried him," Lewis said with his head in his hands.

"But something interrupted you… You had to do what you could, quickly," Gibbs maintained his cold mask.

"People were coming into the park. I didn't mean to kill him," Lewis said. "That wasn't my intention," he tried to explain.

"According to our ME… The scenario was that David Livingston fell backwards on a rock causing the damage," Gibbs stood up. "You didn't kill him but you did cover up David's body. You covered it up and that's going to add to your troubles… Even more than you're already in," Gibbs made sure that Lewis knew that.

Silence followed as Lewis Warren was led out of interrogation. Gibbs knew that it was really out of his hands now and in the hands of competitive lawyers. But right now they had to get all they had together for the prosecution. The sooner that was put out of the way, the sooner he could deal with his other problem, DiNozzo.

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_**Bullpen**_

Tony knew that Gibbs would get the guy to talk. So, while his Boss was doing that, he took it upon himself to sort the letters out into their appropriate piles and then to the ones that had mentioned Michelle White or David Livingston to their respective partners. With coffee in hand he was ready to get it all done. Initiative was the sign of any good worker and he knew that getting the file together would be the next move.

"Hey Tony," Ziva said as she walked over to his desk. "You missed Gibbs interrogating Lewis Warren again," she told him. It was somewhat of a surprise since Tony rarely missed one of Gibbs' interrogations.

"I knew what was going to happen," Tony said. Of course it was obvious. Gibbs always got the truth out. "I know I've been getting on your nerves the last couple of weeks," he stated out of the blue.

"Yes Tony, just a little," she sat down at the desk. Tony gathered the crime scene photos together. That would have to go into the file for the case.

"I know that this isn't going to make up for too much but I got you a coffee," Tony said placing the cup on Ziva's desk. It didn't make up for anything, but it was a nice gesture, he thought.

"Thank you Tony," Ziva said, but she handed it back. "As I said once before I'm more of a tea drinker," she explained her reason for handing the cup back. "Why not hand it to some other person that you have driven crazy?"

Tony nodded. "I think I will do that. You're so smart, but unfortunately the coffee would be cold and crappy before they get back. So, more for me," Tony sat back down at his desk and fixed both coffees.

"What are you doing?" Ziva asked curiously.

"I'm getting my report out of the way," Tony answered. Frankly, he was just trying to get back into everyone's good graces. "Gibbs is going to be asking us to do this the minute he comes back. And we have to get the files all together which will probably take until tomorrow. So why not get started on it now?" Tony asked. He moved the coffee out of the way in a reachable place. He moved around awkwardly in his chair until he was comfortable and then paused before resuming his work.

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Thirty minutes later Gibbs walked back into the bullpen. With finally breaking Warren and the case coming to a close, he forgot about the talk with Ducky over the pain pill issue with DiNozzo. He came back and saw his agents busy getting the case together for the lawyers and knew they'd then do their reports. Gibbs left to get coffee from Starbucks and relax a little before doing his own reports. He'd also have to check what his team put together in the file and then all their reports. The day was far from over, and he knew that closing out the case could take the team more than a day, maybe a few depending on what was needed. This was harder since they had to put two cases into one. He sighed at the paperwork ahead of him, ahead of them. He hated the thought of all that closing a case entailed.


	11. Chapter 11

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER ELEVEN

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N Another chapter that shows how things are with Tony away from work too. This is three weeks into the story, just to let you know. Again we thank you for all your reviews, which we love and it helps keep the story going.

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**TONY'S APARTMENT**

Over the past two weeks since Abby and Tony had talked about their friendship with benefits, they had been seeing a lot of one another. They still would go out or stay at his apartment, eat and watch a movie, one of them lying on the other's lap. The only thing that changed was they'd end up in bed together, exploring each other in many different ways. They enjoyed all the time they spent together. Enjoyed the way they used what they'd learned over the years about each other's sexual tastes and then discovered new things. Every time, both would be amazed at how well they complimented one another in the bedroom. Abby had stayed at Tony's many nights over the years, sharing the same bed only to cuddle and sleep. Now, she stayed after both had a work out and would cuddle up, pleased and sated. They had made sure nothing changed at work so no one would ask any questions. After all it was their business and no one else's.

Tony couldn't believe how great things were going with their deal. He had always enjoyed spending time with the young forensic scientist over the years. He didn't have to worry about his commitment issues and it seemed that their friendship was holding up just fine. He wondered if this was one of the reasons he was feeling so good these days. He had more energy and was happy. His co-workers were another story, making comments about some of his actions. Maybe they were just jealous, maybe curious about the unknown woman in his life that Ziva had brought up? She'd also been nagging him about not eating that much, which was unusual for the senior field agent. He would always eat several times a day. He just figured it was due to him and Abby and that part would wear off soon, though he knew Ziva was right about one thing, his low blood sugar. He figured the low blood sugar thing had something to do with his actions. Figured that was what made his team mates remark about those actions. He shrugged it off, knowing that it would fix its self in time and would try to remember to eat; only he wasn't very hungry lately.

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Abby lay in Tony's bed with a sheet loosely around her late on a Saturday night, more accurately, morning. She glanced at the clock to see it read 1:15 a.m. as her body still felt the satisfaction of the hours they had played. She sighed with physical contentment, yet her mind was working overtime and had been the past week or so. Abby had known Tony for sometime, they shared secrets they'd never tell anyone else. Matter of fact, Abby knew more about Tony than anyone else did. She was happy with their arrangement albeit it took her a few days to get Tim away from his questions. Questions about that incredible night that Tony and she had fallen into bed together. Still, she'd seen a difference in Tony, a difference that her colleagues had also noticed. He was more hyper-active than usual, which didn't bother her since she could be too. Only she knew Tony. Knew that it wasn't just what they were doing and how the secrecy added to the excitement of their fling that caused the change or had it? She hoped it was the reason.

There were times he couldn't sit still, times when he'd usually comment on movies which now, if he even followed them, were a miracle in its self. She'd been wondering like the rest of the team what was going on with Tony. Any little questions on the subject he'd wave off, saying he thought it was just the newness of what they were up to or the blood sugar that Ziva pointed out. And at first Abby bought that reason, but after tonight she didn't. He'd dragged her to a club both wanted to go to. And then, had out danced her in the mosh pit, jumping around and having so much energy that she finally had to drag him out, promising sex. But as great as the sex had been, his energy was over the top and even tired her out.

Well, there was only one thing to do, she thought. When Tony came back with their drinks she'd have a talk with him. She was wondering if it were drugs albeit he had told her over the years he had never done any, unless in the hospital. Most of the time, once he came home from the hospital he'd flush them. But her curiosity wouldn't stop. She had to ask him, again.

Tony came through the bedroom door, in his boxers. He carried a Red Bull for Abby and a large mug that Tony had bought since his others were too small, of coffee. His eyes shone as he smiled brightly at Abby and handed over the beverage. He then carefully got into bed along side of her and sipped more of his coffee.

Abby wondered if Tony was trying to be like Gibbs, or if like he said, really enjoyed the new flavor he'd found. She couldn't say anything about caffeine not letting you sleep because her body was soaked with it. She'd sleep, though not as many hours as most and knew that was from the caffeine. Even thought Tony was an early riser and ran before work, he slept less now as well. She sighed loudly catching Tony's attention.

Tony sat against the headboard, cocked his head and turned slightly at hearing Abby's sigh.

"Abs, what's wrong?" His voice filled with gentle concern, "Did I do something?" the voice came out quickly.

Abby didn't know how to start this conversation. They were so close that she figured just spitting it out would be the best way. After all that was what she usually did when she needed to talk to him about something that was bothering her.

"Tony?"

"Yeeeesssss?" His voice was teasing with a light smile. He knew something was up but couldn't bring himself to be totally serious. He'd have to really try, if something was bothering her.

"Um, we've been friends for a long time and tell each other everything. You know like what we've been up to, latest partners, past secrets and so many other things. We just confide and dump it all out and trust the other person to not judge and are there for each other. I mean that's what good friends do, not that we don't do that 'cause like I said we do and all. And…….." Abby was cut off from her rambling, rambling that the whole team was so used to, it was, Abby.

"Abs, you trying to tell me something? Maybe about our arrangement?" he didn't even want to think that she wanted to stop sleeping with him. He felt his heart racing more at the thought.

"Oh no Tony, that's not it at all." Her hand fell lightly on his bicep in order to reassure him, "it's just that I've noticed a difference in you and so has the team. I really saw it tonight at the club and then you were more, um, how can I say this, energetic? Not that that's a bad thing 'cause it's not, it's great but I know you and you are energetic just not **as** energetic……" Again she was cut off.

"ABBY!" Tony forced out sternly to stop the continual circle of words.

"Right, sorry. Well, I know we've discussed this before but I wanna bring it up again," She bit her lip, worried about how he'd take what she was going to say, "are you by any chance taking drugs, or maybe a doctor has prescribed you drugs for something?" There, it was out in the open. And, she could feel herself almost wincing at the way he might take her question.

"What?" He chuckled, put his coffee down and then had a hardy laugh.

"Tony, this isn't funny, I'm worried about you." Sincere worry and care tumbled out.

"Noooooo, no way!" he continued to laugh, "You thi ……you think……I'm using…..drugs?" came out in between gulping breaths and the laughter that still filled his voice.

"Really?" the question came out shyly.

"Yes, really. I told you so many times that I've never had the desire to do drugs, never tried anything unless in the hospital and had to take them. I've seen too many junkies and what happens to them when I was on the force to want that." his voice became quieter, softer as he stared straight at the wall, almost as if he were watching a movie on it. He wrung his hands on his lap before he continued, "Before that, my damn mother drank and, she took pills to escape my father and probably me too. But that doesn't matter, she took them to escape and I don't want that either, plus that's what caused her car accident and death." He swiped a shaky hand through his hair and looked at her incredulously.

"I'm sorry, Tony. It's just like I said and now I've got you all upset." Her eyes glanced at the shaking hand, "Why are you shaking?"

"Maybe because of my mother, maybe because of what you and now I find out the team might be thinking? Christ Abs, I'd never do that to myself, never. Please tell them that, ok? I don't wanna bring it up." Tony told her while he tried to pull himself back together.

The subject hadn't shaken him up at first, until he thought about his mother, and how things had changed in his life due to her use of drugs and alcohol. How things got even worse for him with his father after she died. Not that things with his father were ever great, but they tumbled in a downward spiral after his mother had died. And now the team thought what Abby asked was possible? He jumped out of the bed and started pacing. He couldn't sit still or even cuddle with her, or do anything, not with his mind racing at warp speed.

"Tony, calm down. Please." she begged him, "I'm sorry. I just needed to know and I'll tell the team. I'm just worried and so are they. Tony, please?" Abby explained and then tried to beg more for him to calm down. She felt so badly now. His mother and father was always a touchy topic and you never knew which way Tony's emotions would swing with that subject.

Tony felt like a caged animal, heart racing with fear and memories that played movies in his head. He had to get out, had to move, do something. Tony grabbed sweats, socks, sneakers and a T-shirt before starting to change.

"Abs, it's not you, really. I just need to run, I calm down and think better on the move. I just need to run far away from …..from…..these feelings. Back in 30 minutes, don't worry," He came over to the other side of the bed fully dressed in his running clothes, bent down and kissed her, "I'll be back" His eyes locked with hers.

Abby felt so horrible. Their eyes locked. Tony's showed the sometimes irrational fears he had and, she knew he saw sadness in hers. "Promise you'll come back in 30 minutes?" a child like voice came out.

"Promise, really." Eye contact torn away, a hand brushed black hair away from her face and then he left the room.

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Abby heard the front door close and looked at the clock to time him, 2:00 a.m. He better be back soon and I hope his mood changes. Maybe I'll join him in the shower, she began to plan. That would also make him and me feel better, get our minds in a different place, Abby contemplated.

Abby paced around in one of Tony's Ohio State shirts waiting for him. She looked at the clock again, forty five minutes and he wasn't back yet and it was so late to be running. She knew Tony ran to clear his head and that he was running from his demons. Still she worried until there was a click of the lock and the door opened. Abby ran over to Tony while he closed the door and locked it. She jumped into his unexpected arms, hugging him tightly.

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Tony unlocked the door. He'd run longer than he expected but he needed to chase away the dark thoughts in his head, needed to erase them. All he wanted was a drink and a shower. He walked in, closed and locked the front door. He turned around and was hit by a ball of fury. A body jumped into his arms, wrapped legs around his waist and was holding him so tight, strangling him. Abby. He knew she'd be worried when he had checked his watch on his way up to his floor.

"Abby, can't breathe." He crocked out.

"Oh my God, oh my God, I'm so sorry, but I was so worried about you." The words all came out in one breath. Her arms loosened from around his neck.

"Sorry, lost track of time." He held her backside and ran his hands to her thighs, loosening them and then slid her down his body.

She cocked her head. "You alright?"

Tony walked into the kitchen, took a paper towel and ran it over his brow to catch the sweat. "Yeah." He breathed out.

Abby followed him in and wrapped her arms around his waist from the back. She laid her head on his back and didn't mind the sweat soaked shirt. The wetness seeped into her face, and the smell surprisingly turned her on. Pheromones, she wondered? Well, whatever it was, it was Tony and she was glad he allowed her to hold him this way. She then felt his hands caress the top of hers.

"I need something to drink and a shower," he told her while he loosened her hands along with her arms before he turned to the fridge. He took out a bottle of water and downed the whole thing before throwing it out, "Going to take a shower now." He told her with a tired and weary voice.

"Hey, you mind if I come with you? I could wash your back and I could really clean your front. You know I do my best cleaning when I kneel." She eyed him with a sly teasing smile.

For the first time since the darkness of his past brought him down, a smile teased his face. "Oh yeah? Gonna show me?"

"You bet, mister." Abby took his hand and happily led him to the shower.

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**AUTOPSY**

Ducky sat at his desk filing out a file. He knew it was almost time to leave and go take care of his mother. God he hoped he didn't have to re-play the same episode of Jeopardy tonight. He had sent Mr. Palmer home a while ago after an autopsy and all the instruments were cleaned. He leaned over the file and signed his name before he sat up and sighed out of relief that it was done. He started to put the form in the file when he heard the shish of the doors open. He looked up to see the forensic scientist standing in the doorway, biting her lip and looking unsure if she should come in any further, This got a reaction from the ME, Abby never had trouble coming in to see him. He only remembered one time when a dream had kept her out for awhile until she was able to get over her phobia. She then ended up sleeping in autopsy and hadn't had a problem with the room since.

"Abigail?" Ducky questioned as he glanced up.

"Hey Duckman. Do you have a few minutes to talk?" She asked pensively.

Ducky pushed the form into the file and then slid it into his desk and locked it up.

"Of course I do, my dear. I've just finished. Come, have a seat." Ducky motioned to the other chair on wheels.

Abby smiled, sat down and then pushed the chair closer to her friend.

"Now what can I do for you?" Ducky asked and gave her all of his attention.

"Well I know you wouldn't tell anyone about this. I also know that people come to you all the time and you don't go and tell what they've said. I hope you don't, you won't, right?" She cocked her head before hurrying on, "of course you'd never tell anyone what I've said to you, you never do……." Abby was cut off by a look from Ducky.

"Ok, rambling, I had a lot of Caf-Pows today. I just don't know who else to talk to because I can't talk to Gibbs, and defiantly not Timmy, he'd freak on me. And Ziva, well she, I don't think she'd just talk to me without saying something about this." Her pig tails bobbed as she spoke, her face showed how nervous she was.

"Abigail, I can assure you I always keep a confidence. You know I have in our past conversations. Now, what is it that I can do for you?" Ducky assured her before he pushed for the reason she needed to speak to him.

"Well, it's Tony. I know that the team has seen some differences in him and I know you probably have too. Have you?" She stared, her eyebrow raised in question.

"I can say that I have seen a bit of a difference in Anthony over the past few weeks but nothing I saw was rash. I shall say he seems not to be taking care of himself. Why do you ask?" Now it was Ducky's turn to hear what Abby had seen. He had this conversation with Gibbs, Ziva and Timothy, but told no one, not even each other. Now seeing Abby he wondered how long before Jethro came back down to have this talk again.

"Ok, Tony's been doing some strange things. He isn't as focused as he usually is on a case or on outside things. Ducky you can't tell Gibbs, he'd kill us both. But you know that Tony and I have been friends for such a long time. I know more about him than anyone here. We talk and tell each other everything and now we crossed that line, you know, rule number 12. But it's not serious, we spoke about it and we aren't serious and keep our friendship separate from, well, um, other things. But I've noticed that he is distracted easily, hasn't been eating right. I mean we had pizza last night and he usually eats five slices and only had one. We also went to a club Saturday night and he dance more than me. And you know I'm the queen of the mosh pit. His energy level is higher than normal. He's so energetic he can tire me out and that's pretty hard to do. He did in the mosh pit. Oh, a mosh pit, you know what that is right?" She asked curiously

"My dear girl, you have explained that to me but I'll never understand how young people can jump around, bump into each other and basically hurt one another. I don't see the enjoyment of this said, mosh pit. But do go on." Ducky cut himself off and encouraged Abby to finish.

Abby giggled at how Ducky went on with his thoughts and how he described the mosh pit. She then took her cue to continue. "I had to drag him out and promise him sex. Oops, sorry, Ducky." Abby looked down, ashamed at mentioning sex in such a causal way.

"No apologies necessary, my girl. Now please finish."

"I don't know Duckman, but Tony is so sweet, a gentleman, he isn't what he shows everyone, you know?" She looked up to see Ducky's reaction.

"Yes, I do know and I know a bit of the reason for this. Of course I'd never say anything to young Anthony unless he came and spoke to me about it. But there are things in his file that are a mystery, so I called in a few favors to find out I'm afraid." Ducky's face heated in a blush.

"No, I understand, really. His childhood was horrible and he freaked out Saturday night, well maybe it was morning because it was after 1 A.M. when we spoke. Anyway, when I asked him if he were taking drugs, you know, or if he'd gone to the doctors and was given any. I can't believe that he just laughed, I mean really laughed. And then he told me what he's always told me, that he has no desire to take drugs what so ever. Especially after seeing junkies on the job over the years and when he was young how his mother died from drugs and alcohol." She trailed off and thought about the other night.

"How did Anthony, as you said, freak out?" This interested Ducky since he had investigated Tony's past the first year or two that he was at NCIS. He had found out the sad truth of the lads visits to the hospitals and the absence of visits to make sure he was healing right, or that his stitches had been removed. He had found out later that Mr. DiNozzo had a private doctor that would do this and then reasoned there had been more so called accidents that this doctor took care of in order to keep Anthony out of the hospital.

"Well, his mood changed and his moods can change fast these days, but that's what I've heard, he hasn't really been that way with me though. But instead of explaining and trying to figure out a movie we're watching like we used to, well, he doesn't anymore. He gets distracted and I'm lucky if we finish the movie, but that only happened a few times." Abby sighed.

"Abigail, how did Anthony get out of control? Did he hit you?" Ducky asked in concern.

"Oh no, no, nothing like that. He was sweet, but it was like his demons were after him. He went running at two in the morning, you know, to clear his head. He does that all the time. And also I think to try and out run those demons from his past. One thing I've learned is that I have to watch what I say about his past and if we talk about it I have to make sure he's either drunk or able to handle it, which he isn't really. And he'll tell me and then either get angry or sob and I have to hold him. He feels like it's weak to cry, his father always told him that DiNozzo's don't cry it's weak…..I think that's crap. But anyway, no he's never hurt me and won't. He treats me and always has treated me like a princess, or makes me feel special and I make sure I do the same for him. You know he is a very tactile person and I touch him a lot and caress his hair, he loves that, calms him right down. I think it's probably 'cause no one ever touched him as a child or as a teen, not even his mother who was a lot nicer than his father. And now I'm way off what I came down to talk to you about." Abby realized that she had been so worried about her friend that she had spilled things to Ducky that she had promised she would never tell a soul. That wasn't her. She always kept her promises, never telling anyone.

Ducky lifted Abby's chin. "I know you've told me more than Anthony would want me to know. Believe me I will not say a word. It would only embarrassed the poor boy and I'd never hurt him. He's been hurt too much already and I believe that is why he is afraid of commitments with his lady friends."

"Yeah, me too. But I just want to know if you see anything different about him."

"I have noticed he's lost some weight and now that you mention it he has been a bit distracted and at times seems to have more energy than usual. Some of this could be from his low blood sugar he usually eats many times a day, gives the vending machine a work out. And if he isn't eating right that would explain the distractions and also when he eats how it seems like he has more energy." Ducky stood up and motioned for Abby to do the same, "I'll keep my eye on him and see if there is anything else. If there is something then we will run tests and see if maybe his sugar is worse. And some of this maybe from the extra activities you both have been up to?" Ducky smiled.

Abby felt better now that she has spoken to Ducky. She sighed and then let her thoughts out. "You maybe right, Ducky. Tony goes on these pink clouds when he first meets a woman but not like this so maybe it's a bit of both…..Thanks Ducky for keeping an eye on him and you'll tell me if you see anything that isn't right? I mean he may be back to normal soon and it might be like you said, a couple of things mixed together."

"Yes, but of course I'd tell you if I think something is wrong. I'll watch to see if it's just more on his mind and his sugar. I will remind him to eat and I think you should make sure he eats when he is with you." Ducky knew he would get a hug from Abby. He planted his feet firmly when she wrapped herself around him.

"Thanks again Ducky. I do feel a whole lot better. And I know you won't tell anyone, especially Tony about what I said about now and his past. And that you won't tell Gibbs about rule twelve." She released the ME with a huge smile on her face.

"You can count on me, not a word will escape these lips." Ducky promised and watched the lab tech bounce out of autopsy feeling more like herself.

He smiled at how the whole team was worried about Tony and wondered if Tony realized how much they were friends as much as team mates. Ducky would watch Anthony to see if something more than his sugar and his sex life was what had him acting a bit oddly. The boy had been hurt too much by his so called parents and he hoped that there wasn't anything more wrong with the lad. He also hoped that Abby and Tony wouldn't hurt each other with this new addition to their friendship. He didn't understand it and wondered whatever happened to the old days as he put on his coat and hat and then turned off the lights to leave.


	12. Chapter 12

_**LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER 12**_

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N Well here's the chapter that will bring everyone closer to what's going on with Tony.

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They had closed both cases. Michelle White and David Livingston were both killed by Lewis Warren. They were finishing up their reports when Tim McGee decided he needed to look at the crimes scene photos again. Something he needed to see if he remembered it right. As soon as the photographs of the crime scene appeared on the large plasma screen they had Tony absolutely mesmerized. He mixed the hazelnut creamer into his coffee and vigorously stirred it before he took a large mouthful. Tony was sure that the photograph reminded him of something but couldn't quite place a finger on it. What did it remind him of?

Tony took the small remote off Tim's desk and moved onto another picture before he clicked back. The trees, the bushes and the leaves were very familiar. He moved his head from side to side a couple of times to get different angles while he sipped at his coffee.

Ziva walked past Tony and stood next to Tim who was intently watching Tony. "What is he doing?" Ziva asked. Since she had come back into the bullpen, Tony had been plastered in front of the plasma screen.

"I don't know," Tim said. "As soon as the photographs came up he's been glued to them and won't take his attention away," he explained. Tony's behavior lately had been so out of character. Though they hadn't said anything to Gibbs, they were sure and worried that Tony was on the edge, ready to fall off… Even with Gibbs.

Tony did hear Ziva and Tim talk. He just chose to ignore them. He looked at the coffee which was almost empty. They never made coffee cups large enough these days.

"Do you see an old girlfriend in that, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as he walked to his desk. He received no immediate reply.

"Ah, that's it!" Tony shouted. It was starting to become clearer now. He looked at the picture almost sideways and squinted and seemed to be engrossed in the study of some abstract masterpiece. "I know what it is," he said as he traced an imaginary line around the trees. "Can't you see it?" Tony turned around for the first time in awhile. He looked at his team mates, proudly, and hoped they too saw what he did.

"The curves… The lining and nature's perfection," his words came out quickly to them in awe. .

"An old girlfriend?" McGee gave the same educated guess as Gibbs had said a few minutes before.

Tony shook his head and smiled. "No," his voice trailed off. This wasn't an old flame; it was a brand new spark of pure passion. This was a fire that raged inside him. "Not old," he said without losing the smile. His mind drifted to the nights he had spent with Abby over the past four weeks. She was incredible and allowed him to do things to her that McGee probably only could dream of on a good day. And, she had proved that she could do to Tony what none of the other many women he had bedded could do. He was amazed at the pleasure they both brought out in one another, pleasure that they both admitted they had never felt before. He sighed at the thoughts that erased everything around him.

"Well Tony?" McGee had to pry. Even Gibbs had one eye and ear on the conversation. McGee stood up to hand a file over to Gibbs.

McGee brought Tony back to the present and he was glad that he hadn't become fully hard from his thoughts. Thank God for suit jackets, he smiled.

Tony then turned his attention and eagerly watched McGee walk by. "You know you're a real devil… You know that, right, Probie?" He asked.

"Excuse me?" McGee asked. He clearly didn't know what Tony was going on about, this time. The last several weeks, maybe longer, he and Ziva had to keep up with the jumps in Tony's thinking.

"You never told me how good Abby was in bed," Tony smirked. McGee never told him anything about Abby's prowess.

"So you and Abby did sleep together?" McGee said. "You and Abby?!" The realization hit him hard.

Gibbs and Ziva were now standing up straight, observing the conversation. Ziva stole a glance at the Gibbs wide-eyed stare. Abby was almost his daughter, well she might as well be. It was like an electric shock hearing Abby talked about this way.

"Hey, I wouldn't say we _slept _together. Usually we do," Tony waved his hand with a huge grin on his face. "A few times we just slept over the years. But now…… just these several weeks… Oh come on McGee, you must be able to see her perfect curves in this picture," Tony turned back around to gaze again at the pictures on the screen. He was stuck in his hazy and jumbled thoughts. He wasn't aware of what he had actually said. His mind raced too much, his heart pounded and the thoughts just floated around, like he could just pluck them out of the air. He just stood there with a smile. He moved back and forth between the squad room and his mind.

McGee wasn't usually a violent person, but to hear the disrespect towards Abby had pushed the wrong button. If McGee didn't react, Gibbs would have. Without any warning, McGee drove his fist deep into Tony's diaphragm muscle. He waited for the physical retaliation and verbal abuse that was sure to follow.

Tony didn't expect the punch and fell to the floor. He laughed as he lay there and tried to catch his breath. He made no attempt to lift himself up. "My God," he laughed some more. "When you wish to challenge someone it is customary to slap them with a glove… But you can sure as hell throw a punch, McTyson," Tony told him in between hardy laughs.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs interjected before things had a chance of going any further. "Pick your self up now," his tone was menacing but quiet. Everyone's attention was now on him. "This has gone too far," he said. Even Tony quieted from his hysterics on the floor. Gibbs caught his attention automatically from the years he'd worked under the man.

"Get up and go to the Director's office," Gibbs had to separate the two and, find out once and for all what the hell was going on.

Tony went back to his desk. His honed investigative skills were lost. He didn't realize that McGee and Ziva had turned their attention back on him.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked. "What the hell did I just say?" Gibbs felt like he was going burst a blood vessel.

"Hang on a sec will ya?" Tony responded as he grabbed some coffee creamer before leaving the bullpen. Everyone was virtually furious and he couldn't understand why, nor did he care at this moment.

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_**Jenny's office**_

Before Tony went to the director's office he needed to stop by and get some more coffee. He knew Jenny didn't expect him, so therefore she could wait a few moments. He knocked on her door and waited to be called in.

"What can I do for you Agent DiNozzo?" Jenny asked.

"Oh hey," Tony greeted cheerfully and shrugged. "Gibbs sent me up," he told her, "I've been a bad boy and Gibbs is sending me to the principal's office," Tony explained his reason for being there as he stood in front of Jenny. He smelled her perfume. "I like your perfume… Hm, what are you wearing?"

Jenny gave him a curios look and thought for a moment. Gibbs had approached her about Tony's behavior a few weeks back. Something must have transpired for the senior field agent to be sent there.

Tony leaned forward a bit but she turned away before she noticed it. "Wait here," Jenny ordered Tony while putting on her jacket. She was going to confront Gibbs to find out what on Earth was going on.

"Ok Jenny, which by the way is a very lovely name," Tony responded as he sat back in the chair.

Jenny gave him a curious look before she left her office.

As soon as Jenny had left, Tony began to look around the office. All through the years NCIS had never changed a thing. All the offices stayed the same. MTAC never changed and neither did the Squad room. What a pity, didn't they realize how stagnant things were and how that could affect an employee's work? Change could stimulate the employees, get them to work better, even Jenny could use a change. He raised an eyebrow as he tossed the coffee cup in the bin and stood up. It's about time Jenny had a change, Tony thought to himself as he licked his lips. He tilted his head at the office. Maybe the change would show the director that the whole building needed to be re-done, he thought wryly.

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_**NCIS Bullpen**_

Ducky had wasted no time in getting to the bullpen once he was summoned. It wasn't unusual lately for someone from Gibbs team to approach him in autopsy with some concern for one member in particular. Each person asked him to not say anything to anyone else and as team confidant he couldn't betray that sacred oath.

"This is so unlike him," McGee was the first one to speak. Tony had always been juvenile, somewhat crude and always bragging about sexual exploits but he was always respectful and protective of Abby. "What he said about Abby was crazy and not like Tony at all," McGee concluded.

"Do not forget the Crime Scene fiasco," Ziva added. Tony always took pride in doing his job. Even if it was just to earn praise from Gibbs.

"I know all that," Gibbs said. He was looking for something new. He needed some kind of answer for the erratic behavior from his senior field agent over the last several weeks. "Is there anything new?" Gibbs asked. "You know, something that I haven't seen," he explained.

"Well… He has been very carefree," Ziva searched for the right words to describe the kind of mood that Tony has been in. "He thinks everything is funny, his thought pattern has gotten more erratic, drifting. And, he has been drinking coffee like it is water," she explained.

"I drink coffee like its water," Gibbs retorted at hearing the coffee reference.

"Yes, but you do not find anything funny. Nor has your behavior slowly changed. Over these past many weeks he has become,…. worse. And you have focus, he does not." Ziva responded quickly. This earned her an infamous Gibbs glare.

"Everything," McGee told her. "I think you mean everything."

Ziva's eyes widened. "Yes, that is what I mean… You do not find everything funny," she quickly fixed her Israeli-English translation error. "That, and also, the fact I had to threaten him to eat something at times," Ziva added. That was something that everybody found the hardest to believe.

"That's true, Boss," McGee said. "He seems to not be eating. Along with everything else Ziva has said," he added to Ziva's suspicions.

"I noticed that he has been dropping weight," Ducky replied. "Ziva has been coming to me… Forgive me for this Ziva," Ducky waited for Ziva to give him permission to continue. Ziva nodded to the ME. "Yes, well Ziva had brought it to my attention that his lack of eating could cause low blood sugar," Ducky explained. "A low blood sugar level can cause a lack of concentration, imbalance."

"Well he has been leaning on the desk whenever he stands," Ziva added.

Abby entered the bullpen. She too had been summoned to the long awaited impromptu meeting. "I had to finish something up," Abby explained her delay in getting to the bullpen. "What's this about?" She asked. Her eyes scanned the area and noted that one team member was missing.

"We're discussing Tony's behavior," Gibbs said. His tone explained the seriousness. "He's been saying that you two have slept together… It's definitely out of his character to lie like that," Gibbs said. "We're trying to get to the bottom of this,"

Gibbs immediately noted that Abby wasn't all that shocked by what he'd just said. "It's true?" Gibbs was really shocked. "You and DiNozzo! I'll have a word with you later Abs," it was a warning of a lecture that was sure to follow.

Abby wasn't happy that Gibbs would lecture her or that Tony had come out and told everyone, they both promised they'd keep their secret. Then she remembered why they were here. The old Tony would never have said anything, he would deflect questions he didn't want to answer and usually get the person onto another subject. Yet, she too had noticed the change in him, had spoken to Ducky about seeing the change and, let it slip that they were together, sexually.

"How about depression?" Jenny's voice came down as she descended the stairs. "Agent DiNozzo has been overly happy, right?" She entered the bullpen. "Could be over compensating his depression," She suggested. They all knew how personally Tony could take things.

"That also could account for the not eating," Ducky nodded. That fit in perfectly and would lower his blood sugar.

"No, a depressed person would never have…" Abby's voice trailed off. She'd almost released more information than she'd intended. There were just some things that couldn't be shared with colleagues… Even if these people were as close as family. "Let's just say that there is no way possible that Tony is depressed," Abby told them.

"Drugs," McGee suggested the taboo possibility. "Drugs such as heroine, cocaine, LSD or speed can actually act as an appetite suppressant," he said. "Also could account for the crazy behavior," he expected to be chastised for even making that kind of accusation.

"Some models use drugs to suppress their appetites so they can lose weight and look thin," Ducky explained the sometimes cut throat world of modeling and to what extent some of them would go to. "In a world ruled by weight and looks, they subject their bodies through hell to get ahead in the industry. We all know how self conscious Anthony can be…" He allowed his voice to trail off before finishing his thoughts.

"No! " Abby said adamantly, "Tony has never ever done drugs and he would never do them now. We've spoken about it many times over the years." Abby knew for sure that Tony had never done drugs, drink yes, but never drugs. He had told her several times over the years. He'd also told her about working with the Police force how he'd seen junkies and would never allow that to happen to him, that he never had any desire, even in school. She also remembered the other weekend, when she had again asked Tony about drugs. So no, she was right, he wasn't doing drugs.

"Abby, we have to look at everything, just like in a case. We have to help, Tony." Gibbs explained and tried to calm her down. He saw a nod and knew she understood. He then turned his attention back to Ducky. "You think that is what this is?" Gibbs asked. Tony was like a son to him and the thought of Tony causing self harm by using drugs had to be farfetched just like Abby said. Still, he had to listen to his own words that he had told the young woman, "Why hasn't this been noticed before these past several weeks, if that's the case?" He asked.

"Perhaps he's hidden it well, but now it's become impossible to hide," Ducky responded. "Drug users can get very crafty you know. They often invent ways to hide things very easily."

Gibbs shook his head. "We should get complete blood tests done," Gibbs said to Ducky.

"Of course, Jethro, I'll run a complete blood screening on young Anthony, including drugs and a medical exam." Ducky worriedly assured his friend.

"Thanks, Duck." Gibbs nodded to the ME before turning back to everyone in the bullpen, "Not that I think he's doing anything, but maybe we'll be able to find out what the hell is going on. Meet us in Abby's lab and get ready to fast track the results," Gibbs ordered.

"Ok, Gibbs," Abby made her way to the back elevator.

"What are you going to do Jethro?" Ducky asked as he watched Gibbs and Jenny step quickly up the stairs. "What if young Anthony doesn't comply?" Ducky shouted to make sure Gibbs heard him.

"Then I'll draw the blood myself," Gibbs answered without breaking stride.

Ducky actually believed that he would to, if he was provoked into it. He hoped that Tony would comply with Gibbs because it was dreadful to think of what the consequences could be if Tony would refuse.

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Jenny and Gibbs walked past the secretary and opened the door that led into her office. Jenny was concerned with some noises coming from within. Tony had cleared the Director's desk and had managed to drag it to the other side of room and also had put the couch over where the desk had been. He'd turned the office completely around. Now, he was in the midst of emptying out the desk draws and laid the contents onto the desk.

"Agent DiNozzo!" Jenny huffed. She couldn't believe that he'd taken it upon himself to rearrange the office. Of course she'd been notified and now even discussed the odd behavior, but this was just so… unreal. Now she could see for herself what everyone had said about Agent DiNozzo.

"Madam Director," Tony greeted calmly as if there was nothing out of the ordinary. "I thought I'd do you a favor and have your desk moved so you could face the window," Tony gave the reason behind his actions. "And it really looks like your draws could do with some organization," he continued.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs said. "Come with me… You have an appointment with Ducky for a physical check up," he told Tony. He'd expected to receive some complaint or refusal.

"On your six, Boss," Tony went to Gibbs' side.

"Wait… What about my office? My desk," Jenny asked. "My computer?"

"Computer's in the corner over there," Tony pointed to a pile of stuff sitting in a dark corner. "I would stay here and help you but Gibbs says I have an appointment," Tony shrugged his shoulders before he followed Gibbs who turned and gave an apologetic smile before he left.

"This better be serious," Jenny mouthed as she looked around the office and to the pile of contents that were all over her desk. She ran her fingers through her hair and expelled an elongated sigh.

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When Gibbs was sure that Tony was safely with Ducky being examined he went back to the bullpen. He saw Abby talking to Ziva. He watched her animation for a few minutes before coming into the bullpen.

"Ziva, go down and make sure DiNozzo stays with Ducky and gets his blood work and check up." He ordered.

"Right, Gibbs." Ziva rushed to the elevator and slight through the doors before they shut.

"Abby, I want to speak to you."

Gibbs had pulled Abby aside, into a small conference room and far enough away so that nobody else would over hear them. Abby waited for Gibbs to begin the conversation. Ever since he had heard about Abby's and Tony's sexual relationship, Abby had expected this talk from Gibbs. She had even told Tony it would happen eventually. But she wasn't going to make it easy for him at all.

"I know you're a woman, Abs," Gibbs began to talk. "And I understand that you have relationships,"

Gibbs relationship with Abby was always considered to be more on the lines of a father and daughter. Abby didn't mind and neither did Gibbs. The only problem with this non vocal agreement was that Gibbs often took certain liberties.

"I know you disapprove of me and Tony getting together," Abby said. "I understand what you're doing."

"I don't disapprove of you and Tony getting together. But this…" Gibbs looked into Abby's eyes. "Ok, so I do disapprove," Gibbs honestly told her. "You know what DiNozzo's like, you know the lifestyle he leads," he tried to explain. He did care for the younger agent. DiNozzo was like a son to him. Only the need to protect Abby was stronger. She was so lovable, trusting and kind. She, in some ways was like his Kelly, he wasn't replacing her for Kelly, but the love was there.

"We've already talked about this Gibbs," Abby gently told the older man.

"Oh, we haven't started," Gibbs replied.

"No, I mean me and Tony have discussed this. We have our own rules. You're not the only one who has rules, you know," Abby explained as only Abby could.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt, Abs," Gibbs explained trying to get her to understand his reasoning. Dating a playboy like DiNozzo was a road that was bound to lead to heartbreak and he couldn't watch that. He'd seen it a few times years ago with her. He knew that Tony and Abby were very close. She would run to Gibbs with her boyfriend problems, but he also knew she talked to Tony about them too.. Yet, there were times she came to him for fatherly advice on the matter.

"As I said, we talked. There's a way that we made sure that we won't get hurt," Abby explained calmly to the man she looked up to, and the man that Tony also looked up to. That was what Tony and her were afraid of. So that's what they had discussed, if Gibbs found out what would they say? And also, what was going on between them. It wasn't serious… It was just plain fun, right? She wondered for a brief moment before going back to her original train of thought. Plus they still had their friendship intact.

"But how?" Gibbs' eyes widened as things clicked. "Abby!" The tone was not anger but pure shock. "Am I going to have to have another talk with you?" He asked seriously.

"Gibbs… Eew, no," Abby responded quickly and loudly. "I don't need the birds and the bees sex talk," she said. Thankfully Gibbs had the foresight to shut the door and draw the blinds since he was almost blushing.

"Not that talk," Gibbs said after regaining his composure. "The rule number twelve talk. I have that rule for a reason, Abs. Coworkers in a relationship do not end well," Gibbs explained.

"We are fine and we will be fine, Gibbs. Trust us, please," Abby held up her hand,  
" I know why you made rule twelve and I understand, I'm just asking you to understand that we aren't you. And, I won't get anymore into that one, and no, I didn't tell anyone why the rule began." She let him know with a smile.

They maintained eye contact until Gibbs was certain that he couldn't sway Abby away from her actions. "Just watch your back," Gibbs snarled lightheartedly.

"Relax Gibbs," Abby said to him. She loved how protective he was over her. "I like that you're all Mister Protective Guy and all. But we've talked things out and know where each other stands," Abby expressed again, more clearly and hoped that would be the end of it.

"I hope so, Abs, I certainly hope so. And if he hurts you I'll slap him into the next month. And, I will be talking to him too." Gibbs let her know, his voice softened.

"We figured that one. But there isn't anything to say to Tony. Just give him the warning you just told me. And, I do know him very well and what he's like, my eyes aren't closed on this. We have shared more with each other than anyone else and know each other very well. And you're still my silver fox." She gave him a big smile, closed the gap between them and hugged her father figure.

Gibbs held Abby tightly and then kissed her on the forehead before letting her go.

"I love you too, bossman." Abby told him before leaving the room.

Gibbs let out a huge sigh, God he hoped they knew what they were doing, he sure the hell didn't. He couldn't hurt the younger man, but he would punish him if he hurt Abby. He sure the hell hoped it wouldn't go that way, but his gut was churning. Something was wrong with DiNozzo and he should have said something to Abby, but she already knew from what had happened in the bullpen. He sighed again knowing he couldn't say anything to Tony at this time. He'd forgotten while talking to Abby about what had transpired over the previous weeks and he should have spoken to her about DiNozzo's behavior. Maybe she knew more about why Tony was acting so strangely. Gibbs opened the door to the room. Abby had gone back down to her lab and Gibbs entered the elevator to see how Ducky made out with Tony. He also knew that Abby would be running Tony's blood work. He'd just have to be patient and that wasn't easy for the lead agent. He stepped into the elevator, pressed the button to autopsy and watched the sliver doors close.


	13. Chapter 13

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER THIRTEEN

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N This chapter Tony is really OOC and we are closer to finding out what's going on with him. Enjoy!

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**AUTOSPY**

McGee and Palmer entered autopsy, each pulling a lackadaisical Tony into the room.

"Come along, Anthony, " Ducky instructed, "Timothy, Mr. Palmer, will you help young Anthony out of his tie and jacket, roll up his shirt sleeve while I get the equipment I'll need?"

"Of course, Doctor." Palmer answered. He'd never seen Tony this bad and from the eye contact with Tim, he figure neither had the other agent.

Tony laughed as they pulled off his jacket and tie. "Hey, those are expensive, don't wrinkle them, probie, you either, Palmer." He chuckled more, eyes glassy and his head rolled around and looked at the room, almost like he'd never seen autopsy before. Then the light came on and he knew where he was, "Um, what am I doing down here?" He licked his dry lips, trying to remember.

"A physical my dear boy, now up with you." Ducky nodded his head to the shining silver table.

Tony didn't take in the ME's words right away. When he did, he clumsily pushed his back side against the cold table. "It's cold." He simply commented at the temperature of the room along with the table.

"Yeah Tony, usually is down in autopsy." Tim flatly answered, taking one side of his partner while Jimmy took the other.

Tony tried half heartedly to pull away. "Whatcha doing?"

"Come on Tony," Tim's voice was losing patience. He took that moment to roll up the shirt sleeve he was told to.

"Tony, doctor Mallard is getting the equipment for your exam ready on the table and he'll roll it over here. You, "Jimmy nodded at Tony, not letting go of the agent, "have to be on the table to be examined."

"Oh." Tony softly let out. He remembered that. They did tell him this, right? He didn't understand the trouble he was having remembering and didn't understand the mood changes going on around him. He unsuccessfully tried to climb up again.

"Gentlemen, I do believe you'll have to put Anthony up onto the table." Ducky explained after he listened to the way Tony sounded and watched the futile attempts.

Palmer and McGee nodded, "Tony, we're going to put you on the table for Ducky."

"Count to three and we can pull him up." Palmer suggested.

"Wait, wait, are you going to do this on three, or after three? You know like Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon?" Tony's brow arched in question.

"Tony, shut up." McGee snapped quietly.

Both men pulled Tony onto the table. They panted for a moment from his dead weight.

"You could have helped." McGee accused Tony.

"Now, dear boy, " Ducky started, placing his hand on Timothy's shoulder, "I know you are frustrated, but I don't think he knows exactly what is going on at the moment. I do thank you for your help and think I may need more of it by the look of things." He expressed.

The two men nodded at the ME. He set the table filled with what he needed close enough in reach but not close enough incase Tony got out of control. He didn't want the table being knocked over.

"Anthony, I'm just going to take your temperature," Ducky slid the thermometer under Tony's tongue. "Mr. Palmer do hand me my clip board with the papers on it," when the time was up he took it out and looked at the reading, "Normal, that's good. Now dear boy I'm going to take your blood pressure. You've had this done before you know how it goes." Ducky explained.

Tony nodded moving around a bit as a lopsided smile grazed his face. Ducky read the readings of his pressure and shook his head, "This is very high for you." He commented while he wrote it down. He took out small flash light and looked into Tony's eyes more closely, "Follow the light, please,"

Tony laughed. "Follow the light as in Poltergeist? You know the old lady tells the young girl to follow the light to keep her safe. Who are you? Uh-huh… Uh-uh… They're he-ere." Tony explained, before getting into quoting the movie.

"No, I want your eyes to follow the light." Ducky said hiding his worry.

"Uh-huh." Was all the young man said while he did as he was told, "But it was such a cool movie, although the first one, in my opinion, was the best. Probie, just ask Abby, she'll tell you."

"No Tony, I don't want to ask or watch that movie. And could you stop with the movies already." McGee said in frustration, trying to remind himself of what the ME had told him.

Ducky finished the eye exam and wrote his findings on the chart. Unfortunately, this was beginning to look more like what he had feared, Tony's pupils were very dilated. "Now, I need to listen to your breathing and do breathe normally at first until I tell you other wise. I'll warm up the stethoscope," The doctor warmed up the cup in his hand while Palmer unbuttoned Tony's shirt.

"Sorry Palmer, I don't swing that way." The senior field agent chuckled.

"Stop right now, Anthony. Mr. Palmer has to undo your shirt in order for me to give a listen to your heart." The ME said sternly, seeing Palmer's blush fade.

Ziva had stepped through the glass doors a few minutes before this and stood by McGee with questions in her eyes.

"You don't even wanna know, believe me, Ziva." Tim shook his head at the situation. He had never seen Tony this way, it frustrated him, made him angry, but most of all, it scared him. He knew Ziva could see the different emotions playing across his face as he answered her.

The doctor than listened and gave orders to the younger man to breathe in different ways. He needed to keep calm while Tony followed the instructions with silly breathing and smiled in doing so. Ducky watched carefully at how Tony was acting, everything that was told to him by the team and Abby, he now could clearly see, "Deep breaths, not breaths one would take during sex." Ducky admonished, again trying to stay calm.

Tony did as he was told and again the ME tsked at what he found." His heart rate was off, too fast. Almost as if he were running a marathon," he commented in thought, "just like his eyes. They aren't clear, the pupils are dilated, nor are they tracking correctly." He stated out loud. He wasn't used to having an audience, but ignored them as he looked over the chart and added to it.

Tony started to slide around the table, his mind occupied in remembrance. "This is so slippery, like a slide," He looked up with huge child like eyes along with a grin. Everyone turned at this, "I love slides, well I did!" he exclaimed at all in the room, "I would just slide as fast as I could and run to get back up there again, since I never knew if I'd see one again." His voice drifted off.

Everyone looked at each other as Gibbs, Jenny and Abby stepped into the room. They had heard the last part of what Tony had been talking about.

Abby didn't say a word. She was the only one who knew so much about Tony's past and what was probably running through his mind. She looked down, only watching through her lashes. She knew that her boss and the ME knew some of Tony's troubled past, yet not nearly as much as her.

Ducky wrote on a few vials and placed them down. He put one in the syringe. The ME then looked over to Jethro and then back at the tourniquet he held.

Tony didn't seem to notice that anyone had come in or what Ducky was doing. He was to intent on his thoughts. He slid more on the table, "My father would never get me a swing set. Thought they were useless. He told my nanny never to take me to the park, but she did when he was out of town," he muffled a snicker at his nanny not listening to his father's orders, "I'd just play on the slide, enjoying each time I slid down it. I even enjoyed the other kids. Another thing my father didn't like. I was only allowed to be around the kids in his social circle. And he wrote some letter so that the teacher's at school wouldn't allow me on the swing set either, especially the slide." Tony voiced again, before it sadly trailed off.

"Anthony!" Ducky tried to get the young man's attention.

Tony was so engrossed in his thoughts about his childhood, that he seemed trapped. He couldn't come right out of it. At hearing the formal name, his eyes opened wide.

"I'm sorry Father. I didn't mean to disobey you. Please don't punish me." He gulped and his voice had taken on a childlike sound. To everyone in the room's ears, that voice sounded not only like a child, but a very scared child. It shocked them all for a moment.

Gibbs shook his head. No matter what was going on with his senior field agent, the story he told and then the reaction to his formal name made him angry at the man that had cause it, Anthony DiNozzo SR. He walked over to the table.

"Tony?" Gibbs didn't get an answer. He saw the cloudy eyes, had seen those unclear eyes before, in the bullpen and Jenny's office. Only this time they held unshed tears and he knew they were a mixture of memories and emotions from Tony's horrible past. Although he didn't know the whole story, he had researched what he could. This allowed him to understand the actions of his agent better. He looked over to Ducky, knowing the ME knew as much if not more about Tony's past, "don't think you should use his formal name right now, Duck. His father called him by that," he reminded and then turned his attention back to the younger man, "Tony!" He raised his voice, a voice he used to get Tony's attention in a work situation. He saw Tony come back and straighten up.

"Yeah, boss? Oh, go get Warren? On it, boss." He answered.

"No, that's done. Listen to Ducky now." He kept the same tone to his voice.

Tony turned to look at Ducky and smiled. "Whatcha need, Ducky?"

"Oh dear," Ducky sighed, knowing they were all feeling the same, wondering and worrying about what was going on with the senior field agent. And what Tony had innocently told about his past as well as the emotions the man had shown when he had used Tony's formal name. At this point, Abby stepped over.

"Hey Tony." She smiled at him as her hand rubbed his back.

"Abs, hey." He smiled brightly at her, their eyes connected.

"Ducky needs to draw some blood from you. I know you hate needles and all, but it has to be done. Give him your right arm and me your left hand." She told him sweetly and watched him do as she asked. He held her hand, rubbing his thumb over it. His eyes not leaving hers, "that's it, just look at me the whole time." The soft instructions came and were met with his caring gaze.

"Very good Abigail, I'm almost done. This is the last vial and then you can take them to your lab for testing on everything possible." Ducky took out the last vial and then took off the tourniquet and taped a piece of gauze to Tony's inner elbow.

"Tony, I have to go do some work in the lab, I'll see you later." She bent down and kissed his cheek.

Tony's head was buzzing and all he could see was Abby bending down to kiss him. There was nothing else around him. He placed both his hands on either side of her cheeks and moved her face so their lips would meet. He kissed her deeply.

Abby didn't see it coming right away. His lips were suddenly on hers and she felt self conscious with everyone around. She felt his kiss growing deeper, trying to push his tongue into her mouth. She gently took his hand away from her and stopped the kiss.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs bellowed, just as Abby pulled away.

"Not at work. We. Are. At. Work. Tony." She emphasized the words tenderly to get his attention.

"Damn right you're at work." Gibbs voice was still stern, some of the anger gone.

Tony shook his head for a moment and then looked around. "Oh, sorry Abs, everyone?" Reality set in and a heated blush colored his face.

"Sorry bossman, I'll take this right up to Major Mass Spec and then you and Ducky will know what I get." She gave a thin smile.

"How long, Abs?" Gibbs asked

"Um, about an hour? I'll call you, unless your Psychic powers kick in and you're down there when the answers come up. Wait, give me two hours, I might want to double check the results and if I don't it will be one hour because then I wouldn't have to double check the results. But give me two hours anyway and I'll…….." She smiled sweetly at him.

"Abs! Just call when they're done." Gibbs refocused on the rest of his team, "ok Duck, finish your exam. Ziva, McGee back to the bullpen, I'm sure Palmer can keep control of everything. Tony, you stay here and do what Ducky tells you, understand that?" Gibbs ordered, waiting for a response.

"Crystal, boss." Tony answered on automatic with a smile.

Gibbs shook his head in frustration, if they didn't find out soon what was wrong he might just strangle the younger man. "We'll all meet in Abby's lab when she calls with the results." With that said he left, flanked by Ziva, Tim and Jenny, who caught up with them at the elevator.

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A/N Next chapter we will see what's wrong with Tony. Thanks and please review, we love reviews.


	14. Chapter 14

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER FOURTEEN

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N: Now here's the chapter you've all been waiting for. But know there is much more ahead. Enjoy. Sue and Craig

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**ABBY'S LAB, TWO HOURS LATER**

Everyone filed into the lab including Ducky. The ME noticed that Tony was sitting on a stool, not able to stand for a long period of time. He also noticed the slight shaking, sweating and some discomfort that the agent's body was giving away. Though Tony tried to hide it the best he could. This didn't fool Ducky as he kept his attention on Tony as well as Abby.

"Whatcha got for me, Abs?" Gibbs asked her as he placed the Caf-Pow between the two keyboards.

Abby looked around at the team. How was she going to do this, tell them? She didn't even want to think about it, or consider that Tony lied to her. But somewhere inside she knew he didn't consciously lie, there was a reason, and they just had to find it. So the faster she explained the faster they, and she, would have their answers.

Abby took a large gulp of her drink before she spoke. "Ok, I ran the test twice, just to make sure. What I found, I also compared with Tony's blood tests from the medical exam that we all had to go through two months ago or a little more. I looked up the date for Tony's and his was eight weeks ago, that's how I know it was two month ago. Ducky helped me with this, " She looked over at the ME who nodded for her to go on. She also saw that Gibbs had started to get inpatient and didn't want to get him upset, "so, what I found between the two blood samples there has to be an explanation to….."

"Abby! Will you just get to the point!" Gibbs raised his voice, tired of waiting.

"Yes, boss-man. Anyway, Major Mass Spec found trace amounts of Heroin. But taken over a period of time he has become addicted to it, but not as much as the Coke which explains the difference in Tony's actions. Major Mass Spec also found larger amounts of Cocaine in Tony's system along with the smaller trace amounts of the Heroin from the blood sample taken today. And Gibbs, I mean large, like if he kept going, he'd over dose soon. That's how large the amount of Coke I'm talking about. The Heroin wouldn't do as much, but acted along with that large amount of Coke," Abby stopped to take a drink of her Caf-Pow and began again, "like I said, I also looked this up with Ducky. Tony's last physical there were no drugs in his system. So then I back tracked to when Tony had been grazed by that bullet six weeks ago and there were traces of drugs in his system then. No one caught it due to the pain pills he were given. But, Duck-man looked into it and found the blood was taken before the pain pills were given. So it was there already, a small amount in Tony's system." Abby concluded.

Everyone was shocked, they tried to hide it, but it was there. Gibbs was mulling the information around in his head. Tony's body jolted in shock and he jumped off his stool. He went over to look at the results on Abby's monitor.

Tony ran his trembling hand through his hair while he paced. He had to move, he never felt comfortable thinking about these types of things without moving, not something as serious as this.

"I have never taken drugs, ever." He spoke out loud in a nervous, yet thoughtful voice, "never tried them in school," his voice began to rise filled with tension and fear that he could hardly hide anymore, "even in Vice I didn't, wouldn't take anything. They showed us how to make it look like you snort the drug, but you don't. I. Don't. Take. Drugs! Only from the hospital and the pain pills you know I get a reaction from them and flush them. Damn it! I don't know why these drugs are in my blood and started so low and then now to this much! I swear, I've never done drugs and I'm not now!" Tony's voice was angry, defensive and most of all, confused.

Everyone listened to Tony's rant. They knew him and believed him. Some watched him and other's like McGee and Palmer looked down at the floor.

"Ok DiNozzo, calm down." Gibbs said as he went over to his senior field agent.

"Calm Down! CALM DOWN? How can I calm down? You all think I'm a drug addict," For the first time Tony noticed what Ducky had noticed when he came into the lab, "Damn it, I'm shaking like a junkie on withdrawals." Tony collapsed on the stool, his mind overwhelmed by everything he'd heard, said, and now, how his body felt. He knew he needed something, but didn't know it was Cocaine along with the Heroin.

"DiNozzo, we know you aren't an addict," Gibbs stood in front of the man and spoke sternly, but also calmly, "We WILL, figure this out. Now, you need to just calm down so you can help us." Gibbs told him before turning around to Ducky, "Do we know how this happened and when it started? You said that one test was six weeks ago?" Gibbs questioned.

Ducky looked at Tony and knew that even though the agent didn't want to admit it, he needed a fix and his body was reinforcing this as the withdrawal got worse. He turned his attention back to the problem. They had to figure this out so that Tony could be monitored and given the drug before the withdrawal got too bad and he started to convulse.

Ducky sighed, "Anthony, Jethro is right, and you must try and calm down. Your body is going into withdrawals as I think you are aware of. We must find the answer so this can be taken care of. Now, when did you notice the troubles starting?" Ducky asked Gibbs and the team. He needed to get a time frame on this. He knew it started around six weeks ago according to the blood work from the hospital. . They all knew that Tony didn't willingly ingest the Cocaine or the smaller amounts of Heroin.

"At first it was gradual," Gibbs stated. Thinking back, there were small signs of something being wrong. Tony was usually a carefree agent, but lately he'd just been more carefree than usual. Then Tony overstepped the bounds and convinced everybody that something **was** wrong. He should have done something about this earlier. But the cases they'd had, had also thrown him off. Still, Tony was his, a part of his team, and he took pride in taking care of his own. Now that it was out of control, he didn't have time for the guilt, they needed answers.

"So gradual," Ducky confirmed it. His mind was turning the information over as he began to put the pieces of the puzzle together. He occasionally jotted down notes. "It also seems that it has had a cumulative effect. Perhaps the amounts started small and that proof has been shown by the hospital blood work. And then this kept going and became larger as time went on," he explained.

"That makes sense," Ziva chimed in. "His behavior has definitely worsened," she observed.

"Someone is lacing something with Coke and some Heroin, like a cocktail," McGee said, just to add something. It was a shock to him to see how Tony was acting, but also knew that due to Tony's incapacitation, he'd be temporarily elevated to the senior field agent position. Though Tony could help them to a degree, the man's system was too strung out to be able to do more than confirm things.

"Any ideas?" Gibbs asked. "There could be the coffee or sugar or even milk," he ran through a list. With that in mind, they'd have to start checking the coffee machines, the cafeteria staff. The list was just beginning to sound endless.

"You can add cups to the list Jethro," Ducky said. This had gotten the others' attention. "Well about a year ago, a young FBI agent investigated the case of dead agents that apparently died by accident… It turned out that somebody had laced the coffee cups with a hallucinogen," Ducky's voice trailed off. "No, I doubt it. If that was the case there'd be more people affected," he retracted the statement, "It has to be ingested, it can't be on his clothing, which works for hallucinogens, but not drugs like these. And Jethro, I don't think we have to check coffee pots or such, as I said that would only allow more people to be affected. This is only happening to Anthony, so it's something that has changed recently in his diet. Something he has regularly." Ducky explained.

Tony sat and listened to them talk about him. He was right there, in the same room and hated that they were talking about him as if he wasn't there. But at the moment he wasn't able to tell them that he was in the same room. He was to busy trying to control the withdrawal. He couldn't stand that he had no control over this and now the sweat was so bad that he had to take off his jacket and tie with trembling hands. He felt irritable as well, like he would snap. Abby helped him once she noticed the hard time he was having trying to undo his tie with his hands shaking so badly. His shirt was soaked. He then allowed her to help him to a desk and chair, where he laid his head down. Being stubborn, he still tried to listen and see if he could help.

"Ok Duck, which does rule out a lot of things." Gibbs said. "Anything changed in your eating or drinking habits, things you take everyday, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked. He now noticed too, along with Ziva and Tim, what Ducky, Palmer and Abby already had. That Tony was fighting off withdrawals. He felt for the man, but needed Tony's help. Gibbs felt helpless. There was nothing they could do at the moment, except keep investigating what was going on, find the answer and, do it fast.

Tony was mortified that he just couldn't think straight. "I'm not sure, boss." Was all he could say right at that moment. Yet there was a part of him that just wanted to scream and pull out his hair.

With what Tony had said, Gibbs just shook his head and kept watching the fight his agent was going through.

"Powdered creamer," Ziva suggested. "Tony always has hazelnut creamer in his coffee," she said. "Keeps them in a draw in his desk."

Abby jumped up, "And he buys it at that coffee shop we all go to. He buys one for here and one for his apartment. That could explain it. He only started using it about six or seven weeks ago." She nervously wrung her hands while her eyes wandered to the team, and then back to Tony. Her eyes then wandered to Ducky who wasn't just thinking about the case, but was paying close attention to what was going on with Tony.

Tony's head poked up. It felt as if his mind was drifting in and out of lucidity and found it near impossible to maintain concentration, "Yeah, been using it more and more, thought it was just the caffeine addiction, guess it was more of an addiction than I thought." He lowered his head in shame.

Gibbs walked over to his senior field agent and placed a hand on the man's wet shoulder, "This is not your fault, Tony. There is nothing, and I repeat nothing, to be ashamed of." He reassured the man. He then squeezed Tony's shoulder before he walked back to the group. Tony knew his boss was trying to help. But why did he want to bite his boss' head off? He tried to push it down, only there were so many things going on in his mind and body right now.

"Well he has been drinking loads of coffee," Ziva confirmed what Abby and Tony had just said. She remembered telling him just that, many times over the past several weeks. .

"Well unknown to him, until now, he must be addicted to the creamer in the coffee," Ducky said. The more he drank the worse it got. "So, he drunk more of it to get what he thought was a caffeine fix only it was the Cocaine and the lesser amount of heroin mixture that he needed higher levels of." Ducky added.

"No wonder he was sick on the NAVYWINK," Ziva told all of them when she realized. This earned her a look from everyone else. She hadn't mentioned Tony's behavior on the ship to them. "Well, he was acting a bit down, dragging himself, being irritable, argumentative and was sick," she explained without getting in too much detail.

"Sounds like withdrawal symptoms, the poor boy," Ducky said quietly. "Hope all of you didn't take any of his behavior personally," he said.

"I don't think we did… I think it's Abs that's the real concern in that department," Gibbs responded and gave the lab tech a look. He noticed her shake her head as she rubbed Tony's shoulders. He didn't have to assume how Tony would feel. He knew the younger man would feel he had a lot of apologizing to do once they got him cleaned up in a detox center.

"I know she already understands from running all the tests and listening to us. And Abby's already commented on his behavior a couple of times. Now I see that Anthony has moved on in his withdrawals. Withdrawal is hard and becomes very painful. It will make him shaky and sweat as you all have noticed. And it will also make the muscles ache and Anthony will soon feel very sick, stomach wise as well as panic attacks, spikes of irritability, sleepy and at times more of an appetite, since both drugs are tearing his system apart. And if we don't get him some of that coffee creamer, he can go into convulsions from the heroin part. Now, I will have to monitor the in-take and when he needs it, until we get him into a detox program," Ducky replied.

Gibbs thought about what Ducky had said. "Someone is targeting Tony and we have to make a plan to see who it is. From what we know it has to be in house, someone who works here. We'll come up with a plan once we get Tony what he needs,"

Gibbs walked over to Tony and shook him. The younger man looked up at his boss. Gibbs took in how bad Tony was, "Tony, to make this look real and catch this bastard, you have to get the coffee, sugar and creamer along with what you use in your desk to put the creamer into your coffee. Do you think you can put your jacket back on and try to act like nothing is wrong? And then go get all of those things and bring them to autopsy?" Gibbs asked. He then gave a quick order to Abby, "Abby I want you to then take that creamer and test it, to make sure that's where the Coke and the heroin is coming from. I also want to know how much is mixed into it. And how much is in his blood so that Ducky knows how much to give him." Gibbs ordered before his attention went back to Tony.

Tony saw Gibbs eyes look at him for an answer. He nodded weakly and pushed himself up from the chair. Abby helped him on with his jacket and then wiped the sweat off his forehead and face. She then pushed her fingers through his hair. "You'll be fine." She whispered in his ear only getting a nod of shame back and he nodded again in response to Gibbs.

"I feel like Ted Striker," Tony let out as he wiped his forehead with his hand and flicked the sweat off. "You know from that airplane movie," it was obvious how bad he felt when he couldn't elaborate on a classic movie and how he showed the frustration of it.

Gibbs knew DiNozzo and knew if anyone could do this he could. After all the pain Tony had been through and always telling Gibbs he was fine. Especially when he came back early from having the Plague and saying he was fine to work. Well then, Tony could take ten minutes and act like he **was** fine. The sentence that Tony always said to him echoed in Gibbs mind. _I'm fine, boss. _

Ducky stepped over to the desk, "Anthony, it's very important you bring everything down to me in order for me to see how much creamer you have been using. This way I can write it down. You tell me and I'll figure out the dosage along with Abigail's findings in your latest blood sample. We will start lowering the dose, now. I promise you young man, that you will feel better in another twenty minutes if you leave right now." Ducky explained as both he and Jethro helped Tony to the elevator.

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Once Tony was on the elevator, Ducky went to autopsy and Gibbs went back to the lab. They had to come up with a plan to find out which person at NCIS that was targeting Tony. After they found him, Gibbs would find out the answers to all of their questions. The main one was, why. And he would not be easy on this person or persons, if there were more than one were involved.

He reached the lab and heard Abby finishing her talk with Ducky.

"I just told Ducky my findings, which should help." Abby explain. She had other ideas running around her head as she walked over to the two agents, knowing Gibbs was collecting his thoughts.

He stood there in thought for a minute putting everything together in his head. He then noticed Abby and McGee going over something and Ziva was nodding her head.

"Gibbs!" Abby yelled excitedly, "We figured out a plan that's going to work, but Tony's going to have to play the part and Ducky already said he'd ween Tony down until we get this person and Tony gets into detox. And….." She was bouncing all around him.

Gibbs knew he'd have to stop her to get the plan. "Abs stop. Whatcha got planned?" he held her shoulders and eye contact while he stopped her bouncing and asked her.

McGee stepped up with a piece of paper and laid it down. "We can put small cameras on Tony's desk and in the draw where he keeps his creamer. We'll have to set it up late tonight and Tony will have to go get the two bottles of creamer tomorrow. But, he has to do it like he's been doing so whoever this person is knows he just bought two more creamers. And then we will have the feed run down here from the small cameras and record it all. Even with the low lighting late at night we'll still be able to see the face with the cameras Abby and I have in mind. After we get this person, Tony can go get better and we, or you, boss. Well, you can find everything out from this person." McGee, Abby and Ziva looked for a reaction from Gibbs.

Gibbs tossed the idea around in his head for a few minutes. Yes, this would work. He knew that with Abby and Tim doing all the stuff he didn't know about, they'd get the job done. And then Gibbs would get his hands on the person that obliviously wanted to get Tony so hooked that he'd loose his job or that he would die or both. There were things he needed to find out, needed settled in his mind. He also needed to put the bastard or bastards behind bars.

"Go and get what you have to, quietly, and then do it. This will be set for tomorrow?" He ordered and then asked about the rest of the plan.

"Oh yeah, boss-man. Tomorrow night we will watch and wait and I'm sure the person will make a move and then we'll catch him." She clapped her hands together and gave him a hug. She then gave Gibbs her serious get down to business look.

"Good, get started. Ziva go back up into the bullpen, we've all been gone to long. Write up a report or make like you are so that if this someone is there or watching they won't suspect anything is wrong. Anyone asks about me I went for coffee. I'm going to the bullpen and then autopsy."

Gibbs knew he had to grab a shirt for Tony from the file cabinet. He'd take out a file from a case to make it look normal while at the same time grab the shirt. He'd put file on his desk while he grabbed his jacket. With the jacket he could hide the shirt and then go down to autopsy. Gibbs now having a plan watched the two techs getting ready and Ziva nod at his order.

Both agents went to the elevator, Gibbs going to the bullpen and then to autopsy and Ziva, just to the bullpen.

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**AUTOPSY**

Gibbs stepped into autopsy and saw Tony sitting down at Ducky's desk, he looked a little better. Ducky looked up from his notes he had just finished writing.

"Ah, Jethro I didn't think it would take long for you to come down and see how young Anthony is doing." The ME smiled and patted Tony on the back.

Gibbs gave Tony the shirt before following Ducky to the far end of the room. They both didn't want Tony to hear what they were going to talk about.

"Well, how is he?" Gibbs asked gruffly, just wanting to know and not hear any stories from his old friend.

"Oh much better, Jethro. We spoke about how much creamer he uses and then Abby took the creamer from him in order to test it. But I'm sure she'll find that there is Cocaine and some Heroin in that creamer since the lad is starting to slowly feel better. Now, I talked with him about how much he uses in each cup and how many cups he's been drinking in about a four hour time limit. And then Abigail called me with the amount in his blood. We estimated on this and came up with how much creamer he's been putting in his system. Jethro, if he kept this up, he surely would have over dosed." The ME sighed at the thought.

Gibbs felt anger run through his veins at this. When he got his hands on whoever this was he would show no mercy. He glanced over to Tony and then back to Ducky, he saw that his old friend understood what he was thinking about.

"How much, Duck?"

Ducky shook his head, "It's hard to tell, my friend. Anthony admitted to raising the amount of the creamer a little at a time. He didn't realize it, nor did he realize how much coffee he'd been drinking. I know that young Ziva and even Timothy had pointed it out to him, but he thought they were just teasing him because he had been drinking more. He just didn't think it was anything like what Timothy and Ziva had been telling him. He feels angry and ashamed, Jethro. Do go easy on the poor boy. And to answer your question, Anthony would have been dead within two to three weeks. Yes, his heart would have failed from such an over load. When I took a listen to his heart it was beating almost twice as fast as it should have been." Ducky saw the shock on Gibbs face and patted his shoulder to calm him down, "no worries, I'll be watching Anthony and giving him a lesser amount all in one cup of coffee. We shall keep him down here for a while and say he went home sick. I know he normally doesn't do that, but we have no choice for today. He'll be staying with me, so I can monitor him. He didn't realize that he'd get up in the middle of the night and have a cup of coffee until Abigail pointed it out to him." Ducky finished, his eyes locking with blue ones filled with concern and yet relief that they had figured this out in time.

Gibbs was mortified to hear what Ducky had to say. He was glad that they had figured it all out and that Ducky would be monitoring Tony. He had to go over the plan with Tony for tomorrow. "Duck, is he alright now? I need to go over the plan for tomorrow with him."

Ducky shrugged as he thought, "Jethro, Tony will still be acting as he has been and that means he may not remember what you tell him today, not all of it anyway. Why don't I go with you while you have that chat with him, about the plan? This way I can remind him and you can also tomorrow, when you bring him down to autopsy with an excuse of course. And then I think he'll do fine, just remember, like I said he will still be acting strangely, but at least you will understand it." Ducky finished and saw a nod from his friend. The two walked over to Tony, intent on going over the plan and again, tell him he'd be staying with Ducky.

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A/N: The FBI case about the coffee cups that Ducky refers to in this chapter is actually an X-File story Fictionnaire wrote entitled Invictus Vereor where someone was lacing coffee cups with hallucinogens.


	15. Chapter 15

_**LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER FIFTEEN**_

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

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**THE NEXT DAY IN THE BULLPEN**

Tony was feeling better, but he felt frustrated due to his forgetfulness and lack of concentration. At least the withdrawal symptoms had subsided, yet the guilt was still there. Gibbs had told him more than once and assured him that this wasn't his fault. But, could he truly believe that? Tony sat down at his desk and put the two bottles of powdered creamers into the drawer like he had been instructed to do. For awhile he held it open and looked at them. He licked his lips before shoving the doors closed. Tony wanted coffee with more of that powdered creamer. He knew the one with the drugs were locked up and these didn't have anything in them yet, so he tried to refocus his mind.

'_You're not a junkie. You're no damn junkie DiNozzo,' _his mind screamed at him. Tony concentrated all his attention on the monitor in front of him and then he adjusted his tie. _'Fight it DiNozzo. Don't be weak,'_ he kept repeating to himself. He had to loosen the tie that felt like it was constricting his throat.

Gibbs had been keeping an eye on his senior field agent. He could tell when Tony began feeling the effects of the cravings. He also knew the starting symptoms of withdrawal and clearly saw it in the younger man. He knew of people that suffered from cravings even a year or so after giving something up. His concerned look was answered with an attempt at a reassuring smile. It wasn't fooling anybody.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked across the bullpen.

Tony raised his gaze. He couldn't think of why his Boss was barking at him. Then again, his memory was still a little fuzzy. "Sorry Boss," it had to be safer to apologize for whatever he was being yelled at for.

Gibbs brought a file around to Tony's desk. Tony eyed him carefully, not knowing what his boss was up to.

"I need you to go down to Ducky and pick up the Joyce Autopsy Report," Gibbs told him.

It was time for another regulated dose to keep the withdrawals away. Ducky had warned if it wasn't at the scheduled times that Tony would show the signs as he did before. Gibbs still felt disheartened at watching Tony try and fight off this addiction that was forced on him. Even though he tried to fight it, Tony couldn't hide the fact that he needed the drug or was it a fix, he didn't know. "Go," Gibbs ordered before there was a chance for Tony to argue.

"Yeah Boss," Tony replied rather softly as he stood up.

Gibbs watched Tony leave the bullpen area as he sat back down at his desk. If they weren't trying to keep their routine normal, he'd have Tony under the watchful eye of Ducky. His senior field agent was putting on a great performance at making everything seem normal which kept anyone from becoming suspicious. This only showed how well Tony acted, even under these conditions and another reason he was so good at undercover work.

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**LATER THAT EVENING IN ABBY'S LAB**

Abby, Ducky and Tony watched the monitor in Abby's Lab. They had set up a couple of small cameras at Tony's desk. One of them was put into the webcam above the computer monitor. There was another very small camera that faced up and a little to the side in order to catch the person's face and the administration of the drugs. This was planted inside the drawer where the powdered creamer was. Tony sat back in the chair as he kept watch. Occasionally, Ducky checked Tony over with his eyes. "There!" Abby exclaimed.

They saw the figure enter the screen of the webcam camera. "We have the suspect in sight Gibbs," she said into the headset to alerted Ziva, McGee and Gibbs. She knew that they were hidden and just waiting for the right time to make their move. To make sure the conviction held up in court, they had to get irrefutable evidence of the person committing the crime.

The man came into view, he looked around a couple of times before reaching down to open the draw. The second camera came to life as it picked up the hand reaching in. They were watching the two cameras work simultaneously as the unknown man reached into his jacket and pulled out the packets. He opened the seal a little too both creamers just enough to mix in the contents of the packets thoroughly. Then he repeated the gesture for the other one that was in the drawer. He then took out some crazy glue to reseal both containers.

"Ok… Now, Gibbs," Abby said into the headset. "We have great profile shots. And, everything is on film," she confirmed.

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_**NCIS Squadroom floor**_

McGee and Ziva heard in their ear wigs the go ahead from Gibbs. He turned on the switch to allow the lights over the Squad room to flicker on. This took the man by surprise at first. Ziva slowly approached him to avoid bringing suspicion toward her before they were ready. She glanced over at McGee who nodded back. However, the man in question had already spotted them. After a moment of waiting, he realized his chance. They were put off guard for a second and he made a break for it.

Ziva had been expecting this and was disappointed that she was unable to get more ground on him before the man bolted. She sprinted to the far end of the cubicles to try and cut him off in case he went for the exit. McGee flanked the other side. Both of them didn't seem to be gaining any ground.

The man ran straight past the elevator as he hoped to make his get away down the stairwell. It looked as if it was a clear run from there. The doorway was opened as he stepped through. His run came to a crashing halt when somebody's fist connected to his face. Gibbs then pushed him hard against the wall and equally as hard, turned him to face the wall while his rights were read. Not that the lead agent thought the bastard deserved them. But the bust had to go by the book and by the book it would certainly go as far as Leroy Jethro Gibbs was concerned.

"Just give me a reason," Gibbs whispered when the others approached. He went through the man's pockets to find identification. "Now, Mister Jeffrey Thomas. Ziva and McGee get this guy's ass processed and into interrogation as quickly as you can," Gibbs ordered in a huff, trying to hold in his anger while he slapped on the handcuffs as roughly as he could.

"Easy Gibbs," Ziva said. She'd seen that look in his eyes and knew it could be damaging to the case if Gibbs lost control over his emotions. Her words were met with a gaze of steel which even made her stop.

"Oh come on," Jeffrey said with a cocky tone.

"Yeah and Ziva is the good cop," Gibbs said in a quiet tone. "Get him processed and in interrogation now! And, we'll do it by the book!" Gibbs ordered. There was going to be no messing around with this. Of course he'd remember the boundaries so he wouldn't cross them, but he would push them to the absolute limit.

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Ducky took the new powdered creamer that they had just taken from Tony's desk and mixed in the measured dosage before giving it to Tony. He then gave the other bottle of creamer to Abby so she could test them against the older bottle they had from Tony.

"Thanks, Ducky." Tony said sheepishly.

"Not a problem, dear boy." He gave the young man a pat on the back and headed for the elevator with Abby.

Tony knew the signs had been starting to show on him. Knew that's why Ducky was right there with the coffee and that new bottle of creamer. He tried once again to shake off the shame. Christ, he did need more, he admitted to himself.

_God I really hate the fact that I need this junk so badly. Junk that I've seen so many people on as a cop and arrested them for. Junk, maybe not the same type, but was still drugs, like the drugs that took my mother from me. Now I know how it feels, how she felt and how they all felt, to physically need something so bad it hurts. And I don't want or like this feeling._

He huffed at the thought and drank three quarters of the much needed liquid from the cup in only a few gulps. He stood there for a minute, waiting for the shaky feeling to stop. It wasn't bad yet and he didn't want it to get bad, he just wanted the drug to work faster. He needed to see who had done this to him and jogged down the hall.

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**OBSERVATION ROOM AND INTERROGATION ROOM**

Everyone met up in the observation room as they watched Gibbs sit down in front of Jeffrey. Tony sipped the little coffee he still had and watched what was going on. Like the others, he wanted to know why someone had gone to such great lengths in order to destroy him.

The anger had rose and felt like it was about to boil over. Gibbs was sitting in front of the man that did his best to not only discredit his senior field agent, but tried to kill him, slowly and painfully.

"Alright, Jeffrey Thomas," Gibbs said with venom. "Don't give me any BS. We have you on tape putting the drugs in a federal Agent's creamer. This is damn serious Mister Thomas," Gibbs warned. His tone never changed. In the observation room, Tony's eyes widened at the mention of that name.

Jeffrey shrugged his shoulders in response. He knew that he was caught and there was nothing he could do. So he played the waiting game. "Well, there you go," Jeffrey stated and placed his cuffed hands on the table. "You got me," he said.

"You're not getting off that easy," Gibbs snapped. A simple confession wasn't going to cut it this time. "I demand answers," his voice raised a little higher.

Ziva noted the change in expression on Tony's face. "Do you know him, Tony?" She asked while making sure to keep a watchful eye on her partner. After what had transpired previously, nothing was going to escape her eyes.

"It's him, we worked in Baltimore, in homicide," Tony replied with a hiss. His feelings towards the suspect weren't hidden, "that corrupt son of a bitch," he added angrily as he began pacing around the small room. He stopped where he could get a clearer look at Jeffrey, "I should've smelled his stench a mile away," Tony infuriately said.

"Settle down Tony," Ziva said. "Are you alright?" She asked, starting to get concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just peachy," Tony snapped curtly at her as he undid his tie and the top buttons of his shirt. He suddenly felt like he was overheating with the anger for Jeffrey, like a tea pot boiling so hard that it whistled. He realized that the resentment and anger had never gone away in either of them. He quickly thought of Valdez and Cale and wondered if they still felt the same way. He shook his head. It didn't matter worth a damn now. So he just watched his boss and hoped for that animal in Gibbs to come out.

"Come on, Boss. Go for his throat," he whispered in a deadly tone.

"Why the hell did you do this? You think that you'd never get caught?" Gibbs asked, "well, here we are You're going to answer me now, damn it. What makes you hate DiNozzo so much?"

Tony edgily shrugged at his tight shoulder and cracked his neck as if trying to get something off his back. He then snatched hard and pulled the palm pilot from McGee's hands as he walked in. _'Worked with him in Baltimore, corrupt,'_ Tony wrote it in and sent it to Gibbs. He saw Gibbs read the message.

Gibbs nodded at the message. "I see you worked together at Baltimore PD," Gibbs said to Jeffrey.

Jeffrey's eyes rose to meet with Gibbs. "Is Tony behind the glass?" Jeffrey asked. "How's it going, Ton-ee?" He looked past Gibbs and sneered with satisfaction at the mirror. "How are you feeling?"

"Enough!" Gibbs stood up.

"The man's a disgrace to law enforcement. A disgrace to everything he touches," Jeffrey said slowly. "His unprofessional attitude caused a lot of people to hate him. It's even noticeable here. I know you've seen it. You know people tiptoe around Tony. They seem to take pity on him because he had a bit of a sob story," Jeffrey told Gibbs. "Well cry me a river and get over it… We all have a sad story to tell, but we get on with our lives. We put our past behind us."

"Like you've done?" Gibbs asked.

"This is different. I'm showing you how bad Tony is. Why he deserves to be out of NCIS, out of everything," Jeffrey continued. "My motives are clear and for the greater good," Jeffrey reasoned.

Tony swallowed hard. It was almost like listening to two people, Jeffery and his father. He couldn't shake hearing his father's voice echo alongside of Jeffery's.

'_Jealousy, we had higher closure rates'_ He tapped the screen with the pen hard and stabbed the pen to send it.

"That bastard and his bastard partner Jack Valdez were always whining when we took over some of their cases. They couldn't solve them, even though they'd been cops longer. Gordon and I were able to think outside of the little box Jeffrey and Valdez were in," Tony explained. He tore off his jacket and threw it hard onto a chair, along with his tie. "Damn him!" he cursed, filled with rage that he was having problems controlling.

"Tony?" McGee questioned.

Tony adjusted his shirt collar before continuing to observe what was going on in interrogation. The events of the past few weeks were harassing him. The stupidity of it all was infuriating.

Jeffery continued. "He'd been a cop for a few years and he's been at NCIS for a few years now. Why is it that you keep him down as a bottom rung agent? Because you know he's just not good enough to advance and you're just looking for an excuse to fire his ass. Well thank me, I just found you one," Jeffrey continued to reason with Gibbs. He was unnerved when Gibbs smiled in return. "What?" Jeffrey asked.

"DiNozzo was offered a supervisory position last year. He was given the opportunity to lead his own team in Spain," Gibbs answered. "_He_ turned it down."

Ziva and McGee looked at Tony in disbelief. McGee thinking about how he had goaded Tony about not being good enough for a team, now he felt horrible. He then turned his attention, like his co-workers, back in Gibbs' direction, in shock of what he had just found out.

Tony felt betrayed by one person in particular… The damn director, she had told Gibbs when he specifically asked her to keep it under her hat. Now the whole world knew it. He crunched up his huge cup and threw it like a basket ball it into the garbage can.

"So you can forget about believing that we're keeping Tony down," Gibbs continued. "The guys a valuable asset. Nothing you can say will deny that. So I guess that just leaves your sorry ass," Gibbs said. There was nothing that could be said to make him believe otherwise.

"But he's-," Jeffrey said.

"I don't care what you think he is," Gibbs snapped as he stood up once again. "You did this because you were jealous of Tony's success? Then you tell me he's some sort of screw up?" Gibbs was still trying to make sense of Jeffery and what he was saying, "you must be pretty bad then. While I admit that he has a certain amount of unprofessionalism… Well that's all I think about him to," Gibbs' tone suddenly changed.

Tony's face looked straight at Gibbs. He couldn't believe that Gibbs was going to side with Jeffrey Thomas. "Hey!" Tony snapped. His blood felt like it was going to boil over, even more than before, and then he began to pace again. "Come on!" he yelled.

"Tony, what is the matter with you?" Ziva asked. Tony began to look like a caged animal. "Calm down," She tried to sooth her partner.

_Calm down? Calm down!_ "Don't you hear what they're saying?" Tony asked. Either they didn't hear it or just didn't care or, maybe they believed it too, like his father did.

"Yeah, he'll forever be a failure in my eyes," Gibbs said. "You were right," Gibbs and Tony's eyes locked. The only thing that separated the two was a thin sheet of glass. "His father was right too. I should've kicked his ass to the curb along time ago. But like everyone else I pitied him," Gibbs explained with a cocky grin, "I was really hoping he'd quit when he reached his two years," he continued.

"Everybody just stop telling me to calm down!" Tony shouted, hearing his team mates, but only really hearing his father more in Gibbs. The man he had always looked up to as a father figure had now become his father. "Damn it!" he kicked the wall in frustration. Then again he wondered if it wasn't just Gibbs. Everyone was siding with the man who was set on ending his life. The truth was coming out. They thought like his father, that he was a failure and belonged in the gutter. His body was tense, wound up and ready to spring. His breathing was ragged and head was swirling around, all he could hear was his father's voice. And now, it was from everyone, Gibbs, Jeffery, McGee. The fury was spinning out of control like a tornado. Everything in him felt it. Now, adding to it, he was beginning to feel like a ping pong ball. Like the ping bong table his father had, to helplessly be batted back and forth like he was as a child. But he wasn't a child anymore. The little control he had was slipping away and quickly.

"Get Ducky," McGee said to Ziva. Ziva nodded and ran out the door to get him.

"Why, so he can badmouth me to?" Tony had hold of McGee's jacket. "You want to say something? Then say it!" He pulled McGee closer to him. His eyes blazing, breathing coming in hungry pants as his voice rose in rage, "if you wanted to say something to my face… Now's the time to do it father, now when I'm not a kid and strong enough and brave enough to beat the hell out of you or shot you, whatever you prefer, FATHER!" he yelled with a strong force of wrath that had him shoving McGee backwards, hard.

McGee managed to stop himself from falling over and only hit the wall. There was something missing though. He checked his waist. His sig was gone and in Tony's hands. It was raised to eye level, ready to shoot at Gibbs and Jeffrey. Ziva had already gone out the door. McGee knew he was the only one who could do something.

He took the palm pilot off the table and sent Gibbs the message as fast as his hand would move. _'Tony's snapped! Get out of there __Now, Has Gun!_' he wrote hoping it was in time.

All he could do was wait and hope that Tony didn't pull the trigger. He could go against his natural instinct and attack an armed Agent without a weapon. Only he knew from being shoved, the heightened strength DiNozzo suddenly had. Tony was strong, but he couldn't remember him being this strong. What was going on? He could only hope someone would come in and that Tony didn't pull the trigger. He waited with fear and starring at a man that didn't look like Tony anymore, a man that 'had been yelling at him and calling him father'?

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A/N : In case some of you didn't catch it. Halfway through the interrogation, Tony now hears his father and not what Gibbs is really saying. Hope you liked the chapter and please review, thank you.


	16. Chapter 16

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER SIXTEEN

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N : These last two chapters, especially the last got so many reviews and from some people we didn't know were reading. Thank you all once again for reading, reviewing and alerts. We really appreciate them and enjoy reading them. Now here is the next chapter from the cliff hanger...Enjoy!

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The flickering of Gibbs' palm pilot caught his attention. Part of him felt like leaving Jeffrey to the mercy of Tony. But Gibbs knew that whatever was happening to Tony and, if he decided to pull the trigger, killing Thomas, things wouldn't turn out very well. Tony would never be able to handle the court intervening and he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of killing the man. Gibbs had been down that road before, when he killed the man who had murdered Shannon and Kelly, in cold blood. He was able to recover from what he had done, but it came with a cost. Gibbs had been close to snapping for good, though he did make it back. He doubted that his senior field agent's empathy would ever allow him to forgive himself. That Tony would snap under the pressure and all the emotions. Without speaking, Gibbs dragged Jeffrey to his feet and shoved him out of interrogation and into the waiting arms of security officers who took the man to a holding cell.

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"Tony," McGee tried to get through to his partner. This was definitely new territory. "Tony," he repeated over again to get his attention.

Tony noticed that the room was empty so he swung the gun around and pointed it squarely at McGee. "This is it. I **do** have the balls, father," Tony told him, not hiding the hate in his voice as he leveled the sig.

When he'd heard the door open, McGee flinched in anticipation of the sig going off. Gibbs immediately took in the volatile situation. "DiNozzo!" Gibbs used his official tone, the one that had always got Tony's attention.

"Shut up!" Tony yelled and then realized he had turned the gun away from his father. He had now pointed it at his Boss. "I heard what you said in there," Tony said. His hands began to shake violently at the remembered words. Gibbs had always been there for him. If Gibbs thought he was such a screw up then it must be true. He didn't want to kill the man, but he had to do something to get back at them. At his father figure and the bastard that was his biological father.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs took a step forward, but quickly stepped back when Tony placed the sig's barrel against his own head.

"What's the point?" Tony said. "Everyone agrees with Jeffrey and my father."

"Go ahead, Anthony," his father said to him. "If you think you have the balls to go through with it," the accented voice ran through his head. "You'd be doing the right thing for the first time in your life."

Tony's grip on the trigger tightened.

"Shut up McGee," Gibbs turned to McGee after he spoke. It was clear to Gibbs that somehow Tony had it in his mind that McGee was his father. Every time McGee spoke, Tony reacted like it was his father speaking. "DiNozzo," Gibbs said again.

Tony wasn't sure what to do. He was so angry, hurt and confused. They all thought of him the way his father did, a failure, screw up. This made Tony's heart sink. He could still do it, still shoot himself and it wouldn't be anyone's fault. They'd be rid of him.

"DiNozzo, put the gun down, you don't want to kill yourself or hurt anyone else." Gibbs told him, first as an order and then calm, to talk him down.

"I've been a cop and an agent for a lot of years, Gibbs. You don't think I know what you're doing? You'd be glad if I offed myself. But you can't let it happen in front of you or in the building. I understand. It's all about the job, right?" Tony questioned him, gun still held firmly to his temple.

"No, I never want you to shoot yourself or to hurt yourself. Why don't you put it down and we can talk." Gibbs answered as calmly as he could. He didn't know what the hell was going on with Tony. But he couldn't allow this to happen.

"Yeah yeah yeah, I know the damn drill." he hissed out at the older man, waving his empty hand around, "screw up that I am, the one you wanted to leave at the end of my two year mark. The failure you agreed with Thomas on. Don't try and tell me that was to get on his good side and get information, cause you know what? I don't believe you." Cold eyes glared at his boss while he spat out the words, "Tell ya what. I won't do it at your precious job, won't screw up your record, but I should!" He yelled the last part.

"Why don't you give me the gun, Tony?" Gibbs asked holding out his hand.

"Yeah, right." He lowered the gun when his mind wandered somewhere else.

There was only one person he thought he could trust, the one person that had always told him the truth. She never sugarcoated anything. Tony kept the sig's barrel concentrated on the two men before him. He had to somehow get to Kate. Maybe the roof, she had died on a roof, his muddled brain put together. "Stay there," Tony warned, waving the gun so that Gibbs knew to stand over on the other side or the room. He then felt safe enough to back away to the door and opened it.

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Abby, Ziva and Ducky approached the interrogation area to speak to Gibbs. Abby had been testing the powdered creamer and the sample was different. She just got there in time to see Tony leaving the observation room.

As soon as he reached the corridor and shut the door, he saw three people approaching him at a fast pace. _Trust father to call his goons_ Tony thought to himself. The two goons were making a b-line straight for him, while carrying something, he figured were guns. He knew that his father had sent these people to take him down. The taller one approached him first. These goons would be ready to rough him up. You never threatened Anthony SR and get away with it. Tony drew his fist back and punched the taller goon hard in the face. He held up the sig at the others before leaving the area.

"Follow Anthony," Ducky told Ziva as he knelt down to help Abby to her feet. "Are you alright, my dear Abigail?" He looked at her with concern as he handed her a handkerchief.

Abby let out a yelp as she tried to stem the flow of blood. She then tilted her head back.

"It might be broken. We should take you to the ER to get it checked out, Abigail," Ducky said.

"What happened?" McGee noticed the bad shape that Abby was in when both he and Gibbs came out of the observation room.

"Ziva is tailing Anthony," Ducky told him.

"I was running some tests," Abby told Gibbs. "I just wanted to keep an eye on things, you know. So when…" She had to stop since some blood began seeping into her mouth and Abby had to spit it out. "Sorry Gibbs," she began to say.

"Ducky?" Gibbs turned to Ducky.

"What he put into the creamer this time wasn't Cocaine as we had assumed," Ducky took over Abigail's explanation. "Phencyclidine, otherwise known as PCP or Angel Dust. And Jethro, as you have probably figured out, I didn't have time to use the old creamer and made Tony take this new creamer with the PCP," He told him in guilt.

"Ducky, there was no way you could have known. At least now we know what we're dealing with." He tried to take some of the guilt from his old friend.

Gibbs cursed as his cell rung. "Gibbs," he almost shouted into the cell.

"Tony's gone to the roof," Ziva said. "Get up here with help, quickly Gibbs," she said trying to hide her worry.

"What are the effects?" Gibbs asked as he closed the phone.

"Hallucinations, violent outbursts with increased strength and he will confuse reality with fantasy. Also, he might not understand the difference between the past and present," Ducky explained grimly. "You must be careful Jethro. Everybody must be," Ducky warned.

Abby nodded. "Are those the results?" Gibbs asked as he took the paper out of Abby's grasp when she nodded. "Get her to the hospital Duck and get her checked out," he had noted how much pain she was in.

"Come on, Abigail," Ducky said.

"Don't be mad at him," Abby whined. "Please don't, boss-man," she pleaded for him to see reason.

"It's ok Abs," Gibbs said. "Go and get checked out. We'll deal with Tony," he assured her with his tone. "McGee, requisition a temporary replacement weapon and meet me on the roof. I'm going to get some backup," Gibbs said. "Afterwards I'm going to kill that son of a bitch," Gibbs said dangerously.

"Gibbs!" Abby turned to face her boss-man. "This isn't his fault," she tried to explain.

"I meant Jeffrey Thomas," Gibbs' voice trailed off as he made his way to the bullpen. Abby breathed a sigh of relief at this. "Go… Now!" Gibbs barked.

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_**NCIS ROOF**_

Tony doubled over for a couple of seconds before looking back up. He'd managed to get away from everyone and make it to the roof. "Now what?!" He looked around. There was some reason why he felt the urge to come up here. But now, he was alone.

"Tony," A familiar female voice got his attention.

"Kate?" Tony was shocked. Everyone had convinced him that Kate was dead. _Why would they lie to me?_ That question was irrelevant though. Of course everyone would've lied to him. He liked Kate. "You're dead," he said.

"I am dead, Tony," She was never one to mince words with him. "Listen to me," Kate told him.

"They all think I'm failure. Oh God, maybe I have disappointed everyone," Tony said grimly. "My father was right. It was always just a matter of time," he said more miserably.

"That's not right, Tony," Kate warmly encourage, "they never said that. You are valued," she confirmed what he was thinking.

"You don't know, you weren't there," Tony said softly before he raised his eyes once again. "I can go with you Kate… You're the only one who was truly honest with me. I miss you," his vulnerable voice told her. He felt so many things, he felt lost, lonely and just wanted to be happy. With Kate he could be, he wanted to shine like she did.

"You can't come with me Tony," Kate tried to explain. He felt him self approach the edge of the roof just to be closer to Kate. "It's alright Tony. You know I'll never lie to you," she assured him.

"You've seen my mother? He drove her to her death, made her turn to drinking… Made her take drugs in order to escape him, and left me alone with that monster," Tony walked closer to her. "If I can go with you," he smiled at the thought of being with Kate, flying with her and always being happy, "then everything will be alright. I'll be part of a real family again. Mum, me and you," He continued in a lackadaisical tone, filling in that make believe world that filled his head at the moment.

"You can't go with me. It's going to be alright, Tony," she said quietly. "You have to live… It's not your time yet," she said, comfort in her voice.

"I'll fly with you anywhere Kate," Tony said seriously, not giving up," look I can fly, I can be free." He smiled at her and stood before the ledge that would take him to his death if he tried to jump in order to fly.

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"He's over there," Ziva pointed to the other side of the roof. She had tried to approach Tony, but he took a shot at her. It was definitely better to stay back and wait for backup.

Gibbs watched Tony, who seemed to be intently talking to himself, or was he thinking he was talking to someone else? He didn't know, but what he did know was that at the same time Tony had walked closer to the ledge. He hadn't stepped up on it yet and Gibbs couldn't take that chance that Tony wouldn't, especially from this far away.

"Wait here," Gibbs ordered. "DiNozzo!" Gibbs shouted to get his attention away from the edge of the roof.

Tony stopped as Gibbs approached. It was only right to say goodbye before he went off with the only true angel there had ever been, for him. "Boss," he spat. "Leave me," he said, "I'm going with Kate. I can fly with her and I'll be happy." Tony told him, smiling at the thought.

"Tony… Whatever you're hearing right now, it's not real," Gibbs threw caution to the wind and made a grab for Tony. Gibbs was shocked to find how easy his senior field agent stopped him and threw him to the ground. When he threw Gibbs, Tony didn't realize the gun had dropped. With Gibbs on the ground, he felt the gun push against his back. He knew that missing gun hadn't registered with the senior field agent. Gibbs quickly took one hand and pushed the gun, hard, sliding it a good distance away. Now at least they didn't have to worry about being shot at when they brought Tony down.


	17. Chapter 17

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N : Hi all, I'm updating this faster than usual. I know with cliffhangers you want to find out what's going on as soon as possible. My computer is old and I have a new one. Tomorrow my nephew will be putting in programs, taking out everything from this one to transfer to the new one. I'll still have this one, but just in case this doesn't stay up and the new one isn't ready I wanted to update. If there is a problem please understand why I didn't get to answer your reviews right away as I try to do. I just wanted all to know what's up.

And again, we want to thank you all for your wonderful reviews and pms and alerts. Like we've said, we enjoy reading what you think of each chapter and as most writers know after working so hard on a story it's important to hear that it's being read. Thanks, Sue and Craig

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Gibbs still laid on the ground as he listened to Tony and tried to figure out what his next move would be.

"Yeah, Kate said you'd say that," Tony said as he kicked Gibbs who was still on the ground. "You lied to me, Boss. Always told me what you said was the truth and that you meant it," Tony said bitterly. "Again, that was a lie. You never said what you really thought. Until now."

"Kate's dead, Tony. She's not here. She's not on the roof," Gibbs tried to break through Tony's hallucinogenic barrier.

"I know Kate's dead. You think I'm really that stupid? Huh?!" Tony asked. Of course his boss would think that. He had admitted to thinking that Tony was a failure.

Tony continued with his drug induced thoughts. "Guess you'd think twice before you mess with your next senior field agent. Did Father put you up to this?" Tony, out of frustration and anger, kicked Gibbs a couple of more times. "Now this is goodbye. I'm leaving with Kate," Tony said. "Let's fly together, Kate. I know I can fly, I can feel it," he told her. He climbed onto the ledge holding out his hand and closing it around what could have been another hand.

Gibbs knew that once on the ledge Tony would try to fly like he thought he could. He saw the closure of the agent's hand and knew that the hallucination had him believing he was holding onto Kate's hand. He had to do something now or it would be too late. As soon as Tony's back was turned, Gibbs climbed to feet and locked Tony's arms behind his back with his own before kicking the legs out from underneath Tony. He pulled the younger man back onto the roof.

"I'm sorry DiNozzo," he told his agent in order to not distress the situation further. He'd warned the other agents not to approach Tony until necessary. Gibbs gave the signal as Tony continued to struggle beneath. Like handling violent suspects, Gibbs buried his knee deep into Tony's lower back. This didn't seem to stop the agent from squirming. Tony had more strength. It was like Ducky had told him and Gibbs knew he wouldn't be able to keep Tony down much longer.

"Kate! Kate! Help me out here!" Tony screamed. A couple of the agents looked at each other before trying to help restrain him further. Even with the added assistance, it was difficult to keep Tony from escaping. The power behind the senior field agent was incredible and made it even harder to keep him still enough to fully restrain him by tying him up with rope they had gathered.

"Kate?" One of the agents asked in a confused tone, panting out of breath from the struggle. "Who's that?" The young agent looked around.

"She was killed in action a couple of years ago," another agent answered. "She was shot in the head by a sniper and it happened on a roof like this one," he told him until they were silenced by the Gibbs glare.

"Listen to them, Tony. Please," Kate told him. "They're helping you. Don't fight them" she tried to calm him.

Gibbs had been regretting the decision to order Ducky to take Abby to the hospital. Tony began thrashing again as he tried to break the many grips that were holding him down. "Listen to me Tony," Gibbs tried again. "She's not there. Kate's not on the roof," Gibbs repeated.

"She is… Look at her! Kate, tell them," Tony tried, but Kate shook her head.

"Jethro…"

Gibbs looked up to see Ducky. "I thought you were," he began to say.

"Jenny took Abigail to the hospital," Ducky reached into the bag and used a syringe to draw up contents from a bottle. "I'm going to give Anthony a light sedative and the ambulance is on its way," Ducky was reluctant to administer sedatives, but by the looks of it, the five agents weren't going to be able to restrain Tony safely until the ambulance arrived.

"Hold his arm down," Ducky ordered as he very carefully injected the sedative into Tony's arm, "now we just wait for him to settle," Ducky said and then continued so that they would know the facts. Ducky knew that the five agents, including Jethro, were feeling the strain of holding down the powerful young man, "Though I must add that it is impossible to tell how long it'd take. And, for that matter if the sedative is strong enough to put young Anthony out with all that is in his system." The ME added.

"Come on, Tony," McGee said as they cuffed him to a put him on his back and farther away from the ledge, waiting for him to calm down.

"Damn you Father! You put them all up to this!" Tony yelled weakly as the sedative started to work. He tried to use his legs to kick at McGee. "Come on Father. Call your goons off. I've seen what you use them for. Call them off so that we can fight man to man. I know you don't usually do your own physical fighting, but be that man you always said I wasn't. And, I'll show you just what a man I really am!" Tony spat in McGee's direction. "Come on!" He furiously yelled, getting weaker.

"Get out of here, McGee," Gibbs said angrily. For some reason, Tony was seeing his father instead of McGee. He didn't know why, but he had to get the young agent away from Tony and quickly so they could calm him down.

"But," McGee interjected with a protest. McGee didn't understand why Tony thought he was his father. He wasn't trying, but he was antagonizing the situation.

"For God's sake, McGee. Get out of here," Gibbs growled as they managed to get the still fighting agent well restrained to the railing.

"That's what I thought! You won't fight me man to man. Unless you have your goons to do your dirty work you'll walk away. Wouldn't want to dirty that expensive suit or sweat a bit, maybe get the CRAP BEAT OUT OF YOU?" Tony screamed as loud as the sedative would let him to McGee's retreating back.

McGee felt even worse from what Tony was yelling. Yet, all the things he'd said made Tim understand some of the reasons why Tony acted the way he did. His childhood was worse than Tim knew. He felt bad for his friend, but still didn't know what he did to make Tony think he was anything like DiNozzo SR. Or to think he **was** Tony's father.

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"Come along, Timothy," Ducky pulled McGee aside while keeping a friendly hand on his shoulder and sat him down, out of sight and hearing range. McGee looked visibly rattled.

"Are you alright my dear boy?" Ducky asked as McGee sat down and hid his head in his folded arms.

"I'm alright, Ducky," McGee didn't look up.

"My dear boy, Jethro is just worried and he didn't mean to yell as he did," Ducky's words were just answered with the shake of the head. "Is it what Anthony said? Is that it?"

"I just don't get it," McGee sighed heavily, "why would he think I'm his father?" After everything, he felt like he was going to cry. He swallowed and buried his head again. He didn't want to show his weakness.

"It's hard to say Timothy," Ducky said, "it could be a simple case of just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Don't forget that you and Tony tease each other a lot. You two put each other down lightly. So, in his confused mind Anthony sees you as his father," Ducky did his best to explain, "you mustn't take any of what he's saying to heart, Timothy. A very powerful drug was forced on him. He doesn't know what he's doing, saying or seeing, my boy. I am sure after he recovers, he'll show you that he never meant anything he's said. Actually, I'm sure he'll be ashamed at his actions towards you and everyone else." Ducky explained to a very upset, McGee.

"I know," McGee's voice quivered.

Ducky placed his hand on McGee's shoulder again. It was obvious that he could start losing it and also knew that it wouldn't be a good thing to do on the roof while other agents were around. "Why don't you go back inside Timothy," Ducky said softly.

"No, I have to wait for Gibbs," McGee said.

"I'll square it with Jethro," Ducky told him. "Just go inside, wait in the bullpen or some where, calm down and do realize what I've told you. I believe you know that Tony thinks of you as a younger brother. You do know that Tony never had siblings, never had that chance of being the big brother and teasing his younger siblings. This isn't our Tony right now, do remember that," he offered.

Ducky helped McGee to his feet and watched him leave the roof's vicinity. Even though it would remain unsaid, McGee always looked up to Tony and often tried to learn some of his skills. On the other hand, underneath all the teasing, Tony always watched out for McGee and protected him to a certain degree. It was almost as if Tony and McGee were echoing the Gibbs and Tony relationship, but just not quite getting there. But what Ducky told McGee about siblings with Tony was true, though he wouldn't have gone as far as what else he had just thought about.

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The ME walked up to Tony, Gibbs and, the other agents to check on his charge. "It looks like the sedative is kicking in," Ducky observed the fight in Tony subsiding and the drooping eyelids. However, it wasn't enough to send the senior field agent to sleep, just as he had feared.

"Where's McGee?" Gibbs noted that one of his team members was missing.

"I sent him inside," Ducky answered, "he'll be alright," he noted Ziva and Gibbs' concerned look, "he needs this to all sink in, I'm afraid. He is feeling a bit overwhelmed," he said once the other agents had left. They didn't need to know everything. "It's been hard on him with the way Anthony's been viciously yelling at him. Timothy doesn't quite understand why he was thought of as Anthony's Father," Ducky explained as they walked out of earshot quickly, to talk before heading back.

"Can you keep an eye on him Ziva?" Gibbs asked, worry hidden behind his words. She nodded to the request. Again, Ducky and Gibbs walked out of earshot.

"Are you alright Jethro?" Ducky asked in a concerned tone as Gibbs let out a slight wince that he tried to hide.

"I'm fine. What about McGee? Before you say anything, I know, I'll have a talk with him," Gibbs held up his hand.

"As I said a few minutes ago, he is more hurt over what Anthony has been saying, doing and thinking who he was. You know their relationship reminds me of a lot of you and Anthony. Also I did tell him how Anthony looks toward him as a younger brother. I dare not say what I just told you, though both are true. Anyway, he said that it didn't matter what you said… But," Ducky removed his glasses.

"Ah hell, I'll talk to him after we get DiNozzo to the hospital. This has been a mess for weeks thanks to that damn, Thomas. I will get every last drop out of him," Gibbs said as he winced in pain again, from tensing at the anger he felt. .

"Right after the ambulance arrives, Jethro. You my friend are getting an examination and there will be no getting out of it, and that's an order from your doctor," Ducky said calmly but it was no use arguing with the ME.

Tony felt his vision blurring. But he heard the shot and managed to just move his head out of the way as the bullet bounced off the metal behind him. "Sniper! Boss!" Tony said as he tried to free himself. "Where's my gun?" He heard another shot ring out. They had hung him out as a target for a sniper? Why would they do that? It had to be his father and Gibbs agreeing. This was the perfect way to die in the line of duty, right, all tied up, he grimaced.

"Tony," Ziva said with a confused look. "There is nothing up here," she said.

"He killed Kate, now he's after me," Tony told her. "Come on. They've tied me up here as bait. Once he kills me, they can find him. Please untie me. Don't let me die," Tony just didn't have the strength to keep fighting. "Help me Ziva. Please… I'm begging you. I won't make fun of you again," he pleaded.

"Tony. You are safe. Nobody up here is shooting at you," She tried to calm Tony down.

They all spent the next ten minutes convincing Tony that there wasn't a sniper trying to pick him off while they waited for the paramedics to arrive. But Tony wouldn't believe them and finally as weak as he was he told them. "You all think I'm a failure, expendable, collateral damage!" He yelled and weakly pulled on the bindings to get lose. "You're not going to help me." Tony seriously told them.

Gibbs knelt down to the younger man. He sighed knowing there was nothing he could do to make his agent think differently under the influence of the drug. "You are irreplaceable, Tony. I've told you that before." Gibbs saw the defeated look in Tony's eyes and it tore at him. He couldn't help the man, he couldn't help his agent.

The paramedics finally appeared on the roof. "He had PCP forced into his system…And I had to slightly sedate him," Ducky explained to the medics.

They looked at the ropes and handcuffs keeping the federal agent tightly in place. Gibbs and Ziva helped loosen Tony's restraints and forcibly held him onto the gurney so the straps could heavily restrain him, once again. Gibbs hated to see this, but knew that it was for Tony's safety as well as the others.

"I'm going with them," Gibbs said. Ducky nodded. "When Abby gets back, tell her to send the blood work along with all the tests done on Tony." Gibbs told them. Ziva and Ducky nodded in compliance.

They knew that Abby would do this the minute she returned from the hospital. Abby cared like they all did, but maybe more, since they found out that her and Tony had been sleeping together. Plus, this information was important for Tony's recovery.

"You get checked out too, Jethro," Ducky said, adamantly.

"I told you I'm fine and Ducky, tell McGee to wait in the bullpen. I'll talk to him when I get back. And Ziva, I want Thomas' records pulled from his time in Baltimore to now. I want to know how he so easily got to Tony and anything else tying them together," Gibbs said as he followed the paramedics with Tony.

"On it, Gibbs." Ziva assured her boss.

Gibbs kept pace with the gurney and made sure to tell Tony that he was with him all the way to the ambulance and hospital.

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_**NCIS Bullpen**_

Ziva strolled through the bullpen and sat at her desk to do what her boss asked of her. She'd have it all when Gibbs returned. She couldn't see any sign of McGee. Her ears had picked up some chatter about the incident on the roof, but there was nothing major, yet. She had learned about the scuttle butt and that this would be the new gossip in the building. She wished she could stop it. At least what she heard, they all knew that Tony was drugged and didn't do it to himself.

McGee's head was down as he sat. Ziva looked over in his direction. "Are you alright, McGee?" Ziva asked. She knew that Gibbs was hurting and was at the hospital with Tony. She also knew that Abby was due back from the hospital soon. "Are you hurt McGee?" Ziva asked.

She walked over to McGee's desk and studied his features closely. He then realized what she was doing. As soon as he did, McGee looked away, but not before she noticed the redness around the eyes. "You have been crying," she said in a flat tone. It took awhile before McGee looked up again. "There is no shame in it," Ziva told him.

"Shut up," McGee said quietly.

"It is widely known that you two care deeply for each other," Ziva said bluntly. Everybody knew it.

"Do not," McGee responded.

"Do to," Ziva argued quickly. "You are upset because you are worried about him," she ventured further.

"I am not," McGee argued back.

"You are to," Ziva couldn't believe that he was arguing with her on this point. "Why can you not admit that you care about him deeply? Perhaps like a brother, yes?" Ziva asked, "that is why him acting that way towards you was so hurtful," she added.

McGee bowed his head in shame. It was true, but he would never admit it. He felt comfortable in where their relationship was. The team always put the bickering aside when they had to keep each other's six. "No Ziva," McGee said. He thought that Tony would have a field day if he found out the truth, if he admitted it. Yet, Ducky had said the same thing to him on the roof.

"Sure McGee. I will play your Pictionary," she said with a smile.

"I think you mean charades, Ziva," McGee automatically corrected.

"Ah-ha!" Ziva said loudly. "See, you are even taking over his personality when he is not here," she answered with an excited tone. "Well?"

"Well what?" McGee asked. He was clearly irritated. "I don't always correct you on your English mishaps because Tony beats me to the punch," McGee explained.

"Oh you have an answer for everything," Ziva walked back to her desk.

"Whatever!" McGee shouted at her. Hurt that she too had seen the relationship between him and Tony. Brothers, partners, he wondered if Tony realized this himself. Everyone else on the team seemed to. And now it was hitting him harder. Sure, he had seen it, but would never express it to Tony or anyone else.

"Typical response. Surely you can do better," Ziva retorted.

"Shut up! You're so quick to think you're superior to everyone else," McGee threw his hands up.

"I do not," Ziva responded loudly.

"Stop it!" Jenny had heard the arguing as soon as she stepped off the elevator. "Sit down," she ordered the two bickering agents. Abby soon wandered in behind her with a bit of a sedated pace. "Look, I know you're all on edge over what's happened. But that's no reason to go at each other," she told them, looking from one to the other.

"Yes Director," Ziva and McGee answered.

Jenny looked at the two before speaking again. "Did agent Gibbs give you something to do while he's at the hospital?" She eyed them, both.

Ziva turned to Jenny. "Yes, he wants us to research Thomas' back round from the time he was in Baltimore until now. He wants to know how Thomas got to Tony and the tie ins to why there is such a dislike." She admitted.

"Then I suggest the two of you start on it right away. Do I make myself clear?" Jenny waited for a response.

"Yes, Director, perfectly." Ziva answer and began to type.

"Yes, I'll work on it too." McGee answered; glad he'd have something to do that would keep his mind off of what had happened.

"Good." Jenny turned to Abby.

"I will go down to the lab and send the blood results and, the other information we found over to the doctors," Abby said as she went towards her lab. She wanted to see how everyone was. The ibuprofen was helping with the pain. But seeing her friends fighting was giving her a headache. "You two just behave while I'm down there or else," she exclaimed.

Abby hadn't been on the roof to see what happened, but she'd send off the results and then find an agent that knew what happened and get the story. She needed to know that Tony was alright and what went on. It had to have been bad if her two friends were going at each other and she was sure some of it was due to them worrying. She also needed to see Tony and knew she would go as soon as she felt a little better.

"How you feeling Abs?" Ziva and McGee asked at the same time.

"Was sore, but good now," Abby nodded and then even with here head aching she added. "Now, I'm going to go down to my lab, but if I hear anymore bickering from you two. I'll find out about it and if I find out about it you can bet Boss-man will find out about it too," she said before stopping.

"You alright Abby?" Jenny asked.

"I just learned that I can't speak too much like that without stopping to breathe," Abby felt a little lightheaded. Though the side effects listed on ibuprofen also listed dizziness. "I will go to my lab. Sit down. Send the results. Yeah," she said.

She thanked the director again for taking her to the hospital and watched Jenny nod before she turned to the stairs that led up to her office. Abby took the elevator down to her lab. She wanted to get the results off and feel better. She also wanted to find out what happened after she left. By then she should feel well enough go to the hospital and find out how Tony was doing.


	18. Chapter 18

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N: Just a note. We are not in the medical profession and this chapter deals mostly with medical issues and treatment issues. We are writing from experience and some research. Please excuse anything that may be wrong medically in this chapter. Also this mostly has to do with Gibbs health and Tony's. This chapter is necessary to explain what's happening with Tony, how they will treat Tony in the hospital and what they are going to do afterwards to help him. We know after the action chapters that this may be a bit slow for you , but it is important to understand for the rest of the story. And it tells a bit about the truths of addiction as well. Thanks Sue and Craig

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When the ambulance arrived at the hospital, the paramedics took a weak but still fighting and babbling DiNozzo straight into the ER. Gibbs was stopped in his tracks. He figured he would be since he'd gone to the ER so many times with his team. He'd also been there many times himself. Yet he grumbled anyway. Five minutes later Ducky walked up to Gibbs who had his much needed coffee in one hand while he paced.

"Jethro, you need to be looked at. I thought I made my self clear on the matter." Ducky admonished. He gave a stern gaze at the man as he waited for an answer.

"You did." Was all the man said in answer.

"Well then, I shall get a doctor to look at you. Anthony attacked you with blunt force. We need to see the damage he did to you. There could be several problems and that includes internal bleeding. After they take you, I'll then inquire about young Anthony and if Abigail's information has arrived." Ducky marched away with determination that he knew Jethro wouldn't fight. He needed a doctor for his stubborn friend and he'd get one.

Once Jethro was taken back to a room to be examined, Ducky went over to the nurse's station. He found out they had received all the information Abby and he had on Tony. He then waited. He couldn't find out anything until tests were done on Jethro or the doctor was done with Tony. Most of the doctors all knew Ducky and were aware they needed to consult him about the two NCIS patients once they'd been checked over.

After an hour there were loud voices at the entrance of the ER that Ducky recognized as Abigail. He went over to the nurse that was telling the young woman to have a seat in the waiting area. The ME knew that with no one around it wouldn't be good for the forensic scientist to sit by herself. Her imagination would run away with its self. He spoke kindly to the nurse who then reluctantly let the girl enter.

"Ducky, thank God you're here!" Abby exclaimed in her excitement about what was going on with her boss and Tony. "How's Tony? How's Gibbs? I didn't know Gibbs was hurt until I heard the whole story about what happened on the roof." Abby explained and then took a deep breath.

"Abigail, I'm waiting for the doctors now. They received your reports and Jethro has been taken for x-rays. We are waiting for them to come back. You my dear, at least look better" Ducky looked her over and then noticed the doctor that was handling Tony and Jethro walk toward them.

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"You are Doctor Mallard?" The doctor asked. He looked to be in his early forties, dark hair and concern on his face.

Ducky put out his hand. "Yes I am, but you can call me Ducky, everyone else does. Most of the doctors in this hospital know me. Are you new?" he asked as he shook the other doctor's hand.

"To this hospital, yes, I'm Doctor Jackson, you can call me Steven. And this young lady would be?" He asked not knowing if he could talk in front of her.

"Oh yes, this is Abigail Scuito, our forensic scientist that faxed over all the paper work on Anthony DiNozzo. I can assure you that you can speak to me freely in front of her." He smiled as Abby nodded her head.

"I know what's going on as you know from the reports. So you don't have to hide anything from me. And you can call me Abby." She too shook Steven's hand.

"Good. I've been taking care of both your agents. Why don't we go have a seat in agent Gibbs cubicle? This way I don't have to repeat myself twice." He led them towards a cubicle with a curtain surrounding it.

Ducky and Abby followed the doctor, though they could here some screaming and knew it had to be Tony. Abby stopped and winced at hearing the violent screams. Ducky put his arm around her shoulder, "Come along my dear, Anthony is in good hands I can assure you."

"But he sounds so horrible." She cringed at the verbal abuse that filled the area.

Ducky patted her shoulder. "I know my dear girl, I know, it's to be expected. Now, let us not keep the good doctor waiting." He then pushed her gently along.

They walked in to Gibbs cubicle, finding him dressed and sitting up on the bed. The doctor nodded to the agent and then closed the curtain. Abby ran over and hugged Gibbs tightly.

"Gibbs, are you alright?" Abby sniffled.

"Abs, can't breathe." He took in a painful breath when she let go, "I'm going to be fine. Listen to the doctor, ok?" He kissed her on the forehead.

Abby nodded. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to hurt you." She then changed her mood to listen to Doctor Jackson as she claimed a seat in a chair next to Ducky.

Having all their attention the doctor started his explanation of his findings. "Now, Agent Gibbs you were very lucky. Nothing is broken and no internal bleeding. However there are bruised ribs from where he kicked you, that's all the X-Rays show as well at the scan we ran. They'll heal on their own as I'm sure you are aware of. Any pain, just take some Ibuprofen." He explained.

Gibbs looked at his two friends. He too could hear Tony's screaming, though it wasn't as loud since the noise was carried down the hall. And then he looked over at Doctor Jackson. "What about Agent DiNozzo?"

Doctor Jackson signed as he sat down beside them. "I know you're aware of the drugs in Agent DiNozzo's body. We are going to put him in ICU where there are rooms with doors that close. He is still very high on the Phencyclidine or PCP, fighting the soft restraints we have on him so he won't hurt himself or anyone else. Looking over your paper work and the blood work and doing our own, he was real close to dying. He could have gone into cardiac arrest." He told them.

Abby gasped from fear and shock. Gibbs shook his head, thinking again how glad he was that they got to him in time. Ducky nodded at this, already knowing what the doctor had said. He had mentioned this at the Navy Yard. .

"Thankfully, he hasn't and we have him hooked up to a monitor. He also would have eventually over dosed on the Cocaine in a matter of a few weeks, if that," the doctor ran his hand through his hair. He saw Abby hug Ducky's arm and knew the rest wouldn't be easy on her, "now, you know and I suspect you heard him yelling. He's hallucinating, which is visual and auditory. He's having the typical mood swings and aggravated by the restraints. We don't want to give him a sedative to put him out. You gave him a light one and I understand why, but he has three very strong drugs in his system already. Two being there for awhile and the other, well, from your information have been in him for several hours." The doctor looked at them.

"Yes, I see. So he'll have to go through the bout on his own until the drug works its self out of his system." Ducky voiced his agreement.

"Exactly, we don't want to put anything else in his system at this time. We will have to let the drug work its way out of his system as you said, Ducky. From my estimation he'll be on his so called trip for at least another eight hours. We are flushing him with an IV and have a Foley catheter on him and he's hooked up to a monitor for his heart, blood pressure and a few other things. We have all the information going straight to the nurse's station. Once in ICU the same thing will be done," He stopped to look again at their reactions, "Would either of you like a drink before I continue?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine, thanks." Abby meekly answered.

"I would rather dig deeper into what will be happening to Anthony, his treatment." Ducky probed.

"I already have a coffee from one of the nurses. I'd rather talk about what's going to happen to Tony too." Gibbs said flatly, agreeing with the ME..

"Does he have next of kin?" The doctor asked.

"That would be me." Gibbs said in a stern voice.

"Good, after I explain all of this, I'll need you to sign all the paper work to admit Agent DiNozzo."

"I will, go on." Gibbs pushed.

"Yeah, I'd like to know too about what's going to happen to Tony once the PCP wears off. I mean I know you and Ducky know, but me and Gibbs, we don't." Abby glanced at both doctors waiting for more to be explained.

Gibbs agreed with Abby impatiently, and waited for the doctor to continue.

"Yes, well after the PCP is out of Agent DiNozzo's body, we then have to deal with the Cocaine and the smaller amount of Heroin, which had been increasing as the weeks went by. I need to ask a few questions before I answer yours. You do act as his doctor?" He asked Ducky.

"Why yes, I do. What is it you need to know?" The ME raised his brow.

"Even though Agent DiNozzo was unknowingly given the Cocaine and Heroin, he has to go through a detox program which I'll explain. First, I need to know if his parents or any of his family has drug or alcohol addictions. This is very important." The doctor stated and then lifted his clipboard to write what he was told down.

Ducky began to answer the doctor. "I do know his father is an alcoholic. Anthony grew up with it and he is an only child. I think I know where you are going with this. I don't know about the rest of his family, he doesn't talk to them or about them. I do know however that his mother was addicted not only to alcohol but also to prescription drugs. This in the end killed the poor woman, when Anthony was only ten." He looked at Abby and Gibbs to see if they knew any more and received head shakes that they didn't.

"Has he ever used drugs before?" The doctor proceeded to ask.

"No. Our Anthony has stayed away from that path. As a matter of fact even when he comes into the hospital he reacts badly from pain medications. Usually, he will flush them once home, unless one of us makes him take them." Ducky assured.

"We do have to force them on him, unless he's in unbearable pain." Gibbs informed, agreeing with Ducky before he took another sip of his coffee.

"He has reactions? What kind of a reaction?" Doctor Jackson inquired and wrote more notes down.

Abby jumped in at this point. "He doesn't handle them well. They've even tried the mildest dosage, and he still gets very loopy. I mean he gets high and then falls asleep from them. He hates pain medication and associates it too.....well, with his mother's death. He's told me many times over the years that he's never ever touched drugs and that unless he's in serious pain will not take the ones the hospital gives him." She nodded, recalling all the times they had talked over the years about this. Abby also recalled the last time which was only a week or so ago, but it stood out so clearly in her mind. That was the first time Tony had told her how drugs and alcohol had killed his mother. She remembered his reaction and how he had gone for a run to clear his mind, how he shook and held back the tears. The thought saddened her, but she again listened to what was happening with him.

"Well, that's good to know. However, having two alcoholic parents or even addictive parents, which both of his seem to be or had been. Knowing this I have to tell you the gene can carry over to the children or in this case the child. It can also skip a generation. But if it hasn't skipped and he's held it off, this can turn into a problem." Steven said thoughtfully.

"What kind of problem?" Gibbs wanted to know, needed to know. Something with what the doctor had just said bothered him and he saw it also bothered Abby. He noticed Ducky nod, knowing what the other doctor was getting at. Damn it, this was something he wanted to understand, he'd have to question Ducky about this later.

"This not being his fault could trigger the gene if he has it. Start pushing him to have cravings after detox. Though he may watch himself, this time it could become a battle for him, and not with just the drugs but with alcohol as well. Does he drink a lot?"

Both men looked at Abby. They knew Tony would drink with his frat brothers and every now and then go out for a drink or clubbing. They'd never been with him at the bar much to see how he drank.

"Honestly, he does drink. He'll go get drunk once in a while with his frat brothers. He does go clubbing and at times with me. But he's usually the one that drinks the least. Though there are times I've gotten him wasted. Oh sorry, but I mean occasionally we've drank at his place or mine and I've encouraged him to drink. I feel a bit ashamed, but he'll only let his guard down so much with me and less with other people. When he's really hurting he doesn't turn to alcohol if that's what you mean. I just get him drunk so he'll let down his guard all the way and then get deeper into what's bothering him. That's how I get certain things out of him. Is that bad?" Abby asked with worry.

"No, not bad in the way you're telling me. I'd watch him now though, for a while. People that are addicted to a drug and don't want to go back to it can easily pick up alcohol. It's expectable to drink a bit more and then that can turn into even more, becoming a problem. So, for awhile I'd watch him. They try to self medicate. Listen, a drug is a drug whether in liquid form, pill or powder form or even smoked. But we'll see how he does. As for the treatment, once the PCP is out of his system he'll be sent over to the detox part of the hospital for seven days. His withdrawal will be different from alcohol. When a person is ready for more they get irritable, some, not all, sweaty and ache from lack of food and sleep. When he is with us, the symptoms will be depressed mood, fatigue, generalized bad feeling, vivid and unpleasant dreams, the agitation and restless behavior. I already told you about that, slowing of activity and increased appetite since he hasn't eaten much with the drug in his system. At this time there are no effective medications to reducing cravings. There are studies that have found that medications such as amentadine and bromocriptine may help to lower a patient's craving, increase energy, and normalize sleep, particularly since he probably hasn't slept that much in the past few weeks. We'll try these drugs on him and see which work the best for Agent DiNozzo. As for the Heroin, since it's an opiod, we can use a medication called Narcan that will push the drug out of his system within 24 to 48 hours. I do think that the drugs I told you about will work. And if he sleeps it will be better for him." Doctor Jackson stopped for a moment to let Abby and Gibbs digest what he had said.

Gibbs wondered if Tony would be put on medication for depression. He was never a depressed person, maybe it would be temporary, he hoped. He didn't know that the other two of the team were rolling the same thought around in their minds too. The three of them took in what the doctor had said and thought about it, before accepting it. After all, it had to be whatever was best for Tony.

When Doctor Jackson saw that the focus was back on him, he continued. "The Psychiatrists there will assess him to make sure there aren't any problems such as depression from growing up around what he did and due to the drugs and the fact that this was force on him. The Psychiatrists will see him the last few days for this, he may even exhibited panic attacks, or panic disorder as we call it. If they think he needs it, he'll be put on medication to help the depression or anxieties he may be feeling. After that he'll be able to leave the hospital, but not go right back to work. He will have to go through a six week outpatient program, which entails group sessions and one on one therapy sessions. This is to help him with cravings, what happened to him and other things that may bother him. And we won't put him into general population. We have special groups for lawyers, doctors, nurses and cops, this way they can talk freely. Any questions?" Steven asked the three.

"It seems poor Anthony has a long road ahead of him. We will all help him as much as we can." Ducky answered.

"And I'll make sure he goes to the outpatient program, if he doesn't he won't have a job. So I'll sign the papers." Gibbs informed the doctor.

"Agent Gibbs, the papers you will be signing are only for the detox program and being admitted so we can monitor for the PCP. Agent DiNozzo will be sound enough and it will all be explained to him. And, that will include holding his job, by going to the outpatient program. And Agent Gibbs, he needs to make these four times a week and on his own, without anybody pushing him. That is required." The doctor told them nicely, but firmly.

Gibbs didn't like the sound of this. DiNozzo might not take it seriously, using the 'I'm fine' excuse once his body was clean of the drugs. He also figured that DiNozzo would whine about coming back to work early as he had done several times before, especially after the plague.

"Doctor, DiNozzo has always been the type that will tell me he's fine when he has something seriously wrong and needs medical attention." Gibbs said with concern.

"Yes, our Anthony does love attention but not when he is seriously ill, he'll play it down. I understand that he needs to do this on his own. We will just have to reinforce what you say to him and leave him to it. Jethro, that means you and Abigail too, no calling or prodding or you will be enabling him." Ducky explained firmly to Jethro and Abby.

"Wait, enabling?" Gibbs questioned.

"Yes, Ducky is right Agent Gibbs. And enabling is when you think you're doing the right thing for the person only you're not. It just gives that person a reason to do things that they should do on their own. Of course enabling goes deeper, but not in Agent DiNozzo's case, as of yet, anyway. Oh and he will sign in for every visit so your director will know if he is or isn't going." The doctor assured.

He then continued, "I do recommend you watch him for depression and panic disorder if he's put on that medication. I'll go get those papers ready and you can come to the desk and fill them out. Remember, you can't see him or call him once in detox. He needs to go through this on his own. I know you want to be there for him but it will be better for him in the long run, believe me." The doctor left the cubicle.

"Don't worry, if you have any questions I can answer them later. Just go and sign yourself out and sign the papers for Anthony, Jethro." Ducky directed the ex-marine who was deep in thought.

"I understand the basics but, I don't understand why we can't help." Gibbs said with frustration.

"Me either." Abby pouted.

"Abigail, Jethro, we'll talk later, now go sign those papers there is nothing we can do to help Anthony, except putting him in these programs. I know you both feel helpless, but you must see that this is the best way **to help** Anthony. Later on we can be a support group for him if need be, by seeing to the depression and panic disorder if he has those medications to take. Unless they find out he needs a twelve step program, which I doubt. I think the outpatient program and if need be, therapy afterwards and our support will be all the lad needs." Ducky consoled his friends.

"Ok, you two come on and I'll sign those damn papers and when I get back to HQ, I'm going over that slims life and then he's going to jail." Gibbs added.

He stepped out, signed the papers and then the three walked out of the hospital and headed back to the office. Traveling back to work all Jethro could think about was that he hoped that DiNozzo would be alright and come out of this well. He knew how his second in command was and hoped the man wouldn't blame himself for what happened. And, he also needed to talk to McGee, try to get him to understand why he yelled at him. Along with explaining the situation to Ziva, Tim and the director about what was going on with Tony. Then he'd get back to solving what happened to make Thomas want to hurt DiNozzo, getting a confession and sending the bastard off to prison.


	19. Chapter 19

_**LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER NINETEEN**_

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

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Leroy Jethro Gibbs got off the elevator holding his coffee in one hand as he walked into the bullpen. He saw his two agents busy typing at their computers. When they saw the lead agent, he felt their eyes fix on him, waiting. He put his coffee down and slowly sat on the edge of his desk. He was still digesting every thing the doctor had told them. He knew Ducky was still at the hospital and he had dropped Abby off at her lab, giving her a hug along with a kiss to her forehead. He hated **this**. **This** being what the doctor explained to them. **This **being what happened to Tony. And finally, **this** being the fact of explaining all of what he knew to his agents and the director.

Gibbs also knew he'd have to talk with McGee about what went on today with Tony and his actions towards the younger agent. He had already grasped what happened from listening to the doctor, understanding would make it easier for Tim, he hoped. And lastly, he had to find out what the two had come up with about Thomas. Then he'd come down hard on the bastard that had hurt one of his agents, an agent he though of like a son. He sighed and then ran his hand through his hair. No time like the present he figured.

"Ziva, Tim." Gibbs called them over to his desk.

The two reached the desk. Their faces clearly showed concern along with the need to know how their partner and friend was doing and what was going to happen to him. Gibbs explained to them everything the doctor had told him. He answered all the questions he could. He then told the two that if there were any further questions, to ask Ducky. Done with the explanation, he could see the sadness along with anger etched in their faces. Ziva took her seat behind her computer. Before McGee could sit down Gibbs called out to get the younger agents attention.

"McGee, with me, conference room." Gibbs didn't yell, just spoke in clipped words. He picked up his coffee and headed toward the elevator.

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McGee slowly followed. He didn't feel like going and getting a dressing down for whatever he did. He still didn't understand why Gibbs had yelled at him. Well, he did to a point, but didn't want to be yelled at again. He felt ashamed at the weakness that was inside him. He stepped onto the elevator. The doors closed, the lights shone off the silver walls of the small square box. Then it came, the hit of the switch that would stop the elevator in mid descent. Cool blue eyes looked at the young agent. McGee looked up, seeing something that was uncommon, his boss' eyes, which softened.

Another sigh and swipe of Gibbs hand through his grey hair allowed him to start the conversation. "McGee,.... Tim." Gibbs voice also softened, "I want to apologize and explain why I yelled at you."

McGee looked bewildered at the apology. He'd never heard his boss apologize. Frankly it scared him a little. Things had to be serious if his Boss was apologizing. "You…. always say….. apologies are a sign of weakness."

Gibbs nodded at what the younger man said. "Not between friends and when it's this important."

"Oh." Tim shook his head, still surprised at the apology.

"Tim, this has been hard on all of us. It was hard to get around my head when the doctor explained it, but it did. Then it made perfect sense why DiNozzo thought you were his father. Remember how I just told you about some of the effects of PCP, the hallucinations?" he questioned and got a nod in return, "you were the only male in that room besides the tech who DiNozzo doesn't know so well. The tech left when things started going south," Jethro sighed again, "the hallucinations aren't just visual. They're auditory as well. He didn't hear what I was saying to Thomas. And in DiNozzo's mind, he heard what his father would say, not what I was saying. He then had his father in his head. When he saw you next to him, well, that brought on the visual hallucination as well as the auditory. To him, you were his father. It had nothing to do with you, Tim. And on the roof, we couldn't control him because he still saw you as his father. The drug makes a person a hell of a lot stronger and it was hard to keep him pinned down, even with all of us holding him. Seeing you as his father made things worse. Made Tony fight even more and the strain of using all my strength to hold him down, along with the stress of what was happening." Gibbs sighed, trailing off as flashes of the horrible situation on the roof played again in his head, "I yelled at you to leave in order to secure him better. I didn't yell because you did anything wrong." Gibbs finger went under Tim's chin, tipping his face up to look at his boss.

"I ….I thought…." McGee was cut off.

"Tim. You, did nothing wrong. Do you understand me? You, did nothing wrong. I had to get you out as quickly as I could, that's all. Got it?" Gibbs questioned in hope that McGee understood.

"Yeah boss, I do. Thank you." The younger agent gratefully answered.

"Good. Now lets go see what you both found on Jeffery Thomas."

They both nodded at each other with the understanding between them. Gibbs threw the switch to allow the elevator to return to the third floor. He was glad that McGee understood. It felt like a bit of the weight had been lifted. He hoped the younger agent felt the same. Gibbs saw he knew by the difference in his walk back into the bullpen.

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Once Tim was settled in the bullpen, Gibbs looked at his two agents.

"I'm going to speak to the director. When I come back I want every thing you found on Thomas." Gibbs told them before he climbed the steps two at a time up to the Director's office.

"McGee, is everything alright between you and Gibbs?" Ziva asked as she turned and stared in concern at her partner and waited for an answer.

McGee looked up from his computer and over at Ziva. "He....well um..... he apologize." McGee stated, still surprised by it all.

"He what?" Ziva looked as shocked as McGee felt.

"Um....he said he was sorry for yelling at me, explained why he did. He told me that Tony saw me as his father due to the drug, which I figured. But the boss said that Tony only seeing me in the room had visual and auditory hallucinations. Said that's why he thought I was his father and still did on the roof. Gibbs also said that the drug made Tony so much stronger that it was a strain to hold him down even with other people helping. I had to leave so Tony would calm down a little more and that's why he yelled." Mcgee told her while he thought about it, "now it makes so much sense. It wasn't me, I didn't do anything wrong. I mean I knew I didn't, well was pretty sure, but now I know." he nodded his head, afirming what his boss said to himself even more.

"Good. Then you feel better, yes?" Ziva asked. She had felt bad for McGee and bad about how she had made a mess of everything when she had tried to help him.

"Yeah, I do. Thank you." Tim smiled.

"I am sorry too, McGee. I was trying to help. I should not have made a big case out of what happend." Ziva figured if Gibbs could apologize she could as well, making her feel better.

"I understand." Was all McGee offered.

"Then it is wate over the bridge?" She asked hopfully.

"It's water under the bridge, and yes, everything between us is fine. Although I think we better get the information the boss wanted ready before he comes down from the director's office." McGee answered as he began to type once again.

"Good." Ziva smiled and began her own typing.

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Gibbs wasn't up in the Director's office long, explaining and answering her questions before he came back down the stairs and into the bullpen, taking his seat.

"What did you get on Jeffery Thomas?" Gibbs questioned, glancing from one to the other.

McGee picked up the remote for the plasma and brought up two pictures. He stood up with Ziva and walked over to the screen with Gibbs.

"Jeffery Thomas and his partner Jack Valdez. Thomas had been with the Baltimore PD since the academy when he was twenty five. He worked two years on the beat and then was promoted to detective in Burglary for six years. From there he was transferred to Homicide becoming a sergeant. He teamed up with Jack Valdez who was the senior of the team. Valdez had been with law enforcement for twenty three years by the time Tony came on and, he was fifty at the time. Thomas had been with Baltimore fifteen years by the time Tony came on. Tony had just come in from Philly and he was three months shy of twenty seven. Tony was also a detective sergeant as you know." McGee clicked a button to a picture of Tony and his partner. Before McGee started talking Abby came into the bullpen.

"Oh sorry, you're working on something. I'll just sit here…….hey that's Gordon Cale, Tony's ex-partner from Baltimore. You guys are working on Thomas aren't you 'cause you know that he's a bad guy but Cale's real nice. I met him……"

Abby was cut off suddenly.

Gibbs turned to Abby, giving her a look. "Not now Abby, we are trying to work here."

Abby covered her mouth with her hand. "Oops, sorry boss-man."

"Continue, McGee." Gibbs turned to face the screen.

"Well, like Abby said the other photo is Gordon Cale, Tony's only partner the whole time he was in Baltimore. Wait, you hired Tony from there, you had to have met these guys, right boss?" McGee turned to Gibbs.

"I didn't work with them. Tony was a liaison to me, covering Baltimore PD's part of the investigation. I ran into a few people but I don't remember them. Let's just say we were in each other's way and Tony and I worked well together, didn't need anyone else. Now, you wanna get on with it?" Gibbs snapped the question out. He hated talking about his past and remembering Baltimore wasn't on his top ten list. The only good thing to come of that case was closing it with Tony's help and hiring him.

"Um, ok, ah, sorry, I mean right." McGee stammered.

"McGee!" Gibbs yelled out as he grew more impatient.

"Gordon Cale had been with the Baltimore PD for Five years and didn't have a partner; his died in the line of duty six months prior. I don't know how they were personally, Ziva was working on that one but in three months their closure rate was the highest in the department. Before them Thomas and Valdez were the highest. What I found interesting was that some of their cases turned cold and their Captain would turn the cases over to DiNozzo and Cale who would work until they solved the case. I think Thomas was upset with it because in his file there are complaints about Tony, all bogus and were proven so. There was a fight in which Cale and Valdez had to separate Tony and Jeffery. What it said was that Thomas blindsided Tony in an empty hallway. He threw Tony against the wall and then Tony started punching and that's when the partners tore them apart. Thomas was reprimanded for this. His comment was that DiNozzo deserved it. Apparently he didn't like that the Captain was giving his cases to Tony and Gordon who would solve them. He complained about Tony a lot. Um, when you hired Tony, Gordon gave a two week notice saying he didn't want another partner and transferred to Houston Texas and is now on their Police force and in Homicide. Valdez retired, being at twenty five years and almost of age. While Thomas transferred to the Vice unit, he was there for three years. He has an uncle in NCIS out of San Francisco who has some pretty big friends and got Thomas the job. He requested to be assigned here and has been working a year now. He works in the HR department down stairs." McGee looked over at this boss.

"He was right on top of our noses." Ziva mused.

"Under, Ziva, under our noses." McGee corrected.

"Whatever." She waved her hand.

Gibbs nodded and then turned to Ziva. "Tell me what you found out."

Ziva straightened up. "Yes, it seems that Tony and Gordon still speak as Abby already said. He became close to Cale and Cale's family. I spoke to a few people on the phone that worked and still work in Baltimore Homicide the same time they all were. They told me the department had been cleaned a few years after Tony left." Ziva added. She got an icy glare sent her way and acted as if it hadn't bothered her as she started to speak again, "I was told by different people the same thing. That at the time some of the detectives were on the take. I was also told that some of the detectives who had been working there longer and were not on the take took short cuts. I believe Thomas and Valdez were one of the teams that took the short cuts, from what I have been told. Tony and Gordon did not do that. They worked as long as it took and solved the cases. The people I spoke to also said that Thomas hated Tony as we know."

Ziva took a breath and then continued, "that fight that McGee spoke of was the only one put in Thomas' file. I was also told that there were other incidences where Jeffery would corner Tony and they would argue. These were verbal arguments and I was told that Tony would walk away. And he would say sarcastically, that Jeffery was jealous due to the fact that Tony and Gordon dug into their cases and solved them. Tony at other times would just say that they were getting lazy with the job, this led to more animosity."

"Well, we know how Tony can get and how he can piss people off." McGee said without thinking.

"Some times pissing people off has its advantages, McGee. I use it." Gibbs gruffly told him.

"I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, boss. I mean you use it to your advantage. And I guess Tony does to at times." McGee spoke quickly, trying to cover up his mistake.

"Ya think?" Gibbs shook his head and then returned his attention to the report that Ziva was giving. "Finish, David." Gibbs almost growled out.

Ziva quickly started from where she had left off. "Jeffery and Jack would investigate, but they would not go deep and dig up things that were important." Ziva looked at the small note pad she had and found the subject she was looking for.

She then continued once more, "one fight was over evidence and things that were found on a case that Thomas passed over thinking it was nothing. Tony told him that what was found was something and if they had followed it they would have solved the case. Instead, Tony and Gordon followed this information that led them to the killer. All this has been or corroborated. I had all their files faxed over and it appears that the people I spoke to were telling the truth, " Ziva turned to Gibbs and handed him a few files, "I looked through the one case that Jeffery and Tony fought over and Tony was right. The case was not handled correctly, things were over looked. Tony and his partner did not over look these things and caught the man responsible for the drugging, rape and murder of a Lee-Anne Lockhart,"

Ziva looked thoughtfully at her boss, "Gibbs, this just goes on and on to prove Tony was right and Jeffery was jealous. Hatred festers and grows Gibbs, and it does seem that Thomas has become obsessed with Tony." Ziva shook her head while she watched her boss look through the files.

"Obsessed enough to follow Tony here and try to murder him." Gibbs commented and then threw the files down, "McGee, Ziva, go get that bastard and set him up in interrogation room one." Gibbs ordered.

Ziva and McGee did what they were told. Gibbs picked up the files and print outs along with his coffee. He then went down to the interrogation room.

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A/N: I WAS ASKED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW , FFNET NCIS FAN FICTION STORY AWARDS ARE STARTING. TO GO AND PUT IN YOUR NOMINATIONS. HERE IS THE LINK. ALL STORIES , BUT THE STORIES MUST BE FINISHED BY JUNE 15TH OF 2009. NOMINATIONS WILL BE TAKEN THROUGH AUGUST 1ST.

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	20. Chapter 20

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER TWENTY

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N : Hi all, Sorry it's taken so long to put this chapter up, Real Life has been in the way. Still is and I'm sorry if we don't get right back to your reviews due to it. But your reviews will be answered, they are very important to us. Thanks for your patience. Again we thank you all for reviews, Alerts and people that aren't reviewing for reading our story and hope you will enjoy this chapter. Sue and Craig

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McGee and Ziva stopped in the hallway after Thomas was escorted into the interrogation room to be fed to Gibbs. Ziva was about to walk into the observation room before she was stopped by McGee.

"Can I have a word with you Ziva?" McGee asked nervously. They hadn't had the opportunity to speak to each other since the simple apology in the bullpen. He so badly wanted to clear the air more, but was unsure how Ziva would react. "I didn't mean anything I said to you," he continued.

"I know that McGee. I understand that you were worried about Tony and also upset that Tony went at you like he did," Ziva reassured her partner.

"You were right. I just don't want it out because I know people will have a field day with it. Especially Tony," he added. It sounded ridiculous to him even though he did believe it. .

"I will not tell Tony, but I am positive that he already knows," Ziva said. "You two can be as stubborn as each other when you want to be."

McGee lowered his head before raising it again. "You're right. I am sorry Ziva. I know you don't think you're above everyone else," he said.

"I knew you did not mean it, McGee," Ziva replied and tapped him on the shoulder. "But thank you for apologizing and again, it is accepted," she said.

Before they entered the observation room Tim let out a sigh of relief. It did feel as if some of the stress had been lifted with just being able to discuss what was going on. Between Gibbs apology and now, with Ziva fully understanding, he felt the apology was truly accepted. He smiled before going in, feeing much better.

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**INTERROGATION ROOM:**

Gibbs still had his eyes fixated on the report when Thomas was escorted to his seat. At first, Gibbs acted as if the entrance hadn't registered. Many times before, Gibbs had employed this technique, trying to through the suspect off their game, allowing for mistakes. Thomas sat down and placed his cuffed hands on the table. He held them open in an effort to talk Gibbs into undoing the cuffs.

"Are you going to undo these?" Thomas asked.

Gibbs looked over the file and saw the two hands on the desk. He just shook his head. "I perceive you as a threat to my agents and myself. So no, they'll remain on until I say otherwise," Gibbs told him, his voice absent of emotion, "you're a danger," he placed the folder down on the table.

"Well?" Thomas prodded since there was even more silence.

"Oh yeah, DiNozzo's on the mend. He's recovering nicely," Gibbs eventually said.

"Ha!" Thomas responded with half a laugh.

"Oh yeah. It's true," Gibbs said. "If you think you were good enough to do permanent harm or even kill Agent DiNozzo… You must have been really kidding yourself. We've looked into your track record. I'm not surprised that things turned out the way they did. Since you seem really bad at homicide cases and even worse at actually trying it," he said, calmly pushing the man.

"Now wait a second… I was a good homicide detective. Hell, I was the best they had until that Tony screw-up DiNozzo came onto the scene," Thomas tapped the table with his finger.

"It's a shame really. Instead of working alongside like good detectives should, you felt threatened by it," Gibbs responded quickly. "Let's see, you were brought up on disciplinary actions for striking a fellow officer," Gibbs held his hand up to stop Thomas from speaking. "Oh and look at this, what a surprise," Gibbs shook his head, "you want to explain to me why that occurred? Why your superior had to take cases off you and your partner, Valdez, only to hand them to DiNozzo and Cale?" Gibbs waited for an answer.

Thomas thought for minute before he answered. "I don't know the reason why our superior thought that would be better. But it seems just like Tony to finish an investigation once all the legwork had already been done," Thomas' distaste for Tony grew, "yeah, damn straight he did. Then he went and took full credit for it." Thomas kicked the table, jolting it a bit.

Gibbs stood upright and walked around the chair. "Are you trying to exert intimidation? How about this?" Gibbs asked as he kicked his chair across the room, "you consider yourself to be intimidating now?" He asked quietly as he picked the chair up and placed it back down.

Gibbs took a moment to stare at Thomas before he spoke. "I don't know what kind of game you and your partner played in Baltimore, but it sure as hell doesn't work here. It seems that you and your partner Jack Valdez had a habit of cutting corners with investigations. Tony called you on it and that's why you cornered and attacked him." Gibbs explained his theory, the truth that he knew. He knew Tony and knew he didn't cut corners. He also knew Tony's feelings about a detective or any other law officers not doing their job to get justice for the victims and their families. That would make Tony confront Thomas with this knowledge and, would make the man and his partner accountable for what was happening.

"It's not a game and no, that's not how it went," Thomas replied nervously. The action from his interrogator was unnerving. "The fight? You want to know about the fight? Everything was for appearances with Tony. Expensive ties, designer suits and all that crap. Law enforcement has to be taken seriously and he didn't take it that way. Who would, looking like he jumped out of GQ! But somehow, everyone was fooled by his exterior. He had everybody, including you fooled, so it was left up to me to show people just how dangerous his screw ups could be," Thomas explained, hoping that his actions had shown Tony for what he was.

Gibbs wasn't sure if it was just a slip up or an actual confession which made him continue to push. "So you decided to then what… Work in Vice? We've done some checking there too. And, it's clear that while you were there, Cocaine had a habit of disappearing along with a few other drugs. Of course they couldn't prove anything at the time, the amounts were too small. Then thanks to your Uncle, you were able to get yourself into NCIS with contacts?" Gibbs didn't change his tone.

"I was just going to let it go… But then I heard that everyone seemed to be treating this Tony DiNozzo as some sort of super agent or something. He hit the news and all," Thomas banged on the desk.

The man's breathing changed. He was beginning to get agitated. Nobody was listening or putting the pieces together about how screwed up DiNozzo was. No on seemed to understand his point, which infuriated the man. "No! No! That wouldn't do. So I plotted my revenge. It was easy to siphon drugs from evidence. Just a little each time and then it was just a matter of getting a job at NCIS," Thomas said proudly. "You know what they say? In the darkness of futures past a magician longs to see? Well? It's all you people that can't see and man oh man I'm the light switch," Thomas smiled with satisfaction at what he had done.

Thomas thought about the situation. Why couldn't they see how right he was about DiNozzo? When would they see, when it was too late? He tried to show them. Like he'd explained, he was the light switch. With the light they should have been able to see and understand what he'd told his interrogator. Were they so fooled? Had DiNozzo gotten even better at covering his screw ups? He sat there thinking, wondering how he could prove and break through the farce that DiNozzo displayed. What he had been saying throughout the interrogation hadn't convinced Gibbs.

Gibbs stood up and left the room. It was apparent that now Thomas was going for the insanity avenue. That was something he wasn't about to allow. He wanted to have this man punished to the full extent of the law. There was not going to be a loophole or any other crap. Gibbs stood in the hallway and took a few deep breaths before reentering.

"You know, there's not a jury in this world that would believe you're insane," Gibbs told him. "There's no way you're going to convince people that an insane person held jobs on Vice, applied for and held a position at NCIS and planned something like this," he said. "What I have here is a confession ready to be signed… I want you to confess it all and admit that you're not insane," Gibbs held up some papers.

"You're going to offer a deal?" Thomas cockily asked.

"No, no deal," Gibbs calmly shook his head, pushing down the anger inside him unless he had to use it, later.

Gibbs had seen a lot through the years and couldn't believe the nerve of the man sitting in front of him. It was beginning to get tougher to figure out the game that this man was playing. "You do realize we have many people who are willing to testify against you. Seems you're not a very popular guy. Everyone knows what kind of cop you were," Gibbs said with a smile. "They're lining up actually. Just one thing might make the judge go easy on you… And that is if you come right out and admit everything you did… Any which way Thomas… You're going to be spending a lot of time behind bars," he said. It was just a matter of time before the confession would be signed.

Thomas looked over the papers while clicking the pen. "Tell me some things," he looked up.

"You're not in any position to make requests," Gibbs said flatly.

"Why keep Tony on your team for so long?" Thomas asked, "after all, he's more trouble than his worth," he added.

"Unfortunately, that's something a guy like you will never be able to understand," Gibbs answered. It was no use trying to explain it to someone like Thomas. The man just would never get it with the years of anger that had built up.

"You don't know yourself, do you? Is it pity?" Thomas asked.

"I know perfectly well and I do realize that you're trying to bait me, but I can assure you that it won't happen. Unlike you, I know not to allow people to get to me," Gibbs said without giving too much away. He didn't want to engage in too much chit chat with the man.

"Came close to getting him though," Thomas put the pen down once again.

Gibbs thought that maybe Thomas was trying to rile him up so he'd make a mistake. Gibbs wasn't going to allow that to happen. "Not really. Of the people that have tried to kill DiNozzo… Your attempt rates pretty low. It seems the only way to kill DiNozzo is with a golden bullet. I can't see you having that… Now sign the confession," Gibbs sternly stated.

"Golden bullet?" Thomas asked, not understanding. Especially with all he had explained to this agent.

Gibbs fell silent. Thomas was obviously attempting to wear out his patience so Gibbs decided to discontinue any further conversation. He mused to himself with the Golden Bullet comment. It was the only line in Lawrence Of Arabia that stuck with him. DiNozzo reminded him of who TE Lawrence portrayed in that movie. Adaptable to the situation at hand and often questioning him self after the fact, and also the reality that it seems nothing short of a Golden Bullet would kill DiNozzo.

Gibbs checked the signature over before leaving the room. He knew that Thomas had finally figured out that no one was going to see why he did what he had. Gibbs thought about the talk in the bullpen. How the anger had festered into powerful hatred. The man had finally broken and it felt great to at last have this part of the investigation done with.

He was met in the hall by Ziva and McGee. They were about to say something when Gibbs silenced them with the raise of his hand. "Get him back to a cell," Gibbs said as he handed McGee the piece of paper. "Get this taken care of," he ordered.

"Where are you going Boss?" McGee asked to Gibbs back without getting a response. Gibbs disappeared out of sight. McGee and Ziva did as they were ordered, still thinking about the interrogation and wondering where Gibbs was going. Probably coffee they both surmised.

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**TONY'S APARTMENT (ONE WEEK LATER)**

Tony studied his apartment as if he'd been away for years. He'd managed to escape getting into any conversation in the car ride home by feigning sleep. Now that he was up and walking around that wasn't possible to do. Everything felt so foreign to him… Like his apartment, Gibbs and Ducky. Well, virtually everything.

"Something wrong, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked him. He had noticed the unsettling silence and also knew that Tony had not been sleeping in the car.

"No, Boss," Tony watched Gibbs enter the kitchen. "Where are you going?" He asked.

"Getting a drink… Ya want one?" Gibbs asked.

Tony thought that a drink sounded really good. Only right now, he wanted to be alone, but felt like Gibbs wasn't going to allow him to do that. "Ok," Tony answered as he put the bag of clothes on the table. Basically, he** needed** to be alone.

"So the Doctor explained everything to you clearly?" Gibbs asked as he placed a glass in Tony's hand.

"Yes," Tony responded. Doctor Jackson had made things perfectly clear, "it was all explained to me so there's no need for you to repeat anything," Tony told him. He knew that if he refused to take part in the outpatient program and taking his medicine for the duration, there'd be no more working at NCIS. That part was made crystal clear. Not that losing his job would be a great loss to the agency. He felt, as the depressed and shameful thought spun through his mind. He wondered if his team mates would even miss him after what had happened, and what he'd done. He knew they got him out of the whole mess and did what they could, but how would they look at him now? He found himself thinking about it once again.

"You do realize that if you don't go to this outpatient program and take your medicine, you won't have a job to go to in two months," Gibbs said sternly. That was something he wanted to make sure of, that Tony knew what was at stake.

Tony shrugged his shoulders in reply. "The Doctor explained that all to me and now you're ordering me to go," he said.

"I'm not ordering you to do anything," Gibbs had noted the quietness in Tony's voice. "I just want you aware of the consequences of what you decide. You know that you've got a long road ahead of you," he noticed the younger man's nonchalant attitude. "You got to take this seriously, DiNozzo," Gibbs told him with a concerned, but serious tone.

"You don't think I'm taking this seriously?" Tony asked. He wasn't sure what his Boss wanted from him. "It's not like I'm going to have a job to go back to anyway. Director Shepherd is going to kick me out and you know what? I don't really care," Tony sat on the couch and studied the outside. The window showed a full world that Tony couldn't deal with yet.

"The Doctor had a word with Jenny and explained things, also I know that Ducky and me will be having a word with her," Gibbs told him. "So she'll definitely understand the situation. Besides, she was there when we found out. She knows you didn't purposely take the drugs."

"You?" Tony questioned with surprise at what his boss had just told him. He wasn't sure if he would still have the same position on the job, especially after attacking Gibbs. "After I attacked you?" Tony lowered his head a bit, shaking it no in disbelief. "I know if I even do get back on your team I won't have the same position I had before," he held his hand up to stop Gibbs from interrupting. "I really do understand," he stated, trying to keep the defeat out of his voice.

However, Gibbs did hear it and felt angry at this. It wasn't the first time that Tony had assumed what the reactions of everyone else would be. "First off you could have done some real damage to me, but I think you held yourself back. Even high on PCP, you controlled yourself enough so you wouldn't do any serious damage," Gibbs wasn't entirely sure if this was a correct assumption or not, but Tony needed some comfort and assurance that he wasn't hurt.

Tony looked Gibbs over trying to assess his physical condition for himself. "Yeah," Tony gave a non committal response.

"And, if we don't take you back I'm sure Abs will have a fit," Gibbs replied with a slight shake of the head. But his mood suddenly changed when he saw the color unexpectedly drain from Tony's face. "Are you alright, DiNozzo?" Gibbs was concerned. "Maybe I should get Ducky to come and check you over," he asked Tony with alarm.

"No, I'm fine," Tony responded.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs said with a warning tone. This was exactly the type of response he was afraid of. It was the typical 'I'm fine' which was always the way his senior field agent used to deflect people from seeing that he really wasn't fine.

"I'm just tired, that's all Boss," Tony corrected his response quickly. He knew exactly what Gibbs was thinking, and saying 'I'm fine' just wasn't going to cut it for the time being. Perhaps in the near future things would get back to some normality…He knew it damn well wouldn't.

"Alright, just make sure you rest up… Your body has been through a traumatic experience… You need some R & R, and don't forget you medicine either, DiNozzo," Gibbs told him.

Tony sighed. Gibbs was right. The Doctor had already explained it to him and he'd expect Ducky to call him or see him and echo the same things. Now Gibbs was doing it too. _Well after all, it's their job to care. Isn't it? _ "I **am** fine," Tony responded coldly.

This left Gibbs hoping that over the next few weeks Tony would see things as they really were.

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_**NCIS HQ**_

Ducky entered the Director's office and took a seat. The first thing he noticed was the office hadn't been returned to its original state. Her desk faced cornered towards the window and it seemed destined to stay. "Thank you for coming to see me Doctor Mallard," Jenny greeted somewhat officially.

"Not a problem Madam Director," Ducky replied, adopting the same official tone. "I take it this has to do with Anthony," he said.

"Yes," Jenny replied. "Doctor Jackson has already explained the official things. It is in agreement that as long as Agent DiNozzo takes part in the outpatient program and takes his medication for the allotted time, he'll have a job waiting for him here," she assured him and assumed that she'd also have to assure Gibbs about that fact as well.

Ducky removed his glasses and wiped them. "I'm sure you didn't bring me in here just to tell me that, Madam Director," Ducky said as he put his glasses on, again. "What is it you want to know?"

"How's his recovery going to be?" Jenny asked flatly. She cared for every agent that was under her command. She had seen what had happened to Tony, especially since her office was still the way he left it over a week ago. She also knew that Tony didn't abuse the drugs, that he had been a target. She had gone over the report on Jeffery Thomas and his confession, both on tape and paper.

"It's going to be long and hard. Anthony has had all this explained to him and it could be quite sometime before, or if, the old Anthony comes back to us. But I'm sure with the close knit circle that surrounds him, his recovery would be better than most," Ducky answered as truthfully, but also as positively as he could, "I'm sure that he has to get past feeling ashamed, guilty and mildly depressed over what has happened and is also very angry at himself," he concluded his assessment to the director.

"He has nothing to feel guilty or ashamed over according to the reports I've received," Jenny responded. Everybody had tried to assure her of that. "Abby didn't even want the event of Agent DiNozzo striking her to be recorded in anyway," Jenny added.

Ducky sighed. He had figured that about Abby. "Of course we all believe that none of this is young Anthony's fault, it was the hatred of a man in this agency. But I'm sure you're well aware that the dear boy takes all the blame upon himself," Ducky sighed once again, "it is well known that he tries to divert any pain away from his colleagues and actually tries to draw Gibbs' wrath whenever he's on the warpath," he explained.

"Do you know why?" Jenny asked him. She had known that Ducky and Gibbs had dug a little deeper into Tony's past, way more than with any other agent. This was an attempt to understand his behavior better.

"No… That's what we're hoping the therapy might bring it out," Ducky answered. That would be if Tony would allow himself to talk in therapy, he mused. "Oh, and one other thing, if Anthony comes into apologize or maybe even to talk about certain things that had happened, I think the best course of action would not to act dismissive. Anthony does realize he was under the influence of powerful drugs but the guilt is still evident," Ducky explained.

"Will do. I know Agent Gibbs will keep me apprised of some things," Jenny said, "but will you be able to keep me up to date of the things he doesn't," she knew that there was an undivided loyalty between the two men and under normal cercumstances would never ask him to do so.

"Yes, Madam Director," Ducky answered before leaving.

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_**NCIS Autopsy**_

"Hey Duck," Gibbs greeted Ducky as he walked into autopsy.

Ducky was a little surprised to see Gibbs waiting in Autopsy for him. "I half expected for you to be still at Anthony's," Ducky said.

Gibbs shook his head. "He said he was feeling tired. I thought it was best to leave him so he could get some rest," he gave the excuse of why he was waiting for his friend.

"How is Anthony doing?" Ducky asked. Knowing that Gibbs would probably give a better assessment on that than anyone else.

Gibbs thought for a moment. "It's difficult to tell Duck. I don't know what it is, but he seems detached, almost cold towards everything," he did his best to explain.

"Don't forget that we all have to give him some time to come back, Jethro," Ducky said to him, "you know this is really hard on him and he has a lot of issues he has to work through," he added.

"You think he'll be the same again?" Gibbs couldn't believe how pathetic that sounded. It was one of those questions that he wished he could take back. He nervously ran his fingers through his hair, waiting for Ducky to respond.

"The dear boy has been knocked out of a plane, been infected with Y-pestis and almost died… He's been framed for murder," Ducky rattled a few things off the list, "but our Anthony has always managed to bounce back to his old self," Ducky assured him.

"Yeah, you're right Duck," Gibbs responded to his sounding board.

"I think we all will be watching Anthony like a hawk Jethro," Ducky explained, "I think with every thing he has on his plate, all the emotions he must deal with, he'll need you to be there for him. Perhaps more than he'll ever realize, Jethro," Ducky said.

Ducky didn't have to tell Gibbs that. "I'm not going anywhere Duck," Gibbs answered him as if answering a call to arms.

"He will try and push you away," Ducky explained. They were all familiar with Tony's patterns in times of distress. Even though Gibbs knew it, Ducky wanted to make sure, reinforce it even.

"As I said. I'm not going anywhere," Gibbs responded again.


	21. Chapter 21

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

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Tony sat on his couch, a bottle of water sat on his coffee table, the TV on mute. He wanted to drink something stronger only he was too afraid. He remembered what the doctor had told him. He remembered his parents drinking, his mother downing her pills with her usual drink. He shook his head at the memories that he had fought down over the years making them smaller and easier to handle. He'd always blocked out the stronger memories of his youth as much as he possibly could.

He sighed at the thought of his actions over the past several weeks. He felt shame, embarrassment, guilt, depression mixed with anger. All the feelings were tied up in a ball, a ball that bounced around a roulette wheel that spun in his head.

Why? Why hadn't he seen what had been happening? Tony had questioned himself over and over again the past few days. The questions tore through him as if he were interrogating himself. He should have seen it, should have known what was happening. Damn it, he'd worked in Vice at one time. He was a trained investigator for crying out loud. He had felt lighter than life over the last several weeks, yet he hadn't put it together, hadn't realized that the feeling was due to him being drugged. He couldn't stop the thoughts and he defiantly couldn't handle seeing anyone from work because of them.

Jeffery Thomas was responsible they had said. Gibbs had told him as well. Sure there was no love loss between the two back in Baltimore, only that was years ago. Tony had been with NCIS over four years now. Had been through partners, Vivian and Kate had gone only to be replaced by McGee and Ziva. Why would Thomas do this? He knew why, the hate and jealousy had magnified over the years. Still, that wasn't an excuse to not see the affects of the drugs that had consumed him. And, how embarrassing to have Thomas, who hated him so much, that he'd do something this drastic. He shook his head for what had to be the millionth time, dwelling over the same thoughts these past several days. Since Gibbs had brought him home it had become harder.

Tony had always suffered from nightmares about his childhood. A case he would be working on, similar to that pain from his childhood, would open the box he had so carefully placed all his unhappy memories in. Since being home, he had tried to sleep these new painful memories all away, but couldn't. Tony woke up every few hours from the dreams. Dreams of moments he hadn't been able to remember, moments that were fuzzy and coming slowly back to him. The roof, hurting Gibbs, hurting everyone he'd cared about. He'd seen sweet Kate and wanted to fly away with her and then the sniper that wasn't there, but only in his head.

Tony had woken up several times, soaked in sweat. Finally, he took a shower, dressed, changed the sheets and was up for the day. He had eaten so much at the hospital, had felt starved even though he hated hospital food. He tried to eat today, only he hadn't been able to consume much, he just couldn't. He avoided the mirrors not wanting to see his reflection and tried to push the thoughts away, only for them to come back with a vengeance.

No, he couldn't face anyone from NCIS. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to. He had to work on pushing the situation and feelings down deep, like he had with his childhood. Then he'd figure out if he'd go back to NCIS or move on to another law enforcement job in yet another state. He thought he'd broken that way of hiding and only hid in his mind the things that bothered him the most. He would deflect any talk of his childhood and only show people the outer shell of himself, keeping the inner part safe and locked up. Until he knew whether he'd go back to work he'd have to go to that outpatient program.

A knock on his door brought Tony out of his reverie. He knew it was someone from the team, Ducky, or perhaps Abby, who had called a few times. He'd ended the calls quickly, telling her in short words that he was tired and made sure she wouldn't stop by. His gut told him the person at the door was Gibbs. He didn't have the strength for this. Again, he knew that he just couldn't face anyone from the team, especially Gibbs. He'd seen his boss once already and, it had been more than enough, it had been draining.

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Slowly Tony got up as the knocking turned to pounding. Yeah, it was Gibbs.

He found himself at the door and looked through the peep hole. Great, it was Gibbs and his stomach fluttered with anxiety. He turned and pushed his back against the door after putting the chain in place. He had the door knob locked as well as the dead bolt. He cleared his head when his back felt the pounding of his boss.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs yelled.

"Yeah Gibbs?" Tony answered, leaving the locks in place.

"You gonna open up?" his boss asked.

"Go away. I'm not up for company. I'm tired and need to rest." Tony feebly told him.

"DiNozzo, open this damn door, now." Gibbs tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice and used a light commanding tone.

"NO! I'm tired and you woke me up. Please, just leave me alone for now." Tony sternly told his boss while uncertainty swam through him.

Gibbs remembered what Ducky had said about Tony pushing them away. He'd seen Tony react this way before. He tried to clamp down on his emotions and use a different approach. His voice softened. "Tony, I need to see you. We can talk and I'll listen." He offered.

"Damn it, what part of go away don't you understand!" Tony barked the words that Gibbs had so often used many times through out the years. Maybe using Gibbs own words against him would work.

"Not leaving until I see you and we talk." Gibbs put more force in his voice.

"Not happening. We spoke yesterday and I have my outpatient group to go to on Monday. I need to rest the weekend." The younger man forcefully said.

"Tony, fighting this isn't good, you need to see us. You already saw me, so open up!" Gibbs patience was wearing thin.

"Gibbs, I know you aren't used to _not_ getting your own way, but please leave." Tony lowered his cold tone.

"Ah hell Tony, will you just open up? I don't want to use my key or bust the door down. You need your friends around. We aren't just your team. Tony, we're your friends too, your family." Gibbs warned and then remembered again what Ducky had said. He tried in the second part to appeal to his agent by using how he needed to see them and how they wanted to help him. He turned team mates into friends. He lastly added, knowing that dark family life Tony had had, by saying family. Gibbs didn't usually speak this much, but they were family when it came down to it. And they were all worried.

"Don't think so….And you busting my door down? Nice threat. I'm going to lie down." Tony expressed coldly.

"God damn it, Tony. You can't hide forever." Gibbs told him in frustration.

Tony felt all his emotions taking over, tearing fiercely through him. "I said……LEAVE! I'm going to the outpatient program like you all want me to and I'm fine. Now….LEAVE ME ALONE! IS THAT ASKING TOO MUCH?" Tony ended up yelling, the emotions boiling with in him. Sure, he didn't want to hurt his boss anymore, but Gibbs had better things to do than baby sit him.

"You're not fine and pushing me away won't make it better for you. I'll leave for now, but I'm coming back. I want to help, want to make sure you're ok. And, I'm sure your team mates, no, friends, will be around too. I'll see you Monday, after your outpatient program is over, we'll have dinner." Gibbs stated.

Gibbs sent up a prayer to a God he didn't know if he still believed in, that he had gotten through to DiNozzo. Tony was like a son to him, but his usual bastard self had never told the younger man, maybe it was time to admit it. He hoped Tony would see him on Monday, maybe the program would settle his agent enough. And he hoped that maybe Tony, if the young man wouldn't see him right away, would see another member of the team. Probably Abby, he thought. With the type of relationship the two had, he hoped she could get through to DiNozzo. Gibbs had never seen the younger man act this way or yell in that cold tone. And, never had the man used his own words against him in the little over four years he'd known Tony. Gibbs realized he was hoping for a lot. Ducky had said it would take time. Gibbs just didn't want Tony to go through this alone and to let his family help him.

"Whatever. Good-bye." Tony answered with a flat cold manner. He knew Gibbs would be there after his program on Monday. Tony blinked as he thought. He'd park somewhere else. Some where Gibbs wouldn't see his car. He'd get another double bolt lock put on the door, one that Gibbs didn't have a key to and then he could hide in his apartment.

He heard Gibbs walk down the hall and then let out a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding while he slid down the door and on to the floor. His legs pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them, his face lying on his knees. That was hard, but it would be worst fighting them all off. Did he have the energy? He had to. It would be worse seeing them. His mind drifted away into those thoughts. Finally, from sheer exhaustion, he fell asleep in the awkward position.

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**OUTPATIENT PROGRAM (MONDAY)**

Tony met with the administrator in charge. The man was in his fifties, heavy set, his hair peppered with grey on the sides, the rest of his head was bald.

"Mr. DiNozzo, I'm Joseph Peterson, I run the place as you know." Joseph stuck out his hand for Tony to shake.

Tony shook the man's hand with a small smile. "Please, call me Tony."

"Fine, Tony it is. Now the program is four to five hours. Some people stay for the 12 step meetings. At this point I don't think you need that after reading your chart so you'll be here four hours. You'll have an hour of group and then an hour of one on one therapy followed by lunch and then another hour of group. You'll sign in so we know you're here and your boss will too. Doctor Jackson explained that to you and also explained that this is a four day a week program, Monday through Thursday. I'm glad he gave you the paper work, so that's all done and you know the rules. Your therapist's name it Mr. Bruce Campbell. You'll see him after group. Now let me show you where the group is, they'll be starting in five minutes." Mr. Peterson led Tony to the large room for group therapy.

Tony had been told that this program was for high risk jobs. There wouldn't be people there that would be afraid to talk due to him being an agent or him afraid to talk due to some of the crimes a civilian had done. Though he was warned that some of these people had stolen drugs or maybe had done some crimes, but that he wasn't there as an agent. All he had to do was put the job aside and talk. That anything said in the group or with the therapist was confidential and didn't leave the building. This made sense to Tony. He'd play whatever game they wanted him to play, after all he was great at undercover work, had been all his life.

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**GROUP THERAPY**

Tony entered the large room that had a coffee pot and donuts placed on a small table against the wall. There was a long table with hard metal chairs that surrounded it. He saw about eight people sitting there and someone that sat at the head of the table, he figured to be the leader of the group. He had been told that the people here had come in at different times and while he was there more would come in. That sounded about right from what he knew of these programs. He had tried to get people into them when he was on the force. First detox and then this program and the 12 step program the administrator had mentioned. He sighed, got himself a cup of decaffeinated coffee and donut before he sat down.

The meeting started as the leader spoke. He was a tall man in his late thirties, slim with dark hair. He looked over the group. "Hi everyone, today we have a new person in the group. Maybe we can all introduce ourselves and then the new guy can also introduce and then tell us a bit about himself."

There were eight people, two doctors, a financial consultant, two nurses, a lawyer, a CEO of a company and a police officer. They all introduced themselves. All of them stating their names, professions and how and why they used, they kept it brief. Tony was amazed with the people from the medical profession. He knew the long hours and the stress they were under. He also realized that in this closed group that everything stayed inside and didn't leave the room. That was important for them in order to say what they did for a living and how they stole the drugs, mostly uppers and downers. He wasn't surprised with the lawyer. He never liked lawyers, though he had worked with JAG. His head went to Faith Coleman and her odd behavior for neatness and how he teased her, maybe she had OCD and he chuckled in his head at the thought. The other two didn't surprise him at all. They reminded him of his father. What did surprise him was the police officer. Sure he knew the long hours that were put in and had seen over the years some cops pop an upper to keep going during a long drawn out case. All of this had been explained to him by the administrator and the leader of the group too. Sure, he'd introduce himself and give them what they wanted.

All eyes were now on Tony. He took in a deep breath. "Hey, I'm Tony. I'm a federal agent with NCIS. And before you ask, it stands for Navy Criminal Investigation Service. No one ever knows what it means. You know it gets pretty frustrating when you have to go to a scene and explain who you are or be asked if you're the FBI. And for that matter, when working with the FBI and we've solved the case we never get any credit. I mean really it's annoying….." Tony was surprised when he was cut off by the police officer.

The man's name was Bob who looked to be in his forties. He had blond hair and still kept his build. Tony figure he must work out. "You're going on about things that aren't important here. Sorry, but we need to know why you're here." He simply stated.

Tony nodded, he had hoped he could ramble and get out of it, but saw they wouldn't stand for it. Maybe the others would, but not a seasoned police officer. "Ok man, I worked as a Detective Sgt. for Homicide for two years. There was another team with higher seniority," Tony took another breath to hold his mask in place, "They were there for a long time and, well, me and my partner weren't in Homicide long before we started to have a higher close out rate then the other team. The captain would give them a case and if they couldn't solve it then he would give it to us and we'd solve it. I ended up leaving after two years. I knew the one didn't like me, but didn't realize he carried that grudge against me for years. He worked vice and took some of the drugs, not enough to get caught, but enough to put it away. He then came to work for NCIS in a department where I would never see him," Tony took a minute and gave them a small smile. He was giving them an outline and he wasn't going to go deeper into the story, just enough to get through what he needed to, "anyway, the guy ended up hating me even more and started drugging me. I never took the drugs on my own and would never touch drugs, never did in all my life. So the guy drugged me without me realizing it. Put it into a powdered creamer I used for my coffee. He used Cocaine with a bit of Heroin and that led me to detox and now here." Tony smiled and took a gulp of his coffee. He didn't know if anyone, especially the police officer, realized that he was using his peripheral vision to see if his story passed their test. After a few minutes the leader started talking about a topic, so he knew the story held, for now. All he had to do for the rest of the time was lay low and if he had to, give a little away, yet not too much. He had been told different things and would use them to cover his feelings.

Tony listened to the people around him and understood, even felt bad, but that wasn't him. When the topic came around to him about being angry, he thought carefully before he answered. "I was angry at first, at this man who had drugged me, but I worked it out."

The same police officer, Bob, countered Tony. "Hey man, I think you're still angry with him and at yourself. Why don't you tell us the truth?"

Tony was thrown for a minute at that, but recovered quickly. "Why would I still be angry at Jeffery, he's obviously a sick guy and needs help. That's what I realized. Like I said I was angry at first until I understood how he held on to _his_ anger towards me." Tony told him calmly.

"Uh huh, but what about your anger at what was done to you, the fact that you didn't realize it?" Bob pushed harder.

Tony kept his cool, along with his game face. He knew he could play the part. "Bob, how could I know I was being drugged if I was under the influence? Like I said, sure I was angry and worked it out. Was it fair? No, but the man is sick and is now paying for what he's done. Me? I'm a victim that refuses to be that victim. And I have been working that out in my head the past several days. Being a cop or an agent you see victims all the time. I used what I'd say to them and saw it was right. I'm not a drug addict. A victim, yes I was, but I will not stay that victim." Tony finished, taking another sip of his coffee. Sure everything he felt was opposite to what he had told them. Yet he wasn't going to let them know how guilty, angry, depressed and any other emotions that ran through his head made him feel. He could do this by himself.

Bob nodded his head to what Tony had said. He didn't believe this federal agent's answer. Bob figured it was better to wait and then push him more later about the truth. After all it was his first day and the hour was up anyway. With that, the leader let them go and the officer watched Tony walk out without getting to know anyone in the group and a false confidence Bob remembered all to well.


	22. Chapter 22

LIGHTER THAN LIFE CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

Change of Rating to M due to some bad language, thanks.

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Over the past week in a half Tony had been able to ditch Gibbs every night that he came over. That in its self was hard and every time, exhausted him. Especially when Gibbs realized that Tony had had a new dead bolt lock put in and Gibbs didn't have a key. Tony sighed as he thought about it. He also had been able to push Ducky away, which was easier. Ziva and McGee had been a little harder, arguing that Tony needed them and they were there for him. Tony promised when he felt better that he'd call them, which he felt bad about, since he knew it was a blatant lie. They hadn't come over since. The problem was Gibbs, who now was trying harder, but at least it had become every other day.

Tony didn't answer his cell or land line and would hear the messages that came every day from Ducky, Ziva, McGee, Gibbs and Abby. Abby, he thought, while he fought the tears away. He got her into this, right in the damn middle, which angered and upset him. Abby must have heard from the others about how they were sent away. She tried a few times, leaving in tears. Tony couldn't face them, none of them. He wrestled with that everyday.

He went to his outpatient groups and told them what they wanted to hear from the facts that what he remembered and was told about the truth. He would never get into the depths of his feelings or thoughts that were inside his protective shell that guarded the information. He had been pushed a bit from some of them, mostly the police officer, Bob, and the leader, Jack.

When he saw his therapist, Bruce Campbell, he did the same thing, only to get questions tossed back, about how he felt over what he'd mention. He did what he always did and lied when it came to his feelings, only answering vaguely, twisting the truth around and sometimes going into a tangent. He'd keep his guard up and watch closely to make sure the man was some what satisfied. It was the same as when he had seen other therapists over the years. He had seen one from every police force he'd been on. He had given them what they wanted to hear and was released. He hoped the same would happen here. Too many people were pushing him, the group, the therapist and his team mates. Team mates, why would they even bother? He wondered, yet again.

His mind wandered, that was something that never stopped these days. He'd always had an active mind which triggered his active body, always in motion, always thinking. Only now the lock seemed broken on the box he kept his past and present secrets in. And now, those secrets had mixed with the case of Thomas and the drugs the man had given him at his job. Or, maybe it would become his old job. That, he was still debating about.

Abby, sweet innocent Abby, it broke his heart every time he sent her away crying. But he had to, there was no other choice. He had gotten her into this mess. Sure they'd gotten so close over the years and she knew more about him than anyone at NCIS. In Baltimore it had been Gordon who he told. Tony didn't just let anyone in on his thoughts, feelings or what happened in his childhood. He still held back on some things that he could never get himself to tell anyone. He didn't even fully remember them; he'd buried them to deep. Only in the dreams would the memories surface and come back to haunt him, lighting the way to more information. When the dreams changed from his childhood, they'd turn into what he did to the people he loved at work, along with how he was drugged. How he'd been that day to McGee, the memories of the roof and hurting Gibbs. And again back to Abby and hitting her. He was under the influence when they started their friends with benefits, only now he didn't think that their deal was good for Abby.

Tony shook his head and again he heard a knock on his door. Why couldn't they just leave him the hell alone? He pushed himself up from the couch and away from the muted TV that he no longer watched. There were a lot of things he no longer did. He was falling down a dark hole and couldn't stop the slide of depression, guilt, shame and the failure over what he'd let happen.

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Tony went toward the door, his body drained from acting all day. He just didn't feel like doing this again. And, he didn't feel like going to the outpatient program either. But he would go and he'd plaster that smile on once again along with digging deeper for his undercover mask. He couldn't wait until this was all over. He just wished he knew how to get out from under it all, how to stop the dreams and the return of memories that he thought were long pushed away. He wanted the people who came knocking every night like clock work, to leave him alone too. He had always been on his own since he could remember. Handled everything on his own and he could eventually handle this too, alone.

He looked through the peek hole, Abby. He took in a deep breath. "Abby, I told you I'd call when I wanted company." He said in a cold tone while swiping his hand through his hair.

Abby bounced nervously around, holding a bag. "I know you did but you need to talk, Tony. We always talk, for years we've talked and I brought dinner and maybe a DVD if you just want to veg. I miss you, you know. I miss talking to you, joking with you. I miss my best friend, my closest friend that makes me feel safe. Tony I miss making you feel safe too, stroking your hair as you lie on my lap and tell me what's bothering you. We can do that now." The last part was said in a whimper, fighting off crying.

"Abby I know you do. But, no, go away, please? I don't want to hurt you, just go." Tony pleaded, hurting deeply by what she had just said. And she really was the last person he wanted to hurt again. He did love her and didn't understand why she should even care.

"But you are hurting me and from how you sound you're hurting yourself. I know you, Tony. I know the nightmares are back and worse than ever. I have seen enough or them, held you through them, let me help you. Why won't you at least just let me help you? I'll make sure you won't hear from anyone else, for now. I know you and your voice, " she sniffled, "you're hurting so badly right now, please, we've always been there for each other, more than anyone knows or knew anyway, until Gibbs found out we were having sex together……" Her voice ran on quickly as Tony listened and thought before cutting her off. Her soft voice called to him, more than she knew, more than he wanted to admit.

Tony's mind filled with the pictures of Abby being there for him and him for her. The fun times, her hand stroking his hair so he'd relax, their talks and even the incredible sex. Everything she said hit him like he was punched in the gut, hard. He had to stop her, he couldn't listen anymore. She did know him. She did know some of what was happening. Only he couldn't let her get close, again. Close, the warmth of her arms around him, no, he couldn't keep thinking about how they were together. For Abby's sake, he couldn't. Now he'd have to do something he had never wanted to do to her, ever. He'd made her cry before. Only now he'd have to be crueler, hurt her even more, because the last person Abby needed to be around was him, Tony DiNozzo. His father was right, he wasn't worth it, he just caused the few people he let in trouble and pain.

McGee was better for her, more stable and would never hurt Abby, like he had. And now, with the way he was thinking, in order to make her leave and not come back, he'd really have to hurt her badly. It felt like someone was pulling out his insides at just the thought of what he was about to do. He clamped down and stopped the memories, feelings and anything that would stop him from doing what he had to. Tony needed to keep her away, keep her safe, from him. God, he didn't want to do this, but he had to.

"Abby, what do you want, to fuck me? Is that what you want and need? You can find someone better than me. 'Cause you sure the hell don't need me and I certainly don't need you!" He yelled through the door at her. This was something he hadn't done before. He had never yelled at her or used anything against her. He'd always protected her and she him. But now he was using their sex life against her. Tony felt even worse. He gulped it down to finish his goal, to make her leave and hate him. Maybe he could make them all hate him, he deserved it. Again his thoughts went back to what his father had told him so many years ago, and once in a while when the bastard called. Why hadn't he listened? It would have saved so many people from the pain he caused, or out of the way from that danger magnet he seemed to be.

"Tony!" She gasped, surprised at what he had said to her. Never in the years that they had known each other had he ever talked this way to her, "stop, you know it's not the sex and you know I **do** need you and **you, **need me too. So please let me in?" she asked and then stopped. She let out a deep breath and leaned against the door as tears of black ran down her face.

Tony leaned his shoulder harder against the door and let out a deep breath, tears stinging his eyes. He didn't realize that Abby was doing the same thing on the other side of the door. "ABBY, GO! You're wrong, I don't **NEED** you and I don't **WANT** you! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE, GO PLAY WITH MCGEE, HE'S SAFE. LEAVE ME ALONE, **NOW!**" Tony commanded. He felt like the Earth had just opened up and swallowed him, taking him down into hell. His body shook at the hysterical sobbing he heard on the other side of the door.

"Tony…." Abby sobbed.

"Like I said, you can find a better fuck than me and a better person to be close to as well! **NOW GET! GO! SCRAM! HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS DO I HAVE TO YELL THIS? YOU ARE SMART……..YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND…….GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! I'M WALKIING AWAY FROM THE DOOR!"** Tony hated everything he had said to the sweetest woman he'd ever known. He heard the clumping of her boots as she ran away, bawling down the hall.

He dejectedly walked away and threw himself onto the couch. She was better off without him, and he knew it, she'd figure it out too, they all would. He re-ran everything he said to her in his head and tasted salt water on his tongue. That stopped him for a minute, the shock of the salt water he tasted, realizing he was crying. His own words, mixed with Abby's, haunted him. The tears ran like a waterfall down his cheeks, his head fell into shaky hands and tears turned in to pathetic sobs. His body slid from the couch to the floor, knees braced against the coffee table allowing his body to shake uncontrollably as he tried hard to suck in air through his heart wrenching cries.

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**ABBY'S LAB (THREE WEEKS AFTER TONY LEFT DETOX)**

The whole team minus Tony sat in Abby's lab. Gibbs had asked them down there for a private talk. Abby sat on her stool, McGee on the other stool that he so often used. Ducky at the desk, Palmer leaned against the long table with Ziva, all waiting for Gibbs.

The silver haired man walked through the doors with his usual coffee in his hand. This had become serious. Once again he needed to talk to his team and get some ideas on what to do about DiNozzo.

All eyes were glued to him as he stood in the middle. "We have a problem. I've tried everyway I know how to get to Tony. He won't let me in and has changed the dead bolt lock on his door. Have any of you had better luck?" Gibbs asked knowing the answer, but hoping maybe Tony had at least spoken to them about why he wouldn't let anyone in. Gibbs knew Tony was going to the outpatient program, he'd checked. He asked how Tony was doing. The answer he got made him angry. He was told it was confidential. That's when he had talked Ducky into finding out. He looked at the sad eyes around him.

"I tried boss, but he just tells me to go away in a cold voice. And when I try more he just yells at me." McGee shrugged. He had hoped that Tony would talk to him, apologize, anything. Not being drugged anymore he knew Tony didn't think he was his father and had hoped they could talk things out. That maybe he could be there for his friend.

"Yes Gibbs, I have tried as well and with no luck." Ziva answered in a defeated voice.

"Agent Gibbs, I tried too and he just yelled at me." Palmer admitted.

"Jethro, Tony has also sent me away. But I did do as you asked. I went to the outpatient program and spoke to the administrator, a Mr. Peterson. He explained that the group leader and Anthony's therapist, a Mr. Bruce Campbell, both said that Anthony isn't opening up. He only says what they want to hear and the outline of what happened. I fear if this keeps going he'll fall into a deeper depression as his therapist agrees with. Though I'm afraid he already has. We need to figure out a way to help the lad." Ducky for once didn't continue with a story, he just eyed Jethro and then the rest of the team.

Gibbs walked over to Abby. She was subdued, which was nothing like she normally would be. He took her in with gentle eyes and watched as she stood up from her stool.

"Abs, you get anything out of Tony?" He asked, wondering if that was why she seemed to be getting worse over the past three weeks.

Abby's puppy dog eyes looked up at Gibbs. "I haven't been over to his apartment since he was so cruel to me."

This made everyone's head snap up. Tony had been cold but not cruel to anyone except maybe with Gibbs, but Gibbs had told them what had transpired over the past several weeks.

"Gibbs, I know Tony, probably more than anyone here and I know he's having horrible nightmares……" She was cut off by Gibbs.

"He tell you that?"

Abby's answer was soft and sad. "No, I just know him. He told me he didn't want to hurt me. When I still didn't leave he got mean and he's never been mean to me." Abby accepted the warmth of Gibbs arms as he wrapped her in them and kissed her forehead as tears dripped down her cheecks, "he started saying he didn't need me, didn't need anyone. Used our……..well, our sex life against me and the Tony I know would never do that," she stopped suddenly and thought for a moment, "he did say little things. I don't know why I didn't pick it up before. Why didn't I put it all together before?" Her voice became a bit more upbeat, just as if she was finding out an answer from one of her lab tests.

"You gonna share with us, Abs?" Gibbs asked her, still hugging the body in his arms.

"Oh yeah. He said something about Timmy, that he would be better for me, safer. And that I could find a better person to get close to and a better person to have sex with. Sorry, boss-man," Gibbs nodded to her apology and looked at her to go on, "then he started yelling about I didn't need him and he said he didn't need me. He made sure I knew that I shouldn't need him….Gibbs, Tony is pushing us away because he feels he's hurt us all and will hurt us more. And he'd rather push us away and hurt now. I think Tony wants us to get on with our lives. I think he feels that down the line something else will happen to hurt us. He's feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, depressed and angry at himself. He's also depressed and it's getting worse. I don't think he knows how to face us and I know his nightmares are back and don't ask cause I promised him I'd never tell about them. Anyway, I think the nightmare from his childhood and what happened with Thomas and the drugs are mixing together and he's on overload. I think he's going to that program because he hasn't totally made up his mind yet." She looked up into the blue eyes of her boss.

Gibbs frowned as he thought, but was interrupted by Ducky.

"Abigail, I do believe you are right. Why didn't I see that? Young Anthony's emotions and memories are truly mixed up. He pushes everything down and I'll bet you that the dear boy has pushed so much that he doesn't remember some of the horrid things that I can only guess that happened in his childhood. Looking at how he reacted on the PCP, he hated his father, mentioned about beatings and such. His medical files are missing pieces to them where money can cover them up. What I have seen shows abuse and we know how Anthony craves attention. Well a child that doesn't get that growing up needs it even more as an adult in some cases. Now he heard his father calling him a failure. I would imagine with the nightmares that Abigail has told us about are a mixture of memories coming to the surface and what happened here. Plus, the fact that the boy has been in law enforcement for years and didn't know he was being drugged. He is shattered, Jethro. I would think that Young Anthony is also pushing us away due to thinking about leaving," Ducky saw the bewildered look on Gibbs face, "Jethro, he is blaming himself for what Thomas did to him, that he deserved it, that he couldn't figure it out. His depression must have worsened, not that we didn't already expect that, but we have to get to the boy even if you do break down the door to his flat." Ducky explained and ended up speaking adamantly about getting to Tony.

"Breaking a door down I can do. Or having us all wait at the outpatient program to talk to him." Gibbs mused.

"I do not think that Tony would just walk up to us after he comes out of this program." Ziva stated.

Abby pulled away from Gibbs. Everyone watched the lab tech bounce around looking for something.

"Abs," Gibbs called her. When she didn't seem to hear him he called her louder, "Abs!"

She looked up when she found what she was looking for in her lunch box purse. "Yes my silver haired fox?" She beamed at him.

"Whatcha doin?" Gibbs asked, eyebrow raised and looking at the card she held.

"I know how to solve the problem, or start solving the problem with Tony. I have to make a phone call. All of you scoot, out out out." Abby rushed them out getting a glare from Gibbs.

Abby signed to Gibbs through the glass doors. '_I'll tell you later, let me make this phone call and arrangements first'_

'_Ok, but right after, you come tell me.'_

'_I will boss-man, don't worry'_

She smiled at him and ran to make her call. Once she did she went up to the bullpen and took Gibbs aside, telling him of her plans and the guest that would be coming to work tomorrow.


	23. Chapter 23

LIGHT THAN LIFE CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds. Oh and forgot to mention, we do own the OC characters we've created, Gordon Cale, Jeffery Thomas and Jack Valdez.

A/N: Thanks again for your reviews and alerts we love them. Please read and enjoy and review. Sue and Craig

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**NEXT DAY IN THE BULLPEN**

Gordon looked around the bullpen. He couldn't help but notice the differences between the NCIS workstation and the desks that he and Tony held at Baltimore. It was simple to see which of the desks belonged to his former partner, especially when he saw the Mickey Mouse stapler next to the computer.

Abby had called Gordon about what had been going on with Tony. So, right away Gordon explained to his wife, took time off and came straight to Washington. It wasn't a long wait until Abby, Gibbs, Ziva and McGee walked into the bullpen.

"Gordon," Abby greeted excitedly. "I'm so glad you made it," she went over and hugged him.

Gibbs looked closely at Tony's former partner. It was widely known that Gibbs and Baltimore were like oil and water. They just didn't mix. But Abby had spoken very highly of Gordon and his wife and that Gordon wasn't a cop in Baltimore now. Abby didn't even think twice about asking him to help, specifically now that Tony was refusing to see anyone.

"You must be Agent Gibbs," Gordon extended his hand. "I'm Gordon Cale," he told Gibbs. "Abby here called me. Now, I heard Tony isn't seeing anybody. I believe I can talk him out of this," he rubbed his jaw as he thought back, "Tony loves to be accepted within the crowd. This isolation thing is a form of punishing himself because he believes that's what he deserves," Gordon recalled a few times that he'd seen it happen. "I know I can talk him out of it, I've done it before." He assured them.

"Well what are you doing here?" Gibbs asked flatly.

"Excuse me?" Gordon asked.

"Get out of here," Gibbs had tried to talk to Tony, but instead, the door stayed closed in his face. At the moment he was willing to try anything. "Do what you have to do Mister Cale," he said, remembering the back round between the two ex-partners from what McGee had found out. .

"Call me Gordon," He told Gibbs in a friendly way. "Tony speaks very highly of you and you must be Agent McGee," he shook McGee's hand, "And you are of course, Ziva. Tony has a lot of fun with you both." They too shook hands.

"Yes, we do have fun until he gets on our nerves." Ziva smiled at the memories of how her partner used to be.

"Ahh, the movie references and explanations, I got them too. And the hazing, only I got him back and we bonded well, one of the reasons I left Baltimore. I didn't want another partner after Tony joined your team. " Gordon laughed.

"Don't you think you should get over there?" It was more of an order than a question that Gibbs interrupted the conversation with.

Gordon nodded at everyone before leaving the bullpen at a quick pace. Tony was definitely accurate in his description of the boss. Minus the bastard part that is.

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**TONY'S PLACE**

Gordon knocked on Tony's door. At first there wasn't a response. He assumed that Tony was peering through the peephole seeing who it was. There was a long wait between knocking and the door being opened.

"Hey Tones," Gordon invited himself in before Tony had the chance to say anything to the contrary.

"Come in," Tony checked the hall before closing the door. "Come by yourself did you?" he asked suspiciously. To the others he had made it crystal clear that he didn't want to see them.

"Just me," Gordon answered as he looked around. Tony's place looked similar to his Baltimore apartment, especially with how the entertainment system was set up. It was very nice, but then Tony always had taste. He quickly looked Tony over, glad to see that this time at least Tony was shaven, washed and dressed in jeans and a tee shirt. He remembered one time when Tony wouldn't have done any of that and would just have worn sweats.

"So what's going on?" Gordon asked as he sat on the couch.

"Thought the others would've told you everything," Tony replied while making sure to keep his guard up.

"Abby told me what happened," Gordon leaned forward. "I want to hear it from you. Do you realize how much those people care for you? That boss of yours is beside himself about everything and Abby's really upset about you not seeing her or them. Oh man, you should've heard her on the phone," he went on before Tony cut him off.

Tony quickly stood up. "You want something to drink?" He asked uncomfortably. "You know, Abby and Gibbs are great people and I often ask myself what the hell have I done to deserve them," And it was true, he often did. All he thought about was how he always managed to screw things up. "And you know what? I haven't been able to find one single reason," he added, the self hatred in his voice.

"I know it's hard for you to accept that there are people out there that are able to look past that mask you always wear and still care," Gordon took the bottle of water and leaned backwards in to the comfortable leather couch. "I always wondered why you can't accept it," he expressed what he had felt for so long. But then again it took the two a few months before Tony had let Gordon in and then his family.

"This time's different," Tony didn't look up from the bottle he held tightly in his hand.

After a minute of arranging his thoughts, Tony spoke again. "After all this time of being a cop, working in three different places and when I worked on vice, I should've picked up on the signs," he said, "but that's not the worse thing. Everything's still kind of dreamlike. I betrayed Abs, I struck her, I attacked my boss and really went at McGee," Everything was still so fuzzy. He could remember some of what happened and what he couldn't, he had been filled in on. It was just so difficult to explain, hard to figure out how it all had come to this in his mind.

"Hang on a minute their Tony," Gordon said. "For starters… Yeah sure you worked on three police forces, on vice and you're a federal agent. But you could only recognize the signs of drug use then, when you were of sound mind. This time you weren't. The drugs were affecting your way of thinking. Nobody blames you for this Tony, nobody. There's only one person to blame for this and Thomas is going to be going away for a long time. For God's sake… When are you going to learn that you can't control everything? This is NOT your fault," he said slowly and distinctly to push his point across and hoped that his words were being listened to.

"I just don't know how to make this up to everybody. I had no idea that what I was doing at the time was wrong. I thought I was punching someone else, not Abby. I don't know how to make it up to McGee or Gibbs, Ziva, Ducky, Abby, or Christ, even the Director," Tony shrugged his shoulders with embarrassment.

"The Director? I'm almost afraid to ask what you did to the Director," Gordon stopped himself from smiling by taking a drink of water. Tony always had problems with the big bosses.

Again Tony shrugged his shoulders and shamefully shook his head. "They didn't tell you? I actually thought that it would be a great idea to rearrange her office," Tony saw the huge grin on Gordon's face. "Oh come on, that's not really funny," Tony said in exasperation.

"Sorry Tones," Gordon said. It did sound funny as the man pictured it in his mind and tried not to laugh. "But you know Abby doesn't think this is your fault in anyway. She cares deeply for you as you do her. As for your boss, I know he doesn't think you're to blame. But they can't help you if you shut them all out even if it is to punish yourself," Gordon added. "Agent McGee was the real quite one," he said.

"I know I hurt him deeply. But I have no damn idea how to make this up to him. I really don't know what to do about it," Tony said as he studied his water bottle once again.

"I don't know what to do about Ziva either," he shrugged his shoulders once again. They were the closest things to siblings he had.

"Say if it was me. How would you make it up to me? Or, how about if it was a Frat brother?" Gordon asked.

"You know we'd talk, you'd make me," Tony looked at Gordon for a minute before finding something interesting down on the floor as he started to finish, "I'd take my frat brothers clubbing, get plastered or even have a huge party," Tony said. "Like that's going to make up for anything," he added. One party wasn't going to solve the hell he put everyone through.

"Tony, they know none of what you said or did was you," Gordon said. "But you can at least try and show that you're sorry. And you can't do that by sitting here locked up all the time, this isn't a prison." He spoke calmly.

"This way they know I'm really punishing myself for what I've done," Tony responded.

"No, you're shutting them out and not allowing them to help you. You're punishing them as well, Tony," Gordon corrected. He'd planned on treading carefully but he wanted his point clearly understood. "They all want to help you," he said.

"I don't see why," Tony slumped into the chair.

"Tony, let me put it this way then," Gordon said after awhile of thinking. "Remember awhile back when we investigated a rape and murder case on a Lee-Anne Lockhart?" Gordon asked.

"Yeah," Tony replied after a moment. "She was heavily drugged and a couple of men had sex with her before murdering her," he failed to see what this had to do with him. "So?"

"So… Do you think that was Lee-Anne's fault? Or that she should've taken the blame for what happened?" Gordon asked.

"Hell no," Tony acted defensive. "I don't know why you'd think that. It wasn't her fault that she was drugged and they raped and killed her. Look, I know where you're going with this but the fact remains," he let out a huge sigh, "I've seen so much drug use I should've known what was going on," he said with remorse.

"And Lee-Anne should've known not to have sex?" Gordon kept on track.

"No… No way," Tony said loudly. "She wasn't in her right mind," his eyes widened as he realized he had just answered part of the problem himself. "But, I just don't think I can face anybody," he sighed.

"You have to Tony," Gordon said. He could tell when an argument between them was starting to sway his way. "If you don't, I'm sure that boss of yours and Abby will eventually kick your door down and drag you out," he smiled. With everything that Tony had told him about these people and after meeting them and talking to Abby, it was a very real possibility.

Honestly, Tony had wondered why that hadn't occurred yet. "You could be right about that." He almost smiled himself.

"Damn right I am. Now tell me about the Director's office," Gordon laughed.

"Boy, I don't know exactly what happened. But everything was looking boring and stale so I moved her desk and chairs around so it'd face the window," Tony shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time. It's still kind of fuzzy, certain things." He added.

"You have been going to your out patient program, right?" Gordon inquired.

"Yeah, I've been going. Helps a little, but not with what we just spoke about." Tony said shyly and turned to face the window.

"Ah, not telling the group all that's going on in your head I bet." Gordon knew Tony to well. He knew that Tony would play the game, even share some of his real feelings, but not open up all the way. He knew Tony still had a few weeks to go and hoped that maybe his ex-partner would start to open up.

Tony shrugged his shoulders. "I tell them some things."

"But playing the DiNozzo game, do only what you can get away with. I bet they know this and have come down on you. And knowing you, you still dodge them." Gordon sat back watching as Tony stood up and paced, waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, they've been pushing at me and I don't know how long I can keep them at bay either." He truthfully said.

"Then don't. That's what they're there for, Tones. Let them help you help yourself. Also let your friends help you. Abby said that Gibbs explained to Tim why you did what you did to him and Gibbs understands too. But an apology is good too. Just don't forget they care and love you and don't blame you. That ass, Thomas is in jail for what he did, he was always jealous of you. Idiot, I can't believe he did that to you." Gordon's eyes connected with Tony's.

Tony shook his head. "Neither can I. If he did his job like he should have been we wouldn't have had to take their cases and solve them."

"You're right, but the man was blinded. Your boss found out the truth and got him to confess on paper and of course it was recorded. You know he worked vice just before we left the job and NCIS through an uncle. That's where he got the drugs. The man is sick and it's his fault not yours. I think you know that after what we just talked about with Lee-Anne." Gordon explained waiting to see Tony's reaction.

"I guess you're right. He was a jerk and I had the pleasure of his blood on my fists that time he cornered me and sucker punched me in the hallway. I would have kicked the shit out of him if it weren't for you and Jack." Tony chuckled before turning around.

"Yeah that was a good one and I only stopped it so you didn't get in trouble. It went down on his record not yours and that's what I wanted to make sure of." Gordon smiled at he friend.

"Yeah." Tony smiled back.

"Oh and by the way. I would've loved to have seen the look your director's face after what you did to her office," Gordon laughed. Tony just looked a little ashamed so Gordon dropped the topic and changed it. "Everyone's waiting at NCIS, so let's go see them," he stood up.

"What? Now?" Tony asked. There was no way he felt ready to face everyone.

"Yeah… Now," Gordon answered. "Come on. No time like the present. Either we go there or they come here," he said, giving Tony no choice in the matter.

Tony would never have gone and was nervous to go to NCIS now. But Gordon was like a brother to him. His friend knew so much about his past and present and had always been there for him. Even after all these years and he had been there for Gordon.

They'd talk on the phone and would visit every so often. He knew he had to stop trying to figure this out on his own, it wasn't working. Gordon was right, he needed to take the first step and apologize to his co-workers and also open up to his group and therapist. Maybe this would finally be a good thing. Yet he'd never done this before with opening up in counseling and he'd never been in a spot like this with team mates, so his nerves were getting the best of him.

Gordon noticed Tony's reluctance and nervousness. He wrapped his arm gently around his friend's shoulder and led him out of the apartment, locking the door behind them.

"You can do this, Tone. Let's go, I have a car outside." Gordon told Tony who followed along, absently.

Tony didn't speak, but drew from his friend's strength. He knew the outpatient program would be different and he'd have to do that by himself, but that was ok. He didn't like leaning on his friend by using the confidence Gordon had to push him along. He knew once he got there he'd have to use his own strength and let go of Gordon, but this was good just to help him take that first step. They got into the car and both talked about small things in order to get Tony's mind off of what would happen once they reached the Naval Yard and his place of work.


	24. Chapter 24

NCIS LIGHT THAN LIFE CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds. We do own the OC we created, Gordon Cale, Jeffery Thomas and Jack Valdez. Thanks Sue and Craig.

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The closer the elevator came to the third floor the more nervous Tony became. How did it get to the point of being afraid to step foot back inside NCIS? He pressed the button to halt the elevator at mid ascension. Bruce Campbell had warned him of anxiety and he had felt some of it when confronted with pushing his team away. He hadn't thought it would get worse than what it had been back at his apartment. But now, with the thought of stepping out of the elevator into the lion's den, he felt the tightness in his chest, making it difficult to breathe. Since he was intent on pushing everyone away any which way he could they had every right to hate him. After all that was exactly what he had been trying to achieve.

"Are you ok, Tones?" Gordon looked over at his friend who looked like he was about to collapse to the floor.

_I'm a lamb being led to slaughter_ Tony thought.

"Tony?" The voice so close yet distant called him again.

_You put yourself in this position Tony… Get yourself out of it. _"I'm fine," Tony said somewhat absently. Maybe he could still back out. He knew how dangerous they could all be. Gibbs and Ziva would kill him, McGee would wipe any trace that he ever existed, Ducky would fabricate the autopsy if he even did it. Palmer would back him up and Abby! He remembered how she always said that she could make sure there's no forensic evidence to prove a death ever happened. _Oh, God!_ He panicked.

"We'll just go back down and have something to eat first," Tony tried the age old technique of running. He was having so much trouble handling this and running most of the time had worked for him in the past.

Gordon pressed the button to set the elevator back into motion. Sure it was the opposite of what Tony was hoping for. But sooner or later he'd see that it was for the best. "You can eat afterwards," Gordon responded, gently but sternly. He wanted his friend to face his fears and not run like he'd seen him do before.

Gibbs and Ziva waited in the bullpen. Only two of them were going to be there for the initial meeting. After some deliberation it was agreed that Gibbs and Ziva would be the ones to be there first. After that, Tony could go and see everyone else as he saw fit. The anticipation grew as the two watched the elevator lights stop in between floors for a few minutes. It finally moved again and the doors opened, allowing Tony and Gordon to walk into the bullpen.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs greeted first. He was angry at being shut out by Tony before, but none of that was directed at his senior field agent. That was what his annoyance was about, only he realized it was something that he had to work on. They finally had Tony here and he wasn't going to mess this up with his pride.

"Boss," Tony greeted back, making sure he was speaking defensively. He wanted to gage his boss' mood. "Can I speak with everyone?" Tony asked feeling the need to request permission, "it's just I have a lot of things to say and I think everyone needs to hear it," He explained in a cryptic way.

"I will get everyone together," Ziva said. "I think we can all meet in Autopsy pretty easily," Ziva put forth the suggestion.

"Good idea," Gibbs replied. "DiNozzo. Autopsy," he said attempting to allow things to fall back to a certain amount of normality.

"On your six," Tony said in auto-mode, entering a pattern that was all too easy.

Ziva had left already and Gordon followed to support his friend.

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_**NCIS AUTOPSY**_

Tony leaned against the table furthest from the Autopsy doors. He watched and listened to the people making their way into the cold room. It was impossible to not think back to the last time he was there. His stupid behavior and declaring to everyone that he loved to play on slides. He was positive that those who were there would have a field day with how he had acted and what they had learned about his childhood. They'd just wait for the perfect time to play that card. After all, that's what he'd do in their situation. It was only fair to expect the same thing in return. Relief was evident when everyone that was summoned walked through the doors and took a spot around the room to hear what Tony had to say.

"Thanks for coming," Tony said after a moment of silence. He wasn't sure exactly how they would respond. They were quiet, waiting for something, "I thought I was only punishing myself for not noticing the signs of the drugs Thomas put in me," he held up his hand to stop anyone from interrupting. "I was punishing myself for attacking Gibbs, hitting Abs, betraying Abs and what I did to Tim. Well, for everything that I did and not just on the roof, but over the weeks too. I wish I knew how to make it up to you all," the guilt was evident in his tone. "I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for my actions then and pushing you all away lately," he added. He didn't have to be psychic to tell what they were thinking. He still felt nervous, but decided that speaking to a few at a time now would be better for him and the team, "but right now, I would like to speak to a few of you individually. If I may use your office Ducky," Tony explained and then looked unsure at Ducky as he asked.

"Of course, Anthony," Ducky responded as the others waited.

***********************************

Tony lead McGee in first. He figured he'd start with the easiest and work his way to the hardest which would be Abby. That's if she even wanted to speak to him again. Tony couldn't blame her if that was the case. It was impossible to figure out why they had agreed to meet with him. Christ! Why couldn't they just listen when he pushed them away?

"Thanks for coming," Tony tried to ignore the inner torment that was eating away at him, "I have never thought you were anything like my father. I'm not even sure how the thought ever occurred to me. Things are still muddled up. I'm deeply sorry I hurt you, McGee." Speaking the words felt too easy. And even though he'd been playing a game in group, he remembered them saying it was important to make amends to the people you hurt and to be honest. For the first time this made sense to Tony and he was trying.

"It's alright Tony. Gibbs explained it to me and it was understandable," McGee responded nonchalantly. He looked at the older man, the senior field agent, but more his friend, or big brother that teased him, "I didn't take any of it personally," he did take it personally at first, but after receiving the explanation, it did put things into perspective… So what he told Tony was true from his point of view, "but thanks, it means a lot," McGee remembered what Ducky had warned him about acting dismissive.

"You're welcome," Tony shrugged his shoulders as he pushed the anxiety down and tried to act calm about it . He didn't know how Tim could so easily forgive him and he didn't understand why he had acted in such a way to Tim. He wished he could understand it as well as Tim and Gibbs seemed to and only hoped in time he would understand it all more clearly. Tony knew that his demeanor was going to change as he spoke to each team member, no, each friend, at least he hoped they'd all become friends again. He knew as he spoke to each of them he'd have a harder time with it.

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He then requested Ziva's presence. "Ziva, I really don't know what I was thinking… Some of it's still like a dream. I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable like that at work or at anytime, not like that, Ziva" he lowered his head. Of course he had been guilty of pushing the sexual harassment boundaries, but never like he had this time. "I'm sorry that you had to resort to physical actions to stop me," he said. He noticed he was talking faster than his normal pace. He needed this over and done with quickly before the shame of his actions swallowed him up.

"It is alright Tony… We knew that it was not you acting the way you did. Your mind was altered and your thinking was all jumbled," Ziva explained her thoughts, "you have nothing to feel sorry for. Remember that none of this was your doing," Ziva added convincingly.

Tony sighed. "If what you say is true… Then why the hell do I feel so guilty about it?" It was meant to be a rhetorical question. An inner thought that had managed to reach the surface.

"That is the man you are," Ziva said. She hated that he always took everything that happened as being his fault. Let them weigh heavily on his shoulders. Often she had wondered why but never approached the subject. Maybe it was the same reason as Gibbs, she pondered for a moment, "you do not always have to take responsibility you know? Especially when it was not your fault, I believe it was Thomas, yes?" She told him with her questions and hoped she was getting through to her partner.

Tony shrugged his shoulders. If he didn't do that then who would? "Yeah, thanks" it was a noncommittal response. He then gave Ziva a half hug and invited Ducky in.

****************************************

Ducky walked into his office and gave a gentle nod at the boy he faced.

"Ducky, I'm not proud of how I acted. I wasn't …….I…Well I was hard on you, in autopsy and the roof. And you were so gracious to invite me into your home and help me with," It was still hard to think about, Ducky helping him level off the drugs, "I don't remember a lot, but it comes back in flashes. You've always been good to me and I'm so sorry for my behavior." Tony sighed, gave the ME a quick look and then lowered his eyes.

Ducky looked at Tony with a smile, "My dear Anthony, it was not your fault," He saw the younger man look up at him wearily, "Once you realize fully, in here and here," the ME pointed to Tony's head and then the left side of his chest, at his heart, "you will understand this and be able to move on and see that no one here blames you. And it was my pleasure to take care of you, I always do, you know. And I rather think that part of it was due to the PCP put in the last batch. We didn't know and neither did you, my dear boy." Ducky patted Tony on the shoulder.

Tony thought about what the ME had just told him. He was right and he couldn't get it through his head and into his heart just yet, but he would try. "Thanks Ducky."

"Not a problem, would you like me to send Jethro in then?" His brow rose with the question.

"Yeah, that would be good," Tony answered, taking a deep breath to ready himself for the meeting with his boss.

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It had been a toss up between him and Abby. Tony chose to speak to her last and was glad the ME saw this, removing the decision from him. Part of him wished he'd have given himself more time in between talks. This was draining him to the core. When Gibbs walked in he knew it would be hard. "Hey Boss," his voice didn't betray the torment he was feeling.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs said to him.

"I want to say sorry for everything I said to you and for attacking you as well. I know you'd never use me as bait like that. And, also for how I've acted over the past several weeks," Tony said. His tone had suddenly changed. It sounded low and cautious, "I know how you feel about apologies Boss… But I** am** sorry for everything… For screwing up, for attacking you and for believing the worst of you," he** was** sorry for everything. Perhaps going through everything would alleviate the guilt he was feeling, like he thought before about what his group had said about making amends.

"This is important DiNozzo. So yeah, I'll accept your apology… Even though you're not to blame for any of this," Gibbs tried to assure his senior field agent, his friend and to be truthful, the son he never had.

"You've said that," Tony responded, his voice telling the tale that he wasn't sure he believed it.

"I'll keep telling you that until it gets through that stubborn head of yours, DiNozzo… And, I told you before that you're irreplaceable," Gibbs said taking a different approach with him. "That hasn't changed."

"Oh come on Boss," Tony replied quickly. "If I leave, anyone can do my job. There's McGee, he's very capable…" Gibbs held up his hand to interrupt the younger man.

"You're irreplaceable to me, DiNozzo," he said earnestly. "If I ever hear you think differently again I'll slap you so hard that the Eskimos in the North Pole will feel the aftershocks. You got that?" He asked. Gibbs wanted to make sure that his words were heard at the very least.

"You don't have to say that," Tony mused at the usual threats that his boss came up with. "Thanks," he said.

Before Gibbs left he put his fingers under Tony's chin to lift his face so they had eye contact. Gibbs knew Tony, knew he wasn't sure of what he had said and would repeat it one more time before leaving. Using a stern but gentle voice, he spoke." You. Are. Not. To. Blame. This is all Thomas and he will never hurt you again. I saw to that. No one gets away with hurting one of mine. You got that?" Gibbs reiterated what had been said. He saw Tony look at him with haunted eyes. God, he wanted to do more, but he knew the rest had to come from Tony.

Tony didn't say much afterwards. Gibbs left the room hoping that he got through enough to Tony and hoped that Tony would open up to the outpatient program and eventually see that what was said was the truth.

****************************************

He'd have to ponder later what they had all told him. They had all said the same thing, so far. Yet it did feel good to hear what Gibbs had said, he was his mentor and also a father figure to Tony whether Gibbs figured that out or not.

His mind was already on the next person he had to deal with. After Gibbs left, he could feel his heart pounding against his chest again. What was he thinking? Why did he think it was such a good idea to act out towards Abby, at the office and then when they were alone? Didn't matter what he did… He always seemed to hurt somebody. Oh God, his father was right all along. All he did was screw things up, which made him a failure.

"Tony?" Abby looked at him. She'd noticed that he didn't see her come in at first. "You alright?" She asked.

"I should be asking you that question," Tony said with a dry smile. "I really am sorry about what I said to you… And for betraying your trust and for hitting you," Tony honestly said, "I thought I was saying the right thing… I didn't know it was you," Tony swallowed a prickly lump that had been forming and threatening to let his true feelings surface.

"I know none of that was you," Abby said. "I know you'd never hurt me deliberately. And our relationship would've been discovered sooner or later," she approached closer once he slipped into Ducky's chair.

"You have always been my confidant Abs," Tony lowered his head. "I'm releasing you of that… You can tell them about anything or everything," he said with the guilt he felt, "I just want you to know how damn sorry I am," Tony tried not to lose the self control that he'd been so desperately clinging to since he had entered the building.

"I know you are Tony, but I'll never tell people anything," Abby stood next to him and was satisfied when Tony rested his head against her stomach. Searching for the comfort he desperately needed, but didn't feel he deserved, yet he couldn't help his need for her. She reached down and stroked his hair, half expecting him to flinch.

"You're amazing. I will find a way to make this up to you, Abby," his voice was muffled as he spoke into her shirt. Even though he felt like crying he found he couldn't. He no longer felt panic, he felt numb. It had all been too hard and feeling numb was better than the panic he had felt earlier.

"You can open up to them, Tony," Abby ran her fingers through his hair knowing it always calmed him down. She wondered if this might be classed as enabling, but this was something that had to be done. Even if it was resorting to what could be classed as emotional blackmail. "The group at the program, I mean. Tell them what's going on. I know you're afraid you'll be cut down if you do… That they'll laugh or use it against you, but they won't. I promise you that and I've never lied to you," she said in a comforting voice.

"Part of me knows that," Tony withdrew from the semi embrace. "I still don't know. People don't need to hear my problems. They have enough of their own already," he shook his head.

"Tony," Abby's voice scolded him. "That's what groups are for… To share problems and I know that you aren't used to sharing yours, that's why you only do with Gordon and me," she kissed him on the forehead, "Do it Tony, it will heal you. And I guess I'm being selfish, but I want you healed as much as the rest of the team, your family," Tony just nodded in response, to drained to argue the point and feeling to bad for what he had done to Abby.

After meeting with everyone back in the main part of Autopsy, he once again apologized for his latest actions, to them. Fortunately they all sounded like they had forgiven him, in person anyway. Tony wasn't sure if they really meant it though. But he had taken a very important step forward and he was glad that his friend has helped him take this first step.

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_**Tony's apartment**_

Gordon sat down on the chair opposite Tony. He had been deep in thought about what he watched today. Gordon thought about it and what he'd say to Tony as they drove in the car, back to his friend's apartment.

"I'm proud of you Tones," Gordon finally broke the silence. Tony waved his hand as to brush it off. "No really, I can't imagine how tough it must have been," Gordon told him.

"It **was** difficult, but funny as it seems, not as difficult as I had expected," Tony said flatly. He felt tired, physically and emotionally.

"Hope that shows you that they care and teaches you that you can open up and show them the vulnerability that you hide so well," Gordon said to him, "and maybe you can start making some headway into the damage that Thomas had caused. You also need to use that group and the therapy. Take that damn mask down." he added.

Tony shrugged without speaking.

"If you don't…... I'll set my wife on you," Gordon smiled. "Remember the time when she really tore into you?" He asked.

"Oh yeah… When I kept on making excuses not to have Thanksgiving with all of you," Tony laughed at the memory. They were the best things to come out of Baltimore. "I could've sworn that she was going to bolt the doors and windows shut," he laughed again.

"Yeah, you do remember," Gordon replied. "So I don't want Abby calling me like this again Tony," he told him. "Just remember that everyone wants to help you. And don't you ever think you're not worth it," he told him. He was all too familiar with his friend's behavior, "I want to hear from you on that phone. We've always talked to one another through the good times and also were there to help each other through the bad times." Cale genuinely told his long time friend.

"Thanks Gordon," Tony answered and thought, "Thanks for coming all the way up here to help me." Tony sincerely told his ex-partner, but more so his closet friend outside of NCIS.

The rest of the time Tony and Gordon just talked about things that really didn't pertain to anything and also caught up with Gordon's life. Gordon knew that Tony needed safe topics to talk about to allow the tension to ease from the day. They hugged before Gordon left to catch his plane back home, promising to talk once a week.

That night though, Tony fell into a restless dream filled sleep. With all the head way made in just one day, his past still continued to haunt his subconscious. Once again he was woken by the nightmares. They left him sweaty and not able to go back to sleep with the dread of closing his eyes and the nightmares coming back, still troubling him. He had hoped he was rid of them after today, but obviously he was wrong.

Maybe the therapy would help close off these horrible dreams. All he could do was hope for that box to be closed. He didn't know if they would be by the therapy. Or, if his past would also be worked through with this therapy to a point where Tony could live with it and not be plagued with the terrors of the night, or the terrors that were ingrained in his mind. Only time would tell he figured as he got into the shower to wash it all away.


	25. Chapter 25

NCIS LIGHT THAN LIFE CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds. We do own the characters we created, Gordon Cale, Jeffery Thomas and Jack Valdez. Thanks, Sue and Craig.

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**TONY IN GROUP SESSION**

The group sat around the table talking about their feelings. Tony listened for a few minutes and then zoned off to his own thoughts. He wasn't sure how to open up to so many people. He'd only let a few in to some of his feeling and even less into his true self and those were, Gordon and Abby. Deep in his musing he didn't realize someone had said something to him.

Joe the doctor, tried to get Tony's attention, again. "Tony!" When Tony finally looked over at him, Joe started talking. "When are you really going to open up to the group? You're playing the game, letting us peek, yet you're not opening up to your true feelings. I see you hiding, you're not undercover here and you aren't going to get help if you don't let us in," The doctor looked over to the detective, Bob, "is he playing undercover here, or is it something else?" He asked.

Bob turned to Tony, he had him pegged the first day in, and so he decided being the closest in Tony's profession to lay into the man. The man had to open up. "I used my undercover skills to hide from the department about the use of uppers and downers to get me through the long hours. Somehow, watching you over the last few weeks, I see you have great undercover skills too. My question is, are you doing the same as me to hide your feelings at being drugged, or, did you have that skill for years and use it in undercover ops? Druggies and other people have a skill to hide themselves from people and then they hide even better playing an undercover role. Which are you, Tony?" The cop asked as if he were interrogating a suspect.

Tony gulped. _Figures I'd have another cop in this group that would see through me. And now he's going to interrogate the truth out of me? Whatever, I need to open up somehow. _Tony squared his shoulders. "Listen, I'm sorry, you're both right. I've been holding back a lot. I'm not used to opening up my feelings in front of so many people."

"Well, if you're going to get over it, it might as well be now, pal. So, did you hide all your life and that's what makes you great undercover? Well this isn't an op and you need to open up to make things better for you, to heal yourself. So spill, buddy," Bob spoke frankly, one cop to another.

Betsy the nurse spoke her mind before Tony could say anything. "Yeah Tony, let us in. You need help as much as we do and you know it. I've watched over the past few weeks, those haunted eyes that escape for a moment here and there. I think by now we've all seen it. So please, do yourself a favor and vent, let it out and us in, let us help you to help yourself."

Tony listened to the three, but more to the other cop, he had things in common with him. And with that interrogation tone, it made Tony listen more. No, he didn't like the way Joe and Bob came after him and usually that would make him wave a hand and leave or give them a smart mouthed answer. Yet, he knew they were right, especially after what he had listened to and had used a bit of when going to NCIS. He used it to make the amends these people spoke of. Betsy calmed him down a bit. Yes, he was running a game, but hadn't realized they caught the few times his guard dropped for only a moment.

He let out another sigh, they were right, he had to be honest. "You're right, I've learned to hide since I was young and even more in my adult life. And yeah, it does work well for undercover, Bob. I'm the best in my agency and have been barrowed by other agencies. So help me out here." He nervously gulped, looking at the group, but mostly at Bob.

"Go on Tony, you can do it. Think of it as being undercover for a long time and coming back you have to shed that cover that you're used to. Like in debriefing, so come on." Bob encouraged.

"Ok, I went to work and did what I heard you guys say about making amends. It helped some and I was, well, pretty honest but I couldn't let it all out. I felt better, but still feel like I did all this to them. And all they tell me is it was the guy Thomas who drugged me that it's his fault. I still feel panicky, ashamed and angry, not as much, but it's there." Tony stopped to take a sip of his coffee. He had noticed everyone's nods in certain places as he spoke.

"Go on Tony, I think your leaving a feeling out. If you were young when you started hiding and making a bunch of masks to hide under. Well, there had to be some reason. I think your old man abused you, verbally and maybe physically." The cop pushed gently.

Jack looked at Tony, "Did he Tony, did he abuse you and tell you things to make you hide? Is that why you blame yourself for what's happened and not so much this Thomas person that really caused your actions by drugging you?" Jack's eyes connected with Tony's, waiting for the man to answer him.

Tony was more than nervous; he was starting to get anxiety ridden. No one but Gordon and Abby knew, he suspected that maybe Gibbs and Ducky knew to a point, but he never told them. Now he looked around, his mask slipped, the vulnerability he usually hid was there and now he was faced with being naked from the tools he used to hide. He didn't know how to function like this, he was scared. He knew that he had to keep going as he felt slight tremors run through his body.

"Yeah, he ……h he ….dd id. I'm a failure. I screw everything up, he told me that….and, and it's true," Tony looked down, to forlorn to go any further, if he did he'd embarrass himself with tears that only Abby had ever seen. He shook his head and drew in ragged breaths.

The group all stood up and went over to him, laying a hand on his shoulder, saying soothing words. Betsy had tried to hug him, only to feel him jump back. They all realized that now wasn't the time to comfort Tony in that way.

Jack came up to Tony. He rested a hand on the frightened man's shoulder. "It's alright, Tony. You did a great job opening up to the group today. That was a big step for you and you'll find as time goes on that you aren't a screw up and you aren't a failure. It's ok to be afraid to open up as long as you do. And eventually you'll see that this wasn't your fault either, that you were drugged, a victim of circumstance,"

Jack looked into the eyes of an emotional man who was trying hard to hold it together, "One Day At A Time, man. You'll do more tomorrow. I suggest you talk to Bruce about this. Maybe with just him it would be a bit better for you and us. In group you still have to share how you feel so don't think you can clam up again. You're blaming yourself for something that you had no control over. It's because of old tapes you have in you from your father, man." He squeezed Tony's shoulder, "ok, let's break and go to lunch. Tony, after lunch you have session with Bruce, do like I said man, and tell him. Use lunch to pull it together a bit." He watched as Tony nodded.

Tony rose, pushed in his chair and walked silently with the group towards the lunch room. He now had a feeling that this group and the therapist would be important in his getting better, stronger and being able to face things as they really were. He tried to calm down and not think about how he had to open up. Sure he was terrified, but he wasn't going to do it all at once, they showed him that today. They showed him that he could say a little, or as much as he could tell at a time. They also showed him it was alright, though he still wasn't sure about that one. But he'd do as they said, and take it one day at a time. Gordon and Abby were also right and he had known that coming in today.

He still felt shaky, but he wanted to calm himself down. The best way for him was to talk about nothing special or work. Oh there were other things, but that was all he could do here, he smiled to himself. With that in mind, he tuned into the conversation between Bob and Karen, the other nurse while getting some food. When they all sat down he joined the conversation.

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_**Tony's Apartment Tuesday Evening**_

The glass of whiskey refused to sit on the table quietly. It called to Tony who lowered his head to rim level in order to study the glass more closely. Surely he needed it. More than that he thought he deserved it. He ran his finger around the rim of the glass and thought more about it. Who would've thought that saying a few words to some people was so difficult? Hell, if they knew everything, they'd have a damn field day with it. He tried to push those negative thoughts away. Part of him knew that the group wouldn't do that. They had told him in group and, Bruce Campbell his therapist had also told him, that what was said in the room stayed in the room. He hoped that was true. He was probably worried because he wasn't use to all this. Bruce said he'd get used to it and would feel the need to share what was going on in his head after awhile, he hoped so.

A knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts. The knock grew louder when he didn't answer it right away. "It's open Boss," Tony called out. It was almost amusing how everyone had their distinct knocks, he'd learned that over the weeks, "Evening," he greeted cheerfully. That was an attempt to hide what was going on in his mind.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs looked at the young man who hadn't risen from the chair. The glass on the table was noticeable. In his mind, he shook his head. This looked like a serious path that Tony was taken. "You're not thinking of drinking alone are you?" Gibbs asked the obvious question.

Tony was about to answer when there was a second knock at the door. This time it was the constant and methodical knock. Trust it to be Ducky, Tony smirked. At times, there couldn't be one without the other. "Enter Ducky," Tony called out.

"You psychic now?" Gibbs incredulously asked.

Tony shrugged his shoulders. "No Boss… It's just I know it all too well," his voice trailed off into an eerie silence. Any cockiness sounded long gone. It didn't register with the young man.

"Looks like you had a rough couple of days," Ducky noted the slight redness of the eyes but didn't elaborate any further.

"Have a seat," Tony pointed to the chair.

"I'll go and make some coffee my dear boy," Ducky said as he made his way to the kitchen. "You look like you need it, Anthony," he turned to Tony who nodded in response.

"You weren't thinking of drinking were you?" Gibbs looked across the table.

Tony shrugged in response. "Yeah, I was," he said simply. It was unclear as to whether he was going to or not. Fortunately he didn't have to figure out where that would lead. He waited for his boss to initiate the conversation.

"How'd therapy go?" Gibbs asked Tony. He had learned along time ago, that the direct approach was the best way to go with his senior field agent.

Tony thought for a moment. He knew that after his visit at NCIS that Gibbs would be over to see how it was going. Especially since Gibbs knew he wasn't going to have the door slammed into his face. "I'm not sure how it went actually," Tony nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

"What do you mean you're not sure, Anthony?" Ducky watched the two men from the kitchen.

Tony looked back and forth at both of them before responding. "It's just I don't really know. Sure I managed to open up a little, but I am afraid that once the floodgates open that there's no stopping it," he remembered how daunting the last group therapy session was. How difficult it was to show his feelings to everyone. His talk with Bruce had helped him draw a lot more out and was glad that the therapist knew when he had, had enough. The therapist, Bruce, had said they would continue the next time. He explained that getting well just didn't happen over night and that the fact Tony had disclosed even more, showed he wanted help. He had surprised himself at how much he had opened up to the therapist and even shed some tears from the pain. It was just like the group had said, it was a process and he'd get well as long as he kept talking and didn't hide again.

"It's good that you're starting to use therapy then," Gibbs nodded approvingly as he took a sip from the coffee. He didn't believe in therapy, but if it helped Tony to get through this, he would encourage it. "That's good," there was something else Gibbs wanted to know about. Abby had told them her fears that Tony must have been thinking about leaving. "I know you DiNozzo… I know you very well. What are you going to do about the near future?" He asked bluntly.

Tony looked over at Ducky and then back to Gibbs. The last thing he wanted was to be drilled. Ducky sensed and saw that written in Tony's eyes and chose to remain silent. "I want to come back to NCIS," Tony swallowed. It was true that NCIS had proven to be his family. He sighed. It was the family he had so desperately tried to rid himself of, but they stayed. They were there for him, even after all the shit he had put them through and, before he didn't understand why. Now he was starting to, "I've talked with Bruce Campbell extensively yesterday, after the session," he placed his hands around the coffee before continuing. Ducky sat on one of the table's side chairs to join them. "I've decided to continue on with therapy… Even after the outpatient program has concluded," he explained. He had always known the day was coming but hid from that also. The talk with Bruce Campbell had helped him see that he really needed more than just the several weeks and in therapy he could learn to replace the old tapes that played in his mind of what his father thought of him. How hearing it over and over again had been ingrained into his mind, so much so that it had made him reckless and do other things that his team and other people would question.

Ducky nodded and smiled. "That's a good move Anthony," he told him.

Gibbs smiled for a moment. He was proud that Tony had come to this decision but there was just one more thing bugging him. "What about your future with the agency DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, once again taking the direct route with him.

"I want to go back there," Tony answered with a slight nod. Most of his best memories came from there. "But I just don't want to think about it right now," he was sure there'd be many people at the office who would talk about him, who were talking about him now. He was the main scuttlebutt. He was sure of it, since he knew that whole scene.

"Fair enough," Ducky said caringly.

"Um, I was wondering if I could have a word with Gibbs alone Duck," Tony said as he looked at both of the older men.

"Sure my dear boy," Ducky left the apartment to allow the two men to talk.

There was momentarily silence as Gibbs waited for Tony to speak. "Have you ever wondered when you've used all your lives up?" Tony asked absently as he stared deep into the coffee cup, "I'm beginning to think I haven't got many lives left," he shrugged slowly.

"Don't tell me you're comparing yourself to a cat, DiNozzo," Gibbs observed the serious tone.

"If I was a cat…I would be dead by now," he replied. "I'm just wondering when my luck is going to run out. Ah, I know it's a stupid thought," he brushed it off quickly, "it doesn't matter anyway. Anyhow, I can never thank you guys enough. You know, I was in a dark place, hell, who am I trying to kid? I still am there," he could hear the voices from the group. "But I do know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel," Tony took a sip of coffee.

Gibbs stood to his feet and walked over to the man. He hated to see any of his agents feeling like this. Even more so with Tony, who never seemed to have much physical contact till he came to NCIS. Gibbs acted like an adopted father to the young man. He placed a hand on Tony's shoulder. "I'm proud of you for seeing that," Gibbs said eventually.

"Proud?" Tony scoffed. "What the hell for?" He asked as he turned to face the older man.

"You've reached a major step, DiNozzo," Gibbs told him, "you should be proud of yourself… We all are," he said as he gave Tony a pat on the shoulder. "You're healing," he reiterated the point.

"Thanks to all of you and your patience," Tony responded.

Gibbs slapped him at the back of the head. "Take a lot of the credit," he expressed to him.

"Thanks Boss," Tony quietly told his boss. The words were genuine. He had the feeling things would be alright only if he could work through them more. The feelings he had where he thought everything that had happened was his fault. Sure, now there was a part of him that saw it was Thomas, but knowing that in you mind and feeling it in your heart where two different things.

Gibbs squeezed Tony's arm. He knew that his agent had a lot going on in his head, knew it would take time to sort it all out. He hoped that one day Tony would open up more to him, let him in. But Gibbs was closed off the same as Tony, with the walls built solidly around him. He wondered what would come out of this, if Tony would be different, how he'd act. Only time would tell. Gibbs knew that Tony needed time to process things that had happened now that he had begun to open up. He locked eyes with the other man's and saw the red rimmed puffiness that showed how hard this was. He respected it and would give him the time. He was just glad that now Tony would allow him and the team to finally see him and help him as well.

"Welcome, DiNozzo, "Gibbs started to walk toward the door and then turn to glance at the liquor and then at Tony for a moment, "I hope you're not going to lose yourself in the booze. Do yourself a favor and don't drink it, keep a clear head so you can get it back together. We need you and you need you." Gibbs saw Tony nod at knowing he was right and then left.

Tony stood up, poured the drink out, capped and put the bottle away. He then sat back down on his couch and thought over the talk and what came out in therapy. Gibbs was right, he did need a clear head and couldn't hide in a bottle like his mother and father had. As painful as this was, he knew he had support from his team as well as Bruce and his group. He would get to a point where he could comfortably be around his team, no, his family once again. And he didn't delude himself that it would take a long time to get through the pain. The pain that his childhood had cause him and how he needed the deflections or the different roles he'd play to keep people thinking what they wanted and away from the truth. He kept going through the feelings getting more tired until he lay down on his couch. The last thought he had was also one he needed to talk to Gibbs about, his Psych Eval., that he had to pass to go back to work. He'd talk to Bruce and Gibbs about that later. Now he was exhausted and felt his mind shutting down, allowing him to drift off for much needed sleep.


	26. Chapter 26

LIGHT THAN LIFE CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds. The OC characters are ours, Gordon Cale, Jeffery Thomas and Jack Valdez.

A/N: Just to let you all know there are only two more chapters to go after this one. Thanks again for all your reviews, alerts and those reading we haven't heard from. Thanks, Sue and Craig.

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It had been a long week since Tony had visited NCIS. Abby had called him once, though she wanted to call more. He had told her that he needed a few days to think and would call her at the end of the week. Abby honored what Tony had said. They had chatted only a few minutes, just small talk before he had explained his need to her. She was so glad to hear from him on Saturday, worried that he wouldn't call. Now he wanted to meet with her that night. She missed him and wanted and needed to get her Tony back. She was however surprised about where he wanted to meet, but that was ok because she'd see him and they'd finally get to talk out everything, alone.

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Occasional light from the lamp posts broke up the monotony of the darkness. Usually, walking through a park at night like this would have made her nervous. Knowing Tony was in the vicinity, Abby was able to keep her mind at ease. It didn't take long for her to find him. She knew he liked to come to the park and just sit on the swing set while he contemplated aspects of his life.

Abby sat on the swing next to Tony. There was something wrong, she could feel it. That and the fact Tony looked as dark as the night. She had assured him that he was in no way to blame for what happened and it was known that everyone else felt the same way.

"You're going to get cold," Abby said with concern and to end the eerie silence.

Tony shrugged his shoulders. "Doesn't matter," he said in response. Tony held Abby's chin so that he could look at her face. "Your nose looks alright," he simply commented. That was one of the things he was very worried about.

"My nose **is** alright," Abby assure him. "Didn't need any surgery for realignment and it didn't really hurt that much after the initial whack," she said. Well it stopped hurting when she was given some painkillers. So, what she said was true, from a certain point of view.

"Good," Tony didn't sound convinced. He released his light grip. "I'm truly sorry Abs for everything. For hitting you and for messing with your feelings through all this," Tony said lowering his eyes, unable to maintain eye contact for to long.

"First off… I think you didn't know it was me and you even told me that when we spoke at NCIS. And anyway I doubted that you'd ever hit me and it doesn't matter what frame of mind you were in," Abby spoke calmly. "Come on, Tony who did you think you were lashing out at?" She asked him, knowing the answer he had told her, but thought he needed to say it again.

Tony looked up, meeting her eyes and failed to see how any of that was relevant. If he could remember some of the stuff he did. He should've been able to stop himself. There had to be some element of control over his actions. "I thought you were someone working for my father. In fact, I thought everyone had something to do with my father," he answered again like he had that day at headquarters and then shrugged his shoulders before lowering his head again. That was something he was having trouble dealing with. It was also hard to understand why any of the others found it so easy to forgive him.

"Now I know you were so far gone, Tony," Abby responded. "I know you… You'd never hurt me like that," she reassured him.

Tony shrugged his shoulders, again. "But I did," he looked away once again. Even after everything he went through in therapy he couldn't truly be honest with Abby now. He didn't deserve a friend like her. "You don't have to pretend with me," he shuffled his feet a little and then pushed himself with one foot. This helped and gave him something to do while they spoke.

Abby knew that at times when Tony was stressed or dealing with something he needed to move around. It didn't surprise her when he moved the swing around a little, it gave his body the outlet it needed while they spoke. She kept hers still, eyes watching the emotions that past over his face as they spoke. Those emotions he would hide from other people and she was glad he still showed them to her.

"I'm not pretending… Look, I know you're hurting now and you've got a lot to work through… But I want to be there to help you through this," she said. "You need everyone that cares around you," Abby stated.

"I know," Tony just managed to say. "I do appreciate it," he just wished that he could show them how much it meant to him. "There was something that just… I don't know… I have often asked myself what I ever did to deserve such friends," Tony said. He really wanted an answer to that.

"You put yourself in harm's way to protect others without thinking," Abby began to say.

"People call that recklessness," Tony replied. Of course that had to be the truth. "Or suicidal," he added.

"I call it protecting your family, protecting the people you love. Also innocent people, that's why you became a cop and now an agent, it's who you are," she said.

"I don't know," Tony said it lightly as his toe dug into the sand still slightly moving the swing. "Maybe I do have a death wish. I'm also pissed as hell that I played games with you." Light shone down from a lamp post, washing the edge of illumination over them and enabling each to see the other's face.

"Games?" Abby's face was etched with confusion.

"Yes," Tony answered solemnly. "For getting our relationship into that situation. Shouldn't have even let the drugs or myself play with you like that…" Tony told her. "I really hope you won't hold it against me… But I understand if you do," he shrugged with downcast eyes, watching his foot with feign interest.

"Are you saying you don't feel anything for me?" Abby asked. She was shocked. It had felt so real.

"I was on drugs," Tony shrugged once more. "I can't say if anything I felt in that period of time was real or not. So I guess it would be better if we just call it off," he explained to her.

"You don't feel anything now?" Abby asked while she thought. All the things Tony had said to her, did to her, how he made her feel. No, even with the drugs which could have pushed it along, they had known each other far to long for those feelings to be faked. Her heart knew the truth that Tony's guilty heart wouldn't allow to come through. She would have to show him, let him see through his doubts.

"I don't know," he answered miserably.

Without warning, she maneuvered their swings so they were almost touching. Abby reached out her hand and pulled his head closer to her, by the neck. She was thankful that she had caught Tony off guard so that he didn't pull away. Abby kissed him slowly and yet passionately. At first, Tony didn't reciprocate, but that changed. He felt the stirring down below, the lipstick tasted great, she smelled great. And God help him, she felt so wonderful. Maybe he had made the move with Abby originally because of the drugs pushing the inhibitions he had away. Because his heart was racing and a warm feeling spread over him, perhaps it only had ignited what was already there. This time when Tony kissed her, it was deeply and he pushed his tongue urgently into her mouth… She allowed it.

When the kiss broke they both were in quiet thought, taking in needed air. Abby stood up and smiled down at Tony, "I know you felt that, " she told him, still feeling the kiss on her lips and the feelings that had become stronger than before. She knew he felt the same, "lets go back to your apartment and figure these feelings out."

Tony nodded not able to talk yet as he got up. His apartment was only a block away. They started to walk when he felt her warm hand entwine with his as they moved closer to his place.

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**TONY'S APARTMENT**

Abby followed Tony into his kitchen and watched as he opened the fridge, her eyes glanced quickly at the clear clean coffee pot that sat on the counter. Reminding her of what happened.

"You want something to drink?" Tony offered.

That brought Abby back. "Yeah, that'd be great." She smiled as he handed her a Red Bull and opened a bottle of water for himself. Her head nodded in the direction of the unused coffee machine, "Guess you haven't had any coffee since all this happened." She stated.

Tony's face took on a defensive stare. "No Abs, I haven't had any coffee here at all. I have had decaf at the outpatient program, though. Why would you think I'd have coffee here when that's where this all started and at the office?" He asked her tersely.

Abby was surprise at his stare and how he sounded. "I didn't mean anything by that, Tony. And it wasn't you that started the drugged coffee. It was Thomas, remember?" She tried to soothe and remind him.

Tony sighed knowing he had over reacted. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap…..to, you know…..get all defensive. It's just still a bit raw and I'm…..I'm trying to wrap my head around the situation. I can see it as an outsider looking in that it wasn't my fault. And the group and therapy has helped like I said before in making me see it wasn't my fault. I believe it most of the times, but not always." He moved past her into the living room and dropped onto the couch.

Abby followed and sat beside him. "I know and it's really alright. It's going to take some time. I see a difference though," She sighed when she turned side ways to face Tony, "Look, you said you were going to continue counseling after the outpatient sessions are over and I think that's great you decided to do that. But this is me, Tony. You've never hid for long from me and I can read you better than anyone. Part of what you said to me at the park is due to your dad, your childhood. I know this from the conversations we've had about your past and things that were drilled into you." She told him gently.

"I know." He admitted to all that she had said. He turned to face her and not hide the way he had in the park. The soft lighting in the apartment made it easier.

Abby tilted her head. "Tony, I told you we are family, the team, I mean. And this family isn't like the one you grew up with, even though you have to work to get through that. I'm really proud of you for finally facing everything, head on." She placed her hand over his hand that lay on his knee.

Tony turned her hand over so their palms were touching. Abby always had such faith in him, even when he shared his past or bad days with her. He closed his hand around hers and felt a feeling he had never felt before. He'd always felt close to Abby, always loved being around her and with her he could be, Tony. He could be messed up, vulnerable and just himself, not pretending. She never once treated him differently for it and had always encouraged him not to hide. Only this time he felt something stronger in his heart, felt warm and safe with this woman. He had always known she was a woman, but never really looked any further then just being friends. He figured the feelings were there, he had felt them, but pushed them down, until recently. He didn't understand the feelings fully, but now he knew what they were. He'd have to talk to Bruce about these feelings and his commitment fears. If Abby felt the same, and he thought she might, he needed to get through that fear as well. He wished he could put the last few months behind him, the Thomas thing and what he'd done due to that. He was trying hard and working things out in his head. It was better now, after he had stopped pretending. He had even taken on an extra session with the therapist when the group went into their 12 step meetings. He hadn't told anyone about this, but he trusted this guy and felt the therapist was helping as Abby had said. She was right, she could read him like a book, even when he closed down she could read him. Well maybe not as easily, but she could. And he could usually read her.

His eyes locked with hers." Abs, I need to ask you something."

His look was serious and yet vulnerable, afraid of the wrong answer. Abby hoped he was going to open up and bring out what she wanted to talk to him about. "Shoot, ask away."

"I don't understand entirely what I'm feeling. It's something I've never actually felt in so long, though I know what it is. Just don't know how to handle it." his eyes still locked to hers were filled with uncertainty and fear.

He knew she saw it and yet he needed to know. The can of worms had been opened and he just had to know. He fought back the need to hold her and pictures flashed through his mind of the times they'd spent together. Especially the times since Abby and him had decided to become friends with benefits. The final picture was at the park. With those pictures came strong feelings and with that last picture he knew that Abby was right, the feelings were so much stronger than they had been. He never knew what love was. Well he did, but not being in love. And there had been many times he wondered if he truly was in love with Abby, but would push those thoughts away. He had gotten jealous many times, covering it the best he could.

Being together, the farce that was friends with benefits, had as he thought, been pushed out from the drugs and loss of inhibitions. It had opened the door more, to how he felt about Abby. He had missed her the past few weeks and thought about her often. Yeah, who was he kidding, he didn't know how to deal with this. He had felt something happening, but never had he been **in love **before. Yet his questions had been answered when they slept together, only he kept them to himself. Now it was time to let it all out and as scary as this was for him, he needed to do this.

"Tony I know that feelings other than work are hard for you, you just have to take the chance and go with it. Feelings aren't right or wrong; they're how you feel, so talk to me." Abby's voice was soothing. She brought up her hand as she spoke and caressed the side of his face. He leaned into her hand like he usually did. He was always starved for affection and she was always happy to give it to him. Now, she wanted to give him much more, if he'd allow it. She knew he was in a delicate state and could be there as a friend and would be, wasn't that part of love? And over the weeks she had realized even more that she was truly in love with Tony. She had hidden it for awhile until it couldn't be denied any longer. That was probably the reason she decided on the friends with benefits, hoping it would prove to Tony that he was in love with her too. And if it did, then she could help support him even more and have what she had wanted for a while now.

Tony nodded at what Abby had just said. Usually graceful, he just blurted it out, he had to or he never would. "Do you love me? I mean I know you do, but are you in love with me?" Tony looked down, he could feel the fear racing through his veins, "Because….I'm…." He swallowed hard and tried to breath through the fear, "I'm…….Damn it, I'm in love with you." He finished the last part quickly and was glad he'd gotten it out, afraid of her answer.

Abby smiled brightly at Tony. She knew this was so hard for him, but he had finally said the words she had longed to hear. Her fingers slid under his chin, bringing his face gently up to look at her. "I've wanted to hear those words from you for a long time. And I was right at the park. We weren't doing friends with benefits, that was a cover for the fear. You made love to me. You were so caring, gentle and passionate in a way someone is when they are in love, not just with a loving friend. And yes, Tony DiNozzo, I am totally in love with you."

"Really?" Tony asked, scared to believe what she said and at the same time excited to hear those words from her beautiful lips.

Abby slid up against Tony. She didn't miss the look in his eyes as he spoke those true, but scary words. She leaned in to him, her lips only a breath away. Her voice was breathy, a little husky as she answered him while her hands held his face. "Yes…….really." Her lips closed the gap in a gentle kiss.

Tony was stunned to say the least, but happy at what she reiterated. His thoughts quieted as he felt her lips touch his in a kiss she began and he deepened, filled with everything he felt for her. Arms travel over bodies, the kiss turning deeper, with more urgency. They explored as if it were their first time together, hands making the journey of this new discovery. Their heated kisses lasted for a long time, growing deeper, trying to get closer. Tony pulled Abby onto him, she straddle his lap, their bodies crying out for so much more as the fire grew and burned hotter. Abby rubbed her pelvis against Tony's hardness, in order to fuel that rage of fire which she now could feel physically. They broke apart, gasping for air, foreheads touching.

Their breaths were ragged. Tony nibbled on her ear before he panted out a whisper close to it. "I do love you. Please let me show you?" He asked in a plea, out of breath from the lust and yet part of the plea was shy. It felt a little like he was a teenager again, that was in love for the first time. And really this was his first love and not just thinking he was in love in order to get a girl in bed with him. He needed and wanted Abby in everyway a man would want a woman when they were in love. And right then he realized that it wasn't just sex and it never had been between them. Only this time, this **was** making love and, for the first time he felt the difference.

Abby shivered with a strong desire that she had never felt with anyone else and knew Tony hadn't either. "I love you too. Yes, no more friends with benefits. Make love to me." She pleaded in a breathy tone.

Tony pulled gently away and looked deeply into her eyes. "I wanna show you how much I love you, no more friends with benefits. I need to love you." Tony watched her nod. He surprised her when he pulled himself and her up from the couch. And just like one of his movies, he had swung her into his arms as her arms wrapped around his neck. He continued their kiss as he carried her off to his bedroom, where their love would be consummated.


	27. Chapter 27

LIGHT THAN LIFE CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N : Rating of M, just in case, there are a few curses in this chapter. Ok this is the second to the last chapter, just letting you know. Enjoy.

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The time had gone quicker in the outpatient program now that Tony opened up regularly to the group and his therapist. He had become friends with them all, especially Bob, the other man in law enforcement. They'd trade stories and have a few laughs. They'd also get together and talk outside of the outpatient program. This was good for Tony, he had someone he trusted and could share with, along with Gordon and Abby. He had always shared things with her and Gordon that he couldn't with anyone else. And now he had another person that knew his profession and problems, but wasn't a therapist, just a friend. He had also been seeing the rest of the team, making himself more comfortable with them and restoring more securely, the bonds they all needed, again

Now this was the last part, the last day he'd be there. It was Thursday, the group was in their 12 step meeting and he was about to go in to his final out patient meeting with his therapist.

He sat and waited while thumbing through a magazine he wasn't very impressed with. He had so many things running around in his head that he just couldn't concentrate on an article. He looked up as the door opened to his therapist's office. Bruce Campbell stood there. The man had a hefty build, a clipped chin, dark hair that was sprinkled with gray, and as usual, wore his famous colorful shirts with his pants. Today, Tony marveled at the red shirt with white palm trees on it. Only Bruce could feel comfortable in D.C. wearing a Hawaiian/Floridian shirt. That was another thing he liked about the man, plus his sense of humor. He would have made a great actor in comedies, Tony thought as he stood and walked into the room.

Both men sat down. Tony sat on one comfortable chair and Bruce on the other, with glasses of water for each on the tables that were placed next to the chairs. Bruce held a pad and pencil on his lap and took a sip of his water that had an umbrella in it along with a slice of lime. This always amazed Tony and was actually how he came to like the man when he first commented on the shirts and also the water with the lime and umbrella. Bruce had just shrugged and said he was dreaming of the day he'd retire and move to Florida. He also had said that these things were reminders as well as calming to him. Tony had thought for a second, can't argue with that, he remembered thinking. Tony had laughed for the first time, along with Bruce at the answer.

"Tony, you know this is our last out patient meeting, but I'm glad you decided to continue going to therapy through my private office. After our time today you can schedule an appointment with my secretary, Fi." Tony nodded with a smile. "So, what's going on? You passed your gun range evaluation and your physical last Friday, but tomorrow's the big one." Bruce smiled and waited for Tony to pick up the conversation.

Tony took a sip of water, the question musing around in his head. "Yeah," he sighed, "I'm really worried about it. The Psychiatrist that the agency replaced is a real jerk. He twists things around to what he thinks, not what's really said or meant. I'm nervous I'll screw up and won't have a job." He finally looked over at Bruce.

The therapist smiled, "Yeah, I know the guy, Sam Jenkins. I'd say he's a dweeb who uses his title to make him feel he has power. And I know he's like that. Don't worry. I had to write a letter documenting everything and whether you're fit for work. I already sent it to your Director Sheppard and one to him. So just do your best, answer like you would with me, well, don't joke around, and just be honest. I'll give him a call early in the morning before you see him and again give him my findings that should help calm the beast." He chuckled.

"Thanks, I saw him once before and I called him the terminator." Tony snickered, "Thankfully what he put down didn't stop me from going back to doing my job. I just wish this was all over, you know?"

"I know and it will be. Don't stress yourself out over it. Take it one day at a time, Tony. And don't let it live rent free in your head tonight or you won't be able to sleep and you'll be not only tired and look like death, but you'll be anxious. Can't function well like that. If you need to call me before going into the lion's den, do it. Or, you could talk to Gibbs, he will help you. I've spoken to him a few times, not a man of many words, though he thinks a lot of you and as an ex-marine he's loyal." Bruce tilted his head, writing a few things down before looking back at his patient.

"Gibbs is a good man. Yeah I guess I could do that." Tony exhaled louder than he thought.

Bruce's brow rose. "You can do it, Tony. Just change the thoughts with other's for now. I'm sure it will turn out fine. You've come a long way in the past several weeks. Of course we had to get that mouth to open and your true feeling out of you first. Was like finding a treasure chest and banging that rusty lock off in order to open it." Bruce smiled and got one in return before using another analogy, "or finding the right book that needed to be opened."

"Guess I can be like that. But I'm open now and you're right, I'll do just that," Tony started getting fidgety as he often did when he was going to talk. He got up and started pacing.

"I'm gonna have to charge you for a new rug with the path you've worn out from your pacing." Bruce teased as he waved his hand, "What's in that treasure chest mind of yours? And no movie references, I want you to just tell me."

"You love my movie references and have made some of your own." Tony teased back. He did like this guy and trusted him, "Well, I finally know and believe that this wasn't my fault, it was Thomas' fault. And that I didn't do anything to my team mates or boss on purpose, it was from the drugs that Jeffery drugged me with. And I didn't know because of those drugs, thinking that people were over reacting or that it was my blood sugar. I know the truth now. He's the sick one, holding on to a long time vendetta, it was crazy. But thanks to you and the group, I can honestly see that now. My team, well their also like family and I never had that before, we've worked things out, or mostly I have." Tony proudly told Bruce.

"Yes, you have finally worked through all of that and feel comfortable with your team or family as it may be. Tony, you should be proud. Now what's the problem that's bothering you now?" Bruce gave a knowing look.

"I am proud of that, but you're right that's not what's bothering me anymore. I'm still wondering about Abby and my commitment issues. I don't want to screw this up either. Never had anything serious before." Tony stopped for a moment, glancing back over to his therapist.

"Tony, I've told you before, the issue and so many more things are from listening to your father for so many years. The fact that you are reckless and your self worth is low; the feeling that if you die in the line of fire it wouldn't matter. Also how you've built up a wall to keep people at arms length so they don't get to know the real you and what happened in your life. We've touched on all these things and will get more into it the longer you see me." Bruce stretched his arms up and took another sip of his drink.

"As for Abby? We've talked about this and it's going to take awhile as will all the other things in that tape loop that runs around in your head. Remember, the best relationships start out as good friends. Now, you and her have been friends for sometime, you've opened up to her and she already knows your faults, knows about your father and how bad your childhood was. And, also other secrets. Then there are the everyday problems that she's been there for you and you for her. Keep doing that, keep the lines of communication opened. Tell her when you're scared about your relationship like you would with anything else you share with her. As long as you are honest and open, the two of you can handle this. Again, it's a one day at a time thing, don't think forever, and just enjoy the time you're together. I promise it will work out and we'll be working on it as well in our sessions together. You have already changed some since you've been here and you will grow more. It will feel funny, like wearing and breaking in a new pair of shoes, while the old ones are comfortable. You'll want to put the old ones back on, and sometimes you will; only you'll now realize it." His therapist knowingly explained.

Tony nodded as he turned around in his pace. "Yeah, I hate breaking in a new pair of shoes, but it's worth it in the end."

Bruce nodded. "And so will all of this, in the end."

"You think?" Tony questioned as he sat back down in the chair.

"I know. You've already told me that you feel better since you've started. You're better with your boss, your team, your Director and Abby." Bruce gave Tony a wink and Tony laughed in response.

"You're right. I do feel better than when I started here. But thinking of all the years I've built that wall, heard my father's put downs in my head. I don't know it just seems like it will take forever to do this and feel comfortable afterwards." Tony shook he head in disgust, "I let him fuck me up, bad. And then I hid it and now my team knows some of it. It's never been comfortable for me. Acting like a frat boy, deflecting, taking risks helping others and protecting my team, which by the way I've been called suicidal over," he sighed heavily before continuing, "I never knew, never understood why, well not with everything I do. I know why I do some things……" he trailed off in thought.

"All things that came from growing up and, learning to protect yourself, learning to hide yourself from people so they wouldn't know the abuse you went through. And again that voice you hear from your father putting you down, telling you that you're a failure. Well, if you're no good and that failure you'd be the perfect choice to take those suicidal risks. Who would miss you, not your father, not anyone, right? Would anyone miss you, Tony?" Bruce questioned.

"Not my father that's for damn sure. But, but Abby would, Gordon would, my team and Gibbs would, maybe some others." Tony answered solemnly.

Bruce eyed Tony with a slight smile. "So you would be missed. The father's failure would be missed?" he pushed a bit.

Tony's breathing became harsh and then he slammed his hand on the arm of the chair. "I'd be missed!" His voice raised in questionable defense.

"Ah, you're defending your worth and yet I hear that bit of your father in there saying you're wrong about being missed." Bruce split the emotions and threw them back at Tony.

"Yeah, I… mean no, I mean I don't know. Damn it! I…I'm not sure. That's what you heard?" Tony cocked his head thinking about how Bruce heard him and how he heard himself. Sadness tugged at him. His father's voice tugged at him along with Abby, Cale, Gibbs and the team. He swallowed hard to fight back tears he didn't want to fall.

"You tell me." Bruce stated, wanting Tony to answer his own questions and see how the emotions would played out.

"I hate it when you do that. I asked you a question and you want me to answer it!" Tony told the man in annoyance. He shook his head knowing why he had to answer this, "I guess you're right. All the years of hearing him and fighting with what I've been told by others, what I've tried to tell myself. But the lies in my head take over when I'm not thinking and I act instead. When you do my job, waiting even a second can get someone killed." Tony surrendered.

"Yes it can. Now, as we work together and figure it out, break you away from what your father instilled in you as you grew up. Those things that grew larger and more confusing at times as you became an adult with those walls you built. Well, we'll just slowly take out one brick at a time and replace it with something healthy. And you'll be amazed when you start to see when your choice is reckless and when it's not." Bruce smiled encouragingly and then looked at his watch.

"I guess." Tony muttered.

"Tony, positive thinking is hard for you on the inside although you try to show it on the outside. But slowly try to remember to replace a negative with a positive on the inside too. You won't always be able to right away, just try it when you're able to remember. Think, that's the key too. And soon you won't have to think to replace the negative it will just be there. And, you will do what you need to, only differently and not play the suicide ranger. It's been a hard hour and you have a lot to deal with tomorrow. Go home and relax. Have Abby over, I'm sure the way you talk to me about her that she's chewing at the bit to be with you, support you through this. It's allowed for you to lean on someone as long as you don't become to dependant. And you have leaned on her. She's always been there for you." Bruce stood up along with Tony.

"Yeah, this session has tired me out and I just don't wanna think anymore today. I didn't mean for things to jump out like that, but then I figure you know that. I'll think about it, but not tonight," Tony took a deep breath and let it out as he had been taught in order to clear his anxiety a little, "You're right, Abby will want to be there and I would have pushed her away. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to have her over and I'll lean on her and talk about my feelings. It's not hard with Abby; she knows how to relax me." Tony then gave a real smile to his therapist.

"Well, there you go. Good idea, relax tonight and then you can think clearer. You can change things around, you aren't alone and don't have to be. Now, times up, but make an appointment for next week with Fi. And call me when you get the results of your Psychological Evaluation. Positive thoughts, Tony, they won't hurt you. You use them with that outside wall of yours, this time use them in the right way." Bruce patted Tony on the chest in order to show him what he meant and then squeezed the young man's shoulder as Tony nodded.

The two men shook hands before Tony left the office. Bruce watched as Tony went over to make his next appointment for his private therapy session.

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**BULLPEN --- SAMEDAY THAT AFTERNOON**

Ziva and McGee sat down in the lunch room. It felt like since Tony had been out of action, the two had often synchronized their breaks. McGee had noticed that Gibbs saw that happening, but didn't make a big deal out of it.

The lunchroom was mainly empty due to them taking a later time. It felt that every time they were seen together there were endless and pointless questions concerning their Senior Field Agent. These were the kind of questions the two wanted to stay away from whenever possible.

"It's good to have the place to ourselves, almost," McGee said. He opened up the chicken salad roll and frowned. It was horrible to think that the only rolls left were ones with some soggy bits on the end. Fortunately they were small enough so he could squeeze the squishy bits off.

"Does not happen much," Ziva was reveling in the quiet and picking through her large salad.

"Do you think we were stupid?" McGee asked.

"You and me?" Ziva asked back. She didn't quite understand the question at first. She signaled for Palmer to come and join them when he got some chips. "What do you mean McGee?" Ziva asked.

McGee sat thoughtfully. "Well, we're highly trained investigators. We should've seen what was going on with Tony. I mean it was so blatantly obvious," he took a bite into the roll and waited for a response.

"Well we did pick up that something was wrong," Ziva pointed out. "We just could not figure out exactly what."

"Hey Jimmy," McGee greeted the ME's assistant.

"Hi Tim, Ziva," Jimmy greeted when he sat down. He began eating the chips. "You know I should really get here earlier," he commented.

Ziva smiled. "I tend to agree. Must say though, it has been quiet without him hanging around us and annoying us," she said lightheartedly before sighing. "I do miss him though. Who would have thought that, right?" Ziva pondered. It was difficult to admit.

"I know what you mean," Palmer interjected. "I know it's silly but he sure knows how to brighten up the day when all you see is dead bodies," he added. At times he found the juvenile antics hilarious. But he hadn't voiced that opinion to too many people.

"I am sure in a couple of weeks after returning to NCIS he will be back to his old annoying self," Ziva said positively. "What?" She asked as everyone seemed to be wearing such doubtful looks.

"What if he doesn't pass the evaluation?" McGee voiced the forbidden thought. It was going to be tough on Tony; there were no delusions about that.

"What? With Gibbs and Ducky both setting him straight of course he will be back to work on Monday. I am certain that he will be back to his old annoying ways soon enough," Ziva reasoned. She was confident in that and hoped her words would reach the other two.

"Since you say it like that, I guess there really is nothing to worry about," Palmer shrugged. There was doubt still weighing on his shoulders but not as much as before. It seemed that as he laid his fears on the table it became easier to face them.

"Well if he doesn't return to normal I guess we can just be there until he does," McGee said and then shrugged guiltily. "Silly as it sounds I was really starting to like being Senior Field Agent," he said before laughing.

"Better not let Gibbs hear you say that. He has not been the same since Tony has been off duty," Ziva reminded him. "I can not believe I miss all the movie references though," she said. "When he comes back, perhaps we can make him feel real welcome," Ziva suggested. The other two had agreed.

"Why do you think he takes everything onto his shoulders?" McGee asked. He had often wondered that but never felt like bringing it up with someone else until now. That was something he would love to figure out.

"I do not know," Ziva answered.

"Well it's in the movies he watches," Jimmy answered. "I mean you think about it… John Wayne, James Bond, Die Hard," he rattled off a few movies that he could think of. Especially the ones he talked about excessively. "They really all have one thing in common. They all do anything to protect their family, their loved ones. They go way above and beyond the call of duty. So I believe Tony thinks that's how people show their love, especially since we've learned he never had it as a child." Jimmy stopped to take a drink.

McGee blinked. "You really started to sound like Ducky just then," he smiled at the thought.

Jimmy laughed. "I guess some of him rubs off on me," he adjusted his cap so it sat slightly off centre. "You know, young Anthony reminds me of a lad I knew that I used to play cricket with. He was a nice young chap. It was either '67 or '68 but he…" Palmer was cut off by the laughing.

"Not quite," McGee snorted. He used his hand to cover his mouth. There hadn't been any real laughter for some time in the bullpen. Now it seemed that the silliest thing, Palmer impersonating Ducky, had set them into a fit of laughter.

"Wait, I think you have a good point there… About the movies, anyway," Ziva said after she stopped laughing. "He has in a way invented a code for him to live by. So how do we drag him out of that behavior?" Ziva asked.

"Ever thought that it might be healthier if we go and burn Tony's DVD collection," McGee suggested jokingly. Everybody acted like they didn't hear what he said. Perhaps that was for the best. He adjusted his tie.

Palmer finished off his chips. "You know, I know Ducky has a personal file on Tony on the computer. At times I've seen him looking at it but he quickly closes it when he notices I'm there," Palmer told them.

"I could easily hack into Ducky's computer and find that file," McGee said confidently. Ducky wouldn't have hidden it well.

Palmer's face paled as he looked at McGee and then to Ziva.

"You will do no such thing, McGee," Ziva told him. That brought relief to Palmer's face.

"Think about it, if we look at Ducky's files, Tony will never trust Ducky or us again," she told them, "Tony has already exposed more of his past than he ever wanted us to know." She reasoned, knowing that she was right. Her partner had only let a few things slip in the time she had known him about his childhood, "What ever he wants us to know must come from Tony." Ziva explained, but didn't tell them that the dossier she had made before working at NCIS had told more about Tony's past than they had known. She had never said a word. She respected Tony's privacy about his painful past. Yet, even she didn't know the full extend of what he went through.

"You're right," McGee went into deep thought again. "But how do you think we should act when he comes back?" He asked. He was unsure of how to react to Tony. Should he act as if nothing happened or what?

"Don't think we should decide on that until we see how Tony is when he gets back," Palmer answered. He thought that they'd be able to gage the appropriate response once they saw how Tony acted. "Would you like the old Tony back?" He asked.

"I would not want him any other way," Ziva said as she finished the last of her salad.

McGee took a while to answer. "I thought I'd like him a bit more mature… But now actually faced with the possibility of a changed Tony I don't think I like it," he said. It was difficult to figure how much of a change they were going to endure. He hated the line, 'only time will tell.' But it rung true with this situation.


	28. Chapter 29

LIGHT THAN LIFE CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

FINALE!

By Sue and Craig

DISCLAIMER: We don't own NCIS or CBS. This is just a fan fiction from our warped minds.

A/N: Well, this is the last chapter. We had a fun time writing this story and it's sad to see it ene. We hope you all enjoyed it. We loved every last review and alert from you wonderful readers. Thank you again from both of us, Sue and Craig.

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Tony stood silently in the elevator when Gibbs stopped it in mid ascension. Tony remembered the last time he was in this elevator and it was stopped, that was with his ex-partner, Gordon Cale. The last time he felt like he was going to pass out due to the anxiety of being back where all the trouble began. This time was different, however.

"You're ready for this?" Gibbs asked after noting the deafening silence.

That was a question Tony had been expecting. "I'm ready," he said hesitantly. Tony still didn't trust the NCIS appointed therapist, Sam Jenkins. He did what Bruce Campbell had told him to and that was not to let it live rent free in his head the night before. Abby had always been a lot of things to him. Before their sexual escapades, which turned into admitting their love for one another, she had always been his confidant and still was. Last night only proved that even more.

"I've decided to continue with my therapy… You know, for my other issues," Tony was unsure what the reaction would be. He knew he had told Gibbs before, but wanted to make it clear, he knew how Gibbs felt about therapy. And this, to Tony, seemed like a final admission of a weakness. He didn't want to say what those issues were. He knew from his actions over the years and when he had been drugged that Gibbs knew. He figured the whole team knew and he had been deflecting them from knowing these issues for years. But now wasn't the time to think about it to deeply. He had other concerns.

"That's good to hear, DiNozzo," Gibbs responded, knowing that the therapy would be good for his second in command. Hopefully some of the suicidal recklessness would be worked out and his self esteem would come up and then the bravado he hid behind would leave.

There was a half hearted smile that escaped Tony's lips at Gibbs answer and his own thoughts.

"I do know that what happened wasn't my fault. I know it took awhile for me to realize that," Tony stated. That was the most difficult thing to accept about the whole situation. He had convinced himself that it must've been his own fault, for making someone hate him with such vengeance.

"It's good you finally see that, DiNozzo," Gibbs replied. He hated it whenever Tony decided to take full responsibility, which led him to believe he had screwed up when he hadn't.

"I do now," Tony said with assurance.

"Anthony," Gibbs turned to face the senior field agent. The use of Tony's full first name, which only Ducky use, grabbed his full attention, "you've come a long way. I'm proud of you," Gibbs told Tony, pride laced in his voice.

Tony laughed once. "I don't know why," he shrugged uncomfortably. Replacing a negative with a positive wasn't easy, especially if you've been living with the internal dialogue for all your life. _God! Now my head is starting to sound like the Dr Phil show… Get real!_

"Oh, I think you know why or you wouldn't still be on the team. I know you can do your job," Gibbs made sure that Tony was fully listening, eyes locked as he continued. "You're the best Agent I've ever worked with and I know you'll go far in NCIS," Gibbs told him honestly, "I also know you always have my six and I always have yours."

Tony rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah hell, I knew you loved me boss," he felt a little uncomfortable by Gibbs' praise.

"Yup… Like a son," Gibbs assured the younger man and was relieved that Tony grinned from ear to ear. "I'll deny it if you tell anyone," Gibbs smiled in return as he restarted the elevator. "You'll do well on your psych evaluation, DiNozzo," Gibbs said to him as the doors opened.

"Thanks Boss," Tony said as he went upstairs, bypassing everything else. There was only one thing on his mind at the moment and that was to get this evaluation over and done with.

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_**NCIS BULLPEN**_

Tony debated whether or not to wait for the results in the bullpen or just go home and wait for the verdict. That choice was taken out of his hands when Gibbs motioned for him to wait in the bullpen with the team. Like a faithful St. Bernard that he was once called, he did as he was told. "On it Boss," Tony responded. It was better than just waiting around…All alone with his thoughts.

"How did it go, Tony?" Ziva asked him.

Tony shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't sure how it went. The questions were answered truthfully, but Tony wondered in what ways Sam Jenkins had manipulated what was said for his own ends. He also wondered if Jenkins was like that with everybody or if it was just a side that Tony brought out of him.

"I don't know. Doctor Jenkins is talking with the director now. You know I think he sees himself as some sort of Resolution or something. Someone who sees them self as an ending to a problem," Tony answered as he checked his watch once again.

"Careful there, DiNozzo," Gibbs warned Tony. "The last time you called him something it could have ended badly," he said with some humor.

"Yeah, right," Tony smiled nervously.

"What happened?" McGee asked out of curiosity.

"Nothing McGee," Gibbs cut off the probing question.

"Let's just say that fortunately, not everything was recorded," Tony said as he sat down at his desk and pondered if this was where he would be next week.

He worked hard at thinking of something positive to replace the negativity. There was always the possibility of taking the evaluation again. Tony groaned as he rubbed his face and eyes. He eventually rested his hands on the back of his neck and leaned back in his chair with his legs on the desk. He tried to relax. Only, time felt like it was dragging on as he waited for the call to come.

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Jenny held the evaluation in her hand. She observed the conversing agents of Team Gibbs from the landing. She was prepared for Gibbs' attitude when Tony was off the team. When Tony wasn't there it was almost as if a new agent had come in and replaced Gibbs while she wasn't looking. It also was one of the times when Jenny afforded the lead agent some leeway. But a couple of times she had to reel him in. She watched Abby hurry it into the area. It wasn't a surprise that Abby was going to be there when the news was passed on. She wondered if it would be better to wait for the ME to come as well or if it'd be better to just do it now.

She walked down the stairs and entered the bullpen. As soon as she did so, all eyes fixated on her. Tony sat straight up, filled with anxiety. He could feel the flutter in his stomach that reached to his tightened chest.

_Here it comes. Anthony, get a grip._

Silence suddenly took over the talking that had been going on before in the bullpen. Jenny cleared her throat and it looked as if they were all going to strangle her if she didn't deliver the verdict.

Tony looked up. He wanted to strangle it out of her. Wasn't it Roy Scheider from Blue Thunder who said that if your mind is going, the sense of time is the first thing that goes with it? He checked his watch again… Only seconds had passed.

Jenny smiled at Tony as she handed him the envelope. Tony didn't take his eyes off Jenny as he removed the results. He didn't want to be told the bad news. Hell, he didn't want to read it.

"Well?" McGee was the first one to speak out.

There was no pressing from the others as he put the paper back into the envelope. Actually, it felt kind of anti climactic reading the results. There was no ominous music playing, no cliffhanger and everybody should have known the outcome. Especially since everyone told Tony that he'd do fine.

"Looks like I'll be in on Monday," Tony's external attitude was cool, but inside he just felt like dancing or doing something wild.

Everybody waited for more. Tony breathed a heavy sigh of relief. That part was over, of course that meant that another era was beginning. He stood up and everybody was waiting eagerly, but holding back.

"Well," Tony adjusted his suit jacket. "Does one have to win the Nobel Peace Prize to get congratulated around here?" Tony asked.

Tony wasn't surprised to feel the vice-like grip from Abby first. The love and faith she had for him had helped. It helped him hold it together and he loved her even more for it. And if after what Bruce kept drumming into his head, two positive things came out of this whole fiasco. One was admitting he was in love with Abby and her reciprocating those same feelings. And two, that his whole team including Gibbs cared and loved him, before this he hadn't been sure of that.

Gibbs soon came over and ruffled Tony's hair. "Way to go, kid," Gibbs said proudly.

Tony beamed whenever Gibbs called him that. Gibbs was never one to quote or make references to any movies, but for some reason he would occasionally do it with a Harrison Ford movie. Tony was on cloud nine when Gibbs would say something like Han would say to Luke.

"Thanks Boss," Tony said as he eagerly shook Ziva's hand and in turn took McGee's hand and then quickly hugged them both before swiftly releasing his hold.

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From the landing, Jenny could see all that was going on again. She was worried by Tony's lack of emotion, but it soon burst through after she had left the bullpen. It was good to see him break out and accept the congratulatory hugs. It was going to be good to get things back to normal. That Gibbs' fair-haired boy was back on the team.

"What are you doing here?" Jenny asked.

Sam Jenkins stepped forward to lean on the railings. "You know this is a mistake right?" He said without looking at Jenny. "He's going to go off the rails again. It's only a matter of time," he ran a hand through his short brown hair.

"My office, Now." Jenny ordered.

Doctor Sam Jenkins followed the Director into her office and she told her secretary to hold her calls.

"Yes Madam Director?" Sam asked as Jenny gave the signal for him to sit down on the chair.

"I don't know what your problem is with my people here at NCIS," he was about to interrupt but Jenny held her hand up. "Don't think that I haven't noticed what your evaluations are like… You're being transferred, effective immediately," she stated.

"You can't do that," Sam responded in shock.

"I can, I have and it's done. Now clear your office," Jenny told him. She dismissed him and waited for the door to close before standing up.

She closed a folder and stuck it in the back of the filing cabinet. There was always some leverage in that cabinet when she needed it. This was where she kept all her bargaining chips, safely hidden and locked up, if the need ever arose. She would have Tony DiNozzo on her side and the rest of Team Gibbs, which she was sure of. Finally life at her agency would be back to normal and her best team at full force. She smiled happily at the idea.

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**LATER THAT NIGHT AT THE BAR THE TEAM FREQUENTED**

It was a time joy, a time to celebrate as the team including Gibbs sat at a table drinking, talking and laughing. Gibbs watched each member of his team quietly as he drank his beer. Ziva was laughing along with Palmer at something Ducky had just said. Abby was sitting curled in Tony's embrace, chattering animatedly to him and McGee. Gibbs was glad that McGee had accepted that Tony and Abby were together. He knew he'd talk to his surrogate son about the situation, but not tonight, although he could see something different about Tony. He wasn't treating Abby just like any of the many women he would bed and throw away in a few weeks.

Was that love he saw sparkling in both Tony's and Abby's eyes as Tony gave her a squeeze and all his attention? He hoped it was. It was time for his boy to settle down and though he'd never admit it, the two balanced each other out so perfectly. Though from an outsider's point of view they seemed so different, but Gibbs knew better.

Gibbs finally found calmness now that his team was back together. He always felt part of him were missing if something happened to anyone of his team. But the truth was, and he'd never tell anyone like he said to Tony, that Abby was his favorite, but so was Tony. And when Tony was gone everyone felt the anger and frustration from their boss, but this time they also saw the importance of having Tony on the team in many ways. Gibbs had seen this with his two other agents and was glad. Now he just sat back and enjoyed the interaction between all of them.

Ducky was talking and when he left the conversation looked over at his dear friend. He knew what he'd find looking at Jethro. He noticed the contentment at having his team/family all back together again, all interacting the way it should be.

"Jethro, I do believe with young Anthony back that things are back to normal or as normal as can be with our little dysfunctional family," he chuckled, "and I even notice that young Timothy and Ziva have accepted Abigail and Anthony's relationship." Ducky eyed his friend and waited for his response.

Gibbs sighed, "Yeah Duck, I think it is. The only thing is, I just hope nothing happens that will hurt Abby." Gibbs looked from the two and then back to Ducky to hear what he had to say.

"My dear Jethro, I don't think you will have to worry about our Abigail. I know she is in love, and that surprisingly enough, our Anthony is as well. I have watched them tonight and I think our lad is finally ready to grow up and settle down. And I believe our lovely lass is as well. I am proud of Anthony and if he keeps going to his therapy sessions he will also work through his fears of commitment, among other things." Ducky snickered before lifting his drink to his lips.

"I hope so, Duck, I really hope so. I know Tony needs this therapy to help him get past everything that son of a bitch of a so called father of his did to him." Gibbs nodded to his friend while he watched his team laughing at something he hadn't heard.

"Yes, his childhood was appalling, leaving deep seeded scares inside the boy. However, I see his therapy working already and you will have your senior field agent back more fit than before. I shall enjoy watching the change and know he'll not only be a better person for it, but also as I said, a better agent." Ducky smiled knowingly at his friend who smiled back.

"Duck, I'm just glad this whole thing is over and DiNozzo isn't blaming himself anymore." Gibbs finished his drink and then stood up. "I'm getting another drink, anyone else want one?"

"I'll take a ginger ale, boss, that is if you're buying." Tony smiled his mega watt smile that finally reached his eyes at his boss.

"Noticed you weren't drinking DiNozzo, any reason why?" Gibbs asked curiously.

"Yeah, I think I've had enough of being high, enough for a long time, don't you?" Tony cocked his head at his boss as the rest of the team listened.

"I can definitely understand that." Gibbs gave a rare full smile when he answered, "Ok, I have your order, anyone else?"

Everyone gave Gibbs their orders. He went to the bar and waited for the bartender to fill it. He again watched his team interacting without being noticed. Damn it was good to have them all back together again, he thought with a smile.

The night went on without another thought from anybody about what had happened. They were just all glad that things had worked out and that come Monday they'd be a full team, again. They had missed Tony, it had been to quiet without him. They all went home, some being driven by Gibbs and some by Tony. All knew that Monday would soon come and Team Gibbs would be ready for it.

THE END


End file.
